My husband left and has not come back for his things. What are the steps to take when step kids are involved?

[Ivyegk]

Things have been difficult for him this year, he hasn’t  been working since dec  . We just got married in February after 5 years together. 

We got into a petty fight, I saw his daughter telling him he needs to stop talking about my kids fathers relationship with a trans women with them. We are a blended family he has 3 kids and I have two. I heard this and got upset because it literally came out of no where. I needed space and he would not give it to me. He then stated he was not leaving his kids with me because he didn’t trust me, and he would be dropping them off at his mothers house. This was after our petty fight. I just told him I wasn’t talking to him right now. He works nights, Point is he came back with the kids later that day and I was on my way to a family party. I was surprised to see them back and asked them to get ready so they can go with me. I then stopped them and told them I would ask their dad first, just to avoid any further issues. I asked if I was taking them with me, he then said for me to go do what ever I f***ing wanted and that his kids where staying with him. He yelled this to me in front of the kids and I lost my cool too and yelled back, what’s the point of this if your going to constantly do this. We got into a screaming match. Then he told me not to come back home. I then saw the kids upset and I stopped grab my purse and left. I received many texts soon after he wants a divorce and called me a c$&@… I came home later that night to a broken tv, vanity mirror, and broken plants in ours room. He ripped a picture of us and threw it in the trash. He took many pictures of his kids I had on the wall. He left a note saying marring me was a f***ing mistake and that his kids are terrified of me. They also stated in that note, his kids asked to leave because I was the problem. This made me feel the worst! He also said he would take his name off the least and come get the rest of his things on Tuesday. He never came on Tuesday, it’s now Saturday and I’m torn between gathering all the remaining things the kids left behind and putting it into the garage so I’m not constantly worried when he will show up. I have really bad anxiety and the waiting around for his to gather his things is making me physically sick.. I also don’t want to make the kids feel bad if they see I packed up there belonging. I’m aware this is toxic but I’m conflicted over the kids… advise please. I don’t want to rescue the wrong way..🥺

* kids mom has not been around his I met him. Grandma and I have been helping raised the kids with him.

[Alfano]

He can’t simply remove his name from the lease. 
 

The discussions with his kids about your ex and his tranny partner are inappropriate and probably made them uncomfortable. They are children not your friends. I suspect some of his concerns are valid but he’s clearly got anger management issues. 

Edited July 10, 2021 by Alfano

[Ivyegk]

Yes, he does. I’m just concerned about the kids. I don’t want to make them feel bad, but my own well-being is affected right now.

[d0nnivain]

Given all the broken items, I think this man is unstable.  I'm sure his kids are frightened but I doubt it is of you.  Do take photos of the damage if you haven't already cleaned up.  You may need the evidence later.  

Yes you can box up his stuff.  That may be best. Do not throw his stuff out.  

If you can afford the rent on your place without him, you can ask the landlord to take him off the lease but the landlord doesn't have to do that.  He has every bit as much to be there as you do unless you get a restraining order against him.  the landlord also has a binding contract with each of you & from the landlord's perspective better to have 2 people to chase for the rent in the event of non-payment. 

If you can't afford the rent alone then you may have other problems.    

 

[Wiseman2]

4 hours ago, Ivyegk said:

He never came on Tuesday, it’s now Saturday and I’m torn between gathering all the remaining things the kids left behind and putting it into the garage so I’m not constantly worried when he will show up. 

Sorry this is happening. Yes. This is a good plan, remove all his and his kids things and store them in the garage. He seems abusive and unhinged. 

[stillafool]

4 hours ago, Ivyegk said:

Grandma and I have been helping raised the kids with him.

I assume this Grandma is  your husband's mother and if so take the stuff to her and ask her to contact him to come get them.  That way you won't have to worry about him coming over.