Broke up, blocked, deleted and moved on in a matter of weeks!

[Fliplid89]

I've recently been through the worst break up of my life. I feel physically sick and can't get my head around it.

We were together for 2.5 years. He always said he loved me more than anyone previously. Reflecting on the relationship we were unhappy together during the latter months, we had nothing really in common but I loved him very much. During our break up I was going through the worst time of my life, a terminally ill close family member, life changing career opportunities and stress levels through the roof. He always said ill be there for you but was always cold in responses. For the first few days there was nothing... I persistantely called (every few days) to always be left feeling down and upset. I'd cry and it would have no impact. He never cried about anything. Emotionally detached from life I'd say.

I then asked if there was someone else to which he replied yes I'm speaking to someone else, we have so much in common and I'm the happiest I've ever been in my life. This tore me up no end. I took days to process it but judt wouldn't get go. I could after the amount of time we spent together. Even if the relationship was dead, how could he act so uncaring and cut me out like I'm nothing.

Days later the statement I don't love you like that anymore followed by I've spent the last 3 days with him (new partner) and its been amazing I just want you to delete my numbers and leave me alone. I still wished him all the hapiness in the world. It took days to process but I wanted one last attempt and expressing my feelings. I wrote it all down on paper and called him and asked him to listen to it. He was reluctant but did. It was beyond deep and explained so much yet his response was 'right okay so what'. He hung up before I finished so I called back several times and he got his new partner to answer threatning all sort. Baring in mind we broke up weeks ago after such a long time.

I've never been a threat just someone who wouldn't give up on someone they loved. That call was the biggest wake up for me. I'm now seeking a Councillor due to feeling so low. My world has crumbled before my eyes and I wake up most nights trying to make sense of it all and understand how he can just stop caring overnight. I have now removed his numbers. Blocked and deleted him and I'm doing my best to move on.

It's been days since I spoke to him for the last time but I still think about him far too frequently and wonder if I'll ever see him again (we were long distance - 2 hours). It's absolutely destroyed me and with everything else I have going on. I feel it takes an incredibly cold and heartless person to treat someone that badly. I'm not sure why I'm writing here... Maybe just to get an outside perspective? I am struggling that's for sure. For anyone else feeling like this... I hope things improve for you. It's honestly the worst feeling in the world. 

Edited July 9, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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[d0nnivain]

I'm so sorry that you are in such distress.  You have 3 huge things going on:  this break up, your dying family member & a career change.  Whew.  That's a lot. 

You have to accept the break up.  Block & delete your EX from everywhere.  It's the fastest way to sanity.  Purge all the mementos out of your life.  If you can't throw them out, box them all up; down load any pictures onto a thumb drive & put that in the box too.  Tape the box shut.  It mean go to town, round & round with heavy packing tape so it's a real p.i.t.a. to open.  Then stash the box in the attic or your deepest closet.  Rearrange your living space so it's not a visual reminder of him.  Move the furniture.  Hang some new art.  Get throw pillows.  Just make it different.  Keep busy.  Now is a good time to exercise; get back into an old hobby or find a new one.  You say there is a career change -- put your energy toward that.  Also spend as much time with your loved one as possible.  

Hang in there but do not reach out for your EX.  That door is closed.  With all the calls you have already made a pest of yourself.  The next step for your EX will be to see a restraining order against you if you don't stop.  With everything else going on, you don't need that.  

[Wiseman2]

4 hours ago, Fliplid89 said:

 we were unhappy together during the latter months, we had nothing really in common days. I just want you to delete my numbers and leave me alone. 

Sorry this happened. At some level you know that it was falling apart for months and you have both been checked out of the relationship for a while.

You need to delete and block him and all his people from ALL your social media and messaging apps.

Leave him alone. You don't want to be a stalker or keep harassing him.

Work with your therapist to get through this.

 

[Ithurts17]

Hi, so I found myself in a similar situation except not the other girl part. 
 

Similar family issues and being constantly told I don’t need to worry cos he will always be there for me etc but what I’ve realised is I was depressed and he was the light at the end of a dark tunnel 

 

I would do my normal stuff and he would contact plan stuff n that is what would make me happy 

 

words like I’ll do anything for you etc just have to remember at the time he wanted/needed you blunt as it is but that’s not now,  

 

it’s not okay how he’s made you feel not at all but least you now know 

 

at the start I wanted so many answers like you said this you said that but all in all f them…. 
 

As for the other girl she has your left overs she is in a relationship started from cheating so more fool her! 
 

once the butterflies turn to heartache then to nothing you are on the right path to your freedom! 
 

it’s weird to think how I felt a while ago…. 
 

think about how he’s treated you and made you feel after saying he’s always going to be there for you, that’s not okay 

 

yes it’s hard to think can I fully move on, will I love again, will I be okay, and the answer is yes! It will be laughable at some point it’s coming! 

