do they actually leave?

[Myabee]

On 8/13/2021 at 12:53 PM, HadMeOverABarrel said:

@Myabee Take a break from posting here for a few hours. Go for a walk instead. Or a movie. Do something to distract yourself so you won't continue to get wound up. I think posts here are triggering you atm, but if you step away for a few hours you'll calm down and hopefully feel better. 

Good news today... I have not been thinking of him. 

[Wiseman2]

3 hours ago, Myabee said:

Good news today... I have not been thinking of him. 

Excellent. Next step is start thinking about all the other men out there.

Thought replacement is a lot easier than thought cancellation..

The whole 'don't think of elephants' thing. 🐘

See...now you're thinking elephants.

Think of ice crème  🍨

 

[Myabee]

6 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Excellent. Next step is start thinking about all the other men out there.

Thought replacement is a lot easier than thought cancellation..

The whole 'don't think of elephants' thing. 🐘

See...now you're thinking elephants.

Think of ice crème  🍨

 

I will take some ice cream 😋 At least its a good day. 😊

[Myabee]

On 8/13/2021 at 1:38 PM, Timshel said:

I left a dangerous marriage, lot's of women on this site and posting in your thread left abusive marriage/relationships. You don't know it yet but people here are telling the truth. I sure as heck am.

I do not want you to be 'triggered,' so will exit this thread.

I wish you well.

 

I'm not triggered! People can offer as much advice as they wish although they truly do not know any

 

18 hours ago, Myabee said:

I will take some ice cream 😋 At least its a good day. 😊

Today I'm missing him...ugh 

[glows]

It will probably come in waves. I’m so proud of you. Yes, ice cream usually does the trick! The swim sounds nice too.

I went online the other day and bought a whole line of face masks. I couldn’t stop at one. Pamper yourself! Take care of yourself. Heartily agree with the comments on self-care and replacing the need for anyone else. Do as your heart desires and enjoy. 

[Myabee]

11 minutes ago, glows said:

It will probably come in waves. I’m so proud of you. Yes, ice cream usually does the trick! The swim sounds nice too.

I went online the other day and bought a whole line of face masks. I couldn’t stop at one. Pamper yourself! Take care of yourself. Heartily agree with the comments on self-care and replacing the need for anyone else. Do as your heart desires and enjoy. 

Ha! I love face masks as they have such a colorful variety. I seem to buy them to match my outfits lol. Surging where I am now with Delta even though I had a vaccine I want to protect my community. Thing is with the start of football which I love that's a large trigger since we talked sports all the time. Also at night is bad. I always loved to text goodnight. but I have to remember the reasons this MM is neither for me or good for me. Even if he were to  show me he was divorced i've learned a thing or two about him. He's not honest, and he has zero courage. Not appealing.   

Edited August 15, 2021 by Myabee

[glows]

8 minutes ago, Myabee said:

Ha! I love face masks as they have such a colorful variety. I seem to buy them to match my outfits lol. Surging where I am now with Delta even though I had a vaccine I want to protect my community. Thing is with the start of football which I love that's a large trigger since we talked sports all the time. Also at night is bad. I always loved to text goodnight. but I have to remember the reasons this MM is neither for me or good for me. Even if he were to  show me he was divorced i've learned a thing or two about him. He's not honest, and he has zero courage. Not appealing.   

I like watching football with people or someone else. This year is passing so quickly. I’m wary about going out also. I agree about your assessment of him. You’re miles ahead of where you once were when you first joined the forum. Leave him in the past. It’s onwards now. ❤️

[Myabee]

4 hours ago, glows said:

I like watching football with people or someone else. This year is passing so quickly. I’m wary about going out also. I agree about your assessment of him. You’re miles ahead of where you once were when you first joined the forum. Leave him in the past. It’s onwards now. ❤️

Thank you Glows😊

[Myabee]

1 hour ago, Myabee said:

Thank you Glows😊

The guilt will be with me for a long time. Maybe forever. Speaking for myself I was living in two different worlds. I felt like I was lying to everyone I know and I couldn’t do that anymore. Certainly not for two more years. As I’ve said many times you’ve made me question everything. I’ll probably continue to do that for who knows how long. But I wasn’t looking for a change and I’m obviously not ready for one and can’t say I ever will be. 

 

These are his words. I keep reading this over and over and It just helps as it shows me how really not important I was to him!!!!!!! 

Edited August 15, 2021 by Myabee

[Myabee]

On 8/12/2021 at 12:50 PM, glows said:

That’s good to hear. Mind you, he can still lie. Cheaters lie through their teeth, more often than not. As he’s also 3000km away being single shouldn’t be the only prerequisite. Don’t leave the door open to time wasters like this. I mean this kindly. You’re not doing yourself any favours keeping the door slightly ajar.

Yes I agree. Made almost 2 days now. Riding through the waves. 

[glows]

3 hours ago, Myabee said:

Yes I agree. Made almost 2 days now. Riding through the waves. 

One day at a time. Keep busy and your mind occupied. Stay strong! 

[glows]

5 hours ago, Myabee said:

The guilt will be with me for a long time. Maybe forever. Speaking for myself I was living in two different worlds. I felt like I was lying to everyone I know and I couldn’t do that anymore. Certainly not for two more years. As I’ve said many times you’ve made me question everything. I’ll probably continue to do that for who knows how long. But I wasn’t looking for a change and I’m obviously not ready for one and can’t say I ever will be. 

 

These are his words. I keep reading this over and over and It just helps as it shows me how really not important I was to him!!!!!!! 

