do they actually leave?

[Myabee]

16 minutes ago, pepperbird2 said:

That's a smart thing to do. Like I said above, I'm quite envious of you- you're willing to engage in all this introspection and growth. It may be painful, but it's really going to pay off in the end.

I'm nothing to be envious of... a finger tip away from sending a stupid message. But I CANT! He feed me lines, I was his fish that ate the worm. I'm guilty as sin for being involved in the first place. If it helps you, read what I will be typing on that thread. It could help you. xx  

[Bittersweetie]

3 hours ago, pepperbird2 said:

That's a smart thing to do. Like I said above, I'm quite envious of you- you're willing to engage in all this introspection and growth. It may be painful, but it's really going to pay off in the end.

I agree...the hard work does pay off. I was a MW and did a lot of introspection and work on myself. It was not an easy or quick path to take, but I am much happier now living honestly and authentically than I ever was before. I also feel much better prepared to handle life's ups and downs, because I feel stronger and have healthy coping skills. Good luck to you Myabee.

[Myabee]

I was making great progress and blew it! I caved and texted just wondering if your ok. He said he is ok. He asked if I was ok, I said I don't know how to answer that? Then silence. So I continued text babbling and he said this.. after a few questions and rants of mine. After answering that he did miss me... i get this 

 

I think about you a lot. I don’t know what number to put on it and I don’t see how that would be productive.  it’s not enough to make me want to change my life. I spent months trying to convince myself that I wasn’t satisfied with my marriage and that my life sucked. I was feeling sorry for myself. Obviously those things turned out to not be true. 

 

I’m sorry I dragged you into that. 

I then said I'm not even going to accept sorry at this point. I also said I have a feeling this is not the first time you have cheated. Silence again could not answer that one.. go figure. 

 

Then i said I hated him. his reply

I was hoping it wouldn’t come to that but it was probably inevitable. We need to not contact each other anymore. There’s nothing I can say that you want to hear. 

😢 

Edited September 23, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[glows]

Why not delete his number?

You caved. Dust yourself off and delete. Start again and this time do it more permanently. 

[Hurt4375]

I have just gone through the same for 3 years. I tried nc he still kept getting in touch. I should have blocked him. In the end I messaged his wife. I feel guilty for the hurt it’s caused her and the pain I have also suffered but now we can both move on. 

[Myabee]

2 minutes ago, glows said:

Why not delete his number?

You caved. Dust yourself off and delete. Start again and this time do it more permanently. 

I did delete his number. I know it by heart plugged back into phone... now we are in a text war at moment.

[BaileyB]

Why did he end it? Or why did he hurt you like this? What do you mean by “do this to me?”

Not to state the obvious, but he was always married. In that way, you chose this for yourself.

Agree with the posters above - it stings but you will get through this. Thank goodness you now have your closure because you can begin to move on and find what is truly intended for you in this life! 

In the future, only single men need apply!  Best wishes.

[Bittersweetie]

Gently, I would suggest the focus not be on the whys of his actions. Your focus should be on the whys of your actions. Why did you allow this to happen? Why did you think this was all okay? Why did you reach out again? Focus on YOU, not him. Yes, that means you may never get the answers to questions you have regarding him and the relationship. THAT IS OKAY. You may think you need the answers to move on, for closure, but you don't. All of your healing is within you.

Also, my A ended and months later I reached out to xMM. Then it started again, and this time became even more intense. Looking back I wish I'd just let things go...the second round led to things being more physical, my STD, so much more pain and suffering. Please, don't do what I did and strike up another round. Focus on yourself and your own healing and growth. Like I said in the other thread...it's not an easy path but one so worth the effort. Good luck.

[Hurt4375]

Don’t allow him to control u by showing him your anger. I did that and it just shows a person who u truly aren’t. Block him. If he was happy in his marriage he wouldn’t have an affair it is now down to him and his wife to sort out there relationship and u to move on to someone who deserves u.  Trust me I am literally only 3 weeks after I told his wife and as I said I regret that but now I can move on. I know I’m not a hurtful deceitful person but I couldn’t take been heartbroken 💔 anymore. I knew if I told his wife he would never come back. 

