Cookiesandough Posted July 23, 2021 Share Posted July 23, 2021 (edited) And how did it turn out? Did you feel guilty for stealing someone’s guy/girl/they? What do you think about this in general? This kind of happened with my 3rd bf. Well, at least the girl came at me like I stole him, but last I checked he was a free agent. And there really wasn’t any cheating. We talked here and there for a long time before things escalated so he left the rship. I didn’t feel that bad about it The way I see it, dating is a process to find out if a person is compatible with someone and wants to stay with that person? Also I think I’d be very hard to “steal” someone who is love/ in a happy R . If you want to be in a situation you shouldn’t leave someone no matter how miserable I am, then get married. Not husband or wife… I feel that’s different. But maybe this belongs there anyway Edited July 23, 2021 by Cookiesandough 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cookiesandough Posted July 23, 2021 Author Share Posted July 23, 2021 No one will admit to it Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted July 23, 2021 Share Posted July 23, 2021 This has never happened personally as it's a turn off. Any man who has that much baggage trailing him is an automatic turn off. Stealing also implies that someone is of the property of someone else, owning the other person even after the fact when the decision has been made to move on or be involved with someone else. It's too immature for me. Good questions. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cookiesandough Posted July 23, 2021 Author Share Posted July 23, 2021 17 minutes ago, glows said: This has never happened personally as it's a turn off. Any man who has that much baggage trailing him is an automatic turn off. Stealing also implies that someone is of the property of someone else, owning the other person even after the fact when the decision has been made to move on or be involved with someone else. It's too immature for me. Good questions. Yep, exactly. There’s no safety tag . And yea I totally get you with it being unattractive. 👍 2 Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted July 23, 2021 Share Posted July 23, 2021 I'm sorry you had to deal with that woman. My ex-husband had an ex-wife and we weren't at odds either, very respectful and nice lady. Perhaps she was all too happy for me to take him off her hands in the same way I could only be too happy for the next woman to do so. There is some comedy in the irony. Of all the reasons in the world as women, let it not be men that we have disagreements over. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted July 23, 2021 Share Posted July 23, 2021 Many years ago I worked with a woman that complained that one of her girlfriends stole her boyfriend. She harped and harped about it (at work). After listening to her continue on for way too long, I chimed in that the boyfriend had "free will" and it wasn't like he was kidnapped by the new woman. The guy made a choice... He decided it was time for a change or maybe the new woman was an upgrade (over my co-worker). 1 hour ago, Cookiesandough said: Also I think I’d be very hard to “steal” someone who is love/ in a happy R . And I agree with you @Cookiesandough... My guess is that the guy in question wasn't all that happy and when a new opportunity landed in his lap, he went for it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CaliforniaGirl Posted July 23, 2021 Share Posted July 23, 2021 No way. And I don't know that that's possible anyway. Unless your date is unconscious you can't steal him. He's making that decision. Did I ever pursue a guy who had a girlfriend already (or respond to a guy pursuing me who currently had a girlfriend) - no. If he does it to her what's stopping him from doing it to me some day? There are way too many guys out there to settle for a cheater. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Angelle Posted July 23, 2021 Share Posted July 23, 2021 No, I haven't, and I wouldn't. My sister's now-husband hit on me, several times, and I hated him for it. A friend's boyfriend also wanted to get involved with me, and I wasn't interested. They broke up, because he wanted an open relationship, and I was never interested in that, or him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted July 23, 2021 Share Posted July 23, 2021 (edited) Technically, a person isn't property and cannot be "stolen", so the accusation is incorrect. That said, I fully understand the feelings of the ex bf/gf. So if it were me in that situation and I had no idea that there was anything wrong in the relationship, my accusation would be something more like "the two of you, flirting and carrying on behind my back - that's a dog act" Edited July 23, 2021 by basil67 2 Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted July 24, 2021 Share Posted July 24, 2021 Yeah, way back in high school, my best friend and I would hit on each other's gfs. They often played along, but nothing ever came of it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Weezy1973 Posted July 24, 2021 Share Posted July 24, 2021 It’s an impossible premise. Unless you’re taking about human trafficking, which I don’t think you are… 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Caauug Posted July 24, 2021 Share Posted July 24, 2021 7 hours ago, basil67 said: Technically, a person isn't property and cannot be "stolen", so the accusation is incorrect. ^^^^^^ YES^^^^^ Correct answer. He or she is not property, maybe that is why they wayward SO does go? Treated like property rather than a partner/lover/valued person, is a turn off... As the saying goes: She's (he's) not yours, it's just your turn. A mate of mine used this as a way of meeting women years ago. He was D from his W, so no cheating on his part. He would wear his wedding ring to a (not local) pub, and meet women. He also tried it without the ring and it was a noticeable difference in success rates, the ring really worked. He would only progress with then if they said they were single (they were not M women looking for "no strings attached sex"). He claimed, his success rate increased as he appeared wanted by another woman (shown by the wedding ring). He did date a few of them for short periods. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
