do they actually leave?

[Myabee]

6 hours ago, anika99 said:

I can see how his words would sting but I think he might actually be giving you some honesty here. Unfortunately cheaters do lie to themselves. They have to in order to justify their cheating. They tell themselves that they deserve the attention of their affair partner and then they rewrite the history of their marriage in order to give themselves permission to carry on the affair. Every minor transgression carried out by the spouse gets twisted into a major issue. That time she pushed him away because she was tired and those times that she didn't give him her total undivided attention because she was pre occupied, sometimes for justifiable reasons, those become unforgivable sins in the mind of the cheater while they turn themselves into absolute saints who have been abused. They gave so much, they did so much, blah blah blah, cue the violins. 

Yes he did lie to you and to himself so that he could ease his conscience while actively deceiving his spouse. The OW lies to themselves too. They tell themselves that sneaking around with a married man is okay because she knows that she loves the MM more than his spouse (which is impossible to know since they are not part of the marriage) and that the affair is of higher value and importance than a long term marriage. They twist themselves into pretzels to hang onto the lie that the MM really wants to be with them but simply can't because of any number of reasons. Kids, finances, location, etc. Meanwhile thousands of people in more complicated situations manage to end their marriages every week. Telling lies and believing in lies just go hand in hand when it comes to affairs. 

Now you are fighting with him over text trying to get him to suck you back in with lies and it's working. He is relenting and telling you the things that you want to hear and that you want to believe. Why do want to keep drowning in the lies? Get your head out of the water and take a breath of fresh air. Then walk away. 

AMEN!!!!

[Myabee]

5 hours ago, IfWishesWereHorses said:

Pretty classic behavior to keep you (someone) in their place. Sorry this is over, we’re done for good to I’d still love you to be in my life (as long as you know your place.) The more you read here the more you’ll realize how typical it is. Quite manipulative to be honest. Sorry for your pain. 

Yup.The more I've read the more your right. And I can see that manipulation! 

[Starswillshine]

1 hour ago, Myabee said:

I think there is some truth to that although mine has claimed after a solid 4 days of NC he missed me terribly and could barely function without me. Is it possible he loves his wife and me at the same time??      

Would you consider the way he treats you as love? 

[Daliah]

1 hour ago, Myabee said:

I think there is some truth to that although mine has claimed after a solid 4 days of NC he missed me terribly and could barely function without me. Is it possible he loves his wife and me at the same time??      

Honestly? I believe he loves himself more than either of you 😔

[pepperbird2]

5 hours ago, NYAG said:

Some people journal their experiences by writing a blog. That can be very helpful. It's a useful 'brain dumping ground'.

I did one a while back for a different reason. I used Word Press and figured no one would ever se e it but me, but there was a small chance it might help someone.
Oddly enough, I got a lot of views, and a handful did say the blog helped them. Their feedback was really useful to me, and I'm not sure why, but knowing taht I helped even just one person made me feel better. It forced me to put my own emotional house in order.

OP, you have a knack for writing and may find it cathartic.  NYAG's idea , in my opinion, is a great one. I found it helpful to sit down and let it all out and then go back later on and reread and  edit it. That way, I'd ave to really think about what I wanted to say, and more importantly, why. Why are you willing to endure heartache for this guy when you can clearly do so much better?  You ave so much to offer and you're wasting your mental and emotional energy  on this guy!

Edited August 18, 2021 by pepperbird2

[Myabee]

1 hour ago, Starswillshine said:

Would you consider the way he treats you as love? 

Very good point. The way he treats me and has treated her NO. The way I accept that behavior in a sign of me needing much more innner reflection. Thank you. xx

[Myabee]

1 hour ago, Daliah said:

Honestly? I believe he loves himself more than either of you 😔

Yeah. There is a name for that... egotistical. 

[Myabee]

1 hour ago, pepperbird2 said:

I did one a while back for a different reason. I used Word Press and figured no one would ever se e it but me, but there was a small chance it might help someone.
Oddly enough, I got a lot of views, and a handful did say the blog helped them. Their feedback was really useful to me, and I'm not sure why, but knowing taht I helped even just one person made me feel better. It forced me to put my own emotional house in order.

OP, you have a knack for writing and may find it cathartic.  NYAG's idea , in my opinion, is a great one. I found it helpful to sit down and let it all out and then go back later on and reread and  edit it. That way, I'd ave to really think about what I wanted to say, and more importantly, why. Why are you willing to endure heartache for this guy when you can clearly do so much better?  You ave so much to offer and you're wasting your mental and emotional energy  on this guy!

