Ellorim Posted July 9, 2021 Share Posted July 9, 2021 I’m a 42-yo male. My 37-yo Gf of 5 months wants to breakup because I live with my sister and niece (my sister is a single mom and needs financial support). My gf constantly says resentful things (like “go to your sister, don’t mind me on the phone, she needs you”) as if I am married to my sister and it’s getting to her that I always have to hang up the phone when the niece needs attention or I am rushing to beat traffic because my sister has to go to work. It doesn’t help that I told her at the beginning that having kids is a must for me so she seems to have some sort of expectation from me. She flipped recently because I said I still have a year left on my lease with my sister. Gf took her space and came back a week later to apologize and took me to a nice dinner she paid for. I don’t know what happened, after that I froze and didn’t do anything for my gf’s birthday and she was sick, and now we haven’t talked for 9 days. I think it’s getting to her that I haven’t called her on her bday or set up a date or anything for this weekend to make up for it. I am getting the sense she thinks her biological clock is ticking and thinks I don’t care? I also haven’t slept with her yet and she has asked me several times if there was someone else or if we are exclusive and I always assure her it’s just her. Is she rushing things or is this normal? We text every couple days maybe talk on the phone every 4-8 days and tend to go on dates about 3 times a month. We are about 15 miles apart and usually meet in the middle so it works. We started off great but not sure why she thinks it’s over. I always call her honey send her sweet texts and we kiss and make out and seem to have the best chemistry I have ever had with any woman so far. I can’t change my sister my niece my apartment situation. What am I supposed to do she also knew that going in and now she also started talking about buying a house for herself (she makes good money). Link to post Share on other sites
normal person Posted July 9, 2021 Share Posted July 9, 2021 It's great that you support your sister... from a sister's point of view. But you have to think about it from you girlfriend's -- you give your sister your time, resources, and independence, and it seems your girlfriend expects more of it for herself. I can't really blame her. 38 minutes ago, Ellorim said: I think it’s getting to her that I haven’t called her on her bday or set up a date or anything for this weekend to make up for it. I think the whole situation is getting to her. You're a 42 year old man who says he wants to date someone, but doesn't show it with much seriousness. You're prioritizing your sister over her. There's nothing wrong with that, and there's nothing wrong with her feeling like you doing that makes her less than an ideal partner for her. I think she needs to either accept the situation or break up with you. 38 minutes ago, Ellorim said: I also haven’t slept with her yet Why not? It's been 5 months, not 5 days. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SumGuy Posted July 9, 2021 Share Posted July 9, 2021 42 minutes ago, Ellorim said: I don’t know what happened, after that I froze and didn’t do anything for my gf’s birthday and she was sick, and now we haven’t talked for 9 days. I think it’s getting to her that I haven’t called her on her bday or set up a date or anything for this weekend to make up for it. First, I agree your GF is not being understanding about your situation. Nevertheless, you are not really stepping up either for her needs. The bolded above, heck yah that is break-up worthy in and of itself, compounded with she was sick. When you GF (or BF) is sick you go take care of them (even a little) unless for some reason you getting sick presents serious problems. You need to decide if you can be there for her or if you even want to...no judgment if you can't or don't want to but I bet you GF sees it like this... "Crashing, hit a wall Right now I need a miracle Hurry up now, I need a miracle Stranded, reaching out I call your name, but you're not around I say your name, but you're not around I need you, I need you, I need you right now Yeah, I need you right now So don't let me, don't let me, don't let me down I think I'm losing my mind now..." Quote I am getting the sense she thinks her biological clock is ticking and thinks I don’t care? I also haven’t slept with her yet and she has asked me several times if there was someone else or if we are exclusive and I always assure her it’s just her. Is she rushing things or is this normal?... You have been together 5 months and no sex? To each their own but clearly you are not aligned on libido and approach to sex. I could name a half-dozen people who think no sex until marriage, and just as many more who would think you GF has been incredibly patient, 5 months! Why not 5 dates? Though in my expereince and given you ages, expecting some sex after 5 months is not rushing, not at all. Not unreasonable to wonder what is going on sex wise. Is there a biological clock ticking? Yes, for you too. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted July 9, 2021 Share Posted July 9, 2021 58 minutes ago, Ellorim said: I also haven’t slept with her yet. she also started talking about buying a house for herself (she makes good money). Unfortunately there are a lot of incompatibilities and the resentment is mounting. She's making snarky remarks, you're blowing off her birthday and won't be a BF when she's sick. Does she live with her parents? If you live with your sister that seriously causes privacy and dating issues for you. Where is the child's father? Do you or your sister have financial problems? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ellorim Posted July 9, 2021 Author Share Posted July 9, 2021 (edited) 10 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Does she live with her parents? She is selling her condo because she needs a bigger house for her business. Edited July 9, 2021 by Ellorim Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted July 9, 2021 Share Posted July 9, 2021 5 minutes ago, Ellorim said: She is selling her condo because she needs a bigger house for her business. She's ready to settle down and start a family and you are already living with your family and supporting them. So it seems like a mismatch. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Donnas Posted July 9, 2021 Share Posted July 9, 2021 It's like 5 months sure the ""chemistry" is amazing....