do they actually leave?

[Myabee]

5 hours ago, Myabee said:

Thank You!!!!!

Im starting to see the game that he played here. I wonder why people do such a thing? 

[Myabee]

I think it's safe to say that my  genuine anger is really out in full force now. What I would love to know is who makes these MM pay for their actions? I can almost guarantee on d'day depending on what's found, even more deception takes place by the MM by not telling even close to the truth? Anyone ever wonder this? In my case if a  d'day did occur my bet is he told her nothing happened and he did not love me and so forth? How is this being honest and trying to fix a marriage? I will say this... if this was me who cheated I would tell the whole darn truth! 

Edited December 7, 2021 by Myabee

[Wiseman2]

42 minutes ago, Myabee said:

 I would love to know is who makes these MM pay for their actions? 

Who says they have to pay? Affairs are mutually agreeable trysts. Both adults involved know exactly what they are doing. It's the spouse who is in the dark.

[Myabee]

26 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Who says they have to pay? Affairs are mutually agreeable trysts. Both adults involved know exactly what they are doing. It's the spouse who is in the dark.

Yes I know they are mutual, But what about the serial cheats? So they can just do this again and again. I understand my role  in this affair yet In my case, I'm legally separated so I did not cheat. And if I was not in that status and still married to the extent of no seperation and planned to fix my marriage I would tell the whole truth. Just saying.

Edited December 7, 2021 by Myabee

[Starswillshine]

1 hour ago, Myabee said:

I can almost guarantee on d'day depending on what's found, even more deception takes place by the MM by not telling even close to the truth? Anyone ever wonder this?

100% most are not at all fully honest. They are in save their rear mode, and most diminish the real nature of the relationship which leads to trickle truths as most BSs suspects there is more and investigates. It's real torture. 

1 hour ago, Myabee said:

What I would love to know is who makes these MM pay for their actions?

Gently, this is not your decision to make. His wife will decide what consequences there are for engaging in an affair. You will have no idea what is going on in his life/home, but I can guarantee it is not all sunshine and rainbows. You knew what you were getting into when you engaged in an affair with a married man. You took a huge risk, and now your pain is the consequence of it. 

[Myabee]

11 minutes ago, Starswillshine said:

100% most are not at all fully honest. They are in save their rear mode, and most diminish the real nature of the relationship which leads to trickle truths as most BSs suspects there is more and investigates. It's real torture. 

Gently, this is not your decision to make. His wife will decide what consequences there are for engaging in an affair. You will have no idea what is going on in his life/home, but I can guarantee it is not all sunshine and rainbows. You knew what you were getting into when you engaged in an affair with a married man. You took a huge risk, and now your pain is the consequence of it. 

Of course I realize my pain is brought on by the choice I made which I honestly will not repeat. I did find out some information. I knew who is ex wife was from 25 years back... Reached out to her privately... she gave me the heads up that she would never say a word. She confirmed he is a lier and a cheater... so in my case that d'day if it even took place was probably a saving grace for me. I feel like I can let go. Please do not judge to harshly here. 

[stillafool]

9 minutes ago, Myabee said:

I feel like I can let go. Please do not judge to harshly here

So does this mean that you are now finally going to move on from this?

[Starswillshine]

12 minutes ago, Myabee said:

Of course I realize my pain is brought on by the choice I made which I honestly will not repeat. I did find out some information. I knew who is ex wife was from 25 years back... Reached out to her privately... she gave me the heads up that she would never say a word. She confirmed he is a lier and a cheater... so in my case that d'day if it even took place was probably a saving grace for me. I feel like I can let go. Please do not judge to harshly here. 

It is not in judgement; it is just, unfortunately, what comes with the territory. It is like pursuing any relationship with major red flags. I know you are in pain, and my hope for you in this is that you find peace and are able to move on. The closure you need is from accepting that he is a liar and a cheat and that anything he tells you cannot be trusted as truth. When you fully accept this, I think it will help you to stop wishing for one more contact or a closure call. 

