Iowagirl27 Posted July 10, 2021 Share Posted July 10, 2021 So my husband and I have been married for 7 years and have 2 children. The first couple of years marriage was long distance, he was in the military deployed for almost a year so I stayed back home with family. While in the military he developed a drinking problem. We started living together full time in 2018 and I thought we were happy. Although the drinking continued we seemed to enjoy our time together. I work on my parents farm and spend quite a bit of time there. My husband works a 9 to 5 job as a mechanic. I am responsible for basically everything for us. He doesn't like spending much time with the children as they are young and wears on his patience. So I take care of the children almost 24/7, house work, cooking, and bills. He is the bread winner of the family and takes care of the lawn. We recently took a vacation with the kids 9 hours from home and we had a good time. I was ready to go after 5 days he wanted to stay but we ended up going home. This is what started the issues I think. We have different personalities he wants to go at the drop of a hat and I'm more grounded. Long story short he told me we're too different and wants a divorce. I am apparently the one who caused his drinking problem because he was lonely. It's just so out of the blue idk what to do. He says he wants me to sign the papers next week and I said I'll only sign them if we go to marriage counseling. He agreed to that. Up until he mentioned divorce we were doing really well as a couple we talked all the time good sex life and enjoyed our time together. I know he isn't the greatest husband in the world but I'm having a hard time dealing with this. Now he won't look at or talk to me. It just hurts. Idk what to do. I don't have many friends cuz I spend all my time caring for the kids it seems like. I'm also dealing with my aging parents and idk how much more I can handle. I am still in love with him but don't know if there's anything worth fighting for. Link to post Share on other sites
Alfano Posted July 10, 2021 Share Posted July 10, 2021 There’s something else besides going to marriage counseling that you need to do before signing the papers. 2 things actually. Read them. Consult with one or more quarantine competent divorce attorneys. A close third would be get intimately aquatinted with the divorce laws and typical case outcomes and any relevant state formulas and policy regarding spousal maintenance, child support and asset distribution so you know what to expect as far as a reasonable outcome goes. Who knows, your soon to be ex husband might be so intent on getting you out of his life that he’ll present a settlement offer made of gold. Much more likely he’ll try to strong arm and intimidate you into signing a marriage ending deal that is heavily weighted in his favor. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
salparadise Posted July 11, 2021 Share Posted July 11, 2021 5 hours ago, Iowagirl27 said: Up until he mentioned divorce we were doing really well as a couple we talked all the time good sex life and enjoyed our time together. Have you wondered if there is someone else in the picture? This seems so unusual. Men don't usually quit a conflict-free marriage for no apparent reason. I'm not saying there has to be more to it, but if I were laying odds I'd bet that you don't have all the information. I'm sorry for what you're dealing with, I know it must be very hard. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Iowagirl27 Posted July 11, 2021 Author Share Posted July 11, 2021 I have wondered that. He says there isn't and I haven't had a reason not to trust him. But yes I have had that suspicion. Thank you for the input. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted July 11, 2021 Share Posted July 11, 2021 Something is definitely fishy. What you described is normal married life. I'm sorry this happened to you. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted July 11, 2021 Share Posted July 11, 2021 15 hours ago, Iowagirl27 said: Up until he mentioned divorce we were doing really well as a couple Sadly, you were not - but you didn't know it. He didn't just wake up and suddenly decide he wants out, and by next week. He didn't communicate this to you, but he's got to have been thinking about this for some time. I have to agree with the other poster who suggested that you don't know the whole story here. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted July 11, 2021 Share Posted July 11, 2021 15 hours ago, Iowagirl27 said: While in the military he developed a drinking problem. I take care of the children almost 24/7, house work, cooking, and bills. he told me we're too different and wants a divorce. He says he wants me to sign the papers next week. Sorry this is happening. It's probably a blessing to get away from someone with mental issues and drinking problems. Talk to your parents and family for support. Do not sign anything without consulting an attorney. He's trying to pull a fast one. Don't bother with marriage counselling. He's an alcoholic. Get support about that here: https://al-anon.org/newcomers/self-quiz/adult-quiz/ Link to post Share on other sites
Fletch Lives Posted July 11, 2021 Share Posted July 11, 2021 (edited) There is nothing fishy about this if you really understand love, relationships, and marriage. And while it's true women file for divorce twice as often as men, both men and women divorce for the same, primary reason - he may be falling out of love with you (or have fallen out of love). There may have been signs, but you probably missed them. This is often the case when people claim they are blindsided by divorce. The alcoholism might be his way of coping with his lower love level. Or, it may not be. At any rate, it's bad. I think you have done the best thing by requesting counseling. That was perfect, and is exactly what I would have done. See how the counseling goes. Some marriages can be saved, some can't. Sometimes love can be rebuilt if it's not too far gone. You'll just have to see how it goes. The main reason for divorce is not money. In the majority of cases, people get divorced because one or both fell out of love. Another myth busted. Edited July 11, 2021 by Fletch Lives Link to post Share on other sites
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