do they actually leave?

[Myabee]

1 hour ago, elaine567 said:

How do you know there were any issues in his marriage?
You know because HE told you there were...
The guy looking for an affair with you, told you there were.

Could very well be the case. I saved much he has typed... this right here sounds like BS  what do you think? 

 

I had my phone in my silenced and in my pocket and hadn’t seen the comment. I don’t know that I’ve necessarily fixed anything yet. Or whether it’s even broken. I know there are certainly issues with it and many of them go back years. And some of them may never be fixed. But it’s better than it was a year ago and I feel content so I guess that’s good enough. I spent a long time trying to convince myself to start over and take a chance with you and I couldn’t. I guess only time will tell whether that was the right decision. But it feels like the right decision. I was obviously in a dark place in my head and unfortunately dragged you down there with me. I’m sorry about that too. 

Yet just last week he was sending videos of him pleasuring himself to the thought of us.🤮 

 

Edited August 19, 2021 by Myabee

[mark clemson]

1 hour ago, Myabee said:

For example the MM I was involved with was ok with not fixing issues or perhaps even a coward to ask for what he wanted then I came along and that temptation was broke down. 

Yes, exactly. Some will choose cheating rather than trying to work on their marriage OR when they tried that and failed, but prefer to cheat rather than divorce.

Ultimately it boils down to a choice. Some may have a big problem with that choice, but a choice from a rather limited set of options is all it is in the end.

[Starswillshine]

15 minutes ago, Myabee said:

Could very well be the case. I saved much he has typed... this right here sounds like BS  what do you think? 

 

I had my phone in my silenced and in my pocket and hadn’t seen the comment. I don’t know that I’ve necessarily fixed anything yet. Or whether it’s even broken. I know there are certainly issues with it and many of them go back years. And some of them may never be fixed. But it’s better than it was a year ago and I feel content so I guess that’s good enough. I spent a long time trying to convince myself to start over and take a chance with you and I couldn’t. I guess only time will tell whether that was the right decision. But it feels like the right decision. I was obviously in a dark place in my head and unfortunately dragged you down there with me. I’m sorry about that too. 

Yet just last week he was sending videos of him pleasuring himself to the thought of us.🤮 

 

This sounds like a very gentle letting down. 

And videos if his pleasuring himself... what does that prove? Certainly not love? 

[Myabee]

4 minutes ago, Starswillshine said:

This sounds like a very gentle letting down. 

And videos if his pleasuring himself... what does that prove? Certainly not love? 

 It feels like rejection to me which is the worst of it. Idk what he ever wanted from me and why he did all this... all the i wanted to leave... blabbity blaaaa 

 

Player... player. 

Edited August 19, 2021 by Myabee

[DingDang]

26 minutes ago, Myabee said:

Could very well be the case. I saved much he has typed... this right here sounds like BS  what do you think? 

 

I had my phone in my silenced and in my pocket and hadn’t seen the comment. I don’t know that I’ve necessarily fixed anything yet. Or whether it’s even broken. I know there are certainly issues with it and many of them go back years. And some of them may never be fixed. But it’s better than it was a year ago and I feel content so I guess that’s good enough. I spent a long time trying to convince myself to start over and take a chance with you and I couldn’t. I guess only time will tell whether that was the right decision. But it feels like the right decision. I was obviously in a dark place in my head and unfortunately dragged you down there with me. I’m sorry about that too. 

Yet just last week he was sending videos of him pleasuring himself to the thought of us.🤮 

 

Exhibit A. 🤨

[Myabee]

11 minutes ago, DingDang said:

Exhibit A. 🤨

Elaborate...... please! 

[DingDang]

10 minutes ago, Myabee said:

Elaborate...... please! 

I thought it was a perfect example of what I said about being all over the friggin' place. Saying he's going to stay in his marriage a week after sending you jackin' off videos.  🤪

[Myabee]

1 hour ago, DingDang said:

I thought it was a perfect example of what I said about being all over the friggin' place. Saying he's going to stay in his marriage a week after sending you jackin' off videos.  🤪

I think he is all over the place. 

[Lisa]

This thread has had a clean up. 

Please note that the topic is supporting the OP through the end of the affair.   Any debating between members regarding who is at fault in an affair is off topic and will be removed. 

[LynneVicious]

2 hours ago, Starswillshine said:

This sounds like a very gentle letting down. 

