Jennyless Posted July 12, 2021 Share Posted July 12, 2021 My SO and I have been in an amazing relationship for going on 2 years. We get along great, the sex is amazing and we are both very fulfilled (or so I thought). One day recently, while using his laptop for work one day, I noticed while downloading a file that there were several recently deleted video files with titles of his ex girlfriends names. This concerned me so I started looking around a bit and found he has a ton of old homemade pornos of him and his two most recent ex girlfriends not only on his computer, but in his dropbox account as well (all recently and very frequently viewed!). I also found that he has an onlyfans account, and here's the kicker...one of said exes has a pornographic onlyfans account to which he was subscribed. When I confronted him, he lied and said he doesn't watch the videos, he just "forgot" to delete all of them. When I told him I saw the dates of which he last viewed and also saw his internet history, how often he viewed and that he has an onlyfans, he came clean and was very apologetic and embarrassed but he also acted like it's just porn (of which he claims to have an addiction) and that I should not take it so personal. He said he does not have lingering feelings for these girls, just that it's a more exciting porn option as "he's been there". I should also mention he spent about $1500 since we've been together on these onlyfan girls which pisses me off even more. Is this a serious red flag or could it really be as simple as a porn addiction? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted July 12, 2021 Share Posted July 12, 2021 Is a porn addiction ever really that simple? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted July 12, 2021 Share Posted July 12, 2021 13 minutes ago, Jennyless said: he lied and he also acted like it's just porn (of which he claims to have an addiction) Sorry this is happening. "I am sick" is a frequent excuse for what is basically willful sleazy behavior that he hides and lies about. Keep in mind what you stumbled a upon may be the tip of the iceberg. So sadly, you learned three bad things about him: 1.He lies, hides behaviors 2.He makes excuses, minimizes. 3.He has sleazy behavior behind your back. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Datergirl Posted July 12, 2021 Share Posted July 12, 2021 For me personally it would be a serious red flag. He's spending money on only fans? Is that like porn? I'd be more upset about the ex girlfriend stuff. I honestly don't know what I'd do ...but I'd be seriously questioning if I wanted to stay in the relationship..and I imagine it'd have some impact on me wanting sex with him.. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jennyless Posted July 13, 2021 Author Share Posted July 13, 2021 16 hours ago, Datergirl said: For me personally it would be a serious red flag. He's spending money on only fans? Is that like porn? I'd be more upset about the ex girlfriend stuff. I honestly don't know what I'd do ...but I'd be seriously questioning if I wanted to stay in the relationship..and I imagine it'd have some impact on me wanting sex with him.. Yes, it's basically interactive porn. Girls post videos and ppl subscribe and either pay a monthly fee or purchase their videos. They can tip and communicate with them as well. He said he was under an anonymous account and that he did not communicate with his ex or any other girls on there, only viewed her content. But i did see on one of his screen recordings of her that he saved that he had tipped her which makes no sense to me. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JRabbit Posted July 13, 2021 Share Posted July 13, 2021 17 hours ago, Jennyless said: Is this a serious red flag or could it really be as simple as a porn addiction? Both but a porn addiction isn't simple. It leads to many bad places. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted July 13, 2021 Share Posted July 13, 2021 (edited) Understandably, you’re in shock. Of course it’s not just a porn addiction. It’s absurd that he’s writing it off that way and doesn’t seem to have any remorse about it. He’s not sorry about it at all. He’s only sorry he got caught and exposed. He has deceived you and lied to you. After that, he tried to tell you not to make a big deal out of it or take it personally. It shows how little regard he has for you because he tried to minimize this and shift the blame on you for reacting and confronting him. There’s no doubt in my mind where this man would be if I were in your shoes. I’d rethink the relationship completely. The longer you stick around listening to his baloney and lies, the more he’ll try to convince you that you’re wrong and minimize his behaviour in the process. You’ll be turned around and more confused, hurt and broken the longer you stay. Choose wisely. Edited July 13, 2021 by glows 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted July 13, 2021 Share Posted July 13, 2021 2 hours ago, Jennyless said: he saved that he had tipped her which makes no sense to me. If he's willing to pay for sexual stimulation (porn is free of course), it would be a good idea to privately and confidentially see a doctor and get tested for STDs. What you know is what you happened to find. What you don't know is what you don't know. What you do know is that he's dishonest, sleazy, willing to pay for sexual situations, so protect yourself. