do they actually leave?

[glows]

I wouldn’t bother thinking about it anymore. To imagine complicating someone else’s life to this extent when there’s nothing else in it for you does suggest a lot of vindictiveness. If it offends your sense of justice, you would not have had this affair in the first place. 

I’m mentioning this to show you the double standard. I think some have already mentioned all this to you in one way or another.

Walking away isn’t about him. It’s about you removing yourself and ridding yourself of this obsession and fixation around him. He’s not that great as a person and even worse as a husband. 

[pepperbird2]

15 minutes ago, Myabee said:

Helpful viewpoint. I can totally see in this MM's case we both are crutches. He is unhappy with himself very much so... he even said it.  

and that, right there, is all you need to know about him.
I get how he feels, I think we all do. I love my husband, but there are times when I feel so desperately lonely and sad, for no reason really. It's not his fault, it's not mine. It's just the reality of life-other things intrude,people aren't always kind to each other.  We can not expect others to heal us, we have to do that for ourselves. Maybe that's part of the allure of affairs for some. They provide an escape, a way to feel like you're dealing with a problem without having to actually face it.

When you get right down to it, that's the universal human condition. We all want to be loved, to give love, to feel like we matter to someone, that when we leave the world there will be at least one person out of several billion who will be sad to see us go. 

Now that I've waxed poetic for long enough, I'll shut up and lave you alone, lol.

 

Edited August 13, 2021 by pepperbird2

[Timshel]

5 minutes ago, Myabee said:

He is unhappy with himself very much so... he even said it.  

This is you. You are unhappy with yourself. You said as much in a previous post and it's usually a given in this forum. It's the reason that posters here don't just rip you apart as they will in real life. Moderation wouldn't put up with it...but it's more than that. You have a chance to make a different choice and I think most of us recognize that you and most affair partners are people who are hurting and looking for validation; albeit in a very dysfunctional way.

You are able to get past this with individual counseling, exercise, volunteering for a cause that is beneficial to other human beings...getting out of your own head and giving to others and taking productive steps to love yourself will put all of this behind you.

 

[BaileyB]

23 minutes ago, Myabee said:

I would never be vindictive about it.

You are a jilted affair partner calling from an anonymous phone number to share information that her husband is cheating - by the very definition of the word, that is vindictive. It’s hurtful.

If you cared about the woman, you wouldn’t have been sneaking around with her husband and dreaming about the day he will leave her and you will be together…

I second the comment that you need to let this go and move on with your own life. You played with fire and you got burned - best to walk away from the fire and focus on your own healing…

[Myabee]

49 minutes ago, Timshel said:

This is you. You are unhappy with yourself. You said as much in a previous post and it's usually a given in this forum. It's the reason that posters here don't just rip you apart as they will in real life. Moderation wouldn't put up with it...but it's more than that. You have a chance to make a different choice and I think most of us recognize that you and most affair partners are people who are hurting and looking for validation; albeit in a very dysfunctional way.

You are able to get past this with individual counseling, exercise, volunteering for a cause that is beneficial to other human beings...getting out of your own head and giving to others and taking productive steps to love yourself will put all of this behind you.

 

I would not say I am entirely unhappy with who I am. I am very proud of myself to being close to an official divorce it took a ton of courage and a great therapist to guide me. Lonely? That might be more like it. Yes I have to work on that. Plenty of things I'm doing to keep busy and I do exercise daily. Unlike married man who has issues from his way back past to resolve, I have resolved mine.  Think what you want about me because you will anyway. 

[Myabee]

46 minutes ago, BaileyB said:

You are a jilted affair partner calling from an anonymous phone number to share information that her husband is cheating - by the very definition of the word, that is vindictive. It’s hurtful.

If you cared about the woman, you wouldn’t have been sneaking around with her husband and dreaming about the day he will leave her and you will be together…

I second the comment that you need to let this go and move on with your own life. You played with fire and you got burned - best to walk away from the fire and focus on your own healing…

Thing is I was not trying to play with fire but ended up on a bed of hot coals. My mistake and my issue to work through. 

[Myabee]

2 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Is this brand-new information to you?

yes

[Myabee]

48 minutes ago, BaileyB said:

You are a jilted affair partner calling from an anonymous phone number to share information that her husband is cheating - by the very definition of the word, that is vindictive. It’s hurtful.

If you cared about the woman, you wouldn’t have been sneaking around with her husband and dreaming about the day he will leave her and you will be together…

I second the comment that you need to let this go and move on with your own life. You played with fire and you got burned - best to walk away from the fire and focus on your own healing…

Not productive advice... spiteful. 

