Jenna14 Posted July 23, 2021 Share Posted July 23, 2021 I need help understanding this situation - I think it’s just friendship but need confirmation I guess. My coworker and I have been dming each other for over a year and a half - he’s married with a kid and I’m recently divorced. When we first started dming it was just getting to know each other (he had saw me at work and recognized we worked together) - we have a lot in common etc. — I found out he was married and despite being attracted to him I enjoyed still dming him - he never mentioned his wife until a few Months later. 4th month into occasionally dming we ended up sexting etc - after a week of this we felt guilty and stopped but he still wanted to talk. For over a year now we dm almost daily - sometimes multiple times a day - on the weekends - usually it’s a daily download of how we are doing - check in if what we are doing/plans for the day - he discussed his kid but barely ever mentions his wife (May say we but never mentions her name etc) - we vent about work etc - we have become good friends but I’m trying to gauge and understand why he wants to dm daily - not texting normally so his wife doesn’t see - as far as I know she doesn’t know he still DMs me - I’m all for friendship as I enjoy talking to him but I’m also living my life too. Hoping someone can help me evaluate what’s going on in his head Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted July 23, 2021 Share Posted July 23, 2021 He's looking for entertainment outside his marriage. Whether that's sexting (as it was before) or attention through mindless DMs, it's not appropriate in the context. This is not "friendship" and I think you know that. You need to distance yourself from this man. 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
NYAG Posted July 23, 2021 Share Posted July 23, 2021 7 hours ago, Jenna14 said: I need help understanding this situation - I think it’s just friendship but need confirmation I guess. My coworker and I have been dming each other for over a year and a half - he’s married with a kid and I’m recently divorced. When we first started dming it was just getting to know each other (he had saw me at work and recognized we worked together) - we have a lot in common etc. — I found out he was married and despite being attracted to him I enjoyed still dming him - he never mentioned his wife until a few Months later. 4th month into occasionally dming we ended up sexting etc - after a week of this we felt guilty and stopped but he still wanted to talk. For over a year now we dm almost daily - sometimes multiple times a day - on the weekends - usually it’s a daily download of how we are doing - check in if what we are doing/plans for the day - he discussed his kid but barely ever mentions his wife (May say we but never mentions her name etc) - we vent about work etc - we have become good friends but I’m trying to gauge and understand why he wants to dm daily - not texting normally so his wife doesn’t see - as far as I know she doesn’t know he still DMs me - I’m all for friendship as I enjoy talking to him but I’m also living my life too. Hoping someone can help me evaluate what’s going on in his head How does it sit with you? If you feel guilty then you need to stop. If you can DM and just be work colleagues fine. Maybe you just get on really well. It's not a crime for a man and a woman to be good friends. If you think it will go further than that, and that's a problem for you, stop. That he doesn't mention his wife is neither here nor there. Why would he? Men chatting to women they fancy rarely mention their partners by name or otherwise but maybe he just doesn't want to discuss his home life with you for other reasons. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted July 23, 2021 Share Posted July 23, 2021 57 minutes ago, NYAG said:It's not a crime for a man and a woman to be good friends. If you think it will go further than that It already has gone further than that, though. They were sexting. I agree that men and women can just be friends, but these two have already crossed that boundary and are now communicating secretly so his wife doesn’t find out that they’re still taking. That isn’t really a harmless buddy. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted July 23, 2021 Share Posted July 23, 2021 9 hours ago, Jenna14 said: Hoping someone can help me evaluate what’s going on in his head What is going on in your head is a better question? You know this man is married with kids and yet you are dming and sexting with him. Why do you want to dm him daily? I think you already know the answer to these questions. Basically he's a cheater and you like it that is why you engage. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Donnas Posted July 23, 2021 Share Posted July 23, 2021 (edited) Hes married. And have a kid. Soon you knew this you shoulda block him. Beside soon you like someone first thing you do is ask around about him to know if he is single,before you even dm him. Hes tryna seek attention outside of his marriage. And is using you. Cut it of. Because you will get hurt soon or later. Because many of this married guys that cheat, just use who ever wanna be use and then get back to their wive. And im sure you know its not appropriate what is going on between the two of you. If you a friend hIs wife shoulda know and be able to approve of it or no. Beside dating coworkers always is a bad idea. Even in work contracts they make you sign that you will be fired if you do. Edited July 23, 2021 by Donnas 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted July 23, 2021 Share Posted July 23, 2021 No matter how you slice it, this is inappropriate. This isn't friendship this is an emotional affair. If you were his wife and he was chatting to a female coworker daily, what would that look like to you? just stop it. 3 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted July 23, 2021 Share Posted July 23, 2021 13 hours ago, Jenna14 said: My coworker and I have been dming each other for over a year and a half - he’s married with a kid and I’m recently divorced. 4th month into occasionally dming we ended up sexting - we have become good friends Sorry this is happening. "Good friends" don't sext. You need to step back from this, not only because you are coworkers but because he's married. It would be best to appropriately process your divorce and if you are ready to start dating (instead of choosing unavailable men) get a good profile and pics on quality date apps and start talking to and meeting available single men who you don't work with. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
KymeT247 Posted July 29, 2021 Share Posted July 29, 2021 Protect your self woman, it sounds a bit as if you have developed feelings. This friendship is going to be a catalyst in you comparing any real opportunity right now to happen upon the right partner, a good guy. You sound very strong, I do not want to insult you, but good strong women also have the amazing qualities of empathy and trust. And if I'm way off base and you are honestly in friend head space, be that good friend and let him know how is being less than a good human and quite honestly someone that appears should have pursued a career as an actor because he has you trusting his character while keeping his "friendship" (which by definition is an emotional affair) a secret from his wife for a year and then some... There is no woman (wife) that would be okay with this friendship. If he respected and trusted his wife to tell her he was human and almost messed up, but his shame and love kept him committed and faithful, that's forgiveable, at this point his betrayal will hurt her more than if he would have gone to far with you in the beginning. Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted July 31, 2021 Share Posted July 31, 2021 All I've got is "what would you want us to say if this was the woman in a relationship with your husband behind your back who was writing what you wrote?" 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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