Jyklle Posted July 25, 2021 Share Posted July 25, 2021 Hello, I'm 'new' to this message board... my story is very long, so please bear with me!! I feel I must give you the full, in-depth 'scope' so you understand. My MM and I have known each other for approximately ten years. In the beginning, say 2011, I was just starting a new relationship with someone new (Let's call him Todd), when I was introduced to MM. In 2011, MM was single and freshly out of a relationship. Todd and I were dating for 3 months when I met MM. For some unknown reason, let's say being young and naive, I chose Todd over MM. I thought I was in a 'committed' relationship with Todd and didn't want to cheat on him. Although MM and I hit it off right away!! Well, sure enough Todd ended up being unfaithful to me! I took him back...and years have passed where I'm still with Todd. In between these ten years, MM dated a slew of different women but he always managed to keep calling/texting/social media checking on me, etc... I would occasionally hear from him every 3 months. MM would always be traveling for work, and he lived in different states, but each time he'd come back in town he would contact me asking if we can meet up for drinks etc... Now I know you think I might be exaggerating! But I am NOT when I tell you that for ten years MM would literally 'check in on me' every 3 months! We had mutual friends that told me how in love he was with me, and he was head over heels for me, etc... I continued to remain faithful to Todd. He was becoming emotionally toxic to me. I was very unhappy but thought I could "fix or change" him. During these ten years, MM found himself in a legal battle with an ex girlfriend. He ended up wrongfully spending jail time. He was away for a year (his name was cleared after all!) this is where it gets tricky.... After he gets released from jail, the SAME EXACT DAY he was released, he marries this woman he BRIEFLY dated before he went to jail. He dated this girl for 6 months before going to jail. I feel he did this because he was desperate?? I don't know. Anyway, 2 months after being released from jail and getting married, he reaches out to me. I haven't heard from him in a year and I always wondered what happened to him. I had no idea he was in jail! It was such a kept secret. We start to talk... he tells me everything. He tells me while he was in jail he wrote me numerous letters but ended up throwing them in the trash. He said I was the only person on his mind the whole time. He confessed how much he missed me and loved me. We started to spend a lot of time facetiming, social media etc... since we live in different states. He came to visit me once and drove 12 hours to see me for the weekend! I have never in my whole life connected or been treated with such love by someone... He would hold me in the middle of the night and kiss my neck and back nonstop, he would cry when telling me what he went thru and I was the only thing he thought about. I asked him why he married to quickly and he said that He didn't think I would want him after this, he thought he was 'unworthy' for me. His actions also proved how much he cared, he literally dropped everything to drive 12 hours to see me, he took me on this really fancy date because he said "in all this time, I never took you out and I want to treat you!" He would have so much patience with me teaching me new things. Our souls connected beyond a doubt! Anways. All good things come to an end. His wife found out about us. She always knew about me because mutual friends would tell her. She knew me as the "one that got away". She told him he needs to block me. MM broke my heart. I thought he loved me but he told me that he was never planning on leaving his wife and he can't continue to see me. This was all two years ago. I don't blame him. After all he's been through, his wife is giving him a home, financial stability until he can get a job, she's beautiful and smart, etc... And he's been married before and fears getting divorced. So we broke off all communication two years ago. And now 6 months ago he came back into my life again! He said he couldn't stay away, and I'm on his mind every day. Now I know MM all do this, they all lie and come back. I really felt it was different with him because ..... A. I knew him for ten years, and WAY BEFORE he was married to his wife. B. Two years ago, he was fairly newlyweds and I felt he made a mistake... Now I don't know what to think... He keeps coming and going and I'm not sure he even knows what he wants. My heart's broken into tiny pieces because he was/is my best friend and I'm so distraught. I'm not looking for advice. I know its over and I had my chance and blew it. I can't go back in time to change things and its my fault, so I need to leave him and his wife alone. Thanks for listening everyone. Link to post Share on other sites
HadMeOverABarrel Posted July 25, 2021 Share Posted July 25, 2021 (edited) He said... He said... He said... He said... And what and when do you say?? Also...ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS. Talk is CHEAP! His wife told him to cut you off and he did. He also told you he was staying married. Is this really the Disney fairytale you've been making it out to be in your mind? I'm not trying to be unkind--but trying to get you to wake to reality here... He literally chose her, and now he's back with his glib words which you are eating up like you've been long-starved for any scraps. Girl, you need to set better boundaries for yourself and raise your standards. If he came back with divorce papers in hand, maybe. But this? No, do better for yourself! 💜 Edited July 25, 2021 by HadMeOverABarrel Typos 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jyklle Posted July 25, 2021 Author Share Posted July 25, 2021 (edited) 10 minutes ago, HadMeOverABarrel said: He said... He said... He said... He said... And what and when do you say?? Also...ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS. Talk is CHEAP! His wife told him to cut you off and he did. He also told you he was staying married. Is this really the Disney fairytale you've been making it out to be in your mind? I'm not trying to be unkind--but trying to get you to wake to reality here... He literally chose her, and now he's back with his glib words which you are eating up like you've been long-starved for any scraps. Girl, you need to set better boundaries for yourself and raise your standards. If he came back with divorce papers in hand, maybe. But this? No, do better for yourself! 💜 Thank you. You’re right. I definitely needed to hear it again. should I remain friends with him, as he suggested? Is friendship even possible? Edited July 25, 2021 by Jyklle Link to post Share on other sites
HadMeOverABarrel Posted July 25, 2021 Share Posted July 25, 2021 No. "Staying friends" is just an excuse to remain in his orbit so you can get sucked into a very confusing situation that will do you more harm than good. It isn't possible to be friends in this situation without getting hurt. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jyklle Posted July 25, 2021 Author Share Posted July 25, 2021 5 minutes ago, HadMeOverABarrel said: No. "Staying friends" is just an excuse to remain in his orbit so you can get sucked into a very confusing situation that will do you more harm than good. It isn't possible to be friends in this situation without getting hurt. Thank you!! You’ve really helped. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted July 25, 2021 Share Posted July 25, 2021 I’m sorry, but there is no way that I am even entertaining the thought of a MM who has served time in jail (whether he was rightly or wrongly convicted). Those are two absolute dealbreakers for me. Considering that your other partner was emotionally abusive and cheated on you (and you took him back), the only think I thought reading your post is - your picker is really, really off… If I was you, I would leave both these men behind me. I would rather be single… but, I do hope you find a better relationship for yourself in the future if that is something you hope to find for your life. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Crazelnut Posted July 25, 2021 Share Posted July 25, 2021 You absolutely cannot remain friends with a MM with whom you've had an affair. It simply doesn't work, and it prevents you from moving on. It's like constantly picking at a scab -- it won't heal. It will be more heartbreak for you every day. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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