Thank you for this❤️

[DingDang]

9 hours ago, Hurt4375 said:

I wasn’t a broken person, I fell in love

Yes I am responsible for my actions but I didn’t make vows to her he did

"Falling in love" with an unavailable person isn't healthy. Ergo, "broken." 

I'm so sick of the "I didn't make the vows" bullshit. You knowingly participated in causing pain to another human being. Healthy people don't do that. 

 

[DingDang]

4 hours ago, Myabee said:

Yup.The more I've read the more your right. And I can see that manipulation! 

I'm wondering if he's placating you because he's afraid you'll tell his W. 

[Myabee]

10 hours ago, anika99 said:

I can see how his words would sting but I think he might actually be giving you some honesty here. Unfortunately cheaters do lie to themselves. They have to in order to justify their cheating. They tell themselves that they deserve the attention of their affair partner and then they rewrite the history of their marriage in order to give themselves permission to carry on the affair. Every minor transgression carried out by the spouse gets twisted into a major issue. That time she pushed him away because she was tired and those times that she didn't give him her total undivided attention because she was pre occupied, sometimes for justifiable reasons, those become unforgivable sins in the mind of the cheater while they turn themselves into absolute saints who have been abused. They gave so much, they did so much, blah blah blah, cue the violins. 

Yes he did lie to you and to himself so that he could ease his conscience while actively deceiving his spouse. The OW lies to themselves too. They tell themselves that sneaking around with a married man is okay because she knows that she loves the MM more than his spouse (which is impossible to know since they are not part of the marriage) and that the affair is of higher value and importance than a long term marriage. They twist themselves into pretzels to hang onto the lie that the MM really wants to be with them but simply can't because of any number of reasons. Kids, finances, location, etc. Meanwhile thousands of people in more complicated situations manage to end their marriages every week. Telling lies and believing in lies just go hand in hand when it comes to affairs. 

Now you are fighting with him over text trying to get him to suck you back in with lies and it's working. He is relenting and telling you the things that you want to hear and that you want to believe. Why do want to keep drowning in the lies? Get your head out of the water and take a breath of fresh air. Then walk away. 

Oh he is full of lies. There is not much honesty here at all. He will type all of that then the minute he needs attention again, He's working through stuff and I'm looking like a longterm person to be with he needs to tell her that it's over and get divorced. 😂 Ok yeah sure MM. This will be next. He's like a jeckyl and a hyde I'm not that stupid, yet stupid enough to still have some feelings. Apparently this is all classic? 

[Myabee]

8 minutes ago, DingDang said:

I'm wondering if he's placating you because he's afraid you'll tell his W. 

I was wondering the same thing. Honestly I don't really think he cares all that much about her since he claims they are talking more now yet when he should be talking more with her he texts me non stop daily for like 14 hours straight... no joke 

[LynneVicious]

5 minutes ago, Myabee said:

I was wondering the same thing. Honestly I don't really think he cares all that much about her since he claims they are talking more now yet when he should be talking more with her he texts me non stop daily for like 14 hours straight... no joke 

Are you still talking to him? Why is he not blocked? You will never move on if you still communicate with him. 

[Starswillshine]

7 minutes ago, Myabee said:

I was wondering the same thing. Honestly I don't really think he cares all that much about her since he claims they are talking more now yet when he should be talking more with her he texts me non stop daily for like 14 hours straight... no joke 

It's sorta like.... if you guys are texting non stop for 14 hours straight but yet you still find time to respond to people on LS. Texting does not take a whole lot of time and effort. Plus, people have work and jobs that they are away from their spouses.

[DingDang]

11 minutes ago, Myabee said:

I was wondering the same thing. Honestly I don't really think he cares all that much about her since he claims they are talking more now yet when he should be talking more with her he texts me non stop daily for like 14 hours straight... no joke 

He's taking her for granted. Once she finds out, that will change. 

[Myabee]

18 minutes ago, LynneVicious said:

Are you still talking to him? Why is he not blocked? You will never move on if you still communicate with him. 

I caved a day then went back to NC! 

[Myabee]

12 minutes ago, DingDang said:

He's taking her for granted. Once she finds out, that will change. 