 

quote I read stated

 

you can’t force someone to love you 

you can’t force them to care 

those things should come naturally 

 

keep yourself busy there is defo light and I completely understand how you feel 💕

[spiderowl]

I'm so sorry to hear what happened fliplid.  All I can say is that there are all sorts of people and some are basically cold and unemotional.  These people can decide to give up on a relationship, just like that, and seem unfeeling and uncaring.

Then there are others who do feel, who do care, but who have been unhappy for a while and yet not said so.  You say that things weren't going too well towards the latter months so, at some level, you were aware the relationship wasn't perfect.  It may be that he mentally checked out of it long before you knew, which is why he may seem uncaring now and is able to move on so much faster.

I know whatever happened, it hurts like hell.  There are some things that cannot be understood and break-ups tend to be one of those things in life where we rarely find answers.  Accepting that it might never make sense to you, should help.  While you will probably not be able to avoid the questions, the 'where did I go wrong', 'where did he go wrong' nagging questions, once you have worn yourself out with these, it will be time to cry over the relationship and release that pain, not try to tough it out.  Eventually, the skies will start to appear brighter and you will feel you are getting out of the quagmire of unhappy feelings.

You are the right person for someone. It is important to remember that lots of the choices we make are unconscious, they sort of well up and suddenly become obvious.  We don't always know why we are feeling a certain way or need a different kind of relationship.  You will find someone special and someone who feels the same as you.  Maybe this is a time to consider how empathic your ex was, whether he's always been a bit distant and cold emotionally?  You can then avoid that kind of person in future.

You will come through this and when the clouds start to clear, you will even see the positives, that you have a choice now about who to see and spend your time with.  You don't have to answer to anyone.  You are free to find a different future.

[lonelyplanetmoon]

Yes it is the dumpee curse. We don’t see it coming whereas the dumper has had months to check out and lose feelings.  They started that process many months ago.

‘For whatever reason they could not communicate that was happening.  They often don’t realize they are doing it.  
Take time to mourn and eventually learn and grow from it.  You will be a better person for your next relationship.

 

[ShyViolet]

On 7/9/2021 at 1:44 AM, Fliplid89 said:

It took days to process but I wanted one last attempt and expressing my feelings. I wrote it all down on paper and called him and asked him to listen to it. He was reluctant but did.

You should not have done this.  This was inappropriate behavior and the only thing it had any chance of accomplishing is making you look like a stalker.

Since it's only been "days" since you last spoke to him, of course the wound is still fresh.  The way you get over it is to keep him blocked, do not attempt to reach out to him in any way.  It will naturally get easier with time.

[Fliplid89]

17 hours ago, spiderowl said:

I'm so sorry to hear what happened fliplid.  All I can say is that there are all sorts of people and some are basically cold and unemotional.  These people can decide to give up on a relationship, just like that, and seem unfeeling and uncaring.

Then there are others who do feel, who do care, but who have been unhappy for a while and yet not said so.  You say that things weren't going too well towards the latter months so, at some level, you were aware the relationship wasn't perfect.  It may be that he mentally checked out of it long before you knew, which is why he may seem uncaring now and is able to move on so much faster.

I know whatever happened, it hurts like hell.  There are some things that cannot be understood and break-ups tend to be one of those things in life where we rarely find answers.  Accepting that it might never make sense to you, should help.  While you will probably not be able to avoid the questions, the 'where did I go wrong', 'where did he go wrong' nagging questions, once you have worn yourself out with these, it will be time to cry over the relationship and release that pain, not try to tough it out.  Eventually, the skies will start to appear brighter and you will feel you are getting out of the quagmire of unhappy feelings.

You are the right person for someone. It is important to remember that lots of the choices we make are unconscious, they sort of well up and suddenly become obvious.  We don't always know why we are feeling a certain way or need a different kind of relationship.  You will find someone special and someone who feels the same as you.  Maybe this is a time to consider how empathic your ex was, whether he's always been a bit distant and cold emotionally?  You can then avoid that kind of person in future.

You will come through this and when the clouds start to clear, you will even see the positives, that you have a choice now about who to see and spend your time with.  You don't have to answer to anyone.  You are free to find a different future.

Thank you very much for those words. I know I shouldn't have chased... Or called multiple times but he was my first love. I'm not justifying anything but he knows I'm no threat. He bent over backwards to hurt me in anyway he possibly could and he succeeded and replaced me in weeks. I will continue to push forward. Its been the worst time of my life and I miss him terribly but deep down I know he wasn't the one for me. I really appreciate your message. Thank you very much. 