[glows]

Is a text war where you're arguing over the phone via text? Just stop responding. What could he possibly tell you that you don't already know? 

You are missing the friendship and you were riding those waves. Give yourself more of a chance to rid yourself of this and be more patient.

[Starswillshine]

Well, at the very least, he was finally honest and did the right thing by you. Typically, they will just let this go on for years and years. I know you have invested a lot of time and emotions into it, but in the grand scheme of time, this past 18 months isn't a drop in a bucket compared to a life time. 

[Myabee]

34 minutes ago, Hurt4375 said:

Don’t allow him to control u by showing him your anger. I did that and it just shows a person who u truly aren’t. Block him. If he was happy in his marriage he wouldn’t have an affair it is now down to him and his wife to sort out there relationship and u to move on to someone who deserves u.  Trust me I am literally only 3 weeks after I told his wife and as I said I regret that but now I can move on. I know I’m not a hurtful deceitful person but I couldn’t take been heartbroken 💔 anymore. I knew if I told his wife he would never come back. 

Thank you. And I think thats why I initally wanted to tell his wife because I knew he would never come back. I dropped that idea though. 

[Myabee]

11 minutes ago, Starswillshine said:

Well, at the very least, he was finally honest and did the right thing by you. Typically, they will just let this go on for years and years. I know you have invested a lot of time and emotions into it, but in the grand scheme of time, this past 18 months isn't a drop in a bucket compared to a life time. 

oh no... he is just twisting himself in a web of lies all to get back the friendship.. 

 

Yes I can honestly say I’m not lonely anymore. And I’ve never lied to you although I do think I’ve been lying to myself about some things. But the medicine is working and I’m thinking clearer now. I did consider you my best friend too and maybe that can happen again someday. But I don’t know how that’s possible as long as you want more than that. 

 

The medication is the biggest recent change I don’t know that I was ever lonely. I think I felt isolated and lonely last year but I think that was a combination of the pandemic and my depression. And I think I was wallowing in that a bit and telling myself I was lonely and miserable. But the medication is working and I’m starting to feel better now. I don’t have any new texting friends. ??? and I are talking more. 

 

 

 

I was feeling lonely. But it was all in my head. The medication is working. I loved having you as a best friend and still want you as one. 

 

ok... web of lies 😂 omg can you even??? 

 

 

 

 

 

Edited August 17, 2021 by Myabee

[Myabee]

48 minutes ago, Bittersweetie said:

Gently, I would suggest the focus not be on the whys of his actions. Your focus should be on the whys of your actions. Why did you allow this to happen? Why did you think this was all okay? Why did you reach out again? Focus on YOU, not him. Yes, that means you may never get the answers to questions you have regarding him and the relationship. THAT IS OKAY. You may think you need the answers to move on, for closure, but you don't. All of your healing is within you.

Also, my A ended and months later I reached out to xMM. Then it started again, and this time became even more intense. Looking back I wish I'd just let things go...the second round led to things being more physical, my STD, so much more pain and suffering. Please, don't do what I did and strike up another round. Focus on yourself and your own healing and growth. Like I said in the other thread...it's not an easy path but one so worth the effort. Good luck.

You are so right! Me not him. 

[BlindsidedTwice]

So sorry it came to this. Hope you are doing ok. ❤️

I have been in NC for 7 months and while it is still very difficult and sad sometimes, it’s not nearly the same pain that I felt in those first few weeks. NC works slowly and painfully, but it’s the only way that works. Breaking it sounds like sweet relief; really it just leaves you deeper in the hole. 

Try to stop talking to him ASAP and turn this train in the other direction. Like Bittersweetie said, focus on yourself - both long term and also in the immediate future. What can you do tonight to make yourself feel better? A walk? Chocolate? A bath? A book? Run? Glass of wine? Take care of yourself. 

For long term NC, I have a ton of advice about surviving it. I don’t want to spew it all at you right now, but if/when you’re ready, I’ve got some coping tools that I am very willing to share.

Good luck. You’re not alone. 

