Author Myabee Posted August 20, 2021 Author Share Posted August 20, 2021 1 minute ago, IfWishesWereHorses said: I’m afraid you’re choosing the thing you want to hear. Im afraid he’s heard, I’ll accept you as you are and continue to play second fiddle because I love you. Maybe I missed something but this guy just did a complete 180 on a dime. That’s not something I’d hang my heart on. Im afraid you’re going to be disappointed if you offer him, one more one last chance. I might be sorely let down for sure but its worth it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Myabee Posted August 20, 2021 Author Share Posted August 20, 2021 8 minutes ago, RebeccaR said: How does meeting him in person further your goal of having him make a final decision one way or another? He can make the final decision on the west coast, can’t he? He is banking on your weakness for him when you see him in person - and he’s probably right. He will try to cajole you to stand by him while he takes time with this difficult decision 🙄 I would stand by him while he made a difficult decision!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Myabee Posted August 20, 2021 Author Share Posted August 20, 2021 11 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: Which would consist of...? Let me get back to you on that! Link to post Share on other sites
RebeccaR Posted August 20, 2021 Share Posted August 20, 2021 Just now, Myabee said: I would stand by him while he made a difficult decision!!!! No, you don’t understand. He might ask you to stand by him indefinitely, take years to make the difficult decision, and then choose … his wife 😭 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted August 20, 2021 Share Posted August 20, 2021 (edited) 4 minutes ago, Myabee said: Let me get back to you on that! If you can't even identify what you mean by "concrete evidence," then this is just an excuse to yourself to justify seeing him again and continue this circus. He'll see through it too and just continue toying you. Edited August 20, 2021 by ExpatInItaly 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
RebeccaR Posted August 20, 2021 Share Posted August 20, 2021 2 minutes ago, Myabee said: Let me get back to you on that! We have seen other OWs whose MMs have shown them text messages to the wife saying the marriage is over - and who still went back to the wife. Please be careful. Read more OW stories. You are not the first nor the last to think your MM is unique or different. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted August 20, 2021 Share Posted August 20, 2021 6 minutes ago, Myabee said: I would stand by him while he made a difficult decision!!!! If he truly loved you, it wouldn’t be a difficult decision. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Myabee Posted August 20, 2021 Author Share Posted August 20, 2021 6 minutes ago, RebeccaR said: No, you don’t understand. He might ask you to stand by him indefinitely, take years to make the difficult decision, and then choose … his wife 😭 I do understand that! If he can't come up with a plan within the next 6-12 months then I am DONE! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Myabee Posted August 20, 2021 Author Share Posted August 20, 2021 1 minute ago, BaileyB said: If he truly loved you, it wouldn’t be a difficult decision. I will tell him that!!! ok Link to post Share on other sites
Author Myabee Posted August 20, 2021 Author Share Posted August 20, 2021 5 minutes ago, RebeccaR said: We have seen other OWs whose MMs have shown them text messages to the wife saying the marriage is over - and who still went back to the wife. Please be careful. Read more OW stories. You are not the first nor the last to think your MM is unique or different. I'm not unique...not one bit. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted August 20, 2021 Share Posted August 20, 2021 (edited) Six to twelve months of your life - 365 days that you are planning to spend waiting for this man to pick you. What happened to the angry girl who appeared on this site - furious with this man for lying to you and wasting your time? Edited August 20, 2021 by BaileyB 2 Link to post Share on other sites
IfWishesWereHorses Posted August 20, 2021 Share Posted August 20, 2021 6 minutes ago, Myabee said: I do understand that! If he can't come up with a plan within the next 6-12 months then I am DONE! If the last few days are any indication, it sounds like he could come up with all kinds of plans in the next six months. Meanwhile you’re on a runaway roller coaster of highs and lows. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted August 20, 2021 Share Posted August 20, 2021 21 minutes ago, Myabee said: I do understand that! If he can't come up with a plan within the next 6-12 months then I am DONE! Oh man. Mya, you are your own worst enemy. What a waste of your best years. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
RebeccaR Posted August 20, 2021 Share Posted August 20, 2021 8 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: What a waste of your best years. Seriously, he is just a man. There are other men out there who are single. I have a divorced friend of 56 who was convinced she would never find a new man (she’s insecure about her looks) and lo and behold she’s currently dating 2 successful men (not exclusive with either one yet) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted August 20, 2021 Share Posted August 20, 2021 32 minutes ago, Myabee said: I'm not unique...not one bit. That is not what Rebecca actually said. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Myabee Posted August 20, 2021 Author Share Posted August 20, 2021 11 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: Oh man. Mya, you are your own worst enemy. What a waste of your best years. My divorce will take 6-12 months to be final anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Myabee Posted August 20, 2021 Author Share Posted August 20, 2021 3 minutes ago, RebeccaR said: Seriously, he is just a man. There are other men out there who are single. I have a divorced friend of 56 who was convinced she would never find a new man (she’s insecure about her looks) and lo and behold she’s currently dating 2 successful men (not exclusive with either one yet) I hear that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Myabee Posted August 20, 2021 Author Share Posted August 20, 2021 You people are making this impossible for me😢😢😢 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted August 20, 2021 Share Posted August 20, 2021 2 minutes ago, Myabee said: You people are making this impossible for me😢😢😢 It's just not at all a very realistic prospect. Yeah, occasionally affairs work out. The vast majority don't. The way this man has played you so far indicates that this is likely to fall into the latter category. 