[Fliplid89]

6 minutes ago, ShyViolet said:

You should not have done this.  This was inappropriate behavior and the only thing it had any chance of accomplishing is making you look like a stalker.

Since it's only been "days" since you last spoke to him, of course the wound is still fresh.  The way you get over it is to keep him blocked, do not attempt to reach out to him in any way.  It will naturally get easier with time.

Thank you ShyViolet. It may appear in appropriate but this was my first love. I'm no threat but I know i shouldn't have chased. Letting go is extremely hard and his behaviour towards me was so cold and emotionless. I do realise I shouldn't have chased for so long but I can't change that now. I can only move forward and one thing is for sure... Once this rebound of his goes tits up and if he ever tries to contact me again (he's blocked) but if he does he will get a solid f... Off. That's if I'm strong enough then. 😊 Thanks for your reply. 

[glows]

You don't think of yourself as a threat but your actions can be interpreted differently by someone else. It's best to err on the side of caution in future and pause or cool off, take a walk or hang out with your friends if you're feeling up to it. Good for you for removing his numbers and not intending to contact him again. It's also good of you to gain the support of a counsellor or someone you can talk with in person who can be your support and sounding board. 

Since this was two hours away at a LDR and you were both sounding incompatible or not as compatible, count this as a blessing in disguise. The likelihood that he was lining up someone else to replace you for a long time is pretty high so I totally understand how upset you are or betrayed. Think about this in the big picture afterall: was that any kind of man you'd be interested in? The answer is probably NO. Pay attention to his character and traits. Remember that your best response is to live well despite what happens to you or how others treat you. Take your time to grieve and heal. 

[stillafool]

20 minutes ago, Fliplid89 said:

Once this rebound of his goes tits up and if he ever tries to contact me again (he's blocked) but if he does he will get a solid f... Off. That's if I'm strong enough then. 😊 Thanks for your reply. 

Don't think like this, it isn't helpful for your healing or moving forward.  Chances are they will make it together and he will not be contacting you in the future to get back together.  It's best to think of it this way so you can kill all hope as it relates to him.  I'm sorry what he did and said to you must have been so painful and this is why it's just best to move on the minute they dump you.  The good thing is he is now out of your way to make room for the new guy who will treat you the way you deserve.  You will be happy again.

[Fliplid89]

2 minutes ago, glows said:

You don't think of yourself as a threat but your actions can be interpreted differently by someone else. It's best to err on the side of caution in future and pause or cool off, take a walk or hang out with your friends if you're feeling up to it. Good for you for removing his numbers and not intending to contact him again. It's also good of you to gain the support of a counsellor or someone you can talk with in person who can be your support and sounding board. 

Since this was two hours away at a LDR and you were both sounding incompatible or not as compatible, count this as a blessing in disguise. The likelihood that he was lining up someone else to replace you for a long time is pretty high so I totally understand how upset you are or betrayed. Think about this in the big picture afterall: was that any kind of man you'd be interested in? The answer is probably NO. Pay attention to his character and traits. Remember that your best response is to live well despite what happens to you or how others treat you. Take your time to grieve and heal. 

Thank you. I completely understand what you're saying. After 2.5 years together, I think he knows I'm no threat just more of a 'pest' which isn't good either. I'm not justifying my actions in anyway shape or form, but I loved this person and for sometime was treated with disrespect. He will always mean something to me but only in my memories. We weren't compatible but even so, there's a respectful way of doing things especially when he knew what I was going through at the time. Thank you once again for your response. I do appreciate them and it has hurt me beyond belief. Best wishes to you. 😊

[glows]

You seem very gracious and intelligent. I've no doubt you'll find someone much more on your wavelength. 

[Ithurts17]

3 hours ago, Fliplid89 said:

Thank you very much for those words. I know I shouldn't have chased... Or called multiple times but he was my first love. I'm not justifying anything but he knows I'm no threat. He bent over backwards to hurt me in anyway he possibly could and he succeeded and replaced me in weeks. I will continue to push forward. Its been the worst time of my life and I miss him terribly but deep down I know he wasn't the one for me. I really appreciate your message. Thank you very much. 

See it like a drug or something addictive you want, usually you decide when to stop, but having it snatched away and watching someone else doing it is hard.

miss plenty but plenty not missed, and deep down knowing you put up for a long time… onwards upwards!! 

[Wiseman2]

On 7/13/2021 at 2:31 PM, Fliplid89 said:

After 2.5 years together, I think he knows I'm no threat just more of a 'pest' which isn't good either. We weren't compatible .

Running into an ex or hearing they're with someone new always stings, even if the relationship was falling apart for a long time and you're better off without each other.