Wiseman2 Posted January 8, 2022 Share Posted January 8, 2022 23 minutes ago, Myabee said: The second one did get me a reply a reply that was of this. I promised blank I would not contact you any more. It seems he's trying to tell you to go away. Make 2022 the year you delete and block him and move forward. It's not about him anymore. It's about reflecting on the real reasons you don't want to move on. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
Snakesalive Posted January 8, 2022 Share Posted January 8, 2022 31 minutes ago, Myabee said: guess I will be booking a flight to see for mysel What does this mean? Link to post Share on other sites
Snakesalive Posted January 8, 2022 Share Posted January 8, 2022 18 minutes ago, Snakesalive said: What does this mean? I’ve interpreted this right it was you Suggesting (notice I’ve not said threatening) to get on a plane to visit him? If that’s the case -he replied because he doesn’t want you to visit and because he doesn’t want his wife to know he broke his promise not to be in touch with you . It’s hard I know -you don’t want to believe he made a promise -people in affairs lie so why would you believe him eh? You prefer the narrative that’s in your head -I get it and lots if us have been there. You’re angry , seeking closure and want to know he’s ok -all natural feelings when you’ve been in a relationship with someone . The key is this wasn’t a regular relationship it was an affair . This means for your own healing you can’t check he’s ok , you cant get closure from him . And you know what ? You don’t need to This relationship was a moment in your life , yes it was important yes it hurts like hell now it’s over , yes you’ll be angry , but you can move forward and have a better life Yes his wife will have to deal with him and his behaviour -that’s for him and her to deal with -be thankful you don’t have to . Relapsing happens -like the affair learn from it , have a strategy so when you have moments of weakness ( I still do more than a year later) you have a way of dealing with it and don’t act on the need to reach out . You can do it I know you can . Xo 3 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Myabee Posted January 8, 2022 Author Share Posted January 8, 2022 41 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: It seems he's trying to tell you to go away. Make 2022 the year you delete and block him and move forward. It's not about him anymore. It's about reflecting on the real reasons you don't want to move on. Now I see that was the full intention from late Nov d'day.. leaving it that he will reach out... when he can. No! Lie and he just proved that by saying that he is breaking a promise he made...What bs. 100% bet a new ego stroke exists... it's how these types of men operate. 🤢 Link to post Share on other sites
Crazelnut Posted January 8, 2022 Share Posted January 8, 2022 We all saw this coming. You just cannot seem to leave this scab alone to heal. NOW will you delete all his contact info and try to move on? 5 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Myabee Posted January 8, 2022 Author Share Posted January 8, 2022 1 hour ago, Crazelnut said: We all saw this coming. You just cannot seem to leave this scab alone to heal. NOW will you delete all his contact info and try to move on? No... i got it now. See it at face value... took some steps got my closure. Confirmed the bs. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Myabee Posted January 8, 2022 Author Share Posted January 8, 2022 (edited) 3 hours ago, Myabee said: No... i got it now. See it at face value... took some steps got my closure. Confirmed the bs. Wow! I just really got the last bit of closure I needed.He called me. We talked for an hour. We left it on a kind note. He's working on his marriage. He misses the friendship part a ton but knows that it is to dangerous for us. I 100% feel better right now. 😊 Look at that I made peace by leaving it on a kind note and him opening up helped. Oh guys.... I feel so much better.❤️ Edited January 8, 2022 by Myabee Link to post Share on other sites
RebeccaR Posted January 8, 2022 Share Posted January 8, 2022 1 hour ago, Myabee said: Wow! I just really got the last bit of closure I needed.He called me. We talked for an hour. We left it on a kind note. He's working on his marriage. He misses the friendship part a ton but knows that it is to dangerous for us. I 100% feel better right now. 😊 Look at that I made peace by leaving it on a kind note and him opening up helped. Oh guys.... I feel so much better.