And videos if his pleasuring himself... what does that prove? Certainly not love? 

Agree with this. Op, he’s telling you that he thought about leaving to be with you, but he can’t. Or won’t. But that has nothing to do with still being a cheating pig. 

[Myabee]

25 minutes ago, LynneVicious said:

Agree with this. Op, he’s telling you that he thought about leaving to be with you, but he can’t. Or won’t. But that has nothing to do with still being a cheating pig. 

Well he goes back and forth. When i back away or he gets jealous for some reason then he starts thinking about how he could possibly leave. That part has driven me bonkers.

[Myabee]

Oh no! Major turn of events.🤢 I got text a copy of a plane ticket saying. I need to see you. Our situation is a mess. Clear your calendar for Sunday, Monday, Tuesday. My flight arrives Saturday on the East Coast. What the flipping F?????? Help! I did not reply. 

[RebeccaR]

1 hour ago, Myabee said:

When i back away or he gets jealous for some reason then he starts thinking about how he could possibly leave. That part has driven me bonkers.

 

53 minutes ago, Myabee said:

Oh no! Major turn of events.🤢 I got text a copy of a plane ticket saying. I need to see you. Our situation is a mess. Clear your calendar for Sunday, Monday, Tuesday. My flight arrives Saturday on the East Coast. What the flipping F?????? Help! I did not reply.

Notice how he controls the flow and you are in a pattern of reacting? He waffles back and forth, he buys surprise plane tickets, and your plans and intentions are tossed up in the air. Why does he get to be the decider? Only because you are still hoping he leaves his wife, so any indication he might be doing so gets your attention and your reaction.

Listen. We have seen many, many OWs whose MM have left their families, even in some cases moved in with the OW, and then…. moved back home to their wives. That is not a possibility you should risk. Wish him well, say you hope he has a nice vacation on the east coast, but you are done. A few days ago you said you never wanted to talk to him again - stay strong, avoid the inevitable heartbreak.

[poppyfields]

@MyabeeI didn't know your whole story so went back and read a few threads, not all so if I am mistaken about this, my apologies.

In one of your threads, you said you were 3000 miles away from each other and...

>>What started out as a friendly lots in common messaging relationship, turned into phones calls 3-4 times a week. FaceTime sex, endless texting from 6 am his time 9 am my time until my bedtime 10:30 pm. This went on almost 13 months. <<

Have you ever met this man in person?  Had physical sexual relations with him?  Was your affair conducted strictly online, video and on phone?

No judgment if it was, these types of relationships can be quite intoxicating; I just wanted to be clear about the all the details to get a clearer picture.

I'm sorry you're going through this.   My advice is to simply block him, maybe change your phone number.  Do not allow him any access to you whatsoever.

Although I have never had an affair, I have done that when a toxic long term relationship ended and and it helped a lot!  

 

 

Edited August 20, 2021 by poppyfields

[Myabee]

2 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

@MyabeeI didn't know your whole story so went back and read a few threads, not all so if I am mistaken about this, my apologies.

In one of your threads, you said you were 3000 miles away from each other and...

>>What started out as a friendly lots in common messaging relationship, turned into phones calls 3-4 times a week. FaceTime sex, endless texting from 6 am his time 9 am my time until my bedtime 10:30 pm. This went on almost 13 months. <<

Have you ever met this man in person?  Had physical sexual relations with him?  Was your affair conducted strictly online and on phone?

No judgment if it was, these types of relationships can be quite intoxicating; I just wanted to be clear of the all the details to get a clearer picture.

 

 

Yes we were physical in May when he came to visit family. His family lives 20 minutes from me. Most of this has been LDR due to 3000 miles. Its been non stop communication for 13 months. 🤢.  

[Myabee]

18 minutes ago, RebeccaR said:

 

Notice how he controls the flow and you are in a pattern of reacting? He waffles back and forth, he buys surprise plane tickets, and your plans and intentions are tossed up in the air. Why does he get to be the decider? Only because you are still hoping he leaves his wife, so any indication he might be doing so gets your attention and your reaction.

