You just can't invite everyone or am I wrong?

[Brionna20]

This past March my only biological daughter daughter gave birth to my first official granddaughter. My wife and I have 6 total.  My oldest step-son has 2 kids then I have an adopted daughter who I helped raise since birth and she calls me daddy.  She has 3 kids of her own and they all call me granddaddy.  For the past few months my wife and I have been taking our newest granddaughter to church with us because mom (my daughter) works on Sunday and she drops her off at our house.  Our pastor and first lady adore her and call her the church baby. She's 4 months old now and I had mentioned to our pastor that I wanted to get her blessed at some point. I'd like to get that done next month around her mother's birthday. Yes, my daughter is fully aware of my intentions and she is totally fine with it.  She'll be 5 months old then. Ok, here's my dilemma. Since the pandemic our church has limited the number of members allowed into the sanctuary to about 50 or so. Even though restrictions are being lifted somewhat our pastor still has not opened the church back up for full attendance. Yes, since things have started to go back to normal we have seen an upswing in the number of members filtering back in but we're still not at full capacity just yet. I come from a large family of 6 other brothers and sisters. Both of our parents are still alive and still married. There's also a host of other cousins, nieces and nephews in the family. My oldest sister is one of the baby's god-parents along with my daughter's best friend. My wife has 2 sons from her first marriage as well. My daughter has 5 other siblings herself on her mom's side. I was discussing it with my wife and I told her that we needed to limit who we invite because it would not be right or fair to the other members of the congregation if we tried to invite multiple people from the family to come which could fill up the number of seats available in the congregation. The only ones I included were me and my wife as church members, my daughter, my mom (the baby's great-grandma), my sister (the baby's great aunt and god-parent), and my daughter's best friend (the baby's other god-parent). I did not even consider inviting my other siblings nor my dad. Dad isn't as mobile these days so it would drain him too much to come. When I informed my wife the first thing she said was "what about her sons and one of her son's girlfriend?" I reminded her that again, we are limited on numbers and space and we just couldn't invite everyone. She said they are the baby's uncles and needed to be there and of course, the one son is going to bring his girlfriend. Again, my daughter has 5 other siblings who are also the baby's blood aunts and uncles and none of them are invited either. Again, along with my 6 other siblings who are also my daughter's aunts and uncles and the baby's great-aunts and uncles.  And a couple of them have kids themselves too. She seemed to have gotten offended by me not including her sons and the girlfriend. I didn't exclude them because I didn't want them there. It would be great if everyone could come but we have to limit the numbers as to not take up all the seats in the sanctuary. If I invited everyone then my family, my wife's sons and girlfriend, and my daughter's siblings that would literally fill up the church so that no one else would be able to attend that Sunday's service. So church members would not even be allowed in.  However, our church services are streamed live online every Sunday so those who can't attend could just log in to see the christening live. And if need be we could just replay the christening later in the day for those who weren't able to see it. Was I wrong to not invite everyone, including her sons and the girlfriend? I'm just trying to be mindful of those other members who want to come to church that day.

And let me say this. I posed this question on another board and got murdered because everyone thought I was just taking over and doing this outside of my daughter. Let me say this. My daughter is fully aware of what I am doing and she has no problem with it. My daughter's job has her working most Sundays so she'll bring the baby to my wife and my house and we take her to church with us. No big deal. Since the day she was born I have discussed with my daughter about wanting to get her christened/blessed in our church and she has no problem with it whatsoever.  That's just what we do with newborns in our family and church community.  Again, my daughter is totally on board with this so I'm not overstepping any bounds. My thing is that with our church's current covid restrictions I don't want to invite the entire family, both sides, so that way none of the other regular church members will be allowed to attend that Sunday because the church may be at capacity. My pastor has not opened the church up fully yet to everyone. We are still limiting attendance to about 50 or so members. Am I wrong to not invite everyone, namely my step-sons and the girlfriend to this christening due to numbers and space? I didn't or haven't even planned to invite any of my siblings either. They too can watch the live stream that Sunday online.