🙄 It's also to short of time to demand and do all the drama she is doing. But it's sure something you need to think about about your own life and happiness. Your sister is not a child. She needs to take steps in getting her life rolling. Can't be depending on you for this and that for ever. Life will pass you by . So rather it's with this girl or no, at your age no women want this. They want a man that got own place and free to make a life with him at some point. This girl seems rude ...she can be frustrated but there are ways to express yourself. Saying go to your sister when. She annoyed is not nice. Maybe it's time to admit it's not a match....the way you both acting seems like you both tired of each other's crap. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted July 9, 2021 Share Posted July 9, 2021 I'm not sure why she's dating you. Or vice versa. It is a mismatch and not enough respect for each other. The reason why it appears she's rushing things may be her impatience and her sensing that you're not quite in it (which you aren't, if we're calling a spade a spade as you are here questioning the whole thing). There's some anxiety on her part which is odd because she seems fully capable of finding someone else, another man, who's more free emotionally and physically. She could even have a child on her own if she can pay for and find a proper donor. She doesn't need to deal with you or your existing commitments with your sister and niece. Are you hoping to find someone who will accept your family also? How do you plan to juggle dating with looking after your niece? I ask out of curiosity. Maybe this is something to think about or when getting to know/meet your dates. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted July 10, 2021 Share Posted July 10, 2021 (edited) 12 hours ago, Ellorim said: didn’t do anything for my gf’s birthday and she was sick, and now we haven’t talked for 9 days. I think it’s getting to her that I haven’t called her on her bday Gee, d'ya think?! OP, what the heck were you thinking? If I were dating a guy who ignored my birthday, well, he wouldn't be my boyfriend anymore. Look, she is unhappy with your degree of involvement in your sister's life. You don't step up and behave like a boyfriend on her birthday. You two are not a match for each other. Edited July 10, 2021 by ExpatInItaly 3 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted July 10, 2021 Share Posted July 10, 2021 You are not a match for her and I am struggling to see you as a match for any woman actually. .. Let the poor woman go and do some serious thinking as regards what being in a relationship really means. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ellorim Posted July 10, 2021 Author Share Posted July 10, 2021 (edited) Yeah it’s over at this point she caught me sending her a fake picture of something and she decided to let me go. She just texted “wish you get well I don’t know what else to tell you” (wtf, not even a fight or get mad???!!!) and then blocked me. I tried calling and texting but nothing goes through. She even deleted and blocked my sister on FB, not just me. Can’t believe she blocked me over a silly picture of something. I’m afraid this is a loss all these months just wasted. Edited July 10, 2021 by Ellorim Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted July 11, 2021 Share Posted July 11, 2021 1 hour ago, Ellorim said: wtf, not even a fight or get mad???!! She no longer cared enough to discuss it with you, let alone waste time and energy on getting mad. Given the sporadic contact and lack of sex, I doubt she saw it as a relationship anyway. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted July 11, 2021 Share Posted July 11, 2021 8 hours ago, Ellorim said: she caught me sending her a fake picture of something What kind of fake picture? 8 hours ago, Ellorim said: wtf, not even a fight or get mad???!!! Why would you expect her to? She doesn't care to make this work anymore. 8 hours ago, Ellorim said: Can’t believe she blocked me over a silly picture of something. You really don't get it, do you? She didn't block you just because of this picture. She blocked you because she's tired of the relationship in general, and does not want you in her life anymore. It's a break-up, and that's how some people handle it. They cut all ties. She is one of those people. It wasn't working anymore anyway, so I am not sure why you're shocked that it's ended. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted July 11, 2021 Share Posted July 11, 2021 (edited) 8 hours ago, Ellorim said: . She just texted “wish you get well I don’t know what else to tell you” (wtf, not even a fight or get mad???!!!) and then blocked me. It's for the best. Why would she "fight for you"? She apparently thinks you're a sick creep. She did the right thing deleting and blocking you and all your people from all her social media and messaging apps. As long as you live with your sister's family almost like a couple, you'll have a tough time dating. It seems like you manufactured the breakup successfully when you blew off her bday, showed disrespect and now this fake pic. When your lease is up get your own place. Edited July 11, 2021 by Wiseman2 Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted July 12, 2021 Share Posted July 12, 2021 (edited) Hi Ellorim, I am getting the feeling you do not see your girlfriend all that much. It sounds like she wants a more intensive relationship and a sexual relationship and you seem less concerned about that. There is nothing wrong with you feeling differently but she does not have to accept the pace things are going. She could decide the relationship is not progressing as she would expect and seek someone else. I think it's great that you support your sister. It's not surprising that your girlfriend is beginning to resent this. She wants you to be with her, making plans with her, not dealing with things for your sister. Of course you want to help your sister, but you also need to ask yourself how much you want this girlfriend. Dates three times are month sound a bit sparse and would you really only see her three times a month if you were in love with her? My feeling is your girlfriend is getting resentful because you are not showing the interest she needs and you are putting your sister and her needs first. It is not just the one but both that is complicating this situation. If you want to do things for your sister, and it is great that you do, then you also need to work hard to ensure your girlfriend feels you are there for her too. Otherwise, she is going to feel she lost out to your sister. Do you want to sleep with your girlfriend? Is she pressing for that? If so, what exactly do you want from her - a casual friend you can see every so often and make out with or a passionate lover and future partner/wife? This situation may suit you at the moment, but I believe your girlfriend is likely to walk soon if she does not feel you are getting as involved with her as she feels she is with you. Edited July 12, 2021 by spiderowl Link to post Share on other sites
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