Pmiller Posted July 16, 2021 Share Posted July 16, 2021 My fiancé and I were at the bar on my birthday and she was staring in the direction of this guy for about ten minutes, so I look over and see him smile at her. I saw her smile back through the mirror, so I began to watch. She continued on 3 more times and poked her breast out. I confronted her and she told me she liked the attention because it made her feel good. She said it was one smile, but I told her I saw more, then she came clean. She admitted to pulling on her shirt a little to reveal more cleavage, poking her breasts out and eyeing downwards in a flirtatious way. She got upset because I caught her in a lie at first which was very frustrating, then she admitted it all. I asked if she would’ve taken his number and she said probably, but she would’ve eventually told me. I’m not too sure I can trust her to not do anything behind my back. She doesn’t drink much and was kind of drunk, but that’s no excuse. She has issues with seeking attention for validation due which we’ve talked about and she’s doing some self help work, but this incident doesn’t give me much hope. The lying makes it worse along with the gaslighting when she’s caught. She’s apologized, begged and vowed to never do it again. Telling me she loves me, I’m who she wants to spend her life with, she’ll prove it to me, won’t happen again and all of that, but actions speak louder than words. I didn’t get the info on her pulling her shirt a little until a few days later after talking about it. She was very impatient, rolled her eyes and even hung up on me. I told her how she’s not being very understanding and doesn’t really show any regret. She did a few days ago, but now she’s short fused and saying things like she can’t take this anymore, she’s done etc. I stopped replying and she’s trying to get a response by threatening this is her last time texting. She said she got frustrated and she doesn’t like showing her emotions so she acted like she didn’t have any, but she truly is sorry. That was shortly after I told her she shows no sort of remorse. I need help with a decision because I’m trying to find every reason to hold on when the signs are screaming to leave. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted July 16, 2021 Share Posted July 16, 2021 I wouldn't trust her dude. She making eyes, flirting, staring and sticking her chest out for another guy while you're in the room? Her "self help" work isn't working. She is not wife material and probably if you marry her you'll find that out. How is she going to act once married life sets in and she has a moment of boredom? She'll look for attention. I'm a woman who has had friends like this and they always end up cheating on their husbands or boyfriends. 4 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 16, 2021 Share Posted July 16, 2021 (edited) Put the wedding on hold. Lengthen your engagement. Keep talking. Get some pre-marital counseling & go from there. A bride to be shouldn't really notice that there are any other men in the room; she should be so besotted with you, her fiancé & wedding planning. A smile maybe but all that other stuff is telling me she's not ready for marriage. Heed that very big red flag Edited July 16, 2021 by d0nnivain 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted July 16, 2021 Share Posted July 16, 2021 With all due respect, she sounds like a royal flooze 5 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted July 16, 2021 Share Posted July 16, 2021 Take the hint, This woman is looking for your replacement... 3 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Uruktopi Posted July 16, 2021 Share Posted July 16, 2021 (edited) Tell her that is whithin her rights to flirt with one another man or with the whole male side of the olimpic team. With anyone she may choose with a smal, small exception. No more with you. Don´t do the same as she does, don´t argue and don´t touch her again, not even with a lasser pointer. Walk away with an intact dignity. Be gentle, wish her a happy 2064 New Year Eve and say bye. As a loyal man (as a woman would be) you are the prize. Edited July 16, 2021 by Uruktopi 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted July 16, 2021 Share Posted July 16, 2021 At least she is showing her true colors before the wedding. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted July 16, 2021 Share Posted July 16, 2021 1 hour ago, Pmiller said: She was very impatient, rolled her eyes and even hung up on me. She did a few days ago, but now she’s short fused and saying things like she can’t take this anymore, she’s done etc. when the signs are screaming to leave. How long have you been dating? Do you actually want to get married? She seems a bit too flirty however you seem a bit too controlling. So overall it seems you're not compatible and perhaps should reconsider this relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted July 16, 2021 Share Posted July 16, 2021 (edited) Take the ring back. You can't expect someone to change because you told them too. You have to find a way to fill that void so she doesn't go sniffing for attention else where. Edited July 16, 2021 by smackie9 3 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Uruktopi Posted July 16, 2021 Share Posted July 16, 2021 14 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: How long have you been dating? Do you actually want to get married? She seems a bit too flirty however you seem a bit too controlling. So overall it seems you're not compatible and perhaps should reconsider this relationship. "How long have you been dating? Do you actually want to get married?" Good to know while also irrelevant to the described facts. He don´t need a flirt-whith-others not even in a one time date. "She seems a bit too flirty however you seem a bit too controlling." Controlling a flirtatious human being is an exercise of futility, not cos his own issues but cos it´s not worth his time. "So overall it seems you're not compatible and perhaps should reconsider this relationship." Happy to agree with you, at leats once. I would say almost the same in other words: "You should consider to spare yourself the sad role of staying with unworthy ones" 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Uruktopi Posted July 16, 2021 Share Posted July 16, 2021 (edited) 21 minutes ago, smackie9 said: Take the ring back. You can't expect someone to change because you told them too. You have to find a way to fill that void so she doesn't go sniffing for attention else where. Yes. If there is a void like that one when you are in a relationship, the relationship is, in itself, void. Edited July 16, 2021 by Uruktopi 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Pmiller Posted July 16, 2021 Author Share