Those on other boards think that I should ask the pastor for "special accommodations" so that my entire family can come.  Some have said that we should do it after regular service on Sunday.  Well, that means the everyone would have to come and sit in the parking lot till the regular service is over.  And in the black church, it's very hard to determine when "regular service" will be over.  I feel what will happen is that some of the family members will get tired of sitting in their cars and just leave.  Plus, we're in the south and it's hot so that means you have to run your A/C to stay cool burning gas.  Some even suggested having the christening on a Sat.  Well, again, in a black church christenings are done during the regular Sunday morning service, not on a Sat. And to add to that, our church and property have been on the market for a number of years and it finally sold a few months ago to a gentleman who wants to convert the property to an industrial mfg business.  However, until we find a new location he is allowing us to use the building only on Sunday mornings for church services.  We don't have total access to the property anymore so we can't just go in on a Sat for a service.  

Again, the only ones who absolutely need to be there are myself and my wife as church members, my daughter as the parent, my mom (the baby's great-grandmother and matriarch of the family), and the two god-parents.  I excluded everyone else that didn't absolutely need to be there.  They can watch it live online since we livestream every service.  Is my wife wrong to be upset that we're not including her sons given that we're not including a lot of other family members as well?  And should we expect the church to make special accommodations for our family given current covid restrictions.  I guess I'm just trying to be mindful of not just my extended family but also my church family.  Those members drive to church that Sunday for their regular church service only to be turned away because the church is already at capacity with a bunch of other visitors.  

[Wiseman2]

13 minutes ago, Brionna20 said:

The only ones I included were me and my wife as church members, my daughter, my mom (the baby's great-grandma), my sister (the baby's great aunt and god-parent), and my daughter's best friend (the baby's other god-parent).  

Have a small ceremony in the church with only immediate family. Have a reception at  your home or another venue and your wife can invite whoever she wants.

[Brionna20]

Just now, Wiseman2 said:

Have a small ceremony in the church with only immediate family. Have a reception at  your home or another venue and your wife can invite whoever she wants.

We can't really do a small ceremony in the church, again, you're asking for special accommodations from the pastor and the church.  These type of ceremonies are usually done during the regular morning service.  And again, you're asking for family members to come to the church and again wait for everyone to clear the sanctuary only to do another service.  I'm trying to eliminate asking for special accommodation or asking for a 2nd service just to do a baby christening.  Those who aren't invited can watch it on the regular church livestream.

[basil67]

Take your dilemma to the pastor and ask his recommendation.  Use his advice as a tie breaker for your family. 

[stillafool]

1 hour ago, Brionna20 said:

Those who aren't invited can watch it on the regular church livestream.

Well isn't this asking for special accomodations.  There are those who enjoy actually going to Church.

[glows]

You should speak with the pastor and ask for his advice. I'm a godparent myself so I understand the process, several times over, but in the Catholic faith. He will recommend and advise your family better. 

Don't let this be an issue between your wife and you. It's not your call to make so defer to the pastor and step aside on the decision making. I hope things smooth out at home. This should be a happy occasion. Congratulations on the new baby. 

[Brionna20]

Here's the update that I'm sure most of you were hoping for.  If you may not remember, I have been in contact with the girl at our church who usually schedules baby christenings at our church.  I am working with my daughter to get our new grandbaby christened.  Thinking proactively, like I normally do, I suggested to my wife that we only invite those people who absolutely need to be there.  Parents, grandparent, and god-parents.  She got her panties all in a wad because I didn't include her sons as the baby's uncles.  Again trying to be mindful of our church's current covid restrictions and seating limitations I suggested that only those who needed to be there come and everyone else can watch on the church's live stream.  She was so dead set on her sons and one of their girlfriends coming to the christening.  

I just got a reply from the girl and this is what she said:

"I'm happy to let you know the date you requested for baby dedication has been approved for Sunday service, August 15, 2021.
Please limit your invited guests to parents, grandparents and godparents for this exciting day and to arrive15 minutes before service.
As a reminder seating is limited, we will be doing temperature checks and masks are required in the sanctuary as per the CDC. "

My wife is not going to be happy about this but this is what I tried to explain to her from the start.  We can't invite everyone.  We have to be mindful to our church's restrictions and limitations.  This is what I think she will do.  She's going to invite them anyway and just tell them to come to church that Sunday, not necessarily for the christening but for the regular service.  She has to have everything her way.  

And some of you will probably say, "this is what we told you to do.  Ask the pastor."  Well, I am a forward thinking person and knowing our restrictions only wanted to invite those who absolutely needed to be there.  My wife was the one making a big deal out of it.  The email was just confirmation to what I have been saying all along.