5x5 Posted July 24, 2021 Share Posted July 24, 2021 (edited) At least where I live people aren't property, so stealing someone isn't really a thing. That said when my wife and I started dating each other (she asked me out for our first date), she was then in a fairly short sexual relationship with another man. Who she subsequently dropped, shortly after we started together a bit over 25 years ago. I was also in a very short sexual relationship with another woman who had a boyfriend. With her I knew she had a boyfriend, yet I had no qualms in asking her out. Funnily enough I only asked her out, as a bet against another guy who crashed and burned with her one evening while drinking. I laughed at him when he failed, and he said I couldn't get her. So I said I bet you she would go out with me, so I asked her out for a dinner date and she said yes, and we then had some fun together for a short while. Plus for a short time I was also the other man, with 3 married women when I was 22, 23 and 24. The one from when I was 22, was just a mutual "love/lust at first sight" thing, when we met on an army training course, although once I found out she was married I ended it. While the one at 23 was just a one night pick up who I pursued (on the premises), on a Thursday evening at a pub. I also didn't know she was married at first, yet I didn't care either way. With the last being from when I was 24, and she is a still dear friend. Who asked me to be with her, when her first marriage was headed towards separation then later divorce. I was with her sexually only once and since I didn't think it was a good idea to keep going, that was as far as it went. There could have been several more, like the above who were with other men. Yet I turned them down, since I was either already in an exclusive sexual relationship with someone else, or I didn't find them attractive. Edited July 24, 2021 by 5x5 2 Link to post Share on other sites
SumGuy Posted July 24, 2021 Share Posted July 24, 2021 (edited) Stole to me implies cheating or intentionally sowing dissention between them (often with lies) until they break up. Otherwise adults get to make their free choices and no one person can say to another they have "dibs" on someone. Now one person intentionally interfering with another's attempt to get together with someone is not stealing, just being an a**hat. Edited July 24, 2021 by SumGuy 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ZA Dater Posted July 26, 2021 Share Posted July 26, 2021 On 7/23/2021 at 9:33 PM, Cookiesandough said: And how did it turn out? Did you feel guilty for stealing someone’s guy/girl/they? What do you think about this in general? This kind of happened with my 3rd bf. Well, at least the girl came at me like I stole him, but last I checked he was a free agent. And there really wasn’t any cheating. We talked here and there for a long time before things escalated so he left the rship. I didn’t feel that bad about it The way I see it, dating is a process to find out if a person is compatible with someone and wants to stay with that person? Also I think I’d be very hard to “steal” someone who is love/ in a happy R . If you want to be in a situation you shouldn’t leave someone no matter how miserable I am, then get married. Not husband or wife… I feel that’s different. But maybe this belongs there anyway I have thought about this and to be honest anyone who is not married is fair game because IF they were happy they would not consider leaving their SO. Of course chasing people who are not single is a great way to land up disappointed too! If the guy chatted to you freely and then it escalated from there you did nothing "wrong" in my view. As an aside its exactly this which leads people to become possessive which is truly terrible, I have met many people in conversation who complain about BF's who were very possessive, to the extent that they had their phones checked and were not allowed any guy friends at all. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Prudence V Posted July 27, 2021 Share Posted July 27, 2021 On 7/23/2021 at 8:33 PM, Cookiesandough said: And how did it turn out? Did you feel guilty for stealing someone’s guy/girl/they? What do you think about this in general? I’m in the “people aren’t property, and can’t be stolen” camp. That said, my H was married to someone else when we got together. Do I feel guilty? Not remotely. We both chose freely, as consenting adults. In general? Relationships last as long as they last. When they’re done, they’re done. If someone else came along and wanted to “steal” my H, I would have absolutely no issue with that. S/he would be welcome to try - if my H chose to move on, that’s his prerogative. I’m not going to blame someone else for fancying what I fancy, too. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
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