Posting selfies

[Blueyes2791]

Hi everyone

my girlfriend and I have been together for 4 months now and she always tells me that I’m really caring and how I’m the best boyfriend. But all of a sudden she seems to be posting a lot of selfies on Snapchat. Could be nothing but I don’t really like it because I feel it’s kind of a look at me. I want everyone to comment on how beautiful I am. And I really don’t want other guys to see this because well some guys are jerks and I feel like they will send messages to her saying she’s pretty. Am I overreacting? Should I just let it be ? Or should I bring it up to her saying I wish you wouldn’t post all these selfies of you because it makes me feel insecure because I feel it’s like a look at me almost like you are looking to be told you are beautiful. What do I do

[basil67]

I'm going to answer this on the assumption that she's not taking selfies at a location to document she was there...or in groups with friends, but rather, it's a selfie for the sake of just showing herself. 

Yes, I can understand you raising the question, however there are apparently a number of motivators for frequent selfie posting.  Anything from grandiose narcissism (look at how fabulous I am) to insecurity (seeking validation) through to keeping up with what others do.   Rather than state your assumptions on why she's doing it, I'd think it would be better to ask her about it.  However, I have no idea how to ask in a way which will encourage her to be open about the topic.  

Now, I'm old so I don't know how snapchat works, so forgive me if this sounds dumb: Is she posting only to her social circle or to a larger group which has random followers?  

Edited July 13, 2021 by basil67

[glows]

If other guys send her messages, do you not trust her to shut that down? Try looking for some middle ground. She should be free to post what she likes without being told what to do or what not to do in a relationship. If you have to train someone like that she's not the right person for you. Four months also tells me perhaps you both don't know each other very well, your social circles or perhaps you're both not very public or open about your relationship. Does she ever post photos of the both of you? 

I'd temper this a bit and see how things pan out going forward. How she treats you around friends and family and in public, also in private, in person matters. If she dismisses you or doesn't listen to anything you say, she's not interested about you as a person or showing interest in your life (perhaps self-absorbed), then base your decisions about a person overall that way. 

 

[d0nnivain]

Young girls take selfies. They like the validation.  

If they are not overly sexy -- all bikini shots, lingerie or more revealing -- don't get that hung  up about what other people say to her.  Focus on how she reacts.  If it's simple likes or G rated compliments, try to find a way to be OK with it.  If the comments are more risque but she's nit shutting that down, talk to her about boundaries & how her attention seeking makes you feel. 

[NYAG]

8 hours ago, Blueyes2791 said:

Hi everyone

my girlfriend and I have been together for 4 months now and she always tells me that I’m really caring and how I’m the best boyfriend. But all of a sudden she seems to be posting a lot of selfies on Snapchat. Could be nothing but I don’t really like it because I feel it’s kind of a look at me. I want everyone to comment on how beautiful I am. And I really don’t want other guys to see this because well some guys are jerks and I feel like they will send messages to her saying she’s pretty. Am I overreacting? Should I just let it be ? Or should I bring it up to her saying I wish you wouldn’t post all these selfies of you because it makes me feel insecure because I feel it’s like a look at me almost like you are looking to be told you are beautiful. What do I do

It sounds like insecurity to me. Are you giving her enough attention for her to feel secure in the relationship? Is she insecure about the way she looks? Years ago I became obsessed about posting selfies etc. I didn't notice at the time but it was an unconscious reaction to the relationship I was in at the time when I found out my bf was saving photos of his female friends off social media to his computer and calling sex chat lines. I am in no way saying this is the case here, but if it's sudden has something triggered it? Has someone said something to her about the way she looks?

[Wiseman2]

10 hours ago, Blueyes2791 said:

 she seems to be posting a lot of selfies on Snapchat. 

Ok. 16 weeks dating is a good time to observe deal breakers.

How old is she? Social media is all about selfies attention likes etc.

You need to get a handle on the jealousy.

It's her social media and she can post whatever she wants on it.

The problem is in your mind that it's to make jerks contact her.

For all you know she may be posting that stuff for other friends.

She's not some middle aged housewife who's going to post cat videos and recipes all day.

If you think she's shallow or conceited, just end it.

 

Edited July 13, 2021 by Wiseman2

[Tinyjaguar]

10 hours ago, Blueyes2791 said:

Hi everyone

my girlfriend and I have been together for 4 months now and she always tells me that I’m really caring and how I’m the best boyfriend. But all of a sudden she seems to be posting a lot of selfies on Snapchat. Could be nothing but I don’t really like it because I feel it’s kind of a look at me. I want everyone to comment on how beautiful I am. And I really don’t want other guys to see this because well some guys are jerks and I feel like they will send messages to her saying she’s pretty. Am I overreacting? Should I just let it be ? Or should I bring it up to her saying I wish you wouldn’t post all these selfies of you because it makes me feel insecure because I feel it’s like a look at me almost like you are looking to be told you are beautiful. What do I do

If it's the selfie posting that is bothering you, really don't worry. My kids are always on SC or IG. I suspect that it is just a bit of fun.

[smackie9]

On 7/13/2021 at 12:00 AM, enigma32 said:

She is engaging in behavior which I personally find inappropriate for a girl that is supposed to be in a relationship. Ask yourself why she seeks attention from other men the way she is. My GF occasionally posts selfies for the heck of it but she has 0 male friends on her social media so it's not like she has a gaggle of dudes complimenting her when she does it. There is a good chance your replacement is one of the guys in her DMs, which she undoubtedly gets each time she posts another pic. 

then you two are not compatible. She likes doing it for her self esteem. For some this is a hobby of sorts in this modern age. As for guys commenting, guys do it in public too...she has no control over that, but damn is feels good, and that is why she does it. She's not hunting for guys, nor is she going to be lured, she's the one in control of herself. You can't touch but you can look deal.  As Trini Lopez sang,

A pretty woman makes her husband look small
And very often causes his downfall
As soon as he marries her, then she starts
Doin' the things that will break his heart
But if you make an ugly woman your wife
You'll be happy for the rest of your life

So if you have or want a GF that is hot and luscious, you have no choice but to share her with the rest of the horny male population's eyes. It's take a dude with a lot of confidence in himself to date someone like that.