❤️ You feel better because you got your fix. I’m not judging. Many of us have been there. But like a heroin high, it doesn’t last long, then you need more 3 1 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Myabee Posted January 8, 2022 Author Share Posted January 8, 2022 (edited) 2 hours ago, RebeccaR said: You feel better because you got your fix. I’m not judging. Many of us have been there. But like a heroin high, it doesn’t last long, then you need more Could be however, I can't change the fact that he want's to work on his marriage. At best i know now... Whereas before it was kinda left open... i'm moving on. Will take the good memories and leave the rest. I even told him i would think of him every day he said the same. But it was not mean't to be.... he is married. Edited January 8, 2022 by Myabee Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted January 8, 2022 Share Posted January 8, 2022 9 hours ago, Snakesalive said: I’ve interpreted this right it was you Suggesting (notice I’ve not said threatening) to get on a plane to visit him? If that’s the case -he replied because he doesn’t want you to visit and because he doesn’t want his wife to know he broke his promise not to be in touch with you . It’s hard I know -you don’t want to believe he made a promise -people in affairs lie so why would you believe him eh? Also he knows by now Myabee has figured out he lied about getting in touch when he could and that he has moved on to another OW and is now putting the blame on his wife as the reason why he can't be in touch. This makes him fear that you might contact his wife and tell her the real truth about your affair, which frankly she may know nothing about. He's even dialing the love affair you guys had back to "i miss the friendship" just to let you know it will not start back up again. I didn't think it was a good idea that you reached out to him first but it's good you did so now you see the type or liar he is. He's probably done this to other OW before you and then uses his wife as the excuse to end it when he moves on. 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Myabee Posted January 9, 2022 Author Share Posted January 9, 2022 38 minutes ago, stillafool said: Also he knows by now Myabee has figured out he lied about getting in touch when he could and that he has moved on to another OW and is now putting the blame on his wife as the reason why he can't be in touch. This makes him fear that you might contact his wife and tell her the real truth about your affair, which frankly she may know nothing about. He's even dialing the love affair you guys had back to "i miss the friendship" just to let you know it will not start back up again. I didn't think it was a good idea that you reached out to him first but it's good you did so now you see the type or liar he is. He's probably done this to other OW before you and then uses his wife as the excuse to end it when he moves on. Now wait a minute. I do not need the idea of another woman in my head. I am making a choice to leave it on a kind note. I will probably never know every bit of truth but I know now he is trying to save his marriage and hopefully that can happen for him. I think she did find out and I had placed an even bigger threat to him through a friend that i was mailing her all the information I had that was very early dec. If he was really worried and she did not know something, he would have contacted me then. I think he might have reached out in like a month from now but I wanted answers. I got those today. He did receive my letter and he really like it and was actually glad I sent it. I need to let go now I got the most closure from him I could expect the rest is on me. There is nothing left here for me unless he gets divorced and I even want him at that point. Trying to be happy on my own now... new year.... new directions and new goals. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Myabee Posted January 9, 2022 Author Share Posted January 9, 2022 7 minutes ago, S2B said: He always meant to work on his marriage… he mainly left that part out to you. He thought working on his marriage meant he could bring a third person in - lie to them - use them - all to make him feel like he’s got his marriage and an extra helping of his OW too. stop believing he cares about you - he mainly cares only about his greedy self. he called you for an ego boost. Stop answering any of his calls! Those calls are only to benefit him. No. i asked for a closure call in a text. He did not reach out for an ego boost. I tried to something positive that helped me today that I'm happy about. Moving on... He's married. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
poppyfields Posted January 9, 2022 Share Posted January 9, 2022 Myabee, I'm glad you got your closure and the conversation left you with a sense of peace. I agree with whomever said it was the "fix" you needed, but hopefully it will be the last and final fix you will ever need from this man. The world awaits... good luck and happy new year! 💛 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Myabee Posted January 9, 2022 Author Share Posted January 9, 2022 (edited) 19 minutes ago, poppyfields said: Myabee, I'm glad you got your closure and the conversation left you with a sense of peace. I agree with whomever said it was the "fix" you needed, but hopefully it will be the last and final fix you will ever need from this man. The world awaits... good luck and happy new year! 💛 Not sure it was a fix as much as knowing where he was at. Now I know. The rest I can handle on my own. I was already preparing for what I learned today. Just needed that closure. Yes he left me with peace. Peace of mind to let go. Happy New Year.😊❤️ Edited January 9, 2022 by Myabee Link to post Share on other sites