I wish you all the best and hope you can start healing from this soon. 

[Myabee]

33 minutes ago, stillafool said:

So does this mean that you are now finally going to move on from this?

Yes! I'm going pray the wife does not contact me as the ex wife told me I would not be surprised if she does. I am pretty astonished at how taken I was. I would never say things to a person that I did not mean. What horrible character. 

 

 

[Myabee]

30 minutes ago, Starswillshine said:

It is not in judgement; it is just, unfortunately, what comes with the territory. It is like pursuing any relationship with major red flags. I know you are in pain, and my hope for you in this is that you find peace and are able to move on. The closure you need is from accepting that he is a liar and a cheat and that anything he tells you cannot be trusted as truth. When you fully accept this, I think it will help you to stop wishing for one more contact or a closure call. 

I wish you all the best and hope you can start healing from this soon. 

Thanks. Yes now I will need support moving through my anger. 

[Wiseman2]

4 minutes ago, Myabee said:

Yes! I'm going pray the wife does not contact me 

That's easy. Delete and block him and all his people from ALL your social media and messaging apps.

Stop contacting his people.

See if you can get some support from a qualified therapist for the ongoing hurt and anger.

[stillafool]

10 minutes ago, Myabee said:

Yes now I will need support moving through my anger. 

But you were also angry at him before and quickly got over it.

[stillafool]

6 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

See if you can get some support from a qualified therapist for the ongoing hurt and anger.

This is your only hope to get over your hurt and anger.  You need to make this step and start doing real work to put this behind you.  This forum is not helping you move forward as you can see.

[Starswillshine]

11 minutes ago, Myabee said:

I am pretty astonished at how taken I was. I would never say things to a person that I did not mean. What horrible character. 

I believe in most affairs, there is always one person who is a good-hearted, honest person. Which is why it is hard for them to acknowledge that they may be being lied to because they would never go to those lengths. And maybe, in the moment with you, he was feeling all those things. I don't think anyone denies that affairs come with feelings on both sides, just when push comes to shove, men, in particular, are not looking to leave their marriages, just adding to them. And to them, the end justifies the means... hence the lying and overstating of things. 

 

12 minutes ago, Myabee said:

Yes now I will need support moving through my anger. 

Oh, girl, I had a trainer that would put me in front of the punching bag to get it all out. Or have me do ball slams. I have thrown them down with so much force, I would start crying. lol. I also wrote it all out. I used to lash out at him, but I realized quickly that it only gave him what he wanted. And I was tired of him getting what he wanted. SO outwardly to him, I lived my best life. But I was struggling hard. I did a lot of physical activity to let the physical aggression out. I cried. I did lots of therapy. I wrote and wrote and wrote. I read. And I had anti-anxiety meds for the nights I went into pure panic mode. This usually just put me to sleep, so I was free from it. 

[Crazelnut]

16 hours ago, czanclus said:

To be a bit of a devil's advocate, not that I disagree with the advice to forgo seeking closure from a man who is woefully weak at confrontation, who are the users on this thread who have had the experience of actively seeking verbalized closure from a exMM after they've been dismissed from their mistress status? If any are really here, could they offer their own story post D-day? What they thought would happen and what actually happened, and how it impacted them emotionally, and how much they regret it? I think details, however 'anecdotal' speak much more powerfully than regurgitated platitudes of standard protocol, no offense.

Yeah, me. I'm not getting into the sordid details here, but I'll just say that I tried contact multiple times and either got no response at all or a cruel response. I finally realized that making peace with the situation meant deciding for myself that it was fully over and I would derive no benefit from dragging out the pain. He couldn't give me closure -- that's a nonsense way of trying to hang onto something. 

[Myabee]

32 minutes ago, stillafool said:

This is your only hope to get over your hurt and anger.  You need to make this step and start doing real work to put this behind you.  This forum is not helping you move forward as you can see.