And you don’t have to lie about it anymore. Treat this chapter as closed. Text or chat with other friends, write in a diary, take up some sports or learn to play a musical instrument, learn a new language. There are many things to do. 

[d0nnivain]

Good for you.  

Ways to stay NC include leveraging technology to your advantage.  If you delete & block it's harder for you to have avenues to connect.  

Coming up with substitutes also helps.   When you want to contact him instead 

post here

call a friend

go for a walk

clean something in your house

journal  

Just some up with something, anything, to do to distract yourself.  

Hang in there.  Remind yourself that you are doing the right thing He's married.  

[Myabee]

8 hours ago, glows said:

And you don’t have to lie about it anymore. Treat this chapter as closed. Text or chat with other friends, write in a diary, take up some sports or learn to play a musical instrument, learn a new language. There are many things to do. 

Not sure I have time for all that😂 But I do have enough to stay busy.

[glows]

5 hours ago, Myabee said:

Not sure I have time for all that😂 But I do have enough to stay busy.

Wonderful! After splitting with my ex I have so much more energy. Once you gain more momentum after closing this chapter you may surprise yourself too and find yourself with a lot more time to do lots of things. 

[Myabee]

1 hour ago, glows said:

Wonderful! After splitting with my ex I have so much more energy. Once you gain more momentum after closing this chapter you may surprise yourself too and find yourself with a lot more time to do lots of things. 

Do you happen to know if there is a link on here to a NC thread that people post on to write thoughts to keep up NC? That would be so helpful. I did have a crying spell on my walk today... it was a wave and i needed to ride it. 

[Starswillshine]

4 minutes ago, Myabee said:

Do you happen to know if there is a link on here to a NC thread that people post on to write thoughts to keep up NC? That would be so helpful. I did have a crying spell on my walk today... it was a wave and i needed to ride it. 

Give yourself lots of grace. It has been a very short time frame. You'll feel strong and determined, and then that will soften for a moment. Just remember no contact means no new hurts. What helped me was that each moment I allowed him back, he got something out of it, and all I got was confusion and hurt. While I couldn't go NC because he was my ex husband and father of my kids... I did help me from reaching out and telling him off all the time. Or asking for clarification. Because if I ever did any of that, I gave him my power. Im a stubborn one, and I wasn't going to allow him to keep using me to get something. 

[RebeccaR]

26 minutes ago, Myabee said:

Do you happen to know if there is a link on here to a NC thread that people post on to write thoughts to keep up NC?

Not gonna lie, NC is very difficult but at some point it’s a matter of pride. Did you tell him you were through with him? Do you really want to be the one crawling back and begging for attention? That would be enough to stop me.

And the usual advice does help - keep busy with other things, new activities, catching up on things around the house. Wishing you the best of luck!

[glows]

1 hour ago, Myabee said:

Do you happen to know if there is a link on here to a NC thread that people post on to write thoughts to keep up NC? That would be so helpful. I did have a crying spell on my walk today... it was a wave and i needed to ride it. 

Crying helps let it out.. it's good to let it out. Big hugs. Here is a link to the No Contact Support Thread: 

 

[RebeccaR]

I will add, breaking NC doesn’t feel great. Usually you feel worse after you do it. Stay strong.

[Myabee]

1 hour ago, RebeccaR said:

Not gonna lie, NC is very difficult but at some point it’s a matter of pride. Did you tell him you were through with him? Do you really want to be the one crawling back and begging for attention? That would be enough to stop me.

And the usual advice does help - keep busy with other things, new activities, catching up on things around the house. Wishing you the best of luck!

I know it's difficult🤢 I have been doing a ton to keep busy. We left it as things were not working out as is. My last message last contact Friday was pretty straightforward.

[Myabee]

12 hours ago, d0nnivain said:

Good for you.  

Ways to stay NC include leveraging technology to your advantage.  If you delete & block it's harder for you to have avenues to connect.  

Coming up with substitutes also helps.   When you want to contact him instead 

post here

call a friend

go for a walk

clean something in your house

journal  

Just some up with something, anything, to do to distract yourself.  

Hang in there.  Remind yourself that you are doing the right thing He's married.  

Yup to all. 

[pepperbird2]

I'm not sure if it's still there or not, but there used to be a journal option on here ( I think). Would that be helpful to you?
Sorry this is still so fresh and painful for you. I know it may not feel like it now, but it won't be that long before  the fog will lift, and in that new sense of clarity, your healing will start. It's not going to be an easy road, but you'll come out a stronger and wiser person. ☺️

[Myabee]

5 minutes ago, pepperbird2 said:

I'm not sure if it's still there or not, but there used to be a journal option on here ( I think). Would that be helpful to you?
Sorry this is still so fresh and painful for you. I know it may not feel like it now, but it won't be that long before  the fog will lift, and in that new sense of clarity, your healing will start. It's not going to be an easy road, but you'll come out a stronger and wiser person. ☺️

This is not an easy road at all. I'm doing all i can to talk myself out of contact. I started a new nc thread in coping section. Idk if thats ok? I have been writing my thoughts there.  

[pepperbird2]

27 minutes ago, Myabee said:

This is not an easy road at all. I'm doing all i can to talk myself out of contact. I started a new nc thread in coping section. Idk if thats ok? I have been writing my thoughts there.  

That's a smart thing to do. Like I said above, I'm quite envious of you- you're willing to engage in all this introspection and growth. It may be painful, but it's really going to pay off in the end.