Guy I'm casually seeing talks about another woman while around me

[BlushpnK]

I’ve been seeing a guy for going on over a month. When i met him he told me was dating another woman as well and he wanted to keep his options open. I was okay with it at first but now i just don’t know. 

He has been over my house a few times but the last two times I’ve been annoyed with him. 

Last week we were watching a movie and he started to vent about the other woman. I’m guessing she blocked him and they had a conversation and she blocked him on everything afterwards. He kept repeating the story over & over like he hasn’t processed it

Then today in bed again he is sitting in my bed complimenting her and the things she did for him and telling me how she has had his back last month when he was going through financially etc 

TL:DR; not sure if I’m overthinking but he wasn’t talking about her at first but now that she’s blocked him he’s in his feelings

[Wiseman2]

6 hours ago, BlushpnK said:

 he is sitting in my bed complimenting her and the things she did for him and telling me how she has had his back last month when he was going through financially etc 

Since you are not exclusive and it's only been a month, cut your losses. You can do a lot better than this jerk.

[ExpatInItaly]

No way would I keep seeing this guy. 

He lacks social graces and is clearly more interested in her than you. You’re who he spends time with when she’s not available (or rejects him) but you’re not who he wants to date more seriously. That would be her. 

Next!

[BlushpnK]

5 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

No way would I keep seeing this guy. 

He lacks social graces and is clearly more interested in her than you. You’re who he spends time with when she’s not available (or rejects him) but you’re not who he wants to date more seriously. That would be her. 

Next!

But he was talking to both of us 

[Wiseman2]

1 minute ago, BlushpnK said:

But he was talking to both of us 

Was this a threesome?

[stillafool]

12 minutes ago, BlushpnK said:

But he was talking to both of us 

Yeah but she has captured his heart and it seems his mind too.  She's blocked him and he's still talking about her - to you of all people.  It sounds like he's just using you at this point.  You can do better.

[Pumpernickel]

Depends on what you want. Sounds like to him: you & him = FWB. 
Is that what you want as well? If not, you should have been offended right away, when he told you he wanted to keep his options open. You didn’t object to it, and kept “dating” him (plus sex). Of course - based on your actions - he thinks you’re ok with him venting about other chicks now.
 

Most men wouldn’t do that,  btw, they would keep their mouths shut in order to continue whatever they are doing with multiple women, without being questioned by any of them. Not sure why he’s so open about it. Question is: Would he be as open (about you, for instance) towards the other girl? That would be interesting to find out first and foremost. 

[smackie9]

Guy is treating you like a piece of meat. Casual or not...a guy with no filter like that has no respect for women at all. he's a wanker.....You should be sending him down the road.

[Alpacalia]

14 hours ago, BlushpnK said:

I’ve been seeing a guy for going on over a month. When i met him he told me was dating another woman as well and he wanted to keep his options open. I was okay with it at first but now i just don’t know. 

14 hours ago, BlushpnK said:

Then today in bed again he is sitting in my bed complimenting her and the things she did for him and telling me how she has had his back last month when he was going through financially etc 

Nothing beats hearing about other individuals you're dating or have dated while you're in bed together. I'm sure it made you feel the fuzzies inside.

What a mop-head.

Edited July 22, 2021 by Alpaca

[vwisme]

If you're seriously looking to date, don't bother with this guy. For the record, I did the same thing with someone I was FWBs with. She clearly stated we were just friends and only hooking up. She started getting upset when she found out I was seeing other people and that's when I learned she wanted something more serious. 

I've also been with FWB where we talk about our dating life and laugh and joke about it. So it's not impossible.

Not saying he's a solid guy BUT you may want to temper your expectations as it seems this isn't just fwb for you

Edited July 22, 2021 by vwisme

[mark clemson]

It's nice that he "shares" how he feels about things with you - that shows a level of intimacy. However, the fact that he shares THIS PARTICULAR TYPE OF INFO with you shows IMO that he has poor social skills.

So either consider him a fixer-upper (in terms of "oversharing"/social skills) and get to fixing now, or don't bother attempting that and walk. Either choice has merit IMO, although "fixing" tends to take a LOT more time, consistent effort, and subtlety than it might initially seem AND there is no guarantee of it working. But it could.

Also do you think he'll decide to eventually become monogamous with you? That's a big issue as well, obviously.

[Alpacalia]

41 minutes ago, mark clemson said:

It's nice that he "shares" how he feels about things with you - that shows a level of intimacy.

But aren't there are other ways to develop intimacy with someone you're dating than the method he chose? This is someone she is casually dating, not a boyfriend. I don't know, I just never experienced a man that I was dating and eventually getting into a relationship with share those types of things in that manner so early on. 

[BlushpnK]

4 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Was this a threesome?