Listen. We have seen many, many OWs whose MM have left their families, even in some cases moved in with the OW, and then…. moved back home to their wives. That is not a possibility you should risk. Wish him well, say you hope he has a nice vacation on the east coast, but you are done. A few days ago you said you never wanted to talk to him again - stay strong, avoid the inevitable heartbreak.

i have not reacted yet. I have two messages now via text and have not replied. I know I said I hated him  but do I really? Heck no. I fell in love with someone who was never mine to start.. so ream me out for it. He has no kids. It would be leaving a wife he is no longer compatible with. Idk what to do? I want to see him and I know the heartbreak that can happen heck have already been through it.. idk😢 

Edited August 20, 2021 by Myabee

[RebeccaR]

Haven’t you said that there are no job opportunities for him in your area? Hasn’t he been sending you message after message saying he wasn’t actually unhappy with his wife? Then he buys tickets and expects you to clear your calendar? (As if you don’t have a life aside from him). He sounds either very controlling or unstable.

[Myabee]

3 minutes ago, RebeccaR said:

Haven’t you said that there are no job opportunities for him in your area? Hasn’t he been sending you message after message saying he wasn’t actually unhappy with his wife? Then he buys tickets and expects you to clear your calendar? (As if you don’t have a life aside from him). He sounds either very controlling or unstable.

He is confused. i know he has guilt and he goes back and forth. As for jobs, they do exist... it's just tougher here. I don't know. The second message after the plane ticket said I love you and I mean it. I feel like he is afraid to leave his wife for sure but more out of fear of her ending up alone. It's so messed up. 

[RebeccaR]

11 minutes ago, Myabee said:

I feel like he is afraid to leave his wife for sure but more out of fear of her ending up alone.

Well, be prepared to have her in your life for a long time no matter what then

[Myabee]

Just now, RebeccaR said:

Well, be prepared to have her in your life for a long time no matter what then

What do you mean by that? 

[RebeccaR]

1 minute ago, Myabee said:

What do you mean by that? 

If he feels guilty about leaving her alone, he’s likely to continue contact with her, isn’t he? Just to make sure she has what she needs and she’s taken care of. Even if he leaves her and doesn’t go back - which frankly is a big if -  his guilt will always be there

[mark clemson]

Tell him not to come and that you won't see him if he does. Worth a shot.

If he comes anyhow and shows up at your doorstep or similar, it might qualify as harassment You could (in theory) get the police involved. Not sure if you want to get "that drastic" but you could consider it.

[IfWishesWereHorses]

2 hours ago, Myabee said:

Oh no! Major turn of events.🤢 I got text a copy of a plane ticket saying. I need to see you. Our situation is a mess. Clear your calendar for Sunday, Monday, Tuesday. My flight arrives Saturday on the East Coast. What the flipping F?????? Help! I did not reply. 

He’s all over the place. What do you think about all this?? I’m curious if you take each thing he says to heart, or just the things you want to hear or just the most recent things. In, what? 24 hours he’s been all over the place. Does that sound like an emotionally mature person? I don’t think this has as much to do with his SO (or you for that matter ) as it does with his own issues. Are you willing to risk that? You know he’s constantly waivering. You’ve waivered yourself in this thread. It’s pretty risky. Are you willing to take that risk based on where he obviously is? 

[poppyfields]

43 minutes ago, mark clemson said:

Tell him not to come and that you won't see him if he does. Worth a shot.

If he comes anyhow and shows up at your doorstep or similar, it might qualify as harassment You could (in theory) get the police involved. Not sure if you want to get "that drastic" but you could consider it.

Not gonna happen, she's heavy into the throes of addiction, he is her drug of choice.   And she may be on a super high right about now.

I have been there myself, I know.   And understand.

With every high this man takes her to, there is always the crash. 

You just have to decide if the high is worth the crash afterwards and wish you the best of luck with that decision.

 

 

Edited August 20, 2021 by poppyfields

[Miss Spider]

1 hour ago, Myabee said:

i have not reacted yet. I have two messages now via text and have not replied. I know I said I hated him  but do I really? Heck no. I fell in love with someone who was never mine to start.. so ream me out for it. He has no kids. It would be leaving a wife he is no longer compatible with. Idk what to do? I want to see him and I know the heartbreak that can happen heck have already been through it.. idk😢 

Wait did I miss something. Mya did he say he was going to live her and come visit you? Maybe he’s unhappy enough and will leave her. Is there a lot of house they have together or something? He might feel tied by other obligations due to what he said. Mainly financial since no kids? Whatever though, people leave their spouses for the other person all the time. It’s not likely,  but it happens. Hope it works out for you anyway 

Edited August 20, 2021 by Cookiesandough