Ghosted after a first date?

[Zebarbu]

So I got a text out of the blue last week from a girl I had flirted with at this party 3 weeks ago. 

After 2-3 exchanges I set a date and we went out last Wednesday.

Thought it went quite well, good laugh, good conversations, banter, etc... and then 30 mins when I got home I got a text from her thanking me for the great evening and hoping I enjoyed it too.

Honestly, nothing made it seem she would fall off the face of the world.

A couple days or so later (yesterday) I sent her a text asking when she was likely to be free next week... no answer.

 

I haven't sent anything else.

I guess I completely misundertood this.

 

Edited July 25, 2021 by Zebarbu

[ExpatInItaly]

39 minutes ago, Zebarbu said:

Thought it went quite well, good laugh, good conversations, banter, etc... and then 30 mins when I got home I got a text from her thanking me for the great evening and hoping I enjoyed it too.

Honestly, nothing made it seem she would fall off the face of the world.

A couple days or so later (yesterday) I sent her a text asking when she was likely to be free next week... no answer.

Did you respond this? 

Or did you send nothing back until yesterday when you asked her out again?

[Zebarbu]

9 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Did you respond this? 

Or did you send nothing back until yesterday when you asked her out again?

Yeah I responded “Had a great evening too. You’re an awesome lass. Speak to you soon”

 

BTW she has responded now. She told me she was out all day yesterday and had no reception. 
 

She told me she’s definitely up for something and is just sorting out her week now. 
 

I’ll ask her to get in touch when she’s planned her week and we’ll set up something fun. 

Edited July 25, 2021 by Zebarbu

[d0nnivain]

Your definition of "soon" didn't match hers.  As I understand things -- you went out on Wednesday & that same night said you would text her soon.  You reached out on Saturday.  By then, when she did not hear from you on Thursday or Friday, she thought you ghosted.  People demand instant communication & want daily contact even at the very beginning.  

[Wiseman2]

"Ghosting" is not someone you just met taking a while to text back. Try to be more confident when dating.

[d0nnivain]

What @Wiseman2 said is true.  You waited 3 days to reach out.  She may be mirroring your time table @Zebarbu  So see if she gets back to you the day after tomorrow  

[Zebarbu]

23 minutes ago, d0nnivain said:

What @Wiseman2 said is true.  You waited 3 days to reach out.  She may be mirroring your time table @Zebarbu  So see if she gets back to you the day after tomorrow  

Thinkinf of sending her a message later on saying "Great! Well let me know when you've sorted your plans for this week and we'll set something fun then"

[glows]

4 minutes ago, Zebarbu said:

Thinkinf of sending her a message later on saying "Great! Well let me know when you've sorted your plans for this week and we'll set something fun then"

Sounds good. Send it. Be patient with other people. She sounds nice.

[Zebarbu]

4 hours ago, glows said:

Sounds good. Send it. Be patient with other people. She sounds nice.

So I sent her the message, and this is her reply:

 

"What would help is if you give me a day you're free and I'll slot you in lol :D"

 

 

[glows]

Well, tell her what day you’re free: date and time for the date. For example, if it’s dinner say, “Would you like to have dinner with me at, say 7 or 8, this Weds and so and so place?” Or something along those lines. Offer to pick her up also. 

What she’s meaning in her message is to be more specific so she can make sure it happens and she doesn’t forget for example or make other plans. 

[Wiseman2]

19 minutes ago, Zebarbu said:

 this is her reply: "What would help is if you give me a day you're free and I'll slot you in lol :D"

Ok, give her times/dates and set it up. If you sense she's starting to jerk you around, you can pull the plug then.

[Cookiesandough]

Maybe she died. RIP

[Zebarbu]

22 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Ok, give her times/dates and set it up. If you sense she's starting to jerk you around, you can pull the plug then.

I offered Thursday at 7pm at X place... she told me that would do but she also asked me if I was free another day.

I told her I was free Thursday and Friday this week. Let's see what she says.

[poppyfields]

1 hour ago, Zebarbu said:

I offered Thursday at 7pm at X place... she told me that would do but she also asked me if I was free another day.

I told her I was free Thursday and Friday this week. Let's see what she says.

Man, she's really got you jumpin through some major hoops, doesn't she. 

I don't get what's up with some women. She asks you to pick a day, so you pick a day and a place after which she asks if you are free another day?

At this point, I think you should revisit what you initially told her -- to get in touch when she’s planned her week and you'll set up something fun. 

If she's not happy with that, so be.  She's not into it OR you. 

Don't know if this is some sort of shyt test, but setting up a date should NOT be this difficult! 

Especially when a woman has high interest.

 

 

Edited July 26, 2021 by poppyfields

[FMW]

She has enough options from you now, it's  up to her to lock it down at this point.  Her asking you to be specific, then saying that would do but still seeking other times would put me off.  "Slotting you in" to me indicates she's a little too impressed with her own importance.  

[d0nnivain]

She hasn't ghosted.  She may simply be busy or is weighing her options.  

[Zebarbu]

I've had to resign from work after my dad had a serious accident and I'm heading back to France in a couple of weeks to be with him. These next weeks I need to plan my trip home to see him and I haven't got time to waste of someone so wishy-washy.

She's not being clear with me, telling me she can do Thursday at 8pm but that she might be able to do it earlier. I'm not ready to throw away any other opportunities I may have come Thursday and Friday.

I'm just going to say "8pm is a bit too late for me unfortunately but it's no problem we'll just do it some other time" or something like that, and leave it be.

 

[d0nnivain]

I'm so sorry about your father but you have bigger fish to fry than this woman.  You barely know her.  After 1-2 dates she may not be open to an international long distance relationship.  Just let it go. 

[Zebarbu]

16 minutes ago, d0nnivain said:

I'm so sorry about your father but you have bigger fish to fry than this woman.  You barely know her.  After 1-2 dates she may not be open to an international long distance relationship.  Just let it go. 

Thanks, it was a bike accident and he's in hospital for God knows how long. He doesn't really speak french either, so I need to be there to help him out.

 

Tbh I'm not looking for anything serious with her or anyone right now... just to go out and have fun.

[d0nnivain]

I understand the need for having fun but she's already proven to be too much work.  Maybe you will find somebody to distract you once you get to France.  

[Zebarbu]

Lmao, you'll never know who just messaged me? 

🤣🤣

[d0nnivain]

Of course she did.  call her back if you like roller coasters.  

[glows]

Just keep it light and fun then. If you don't feel like responding right now, do it next week. Don't overthink this (she seems a bit flaky). Go with your gut and what you want to do. 

[Zebarbu]

47 minutes ago, d0nnivain said:

Of course she did.  call her back if you like roller coasters.  

The girl from my first post who ended it with her boyfriend LOL

We hadn't spoken for weeks and now she's sent me "But (my name) are you really leaving??"

[Zebarbu]

I replied "Yeah. Why do you care?"

 

Her reply: "have you got 2 mins?"

Didn't reply to that, now she's sent me this “I’m sorry I didn’t want to bother you, just to talk to you about what’s happening. You know my door is always open, especially for you. Come when you want”