No

[Wiseman2]

Just now, BlushpnK said:

No

Ok, misread it as if he was talking to her while in bed with you. However, may have well been that since she was on his mind in your bed. Better to ditch someone who does stuff like this.

[ExpatInItaly]

4 hours ago, BlushpnK said:

But he was talking to both of us 

And he likes her more, girl. 

It sucks, I know, but it's obvious. 

[glows]

17 hours ago, BlushpnK said:

I’ve been seeing a guy for going on over a month. When i met him he told me was dating another woman as well and he wanted to keep his options open. I was okay with it at first but now i just don’t know. 

He has been over my house a few times but the last two times I’ve been annoyed with him. 

Last week we were watching a movie and he started to vent about the other woman. I’m guessing she blocked him and they had a conversation and she blocked him on everything afterwards. He kept repeating the story over & over like he hasn’t processed it

Then today in bed again he is sitting in my bed complimenting her and the things she did for him and telling me how she has had his back last month when he was going through financially etc 

TL:DR; not sure if I’m overthinking but he wasn’t talking about her at first but now that she’s blocked him he’s in his feelings

What a goof. No, don't see him anymore. He needs to sort himself out. Be free to meet other men.

[NYAG]

19 hours ago, BlushpnK said:

I’ve been seeing a guy for going on over a month. When i met him he told me was dating another woman as well and he wanted to keep his options open. I was okay with it at first but now i just don’t know. 

He has been over my house a few times but the last two times I’ve been annoyed with him. 

Last week we were watching a movie and he started to vent about the other woman. I’m guessing she blocked him and they had a conversation and she blocked him on everything afterwards. He kept repeating the story over & over like he hasn’t processed it

Then today in bed again he is sitting in my bed complimenting her and the things she did for him and telling me how she has had his back last month when he was going through financially etc 

TL:DR; not sure if I’m overthinking but he wasn’t talking about her at first but now that she’s blocked him he’s in his feelings

It doesn't matter if you are overthinking it or not. If you are uncomfortable with the situation, don't put up with it. He should not be having conversations with you about her whether he's being complimentary or derogatory unless you have invited the conversation and you are happy with it, which you clearly aren't.

[ShyViolet]

It's crazy that he thinks anyone would put up with this.  It's fine to be dating multiple people and to be honest about that..... but it's not appropriate to talk about one dating partner with another dating partner.  He either has atrocious social skills, or he's purposely messing with you to see how much you'll tolerate.  You shouldn't see him again.

[jspice]

23 minutes ago, ShyViolet said:

It's crazy that he thinks anyone would put up with this.  It's fine to be dating multiple people and to be honest about that..... but it's not appropriate to talk about one dating partner with another dating partner.  He either has atrocious social skills, or he's purposely messing with you to see how much you'll tolerate.  You shouldn't see him again.

But she is putting up with it. 

[Donnas]

Well he aint your bf.

You are option number two.

You just met him.

Why bring him to your home and in your bed....?

He clearly is more into the other girl anyway. And when a guy really wants you there is no talking about other gurls. Sure not in the beginning .Cause thats the "nice"" period mostly.

Break it up,before you feel used soon.

[NYAG]

13 hours ago, jspice said:

But she is putting up with it. 

Exactly, thus he will carry on.

[BlushpnK]

14 hours ago, NYAG said:

It doesn't matter if you are overthinking it or not. If you are uncomfortable with the situation, don't put up with it. He should not be having conversations with you about her whether he's being complimentary or derogatory unless you have invited the conversation and you are happy with it, which you clearly aren't.

At first i thought it was venting now idk

[ExpatInItaly]

1 hour ago, BlushpnK said:

At first i thought it was venting now idk

You're missing the point, Blush. 

The point is that the very fact that he's upset by this other woman means his feelings are involved with her. The other point is that he is venting you to tells you that he doesn't have those feelings for you. There shouldn't be any venting of this type to begin with. 

When we're really into someone, there's generally no need to vent about a third party because we're more focused on the person in front of us. That's not the case here. He's focused on her, and you're the filler. Think about it: you like this guy right? Would you even dream of whining to him about another guy who rejected you? 

[mark clemson]

22 hours ago, Alpaca said:

But aren't there are other ways to develop intimacy with someone you're dating than the method he chose? This is someone she is casually dating, not a boyfriend.

Yes, I suppose there are. I think it's a positive sign that one is speaking one's mind, even about stuff that bothers them, but I suppose not everyone likes that too early on. Also depends how much/how bad/how one comes across if it goes into negative issues.

At any rate, certainly NOT about some other person they're also seeing though, heh.  Really that is a bit of a red flag. Certainly if there is any intent of taking it beyond casual.

Edited July 23, 2021 by mark clemson

[Wiseman2]

4 hours ago, mark clemson said:

Really that is a bit of a red flag. 

Agree. He's in your bed whining about some woman? Yeah he needs a boot in the can👢🕺