Zebarbu Posted July 9, 2021 Share Posted July 9, 2021 So Tuesday I asked how her schedule would be this week. She told me, so I asked if she was up for a restaurant at 8pm. Stupidly, I forgot to mention the day, so she thought I was asking her out Tuesday. I replied "I mean Friday, sorry" and she replied "Ah yes that should be good". I don't know, but there's something about her response that makes me think she'll envutally cancel? What do you guys think? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 9, 2021 Share Posted July 9, 2021 I think you lack confidence. Early dates can make anybody ill at ease. But she said "yes". Do follow up later today with a brief confirming text: "Just confirming that we're still on for 8 tonight at [restaurant]" Also confirm any transportation details -- I'll meet you out front or I will pick you up at [time]. End on a cheery upbeat note: Looking forward to it! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
NYAG Posted July 9, 2021 Share Posted July 9, 2021 50 minutes ago, Zebarbu said: So Tuesday I asked how her schedule would be this week. She told me, so I asked if she was up for a restaurant at 8pm. Stupidly, I forgot to mention the day, so she thought I was asking her out Tuesday. I replied "I mean Friday, sorry" and she replied "Ah yes that should be good". I don't know, but there's something about her response that makes me think she'll envutally cancel? What do you guys think? I don't understand why you think she will cancel. I think that's more about how you feel rather than anything she has said, if the above is all you have to go on. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted July 9, 2021 Share Posted July 9, 2021 1 hour ago, Zebarbu said: , I forgot to mention the day, so she thought I was asking her out Tuesday. Is there a language barrier? You seem to communicate poorly. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Zebarbu Posted July 9, 2021 Author Share Posted July 9, 2021 27 minutes ago, d0nnivain said: I think you lack confidence. Early dates can make anybody ill at ease. But she said "yes". Do follow up later today with a brief confirming text: "Just confirming that we're still on for 8 tonight at [restaurant]" Also confirm any transportation details -- I'll meet you out front or I will pick you up at [time]. End on a cheery upbeat note: Looking forward to it! We dated for a couple of months before I messed things up by being a loudmouth to friends. For 3 weeks we didn't talk until she sent me a bday message. We went out last week on Wednesday during the evening. Things went well, got a few good laughs from her, she was teasing me, and eventually I went in for the kiss and the she told me to 'Please don't talk about private stuff to people again'. I apologised, and made her laugh again. I know I lack confidence, and it's something I've been trying to work on, not only with her, but with women/people in general. It's the doubts that cause me to be this way, amongst other things... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Zebarbu Posted July 9, 2021 Author Share Posted July 9, 2021 18 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Is there a language barrier? You seem to communicate poorly. Well, she's french... but I speak fluently... it's just a stupid mistake, I didn't realise I forgot to add the day of the date until I sent the text Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 9, 2021 Share Posted July 9, 2021 Couple of things: 1. Do learn to keep your own counsel & stop being a blabbermouth. 2. Asking for dates via text is . . . not great. I get that everybody does it but it's bad. Learn to be better by using the voice feature of your phone. 3. Work on building your overall level of confidence. That will help you in so many areas, including dating. Read some self help books if you are not ready for therapy. Do as I said & confirm the date / details of tonight before lunch today. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted July 9, 2021 Share Posted July 9, 2021 14 minutes ago, Zebarbu said: Well, she's french... but I speak fluently... Be more specific and accurate when you text details about a date. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Zebarbu Posted July 9, 2021 Author Share Posted July 9, 2021 12 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Be more specific and accurate when you text details about a date. It was an honest mistake... Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 9, 2021 Share Posted July 9, 2021 Of course it was an honest mistake. It was an oversight you corrected. Just stop thinking of it as a fatal mistake. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Zebarbu Posted July 9, 2021 Author Share Posted July 9, 2021 13 minutes ago, d0nnivain said: Of course it was an honest mistake. It was an oversight you corrected. Just stop thinking of it as a fatal mistake. It's not that I feel it's a fatal mistake per se, it's just her response that is bugging me Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 9, 2021 Share Posted July 9, 2021 4 minutes ago, Zebarbu said: It's not that I feel it's a fatal mistake per se, it's just her response that is bugging me Understood but that is why you need to reach out to confirm tonight's date. Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted July 9, 2021 Share Posted July 9, 2021 (edited) For me... if I set a date at a restaurant, I get there early and have a beer at the bar and wait for the woman to show up. She knows what you look like, so if she texts you when she gets there let her know where you are. Most women arrive a few minutes late, so don't panic and don't text/call her with a "Where are you at??" If she is over 30 minutes late, order yourself a nice steak and eat it at the bar (along with a couple of pints of Guinness) Treat yourself to a nice dinner, either way. A wise Hindu man once told me "Control the controllables"... If you can't control it, don't worry about it. You can't control whether she'll show up or not, so don't worry about it. Relax... dating should be fun, not stressful. ETA: Me (Personally)... I don't confirm dates, if she doesn't show (after plans were set) then you weren't important enough to her to put the date on her calendar and I wouldn't date her (if I were you). Edited July 9, 2021 by Happy Lemming 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Zebarbu Posted July 9, 2021 Author Share Posted July 9, 2021 13 minutes ago, Happy Lemming said: For me... if I set a date at a restaurant, I get there early and have a beer at the bar and wait for the woman to show up. She knows what you look like, so if she texts you when she gets there let her know where you are. Most women arrive a few minutes late, so don't panic and don't text/call her with a "Where are you at??" If she is over 30 minutes late, order yourself a nice steak and eat it at the bar (along with a couple of pints of Guinness) Treat yourself to a nice dinner, either way. A wise Hindu man once told me "Control the controllables"... If you can't control it, don't worry about it. You can't control whether she'll show up or not, so don't worry about it. Relax... dating should be fun, not stressful. ETA: Me (Personally)... I don't confirm dates, if she doesn't show (after plans were set) then you weren't important enough to her to put the date on her calendar and I wouldn't date her (if I were you). Exactly, I don't confirm either. I ask how her schedule is, pick a day we're both free, set the date, and leave it at that. That's how things have been with her. I just don't like the 'ah yes should be good' part. it just sounds off, to say the least. However, when I asked to meet last week her last response was 'That's good with me'. I waited until Wednesday and she sent me 'Are we still going?' like 30 mins before the date. I do have a plan B if she does cancel... I plan on going to a party with some mates. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Zebarbu Posted July 9, 2021 Author Share Posted July 9, 2021 2 hours ago, NYAG said: I don't understand why you think she will cancel. I think that's more about how you feel rather than anything she has said, if the above is all you have to go on. Like I told d0nnovain, I previously dated her for 2 months or so, then I majorly messed up at this party. I discussed things with friends that I really should have kept private. 3 weeks went by where we didn't speak until she sent me a bday message on the 24th of June. she had been very cold with me during this time Since then, I asked her out last week, and then again this week. The only reason that I think she might cancel is based on her 'Ah yes should be good' response. To me it just feels like "Yes... unless something better comes up" Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted July 9, 2021 Share Posted July 9, 2021 1 minute ago, Zebarbu said: I do have a plan B if she does cancel... I plan on going to a party with some mates. OK... if she is 30+ minutes late, I would text her that you are leaving that restaurant. I remember years ago, I was dating this woman (we were still in that "getting to know you" stage). We were supposed to meet at this restaurant and when she was 30 minutes late, I left. I did text her that I was leaving and not to bother showing up. She texted me back that she was 15 minutes away, which didn't change a thing for me, I still left. I went to my "watering hole" where I could get a cold Guinness. Later I learned, she complained to her therapist about me leaving and the therapist told her she was in the wrong. The therapist added she should apologize, which she did. This woman was never late again, after that... she knew that I wasn't going to sit around and wait for her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Zebarbu Posted July 9, 2021 Author Share Posted July 9, 2021 3 minutes ago, Happy Lemming said: OK... if she is 30+ minutes late, I would text her that you are leaving that restaurant. I remember years ago, I was dating this woman (we were still in that "getting to know you" stage). We were supposed to meet at this restaurant and when she was 30 minutes late, I left. I did text her that I was leaving and not to bother showing up. She texted me back that she was 15 minutes away, which didn't change a thing for me, I still left. I went to my "watering hole" where I could get a cold Guinness. Later I learned, she complained to her therapist about me leaving and the therapist told her she was in the wrong. The therapist added she should apologize, which she did. This woman was never late again, after that... she knew that I wasn't going to sit around and wait for her. I'm not even going to bother going to the restaurant. If she doesn't message me before, I will just assume she's "forgotten" and go to the party. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted July 9, 2021 Share Posted July 9, 2021 6 minutes ago, Zebarbu said: I'm not even going to bother going to the restaurant. If she doesn't message me before, I will just assume she's "forgotten" and go to the party. I would go to the restaurant, a lot of people don't confirm dates... I never did. Again, get there early... have a beer and wait 30 minutes past the agreed time. If she doesn't show, then text her that you are heading out and go to the party. I would not "No Show" if I were you... that isn't fair to her (if she shows up). I can think of one time where I went to pick a woman up for a date and she forgot. She had already eaten (after she got home from work), but I still salvaged the evening by taking her out for ice cream. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Zebarbu Posted July 9, 2021 Author Share Posted July 9, 2021 17 minutes ago, Happy Lemming said: I would go to the restaurant, a lot of people don't confirm dates... I never did. Again, get there early... have a beer and wait 30 minutes past the agreed time. If she doesn't show, then text her that you are heading out and go to the party. I would not "No Show" if I were you... that isn't fair to her (if she shows up). I can think of one time where I went to pick a woman up for a date and she forgot. She had already eaten (after she got home from work), but I still salvaged the evening by taking her out for ice cream. I'll do that then. If last week is anything to go by, maybe she'll text me just before to see if we're still doing it. I don't really see the use of confirming, especially if she said yes when you initially asked her out. Personally, it wouldn't bother me if someone sent me a text the day of the date or the day before, but people react differently. Like last week, I asked her out on Sunday for the a date on Wednesday, I didn't confirm, and it happened. Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted July 9, 2021 Share Posted July 9, 2021 2 minutes ago, Zebarbu said: I don't really see the use of confirming, especially if she said yes when you initially asked her out. I agree... If the woman needs to cancel that is one thing... text me. Otherwise I really don't expect to hear anything and I prepare for the date, accordingly. If a date/time was agreed upon, then she needs to be adult enough to put it on her calendar and show up in that 30 minute time window. Link to post Share on other sites
Sun Seeker Posted July 9, 2021 Share Posted July 9, 2021 Surely you have messaged her today just to confirm everything is good for tonight, the meeting place etc? Waiting for her to message you to confirm comes across as very low confidence.. you are the man here, it's your job to lead and make sure everything goes smoothly. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Zebarbu Posted July 9, 2021 Author Share Posted July 9, 2021 (edited) 23 minutes ago, Happy Lemming said: I agree... If the woman needs to cancel that is one thing... text me. Otherwise I really don't expect to hear anything and I prepare for the date, accordingly. If a date/time was agreed upon, then she needs to be adult enough to put it on her calendar and show up in that 30 minute time window. Or at the very least message to tell me she doesn't want to go (i.e something has come up, etc...) without rescheduling. Seems like she's going to cancel because some other friends are organising a tea get together. ffs. I will wait to see if she messages me. Edited July 9, 2021 by Zebarbu Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted July 9, 2021 Share Posted July 9, 2021 2 minutes ago, Zebarbu said: Seems like she's going to cancel... If a woman cancels because her car broke down en route or some legitimate reason, I'll attempt to re-schedule. If she cancels because she got a better offer, then I won't make any further attempt. You know where you stand (in her eyes). 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Zebarbu Posted July 9, 2021 Author Share Posted July 9, 2021 1 minute ago, Happy Lemming said: If a woman cancels because her car broke down en route or some legitimate reason, I'll attempt to re-schedule. If she cancels because she got a better offer, then I won't make any further attempt. You know where you stand (in her eyes). Actually scratch that, this get together is in half an hour. Oh well, just need to wait and see what happens closer to 8pm. I'll go get a meal, then go to this party with my friends. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Zebarbu Posted July 9, 2021 Author Share Posted July 9, 2021 She's cancelled. No reschedule. Oh well! Onto the next one it is. Link to post Share on other sites
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