3 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Myabee Posted August 20, 2021 Author Share Posted August 20, 2021 Fine here done! 😢 No. I refuse to meet with you in person. I have other plans and will not be around. Enjoy your visit. 1 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted August 20, 2021 Share Posted August 20, 2021 (edited) 36 minutes ago, Myabee said: You people are making this impossible for me😢😢😢 Kindly Mya, you need to make the best decision for you. Your title says - “why did he do this to me.” And now, you are saying “you people are making this impossible for me.” He did not do anything to you. And we are not making it impossible for you - “we” are just a bunch of well meaning internet strangers who will go on with our day regardless of what you chose to do. We may offer our opinions, but this is your decision. Whatever you decide, you chose this for yourself. It’s your life, your decision, and you will live with the consequences - be that what they may… Edited August 20, 2021 by BaileyB 4 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted August 20, 2021 Share Posted August 20, 2021 20 minutes ago, Myabee said: Fine here done! 😢 No. I refuse to meet with you in person. I have other plans and will not be around. Enjoy your visit. Good for you, Myabee. Seriously. The probability that this would have been your Happily Ever After is very low, even if he had left his wife. Why? You almost surely would have serious trust issues with him, knowing that he is perfectly okay with lying and cheating. Don't think you wouldn't have started to worry every time he was running late. Every time he smirked to himself when a message came through on his phone. Every time he suddenly needed to take a call out of earshot, or travel somewhere on short notice. Every time he seemed distant or distracted. Every time he was too tired for sex, or didn't seem interested in cuddling or kissing. Every time his ex-wife got in touch. Every time he laughed a little too loudly at a pretty female coworker's jokes. You also have no clue how compatible you two would even be as a couple. You've never properly dated, so you have no ability to predict how well you two would mesh once you're free of all limitations. Maybe you wouldn't like him so much as a real boyfriend, maybe he wouldn't like you so much as a real girlfriend. The novelty of an affair can wear off really quickly once the mystery and forbidden thrills are yanked out the equation. I just don't see a happy future for you with his man. This doesn't seem to be one of those situations in which a couple that started as an affair has much chance of actually transitioning into a real, happy, lifelong partnership. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Starswillshine Posted August 20, 2021 Share Posted August 20, 2021 A few days ago this guy was telling you that he was not leaving his wife and that was not going to change anytime soon. This was him putting your squarely in your place. Letting you know what his intent was. You got angry and went no contact... but then started with withdrawals and contacted HIM. Then he knew at that moment you would accept less. He gave you the score, he set the scene... he is married and he is staying that way. You gave him your score, it doesn't matter, you still want him. He sends you videos of him jerking off, and this somehow equals he wants to be with you? Now he is jumping on a plane to "see" you... Nothing has changed. He is married, plans to stay married, and wants to keep you as his side piece for when he goes back home and sees the family.... 6 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted August 20, 2021 Share Posted August 20, 2021 5 minutes ago, Starswillshine said: He sends you videos of him jerking off, and this somehow equals he wants to be with you? This is his attempt to take this to the next step. She has indicated that she is amenable to that decision… 6 minutes ago, Starswillshine said: Then he knew at that moment you would accept less. He gave you the score, he set the scene... he is married and he is staying that way. You gave him your score, it doesn't matter, you still want him. Yup! As I said above, you are choosing this for yourself Mya. He has given you full disclosure and you are now making an informed decision - any time that you waste and any heartache that you feel is now fully on you… 1 Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted August 20, 2021 Share Posted August 20, 2021 4 hours ago, Myabee said: No. You have me all wrong Glows if you feel as though I have presented myself as a damsal in distress. I have acted just the opposite. He knows I'm strong and an independent woman. What's happened here is I have cracked this mans code. I've made him question his so called happy marriage of contentment. I'm the first person to come along and do that. I've gotten to the root of the things he knows deep down that he can't live with for the next 30-40 years with her. One being the direction of her future goals when retired to him he cant see himself being happy with that. Then the fact that for about 15 year of their 18 year marriage zero intercourse. She hates it and wont do it. That's a big-one for him. The only physical intimacy they have had in many years is a peck on the cheek and a hand hold on occasion. He attends most activities and events alone and he's sick of it. Grant it this could all be lies but where do I draw the line at truth? I guess by actions of him putting together a plan to actually leave! I'm not so sure I am sorted out because clearly I'm still in love with him. Do you see my point? I didn’t call you a damsel in distress. I said a damsel in distress would react to him coming over assuming he can right or fix anything. That person would need him to fill a void if she’s not able to walk away from this herself. Glad you’re choosing not to see him. It’s creepy the way he’s showing up like that. I hope you have something else planned for the weekend. Have you thought about getting away so you’re not at your house if he shows up? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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