Xerad Posted January 9, 2022 Share Posted January 9, 2022 30 minutes ago, Myabee said: I was already preparing for what I learned today. Just needed that closure. Yes he left me with peace. Peace of mind to let go. Learning he was working on his marriage, which we knew already, leaves a person this ecstatic? From what I heard about closure, the only closure an AP accepts is to be told they were the great love of the other's life. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Myabee Posted January 9, 2022 Author Share Posted January 9, 2022 7 hours ago, Xerad said: Learning he was working on his marriage, which we knew already, leaves a person this ecstatic? From what I heard about closure, the only closure an AP accepts is to be told they were the great love of the other's life. No! We did not know for sure he was working on his marriage as he left it at he needed to go NC after d day because she was very upset and he would be in touch once he figures things out as to if they can even be fixed. He did tell me yesterday he will always love me and think of me We shared a great love and deep bond but it was wrong timing as even though not happily married MARRIED none the less. Now with me out of the picture he can work on that unhappy part. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Myabee Posted January 9, 2022 Author Share Posted January 9, 2022 (edited) 6 hours ago, S2B said: I don’t understand why you needed that from HIM. You know he was at home - with his wife. why do you need him to spell things out for you? He’s right where he chooses to be - still married with his wife. im baffled why you needed him to confirm any of this FOR you - you already knew. the only closure you will ever get is the closure you give TO yourself. Baffled? He left this open ended in case you don't remember. D day was horrible and not a way I wanted to leave things. By talking through what has transpired on his end and mine for the last 7 weeks for me that was very helpful. The missing piece for me was hearing him say that the marriage can be fixed wheareas for months on end a different story was being told. Regardless of what you think or say, I feel good about leaving it after having that conversation and leaving it in a kind way with one another vs the crazy chaos of End of Nov. This book is closed. It would only open again if he was 100% divorced and at that point I still even wanted him. Another thing I have learned in 7 weeks... I like men for a partner that have a backbone and courage. This MM does not... he's also financially dependant on his wife which is very unappealing to me. I like men who are independent of themselves its much more attractive. Also he cheated on her so I have little trust. End of story! Thanks for your help along the way. Edited January 9, 2022 by Myabee 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Myabee Posted January 9, 2022 Author Share Posted January 9, 2022 16 minutes ago, Myabee said: Baffled? He left this open ended in case you don't remember. D day was horrible and not a way I wanted to leave things. By talking through what has transpired on his end and mine for the last 7 weeks for me that was very helpful. The missing piece for me was hearing him say that the marriage can be fixed wheareas for months on end a different story was being told. Regardless of what you think or say, I feel good about leaving it after having that conversation and leaving it in a kind way with one another vs the crazy chaos of End of Nov. This book is closed. It would only open again if he was 100% divorced and at that point I still even wanted him. Another thing I have learned in 7 weeks... I like men for a partner that have a backbone and courage. This MM does not... he's also financially dependant on his wife which is very unappealing to me. I like men who are independent of themselves its much more attractive. Also he cheated on her so I have little trust. End of story! Thanks for your help along the way. Stepping away from this forum to forget all about affairs for now. I think that's a wonderfully healthy mindset to have.😊 Thank you all from the bottom of my heart. xxx 2 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Bubble_20 Posted January 9, 2022 Share Posted January 9, 2022 4 hours ago, Myabee said: Stepping away from this forum to forget all about affairs for now. I think that's a wonderfully healthy mindset to have.😊 Thank you all from the bottom of my heart. xxx Good idea. Maybe close this thread for good now too while you’re at it. Don’t leave any door open to rehash over it again and waste any more time living in the past of this weird non-relationship. Good things are waiting for you out there 🙂 3 Link to post Share on other sites