Posted July 16, 2021 8 minutes ago, Uruktopi said: "How long have you been dating? Do you actually want to get married?" Good to know while also irrelevant to the described facts. He don´t need a flirt-whith-others not even in a one time date. "She seems a bit too flirty however you seem a bit too controlling." Controlling a flirtatious human being is an exercise of futility, not cos his own issues but cos it´s not worth his time. "So overall it seems you're not compatible and perhaps should reconsider this relationship." Happy to agree with you, at leats once. I would say almost the same in other words: "You should consider to spare yourself the sad role of staying with unworthy ones" I considered defending myself, but didn’t, so thank you very much!!! Appreciate that 2 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 16, 2021 Share Posted July 16, 2021 2 hours ago, Pmiller said: She was very impatient, rolled her eyes and even hung up on me. I told her how she’s not being very understanding and doesn’t really show any regret. She did a few days ago, but now she’s short fused and saying things like she can’t take this anymore, she’s done etc. I stopped replying and she’s trying to get a response by threatening this is her last time texting. She said she got frustrated and she doesn’t like showing her emotions so she acted like she didn’t have any, but she truly is sorry. The bolded are all very bad. These are things that you will need to address in the pre-marital counseling sessions. If she can't improve her conflict resolution skills & doesn't trust you, her soon to be husband, with her deepest emotions, exactly what will this marriage be based on? 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Pmiller Posted July 16, 2021 Author Share Posted July 16, 2021 7 minutes ago, d0nnivain said: The bolded are all very bad. These are things that you will need to address in the pre-marital counseling sessions. If she can't improve her conflict resolution skills & doesn't trust you, her soon to be husband, with her deepest emotions, exactly what will this marriage be based on? Thank you for your input! Link to post Share on other sites
Uruktopi Posted July 16, 2021 Share Posted July 16, 2021 (edited) Remember that is not really a need to marry her just to make her be your Ex. Edited July 16, 2021 by Uruktopi 2 Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted July 16, 2021 Share Posted July 16, 2021 3 hours ago, Pmiller said: actions speak louder than words. Pay attention to her actions. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Uruktopi Posted July 16, 2021 Share Posted July 16, 2021 18 minutes ago, glows said: Pay attention to her actions. True. It seems to me that his post was abour her actions, right? Or is there a need of more....? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted July 16, 2021 Share Posted July 16, 2021 10 minutes ago, Uruktopi said: True. It seems to me that his post was abour her actions, right? Or is there a need of more....? Please see the last sentence of first paragraph. There are conflicting words. He only needs to pay attention to her actions. Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted July 16, 2021 Share Posted July 16, 2021 She failed. Its easier said but run, this will only get worse. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
notbroken Posted July 16, 2021 Share Posted July 16, 2021 If you marry her, you will eventually regret it. This is who she is. It is VERY unlikely to change. You'll likely never fully trust her. I sure wouldn't. No way you should marry her. Just no way. Sorry. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted July 16, 2021 Share Posted July 16, 2021 6 hours ago, Pmiller said: She’s apologized, begged and vowed to never do it again. Telling me she loves me, I’m who she wants to spend her life with, she’ll prove it to me, won’t happen again and all of that, but actions speak louder than words. ... That was shortly after I told her she shows no sort of remorse. I need help with a decision because I’m trying to find every reason to hold on when the signs are screaming to leave. It seems pretty clear she DID show remorse, you just apparently were too fixated on your own (understandable) distress to see it. No wonder she's frustrated with you. That said, if you can't bring yourself to trust her again (and I honestly can't blame you in that) it might be wise to break it off. There are those who can flirt and nothing ever comes of it AND there are those who can't. This showing boob stuff is taking it a bit far IMO (and I am one of those who flirts). Sounds less like flirting and more like seduction (or at least the suggestion of it) IMO. IF you do decide to marry anyhow, you might also talk to a lawyer about divorce laws in your state/jurisdiction to see what you're looking at in a divorce in case this happens again. If you're going to tie 50% of all assets (including from before the marriage) to this person, well... Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted July 16, 2021 Share Posted July 16, 2021 7 hours ago, Pmiller said: I’m trying to find every reason to hold on It's time to let go. You cannot trust her, and should not trust her. Find a woman who loves and respects you enough not to behave like this in the first place. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
notbroken Posted July 16, 2021 Share Posted July 16, 2021 You have to decide if you are willing to be with a woman that flirts with other men. This one is willing to do it in front of you. She would definitely do it if you aren't there. She even said she would take his phone number (that is an absolute show stopper for me - that absolutely conveys availability). She is absolutely not a good long term bet for fidelity - or making you feel secure in your relationship. Problems like this before you are married will magnify during a marriage - especially long term. The 'crystal ball' says you will eventually not sleep at night wondering where she is on a 'girls night out'. She will have lots of male 'friends' too that you are wondering about (and should). Again, I'm sorry - but she is absolutely not marriage material. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
NYAG Posted July 17, 2021 Share Posted July 17, 2021 18 hours ago, Woggle said: At least she is showing her true colors before the wedding. But only because she was caught out. And she lied to his face the first time when he called her out despite all the evidence. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted July 17, 2021 Share Posted July 17, 2021 Is this an arranged marriage? It's pretty clear neither of you want to be married, especially to each other. Link to post Share on other sites
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