[Trapped74]

Quote

If he was happy in his marriage he wouldn’t have an affair

Wrong. He wasn't happy with himself, THAT'S why he had an affair. Trying to fix something broken inside by using another broken person.

Quote

I know I’m not a hurtful deceitful person

Wrong. You were knowingly sleeping with a married man. HURTING an innocent person. DECEIVING an innocent person. What are we, but a culmination of our actions? 

 

 

 

[Luna66star]

I understand it's very hard when we are lonely, especially during the lockdown times we had, to hold back on reaching out to others.  MM included.

I have done this in the past out of a rather desperate empty, lonely feeling inside.  Got in touch or ran into him somewhere and then I was hooked again.  I misinterpreted his friendliness as wanting to keep this thing going. Totally wrong assumption!  

Continuing to text him back and forth is going to keep you focused on a man who is apparently done with the whole thing.  And maybe become irritated. 

Please stop all contact (I know it's hard!!!) with him.  Focus on other things.  Force yourself to do it!! Text wars back and forth  keep you terminally emotionally connected to this man.  He's not at all worth your time.  You can make other friends.  Let this one pass.

 

[Myabee]

1 hour ago, glows said:

Is a text war where you're arguing over the phone via text? Just stop responding. What could he possibly tell you that you don't already know? 

You are missing the friendship and you were riding those waves. Give yourself more of a chance to rid yourself of this and be more patient.

Yes and I blew it and it was all on text and now he wants to call me. I said no I'm busy 

[Myabee]

16 minutes ago, Luna66star said:

I understand it's very hard when we are lonely, especially during the lockdown times we had, to hold back on reaching out to others.  MM included.

I have done this in the past out of a rather desperate empty, lonely feeling inside.  Got in touch or ran into him somewhere and then I was hooked again.  I misinterpreted his friendliness as wanting to keep this thing going. Totally wrong assumption!  

Continuing to text him back and forth is going to keep you focused on a man who is apparently done with the whole thing.  And maybe become irritated. 

Please stop all contact (I know it's hard!!!) with him.  Focus on other things.  Force yourself to do it!! Text wars back and forth  keep you terminally emotionally connected to this man.  He's not at all worth your time.  You can make other friends.  Let this one pass.

 

But hes not done... hes so back and forth. He just text that it was torture for 4 days he missed me like crazy yet his depression meds are working? Huh? 

[Myabee]

Just now, Myabee said:

But hes not done... hes so back and forth. He just text that it was torture for 4 days he missed me like crazy yet his depression meds are working? Huh? 

He also said his wife is not his best friend I am. 

[BlindsidedTwice]

5 minutes ago, Myabee said:

now he wants to call me. I said no I'm busy 

You are dragging out the ending. If you care about this man, let him go. 

[Starswillshine]

10 minutes ago, Myabee said:

He also said his wife is not his best friend I am. 

He is trying to end this as gently as he can. Just a few days ago you were here threatening to blow up his life. Im sure he could sense your anger and thus the danger you are to him. This is the gentle let down. 

Do yourself a favor and accept this and move on. End this now while you have dignity and walk away. Start on focusing on yourself and the path to freedom from this man. 

[glows]

 

19 minutes ago, Myabee said:

He also said his wife is not his best friend I am. 

Well, yes. That's because he's been trying to keep up this friendship for awhile. You were mentioning he wants to have his cake and eat it too? Don't fall for it again. This is what he hooked you with the last time.

[HadMeOverABarrel]

2 hours ago, Myabee said:

I did delete his number. I know it by heart plugged back into phone... now we are in a text war at moment.

Why? Just why? A text war? You have lost control of yourself. Stop engaging. Stop looking to him to fix this for you. Only you can fix this for yourself. It starts with NC (again).

Well at leadt you heard it from "the horse's mouth," so-to-speak. It is exactly the same ending as a majority of OW (not all to be fair to the few who ended up with their AP).

Just stop texting. 

[HadMeOverABarrel]

30 minutes ago, Myabee said:

But hes not done... hes so back and forth. He just text that it was torture for 4 days he missed me like crazy yet his depression meds are working? Huh? 

So? You're going to go along with him for the ride? He says "jump" and you say "how high?"

Are you done? Or not??