He's taking the wife for granted? I'm not sure that will change as it seems she must accept that or does not realize it? I almost wish I could talk to the woman and be like WTH is up with your husband? Is he mental? Unstable? Like srsly. I would never do that though i just cant! 

[Myabee]

23 minutes ago, Starswillshine said:

It's sorta like.... if you guys are texting non stop for 14 hours straight but yet you still find time to respond to people on LS. Texting does not take a whole lot of time and effort. Plus, people have work and jobs that they are away from their spouses.

Yes. He is at a job where he can text all day he works outside. I guess its also handy  for him with the time change because when im in bed 10 :30  pm east coast time come 7:30 west coast time perfect time for him to be talking with her. 🙄 Idk... so many loops, lies, holes in story. I do know he recently was requesting facetime with me a few days a week now that shes back to work outside the home. Of course it was ok then she was at work. When he called me he called at work during the day. 

Edited August 18, 2021 by Myabee

[RebeccaR]

A person can be texting and doing anything else. Even having sex with another person. Texting is not a relationship. This guy is a cake eater, plain and simple.

[Starswillshine]

5 minutes ago, Myabee said:

Yes. He is at a job where he can text all day he works outside. I guess its also handy  for him with the time change because when im in bed 10 :30  pm east coast time come 7:30 west coast time perfect time for him to be talking with her. 🙄 Idk... so many loops, lies, holes in story. I do know he recently was requesting facetime with me a few days a week now that shes back to work outside the home. Of course it was ok then she was at work. When he called me he called at work during the day. 

Exactly. Too many women put too much stock into texting/communications. Truth is after you have been with someone for a long time, there isn't too much more to talk about. You know each other's histories, most things are done together. You can talk about your days, work, the kids, etc... You can tell each other you love each other a million times.... but really.... you don't have to be in constant contact. 

A new relationship, there is so much more to learn about. To talk about. New ways to say/type "I love you," etc....

[pepperbird2]

2 hours ago, Myabee said:

I caved a day then went back to NC! 

Sounds almost like an addiction.
I came across this video a while back. take a look- it may well resonate with you.

 

[LynneVicious]

19 minutes ago, pepperbird2 said:

Sounds almost like an addiction.
I came across this video a while back. take a look- it may well resonate with you.

 

I love that film. I see it as relating to drugs. Each time the bird got high, the intensity was less and less and each comedown was harder and more dramatic and darker until poor bird was just in a dark place where even the drug won’t help him. But it can be anything. And I see how it relations to op’s story. 

op, I think this is a good analogy for you. At first, the mm’s attention resulted in such a high for you, but each time you talk or see each other, the comedown is harder and darker. 
 

Dont be the bird. And don’t eat the nugget anymore. 
 

Edit: I saw your post it was about addiction. Exactly! And the op is suffering the same way as the bird with her addiction. 

Edited August 18, 2021 by LynneVicious

[Myabee]

2 hours ago, RebeccaR said:

A person can be texting and doing anything else. Even having sex with another person. Texting is not a relationship. This guy is a cake eater, plain and simple.

He is a cake eater thats why I will go NC again. He wants me as a best friend and thats not happening!  

[Myabee]

11 minutes ago, LynneVicious said:

I love that film. I see it as relating to drugs. Each time the bird got high, the intensity was less and less and each comedown was harder and more dramatic and darker until poor bird was just in a dark place where even the drug won’t help him. But it can be anything. And I see how it relations to op’s story. 

op, I think this is a good analogy for you. At first, the mm’s attention resulted in such a high for you, but each time you talk or see each other, the comedown is harder and darker. 
 

Dont be the bird. And don’t eat the nugget anymore. 
 

Edit: I saw your post it was about addiction. Exactly! And the op is suffering the same way as the bird with her addiction. 

Lol! No this is not a high for me. I do not have an addicted personality at all. Zero and I have never done drugs, smoked or had a sugar addition. You really should watch your context... as trying to tell someone they have an addiction is really sketchy. 

Edited August 18, 2021 by Myabee

[LynneVicious]

1 minute ago, Myabee said:

Lol! No this is not a high for me. I do not have an addicted personality at all. Zero. 

I wouldn’t be too quick to rule that out. Being in an affair is an addiction. All the hormones that are bouncing around and the highs that you feel when you are with him and talk with him.

Taking away the source of your feeling good and how do you feel?
Why do you think you break nc just to speak with him?