SouthernIslander Posted January 9, 2022 Share Posted January 9, 2022 16 hours ago, Myabee said: Now wait a minute. I do not need the idea of another woman in my head. I am making a choice to leave it on a kind note. I will probably never know every bit of truth but I know now he is trying to save his marriage and hopefully that can happen for him. I think she did find out and I had placed an even bigger threat to him through a friend that i was mailing her all the information I had that was very early dec. If he was really worried and she did not know something, he would have contacted me then. I think he might have reached out in like a month from now but I wanted answers. I got those today. He did receive my letter and he really like it and was actually glad I sent it. I need to let go now I got the most closure from him I could expect the rest is on me. There is nothing left here for me unless he gets divorced and I even want him at that point. Trying to be happy on my own now... new year.... new directions and new goals. Honestly, most cheating men communicate with more than just one woman but all the what ifs doesn’t matter. He gave you the respect of an adult conversation for closure and I strongly encourage you not to contact him anymore because the emotional clock indeed resets when you do. How are you feeling today? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Myabee Posted January 10, 2022 Author Share Posted January 10, 2022 8 hours ago, Bubble_20 said: Good idea. Maybe close this thread for good now too while you’re at it. Don’t leave any door open to rehash over it again and waste any more time living in the past of this weird non-relationship. Good things are waiting for you out there 🙂 I think it’s ok to leave the thread open... I’m.not leaving LS.. Just going take a break from affair talk. And thank youxx ❤️ 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Myabee Posted January 10, 2022 Author Share Posted January 10, 2022 8 hours ago, SouthernIslander said: Honestly, most cheating men communicate with more than just one woman but all the what ifs doesn’t matter. He gave you the respect of an adult conversation for closure and I strongly encourage you not to contact him anymore because the emotional clock indeed resets when you do. How are you feeling today? I strongly agree. Feeling today? I guess relief a bit of sadness... and like wth was I thinking to begin with😂 Yes... he is very attractive... hit on all of my inner bs that needs fixing... so perhaps his purpose in my life was growth... i think i can live with that.😊 Link to post Share on other sites
SouthernIslander Posted January 10, 2022 Share Posted January 10, 2022 33 minutes ago, Myabee said: I strongly agree. Feeling today? I guess relief a bit of sadness... and like wth was I thinking to begin with😂 Yes... he is very attractive... hit on all of my inner bs that needs fixing... so perhaps his purpose in my life was growth... i think i can live with that.😊 Growth and learning is always a good thing. Hope you feel better tomorrow. The sadness will fade with time. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Maylady Posted January 10, 2022 Share Posted January 10, 2022 (edited) Ok. I'm not sure I have this situation correct. As I've understood this , Myabee is the one who went and did drastic measures to get ahold of this man. He in turn said I cannot be talking to you. I am breaking my promise to my wife. Please stop Myabee. I dont quite understand why snakesalive is slagging his wife about how it's so obvious she is stuck with this chronic cheater. It seems to me that he is actually trying to maintain his promise to his wife. And Myabee is the one who is hypocritcally blaming him again. When Myabee was the one who manipulated this man by sneaking around pretending she was someone else using a fake name. If im wrong please tell me Edited January 10, 2022 by Maylady 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted January 10, 2022 Share Posted January 10, 2022 (edited) I tend to disagree with the "addiction" model of affairs. It's more like a malignant cancer that keeps growing and spreading as long as it's ignored. Pretending that the blood or lump or whatever will just resolve itself is how affairs work. Although having the cancer excised and treated is the best approach, it also involves the temporary pain and fear involved. Just like sort of knowing that something isn't right, avoiding the truth and reality is only leading to more advanced problems. No one wants to face ugly painful or fearful situations. Yet like cancer, the longer the truth is denied the worse it gets. When you finally get that cancer excised from your life, then and only then, does the healing begin. Edited January 10, 2022 by Wiseman2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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