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Janie7 Posted July 14, 2021 Share Posted July 14, 2021 It always amazes me how much women put up with. So this guy is going to pay to fantasize about having sex with other women, no not other women, his exes, and you haven't left him yet? Porn should be a deal breaker for any self-respecting woman. If I ever caught my man on a porn site I would kick his arse to the curb. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jennyless Posted July 14, 2021 Author Share Posted July 14, 2021 18 hours ago, Janie7 said: It always amazes me how much women put up with. So this guy is going to pay to fantasize about having sex with other women, no not other women, his exes, and you haven't left him yet? Porn should be a deal breaker for any self-respecting woman. If I ever caught my man on a porn site I would kick his arse to the curb. I personally would have no problem with porn if it weren't a problem for him, I'd be a hypocrite if I did as I watch it myself occasionally. It's that he felt the need to watch his exes that I can't seem to get past. But I'm still madly in love and we have this life together. It's just not that simple for me. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jennyless Posted July 14, 2021 Author Share Posted July 14, 2021 17 hours ago, Olivia24 said: Jenny, i would so totally disgusted if my BF was doing that behind my back. Trust me, I am and he knows it. But he wants to brush it under the rug and never talk about it again b/c he's embarrassed by it. But I can't seem to get it out of my head. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted July 14, 2021 Share Posted July 14, 2021 (edited) 1 hour ago, Jennyless said: he wants to brush it under the rug and never talk about it again b/c he's embarrassed by it. But I can't seem to get it out of my head. Of course. He wants it to be easy for him no matter how hard it is for you. It's important to recognize that there's no future with someone like this. He's not trustworthy. This isn't like he didn't tell you he has an expensive sports car hidden in the garage. This is something you could get STDs from, because it's naïve to think he's just looking at porn. He clearly want to pay for real people. Edited July 14, 2021 by Wiseman2 Link to post Share on other sites
Donnas Posted July 14, 2021 Share Posted July 14, 2021 Breakup....you may not win in this. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted July 16, 2021 Share Posted July 16, 2021 If he brushes it under the rug, he doesn't think he has a problem. That's when you leave. Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted July 18, 2021 Share Posted July 18, 2021 On 7/12/2021 at 3:44 PM, Jennyless said: When I confronted him, he lied That's where I stopped reading. So now you're dealing with a liar... you gonna stay with someone who insults your intelligence and gaslights you? I mean, you saw it, you told him you saw it, he knows it's there, yet a lie? What else has he been lying about? How many years of your youth are you going to squander behind a liar? You will never get that youth back. What he's going to do is learn to cover his tracks better but he's not going to stop checking for his ex's. Sex is the second strongest of the human drives behind survival... On 7/12/2021 at 3:44 PM, Jennyless said: Is this a serious red flag If you have to ask... Link to post Share on other sites
Janie7 Posted July 18, 2021 Share Posted July 18, 2021 On 7/14/2021 at 3:13 PM, Jennyless said: I personally would have no problem with porn if it weren't a problem for him, I'd be a hypocrite if I did as I watch it myself occasionally. It's that he felt the need to watch his exes that I can't seem to get past. But I'm still madly in love and we have this life together. It's just not that simple for me. Um, you are aware that he is fantasizing about having sex with them when he watches their videos? Yes, you are madly in love. Key word being 'mad' because it's crazy to love a guy who's doing this, not to mention behind your back and lying about it. Sorry, but from my pov it really is that simple. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Spider Posted July 18, 2021 Share Posted July 18, 2021 He sounds like a sleazebag to me 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Alvi Posted July 18, 2021 Share Posted July 18, 2021 You are not married and don't have kids together. So what is stopping you from leaving him? Absolutely nothing. Imagine if you actually did have children with him what a disaster it would be? On 7/12/2021 at 1:44 PM, Jennyless said: should also mention he spent about $1500 since we've been together on these onlyfan girls which pisses me off even more. Is What would your financial future be like if you ever get married and/or have kids with this guy if he keeps spending that much on porn? Link to post Share on other sites
Fletch Lives Posted July 19, 2021 Share Posted July 19, 2021 Google porn addiction. For most women, they get jealous and turned off if their guy looks at other women. He has to stop or you have to leave. He may be able to get counseling for it, if he'll go. The problem is the guy will say it's normal. But the fact is, it's poison to a relationship, most relationships can't handle it. What's worse, one or more of the women are exs. Relationships take work. Guys, you need to choose - porn or a real girlfriend. You can't have both. Link to post Share on other sites
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