MBC87 Posted July 12, 2021 Share Posted July 12, 2021 Hi All, Recently I had been 'dating' this brilliant woman whom I met on Hinge roughly a month ago. We got along immediately - both sharing similar interests and life goals, constant and daily communication, and subtle but apparent flirtations. There was no awkwardness or disconnect between us at any point of the time period we were talking. Things moved fast, after our first date she planned two further events within days. I personally don't mind moving fast if I am interested in someone - im not used to 'dating' per se and would rather spend time with someone I have a connection with than play mind games or act uninterested. We both agreed that we really liked spending time together and chatting. She was excited to introduce me to her friends at one of the events she planned for us following the first date and I really got along with them as well. She was showing me her phone for the menu at the restaurant and a message came up from one of her friends in attendance that essentially praised me. She always initiated on seeing me and making plans, would facetime, good morning texts and all that jazz. One of her friends referred to her as my 'girlfriend' while in the background of a facetime call. It is more than physical attraction with her; our goals in life are similar and we are both very determined and career driven individuals (im studying for the BAR exam and she just recently got the job of her dreams). I would say by the way we communicated we were definitely 'dating' or at the very least 'seeing one another' rather than simply 'talking'. We would kiss and be physically intimate and we put off reaching that last physical intimate stage until which ended up being our last date - I respected her a lot for that. As far as our compatibility while together I would certainly give it a 9/10. However, I noticed during this month time span (from the time we physically met until ending - roughly 5 dates) that she was still actively using Hinge. Notifications would come up on her phone from chats and one time while showing me her phone it said " (name) matched with you". To me, this was no big deal at the start because we were still early in our dating phase and she can certainly make her own choices at any point regardless. I was weary about it though, and kept in in the back of my mind throughout our time together. I had deleted my account after our second date and maybe 3 weeks into our daily communication. Not because I was preemptively 'set on her' being the one or expecting her to reciprocate the delete but more so because I respected her time and I personally don't have the energy to entertain dating apps if im speaking/interested in a particular person. I don't think she was necessarily seeking out other people - she was very keen on me and I know that may sound self absorbed but her actions and communication evidence this. At the one month mark from our initial date, I helped set up my brother a Hinge account and while showing him how to navigate the app her profile came up. This kind of rubbed me the wrong way and I acted somewhat impulsively by letting her know we came across her account. She brushed off the finding with a joke and at this point I somewhat had come to a realization that maybe things were not as it seemed between us. She said she "didnt think she shouldent be on hinge as we had not talked about being anything exclusive". I asked if being exclusive is something she would want to which she replied that with the new job she is starting and where she is in life that she dosent see herself having a relationship for a long time. I was kind of short with my responses and implied that I couldn't keep going forward in a situation like this because (although I didnt say it directly) - my time is important too and it puts me in a weird spot. So the two factors of being active on the app while also not seeing herself in a relationship complimented each other that maybe we are just incompatible at the moment - ALTHOUGH - there was no prior indication of her feeling this way. I wish I responded more maturely as to keep the door open if she feels later on timing is right but I initiated the closing of our 'dating' - I was not mean or bitter, just short / aloof in responses saying "Okay, no problem". She thanked me for the time and said it was great getting to know me. I do believe her as to her response of being exclusive - shes very career driven and this is a dream job opportunity for her. It wouldn't have really changed things as I just got a new job myself and im very driven myself. After a couple of days I redownloaded Hinge and have not come across her profile - imo she deleted it after we ended. Her IG profile was public prior and now it is set private and she deleted many of her pictures. We have not spoken in almost a week. I do really like her even if this was a brief 'not so serious' situation as it planned out. I also do believe it is mainly due to circumstances out of our control rather than seeking out other guys via dating apps or us not being compatible as a potential couple. She has a good heart and I don't think she intended to play me even if that's how it felt or how this post reads. Although I was the one who technically 'ended it', I feel as if its a rejection on her part and that I dont have any right to try to fix things if her intention was never to be serious to begin with. On the other hand, I wonder if maybe she feels that ive rejected her. I think we maybe both acted impulsively abit to 'save face'. I understand this was a short period of time and if theres nothing there then I will obviously have to move on but it was certainly passionate; Does anyone have recommendations as to where I stand with her going forward? Has anyone been rejected for circumstances of life situations and found reconsideration later on? NOTE: I am accepting of how things ended and am not willing to force a relationship out of respect to both her and myself. Just seeking opinions if similar circumstance. Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted July 12, 2021 Share Posted July 12, 2021 I don't think she's that interested in you. I'm sorry to say that. She's got her dream job but you're yet to pass your BAR exam. Are you interning at the moment or have a junior position lined up at a firm? Was there an age gap? Try to look at this a bit more objectively. You both got along and I think she let you down easy because the interest wasn't as high or you aren't as far along in your career as she is. She's not looking for a relationship regardless so pay attention to that. Sticking around or hoping for her to reconsider is not an option because she has already shown her disinterest overall. I don't think she played you. You didn't check off all her boxes. She's not going to say that because it sounds rude. You did the right thing so brush yourself off and pay no attention to this. If you got attached quickly, give yourself a week or two to shrug this off and then start dating or meeting other women again. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author MBC87 Posted July 12, 2021 Author Share Posted July 12, 2021 @glows Fair enough, thanks for your input! No age gap we are both fairly young and starting our careers. Also I am junior at a firm. She was impressed with my credentials and im only 24 so I guess its best to just work on myself and continue the path. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted July 12, 2021 Share Posted July 12, 2021 You did the right thing by ending things. It's best to take the person for their word when they tell you that they're not looking for the same things as you are. If you had left the door open it would have just prevented you from moving forward. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted July 13, 2021 Share Posted July 13, 2021 6 hours ago, MBC87 said: @glows Fair enough, thanks for your input! No age gap we are both fairly young and starting our careers. Also I am junior at a firm. She was impressed with my credentials and im only 24 so I guess its best to just work on myself and continue the path. Yes, do that. Keep working on your career and all the things you'd like to do. Pick a woman who's down to earth and knows what she wants early on and reciprocates your care/interest. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 13, 2021 Share Posted July 13, 2021 The Bar is exam is next week. Keep your eye on the ball. You can think about her & all of this in August. Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted July 14, 2021 Share Posted July 14, 2021 Good luck on the bar exam! Link to post Share on other sites
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