[glows]

16 minutes ago, Myabee said:

I would not say I am entirely unhappy with who I am. I am very proud of myself to being close to an official divorce it took a ton of courage and a great therapist to guide me. Lonely? That might be more like it. Yes I have to work on that. Plenty of things I'm doing to keep busy and I do exercise daily. Unlike married man who has issues from his way back past to resolve, I have resolved mine.  Think what you want about me because you will anyway. 

It takes a great deal of determination and effort to remove yourself from the legal confines being married to your husband. He didn't respect you. Now this man is also not respecting you. It's a similar pattern and you can get out of it if you wish. I think others including myself have also encouraged you to keep focusing on your financial/legal freedom and removing yourself from the previous marriage. Date if you want to date. You are separated and single by any other means except your current marital status. You can start your life over without all this baggage and gray areas of friendship. I agree with you by the way about him trying to have it both ways and bending the truth calling your affair a friendship. It's quite slimy so once you know this , do move forwards. We're all rooting for you.

[ExpatInItaly]

10 minutes ago, Myabee said:

yes

I don't believe you, but I sense that you are feeling very defensive today. Read around these threads and see how many OW are offered "friendship" by their MM. Nothing new or shocking there whatsoever. 

Look, cheating married men are inherently cake-eaters. You know this. I just think you didn't really believe he was doing it to you, but now that the tides have turned and you're seeing the truth, you're spitting nails. It's going to take time to really accept that your affair was just like almost every other affair. He's a lot like most other MM. 

When your anger at him wears off a bit, I think you will find that the person you are most angry with is yourself. 

 

[DingDang]

Quote

Not productive advice... spiteful. 

How is that spiteful? How is it not productive to advise an OW to walk away from the MM and focus on her own healing? C'mon now. 

[ExpatInItaly]

21 minutes ago, Myabee said:

Not productive advice... spiteful. 

What reason would @BaileyB have to be spiteful towards you?

The advice was also entirely accurate. Maybe that's why it bothers you so much. 

Edited August 13, 2021 by ExpatInItaly

[Myabee]

27 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

What reason would @BaileyB have to be spiteful towards you?

The advice was also entirely accurate. Maybe that's why it bothers you so much. 

I do not think that is accurate! 

[Timshel]

35 minutes ago, Myabee said:

I would not say I am entirely unhappy with who I am. I am very proud of myself to being close to an official divorce it took a ton of courage and a great therapist to guide me. Lonely? That might be more like it. Yes I have to work on that. Plenty of things I'm doing to keep busy and I do exercise daily. Unlike married man who has issues from his way back past to resolve, I have resolved mine.  Think what you want about me because you will anyway. 

You are close to being legally divorced and I agree, that took a ton of courage that indeed you should be proud of. You do not need me to say I am proud of you, you aren't 10. Don't ask for a cookie for something that is an adult responsible thing to do. Lot's of women and men do it every day, with very valid reasons without swapping body fluids with other people.

'Unlike married man who has issues from his way back to past to resolve'  is the reason you are attracted to him in the first place. Why do you care about some dude lying to his wife because he has 'issues?' Women have boundaries with people like this. Be mindful of your moments, take every action seriously. 

[BlindsidedTwice]

It’s really hard to get yourself out of affair-land. I understand. It’s like a sexy scary stressful delusional bubble.

And that’s why you came here right? You need help getting out of your bubble. So when a comment upsets you, try to figure out, why? What did it say exactly that struck a nerve? Is it because it’s true? Does it shed you in a bad light, and you just can’t believe you’d be the bad guy?

I was a married OW for years. It was awful when my A first ended. I was heartbroken and I couldn’t tell anyone. I came here to LS. I felt defensive at first but then I started leaning into the “spiteful” comments. They were speaking to something deep inside me that I was having trouble admitting to myself. Remember, everyone does bad things (yes some are much worse than others) but it does not make you a bad person. 

Finally, try to remember that his wife did nothing to deserve this. No one deserves to be betrayed this way. She does NOT need to hear from you about everything you did with her husband. Leave her be.

[HadMeOverABarrel]

@Myabee Take a break from posting here for a few hours. Go for a walk instead. Or a movie. Do something to distract yourself so you won't continue to get wound up. I think posts here are triggering you atm, but if you step away for a few hours you'll calm down and hopefully feel better. 