Edited July 19, 2021 by smackie9

[ExpatInItaly]

A lot of people are addicted to social media these days, OP. 

And yes, I do think posting an inordinate number of selfies is attention-seeking. It invites validation. Guys might indeed message her. The critical point is how (or even if) she responds to that. 

If you think she will respond in a way that welcomes inappropriate communication, you need to find a new girlfriend. 

[panteraplan]

I'd refrain from bringing it up to her. It will show that you're insecure about it and bothered by it

and she may not  like that. Might put her off. I don't advise playing games -- but it'd almost be better

if YOU DONT comment  or like every one of those selfies she posts. She'll wonder why.

 

Girls definitely do this for validation. Men will do this as well.  It boosts their self-esteem. Some

really, really crave the comments, adoration, attention even though they are in a committed relationship.

But if you're doing you cool, sweet boyfriend thing and being confident about that, she'll respect you.

If she doesn't, that's not the girl you want, bro.

 

Lastly, it really depends on the TYPE of photos she's putting out there, really. I wouldn't worry about the dude comments,

she's with YOU. Let them comment and DM. Don't show any insecurity about it. Let it play out and see how it goes.

[Donnas]

If guys telling her she is beautiful is your biggest issue its your own personal issues.

Its only may matter more how she reacts to it. 

But anywhere people can complment her beauty. Even in her own hood. Like its crazy not wanting that to happen.

She may breakup if this is how you think.

If she doing bunch of selfies like some are addicted to it,you can voice your opinion . But its up to her to decide.

[Cookiesandough]

This is a hot woman thing. Nearly every hot woman I know on social media does this shot. And just about all the other women too. If I was a guy, at this point I’d just accept that if I want a gf, I have to deal with someone who thinks people want almost daily updates of what she looks like. 
 

I don’t try to understand it. I just watch it from afar with curiosity and mild disappointment 

Edited July 19, 2021 by Cookiesandough

[stillafool]

1 hour ago, panteraplan said:

Some

really, really crave the comments, adoration, attention even though they are in a committed relationship.

This is it^.  I understand OP how you feel but if I were a man/woman who's mate did that it would just turn me off that they are so shallow and in need of that much validation about their looks.  A beautiful woman can get validation just by walking down the street, so no need to post selfies for that purpose.   It should be more important to her what you think of her looks than other men and should get her validaton from you.   Something to think about when choosing a wife.

[kendahke]

On 7/12/2021 at 8:07 PM, Blueyes2791 said:

 Or should I bring it up to her saying I wish you wouldn’t post all these selfies of you because it makes me feel insecure because I feel it’s like a look at me almost like you are looking to be told you are beautiful. What do I do

Your insecurity is your heavy lift to handle, not hers.  That is something you need to work on and perhaps now isn't the time for you to be in a relationship if this is where your mind leaps first to her posting pictures.  You're afraid that some guy who you think is better than you is going to see her and she's going leave.  Let me let you in on a little secret:  your insecurity is what's going to jettison this relationship to the Oort Cloud, not her pictures and not any guy. 

You are trying to blame your insecurity on her because it's easier to blame her than to do the work and resolve your insecurity issues---and that's not fair.

If you can't handle being in a relationship with a chick who likes taking pictures of herself and posting them online, then you're with the wrong girl. It's that simple.

Edited July 21, 2021 by kendahke

[Alpacalia]

On 7/12/2021 at 5:07 PM, Blueyes2791 said:

Or should I bring it up to her saying I wish you wouldn’t post all these selfies of you because it makes me feel insecure because I feel it’s like a look at me almost like you are looking to be told you are beautiful. What do I do

I'm curious if it's any different for you when you're out with her and a male complements her on her appearance.

If you didn't mind, you'd appreciate the fact that everyone can see how hot your boo is.

 

[Alpacalia]

The general essence of social media posting/sharing is validation seeking.

The OP hasn't specified the nature of these "selfies." 

If she were seeing these men in the real world, I would say OP has a serious problem.

[smackie9]

16 hours ago, enigma32 said:

Not all hot women require daily validation. My GF is beautiful but she doesn't post a ton of selfies, nor does she have a ton of guys on her social media to compliment her on the occasions she does post a picture. What you are describing is just narcissism. 

It doesn't take a guy with a lot of confidence to put up with a girl that keeps a ton of male simps around just for her ego. It takes a guy with a lot of confidence to drop that girl for someone better. 

No I never said they do. But with social media there is a lot. It's a thing. Your GF gets a lot of it without social media, she just doesn't tell you about it.

[jspice]

7 hours ago, smackie9 said:

No I never said they do. But with social media there is a lot. It's a thing. Your GF gets a lot of it without social media, she just doesn't tell you about it.

It’s not the comments that everyone can see. It’s the private messages that are hidden that are the issue 🤣

[lostmanfrombr]

Avoid like the plague.

 

Social media is the easiest place to get cuckd, especially if you're the boyfriend. Women, even the average ones in terms of looks, get messages from all sort of perverts. An honest woman wouldn't need validation, wouldn't need to expose herself to other men that way.