I see a therapist... She is helping... this forum is helping 

[stillafool]

3 minutes ago, Myabee said:

She is helping... this forum is helping 

I don't think either is really helping.  You need a new therapist and the only thing this forum is doing is keeping him at the forefront of your mind.  Reading, thinking and talking about affairs is keeping him on your mind.  You need GOOD professional help.

Edited December 7, 2021 by stillafool

[Myabee]

32 minutes ago, Starswillshine said:

I believe in most affairs, there is always one person who is a good-hearted, honest person. Which is why it is hard for them to acknowledge that they may be being lied to because they would never go to those lengths. And maybe, in the moment with you, he was feeling all those things. I don't think anyone denies that affairs come with feelings on both sides, just when push comes to shove, men, in particular, are not looking to leave their marriages, just adding to them. And to them, the end justifies the means... hence the lying and overstating of things. 

 

Oh, girl, I had a trainer that would put me in front of the punching bag to get it all out. Or have me do ball slams. I have thrown them down with so much force, I would start crying. lol. I also wrote it all out. I used to lash out at him, but I realized quickly that it only gave him what he wanted. And I was tired of him getting what he wanted. SO outwardly to him, I lived my best life. But I was struggling hard. I did a lot of physical activity to let the physical aggression out. I cried. I did lots of therapy. I wrote and wrote and wrote. I read. And I had anti-anxiety meds for the nights I went into pure panic mode. This usually just put me to sleep, so I was free from it. 

Oh I did the crying stage thats for sure.. punching bag stage is next lol. I'm just am in awe by how honest I was on my side only to be just a disrespected as he disrespected his wife.🤢

[Myabee]

42 minutes ago, stillafool said:

But you were also angry at him before and quickly got over it.

That was not genuine anger at all... i finally see the difference.

[Myabee]

5 minutes ago, stillafool said:

I don't think either is really helping.  You need a new therapist and the only thing this forum is doing is keeping him at the forefront of your mind.  Reading, thinking and talking about affairs is keeping him on your mind.  You need GOOD professional help.

I have good professional help. Really my therapist helped me get away from an abusive man. I am going to start some anxiety meds today though as this has just really hurt me. 

[stillafool]

2 minutes ago, Myabee said:

That was not genuine anger at all... i finally see the difference.

Of course you would say that because you like talking about your affair and others over and over again.  How can you move on from that?

[Myabee]

51 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

That's easy. Delete and block him and all his people from ALL your social media and messaging apps.

Stop contacting his people.

See if you can get some support from a qualified therapist for the ongoing hurt and anger.

That's all been done. The only one I had unblocked was ex wife..She was glad to help. i will not be contacting any of his people. 

[Myabee]

1 minute ago, stillafool said:

Of course you would say that because you like talking about your affair and others over and over again.  How can you move on from that?

Talking about hurt and relating to others is helpful to me. It makes me feel not so alone in this. Talking is healing it's emoting... eventually I won't need that 

Edited December 7, 2021 by Myabee

[vla1120]

3 hours ago, Myabee said:

What I would love to know is who makes these MM pay for their actions?

I truly believe in Karma. You may not ever witness an MM "paying" for his actions, but I like to think everyone in life pays for their misdeeds via Karma. It may not be directly related to the misdeed. It could be something like a flat tire for a lesser infraction, to something a bit more serious for those infractions that are more egregious and/or harmful to others. 

[Myabee]

5 minutes ago, vla1120 said:

I truly believe in Karma. You may not ever witness an MM "paying" for his actions, but I like to think everyone in life pays for their misdeeds via Karma. It may not be directly related to the misdeed. It could be something like a flat tire for a lesser infraction, to something a bit more serious for those infractions that are more egregious and/or harmful to others. 

I actually can't stand wishing karma on others that do cruel things. I mean I have a real big honest heart and this leaves me feeling like how will I ever trust giving that heart away to anyone ever again? So many branches come out when a person dabbles in a situation like this.  I mean i now want to throw up at the last XMM words... I love you too. Everything I said was true?? 🤢

Edited December 7, 2021 by Myabee