[Myabee]

55 minutes ago, Timshel said:

You are close to being legally divorced and I agree, that took a ton of courage that indeed you should be proud of. You do not need me to say I am proud of you, you aren't 10. Don't ask for a cookie for something that is an adult responsible thing to do. Lot's of women and men do it every day, with very valid reasons without swapping body fluids with other people.

'Unlike married man who has issues from his way back to past to resolve'  is the reason you are attracted to him in the first place. Why do you care about some dude lying to his wife because he has 'issues?' Women have boundaries with people like this. Be mindful of your moments, take every action seriously. 

You have no idea the danger I was in leaving my marriage. This post is highly mean in every way. None of this is true. 

[Myabee]

32 minutes ago, HadMeOverABarrel said:

@Myabee Take a break from posting here for a few hours. Go for a walk instead. Or a movie. Do something to distract yourself so you won't continue to get wound up. I think posts here are triggering you atm, but if you step away for a few hours you'll calm down and hopefully feel better. 

I probably will. Although it helps with NC just to vent. 

[Timshel]

2 minutes ago, Myabee said:

You have no idea the danger I was in leaving my marriage. This post is highly mean in every way. None of this is true. 

I left a dangerous marriage, lot's of women on this site and posting in your thread left abusive marriage/relationships. You don't know it yet but people here are telling the truth. I sure as heck am.

I do not want you to be 'triggered,' so will exit this thread.

I wish you well.

 

[ExpatInItaly]

1 hour ago, Myabee said:

I do not think that is accurate! 

Why not?

What was incorrect about it?

Edited August 13, 2021 by ExpatInItaly

[Myabee]

1 hour ago, ExpatInItaly said:

I don't believe you, but I sense that you are feeling very defensive today. Read around these threads and see how many OW are offered "friendship" by their MM. Nothing new or shocking there whatsoever. 

Look, cheating married men are inherently cake-eaters. You know this. I just think you didn't really believe he was doing it to you, but now that the tides have turned and you're seeing the truth, you're spitting nails. It's going to take time to really accept that your affair was just like almost every other affair. He's a lot like most other MM. 

When your anger at him wears off a bit, I think you will find that the person you are most angry with is yourself. 

 

No. I'm missing something that never existed. That being a friendship.  Friends don't do this to other friend's! I am guilty too and accept that. I am angry at myself for letting this go onto long. But I'm smart enough to know that I've done the right thing by not accepting his friendship offer because he is and never will be any kind of friend. I took another big step today and deleted his number from my phone. That has stirred me up. But it's what I had to do. 

[Myabee]

20 minutes ago, Timshel said:

I left a dangerous marriage, lot's of women on this site and posting in your thread left abusive marriage/relationships. You don't know it yet but people here are telling the truth. I sure as heck am.

I do not want you to be 'triggered,' so will exit this thread.

I wish you well.

 

Look! You don't know me and what I went through to get to where I am today marriage wise. Asking a person if they think they deserve a cookie is really just mean. Srsly.   

[NOMOREBS]

23 hours ago, Myabee said:

I only got into the affair because like they all say I'm so unhappy have been for years, no sex, no connection I just do what she says and so on and so on. i seriously considering leaving her for you... I love you. What started out as a friendly lots in common messaging relationship, turned into phones calls 3-4 times a week. FaceTime sex, endless texting from 6 am his time 9 am my time until my bedtime 10:30 pm. This went on almost 13 months. 

You mention FWB and this post says FaceTime sex. Is this just an emotional affair? How much time have you actually spent together face to face?

[HadMeOverABarrel]

1 hour ago, HadMeOverABarrel said:

@Myabee Take a break from posting here for a few hours. Go for a walk instead. Or a movie. Do something to distract yourself so you won't continue to get wound up. I think posts here are triggering you atm, but if you step away for a few hours you'll calm down and hopefully feel better. 

@Myabee It helps to vent but right now I believe you are getting a bit revved up and overstimulated, which is actually counterproductive to your healing. Like your neurons must be firing at super warp lightspeed so to speak. 

Soothe yourself. Calm your nervous system. Let your mind and body relax. After you've had the chance to breath calmly and release tension from your body, then come back. I'm truly thinking about your health here. 

[Myabee]

1 hour ago, HadMeOverABarrel said:

@Myabee It helps to vent but right now I believe you are getting a bit revved up and overstimulated, which is actually counterproductive to your healing. Like your neurons must be firing at super warp lightspeed so to speak. 

Soothe yourself. Calm your nervous system. Let your mind and body relax. After you've had the chance to breath calmly and release tension from your body, then come back. I'm truly thinking about your health here. 

I am ok. I have been swimming in my pool all day between posting. Little wine tonight😊