What does this one line mean!

[Gabby M]

I have been friends with a guy for about 3 years now. We know each other well. I asked him for space, saying that my feelings have gotten too deep and I have fallen in love with him. I said that being around him and talking to him at the level of friends we are at is hard for me, and I think we need to remain strictly work friends and that is it. Unfortunately, our history is that we had an A. He is married. I knew it was wrong so we stopped. We tried to be friends, but it's painful for me. I had always been asking for more communication like it been before the A because I missed the relationship we had talking.. and so he would pick up the effort, but I always wondered if it was legitimate or because he was afraid that I would like, blow up the A or something, which, I never would, and I believe he knows he could trust me.. 

Anyway, today, we had to communicate about work and one question had been bothering me, I asked him "all those times you put in more effort to make me happy and communicate more with me when I asked, was it because you were afraid I would blow up the A" and he said no, I trust you more than that. I believe him.. but then he said something that I don't understand, which brings me to this purpose of asking you all...

He said, I trust you, and sometime you will see that and want to be my friend again. Right now, I'm going with your flow, you want space, Ill give you space, you want more effort, ill give more effort..

what do you think this means? In terms of the A, it's over, nothing sexual has happened in a very long time, but I'm trying to figure out if that one thing he said could very well mean he cares about me as a friend and doesn't want me to walk out of his life? I think I can continue an honest platonic friendship, IF I know he's fully in and not just "playing nice" so I don't tell someone about our history, if that makes sense? I'm just not sure what to do.

[glows]

He's just playing nice. There's nothing honest or platonic about your friendship if you've had an affair with this person, unfortunately, so try not to delude yourself there or tell yourself that lie. Neither of you can undo what happened and continuing to communicate with each other and being very attached to his every word or simple sentences like this suggest that you're in too deep and need to take a step back. 

From the sounds of it he's happy to keep having sex with you (if you wanted it), flirting with you or talking with you. If you disappeared tomorrow or said you wanted space permanently, you wouldn't put a dent in his life. He has another life without you in it. He would probably come back though (as they often do), as energy vampires and continue to suck the life out of you while you wonder what's going on all the time. Is that the way you want to live? 

In terms of him being nice or pleasant for his own self-serving purposes, of course there's always an element of that. If he's married and you are single, he has a lot more to lose than you.

 

[Wiseman2]

51 minutes ago, Gabby M said:

 work friends and that is it. Unfortunately, our history is that we had an A. He is married.

Sorry this happened. Good you cut it off.

From this point forward, remain professional and do not attempt "friendship". 

Make friends and date outside of work. No outside work chitchatting.

Make sure your personal and dating life is happy and full so that you don't have voids to fill with cheaters and other assorted creeps.

If he keeps bothering you, report him for sexual harassment and/or offer to inform his spouse.

[Lotsgoingon]

Look, it's really hard to be friends with an ex, a non-married ex and a married ex. 

The only exceptions are when you were friends for a long time before dating maybe. But even then, I was friends with a woman for about four years, we dated for three months. She dumped me. Took me three years of space before I felt comfortable being friends again.

Here's the test: if you could, would you want to date this MM?  Do you find yourself fantasizing/thinking about reconciling with this married man? 

The fact that are worrying about what HE THINKS is a sign to me that you aren't friends. Friends don't worry like that. You don't apparently have your full life. You're just basically working hard to pretend to have no feelings. 

Cut things off entirely. The whole question you ask is a waste of time. Who cares what he thinks?! If you were friends, you could directly ask him this question. 

Another test: if you are only friends, then you would have NO conversations about the past affair. You'd just connect like friends about everyday life.