Anyone who can weigh in on the mentality of this cheater who hit on me?

[Cookiesandough]

5 hours ago, Daisydooks said:

But are you? Not being a b****y snarky ass. I promise. You do this to yourself then ghost people and act all awkward afterwards. So on some level, its really  not something you're attracted to. You do this stuff and then pull the old ghost on people who get weird with you (and even those who arent awkward with you,) youre confused about their behaviour. Some of the time their behaviour is all from the bait youre tossing out and then you get all weirded out by it and ask questions like in this original post.

"I totally baited him, flirted with him, mentioned one bed in Tennessee instead of the 2 he suggested, then he totally got into it and was drunkenly flirting with me! How dare he?!?!? Gasp! How dare he take the bait?!? Isnt he friends with my ex that I sort of dated for like 3.6 months?! I mean, I mentioned how awesome I was in bed to a very drunk man who is kind of friends with this guy (not sure how close they actually are,) so isn't that being sleezy of him because he has a GF?!?" The reality is you baited him completely while drunk (not an excuse to cheat on his cheaty stripper GF BUT alas... he felt entitled I suppose and went along with it 😅)

How attracted to these weird interactions are you actually? 

Yea, I am sorry, but I do like it in the moment and it’s fun for me.  I totally get what you mean and how people might find it weird but in the moment I do have a lot of fun in exploring situations outside of what’s normal for me ( to an extent) and also people who know me knows that I am a really big flirt. I wouldn’t go out of my way or anything but since I was there and he wanted to get me a drink, I just went along with what he was saying/doing( except kind keeping my distance, he kept trying to touch me too much 😫). I didn’t see it as baiting, but I guess that might be just another word for it, but I was just seeing how far that he would go with it because I was curious. All harmless fun, no harm intended, You’re right I actuallu do you have a problem sometimes with it because if I have to get out of the situation later on it becomes a bit of a problem. I get that.  So I am learning to avoid the situation with people that I do intend to have some ties with. And not let things get too weird or block them. But people like him, I had no problem just blocking and now I avoided any future awkwardness/ don’t have to deal with him anymore lol. 
 

thank you daisy  💚

Edited July 31, 2021 by Cookiesandough

[Cookiesandough]

Oh yes and I’ve also “baited” guys with gf who HMU and ask me out/hit on me on social media then send the convo to the gf. Lol , sorry people have such a problem with it, but this me

Edited July 31, 2021 by Cookiesandough

[jspice]

3 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said:

Oh yes and I’ve also “baited” guys with gf who HMU and ask me out/hit on me on social media then send the convo to the gf. Lol , sorry people have such a problem with it, but this me

So if it’s so “fun” for you, why are you on here judging the “cheater”? Have your fun and carry on. 

He’s just doing what you want him to for your amusement and now you’re looking for people to laugh at him/ judge him with you. 

“This is me”. That’s fine, but most people aren’t amused by this unless they’re teenagers. 

What are you hoping people here will say? 
What you’re doing is very juvenile so most adults aren’t going to play your game with you. Are you looking for attention? Company? Validation? 
 

You’re about to graduate and get a job in the real world. Are you going to cause drama at work too? That will get unpleasant right quick and there are consequences for your actions. 

[Cookiesandough]

That’s not true, Jpice. Was not trying to get anyone to laugh. I just said I wondered why he would do that to his close friend and if there was something connected to my ex thst anyone could figure out because there are plenty of women in the world he could hit on or go place with but he knows his close friend has feelings for me and has helped him out a lot so this was weird to me that he would still do that behind his friends back. There’s also that my ex Bf  was just an acquaintance of an ex before him, he got caught up in a lot of drama because I broke up with my ex to date him. This guy saw that all happen so it just seems weird he’d even suggest such a thing. That’s all 

 

& no I won’t do it at work. I will not flirt with people at work and keep my professional life separate things as I’ve always done and it like it is for many people.  Really don’t get what has offended so much, but I’m sorry. In this case , I got the items I was supposed to buy from him for free and then he messaged me and I blocked him, it’s really no harm no foul 

 

Thanks, Jspice. I respect your opinion. Agreeing to disagree on this point 

Edited July 31, 2021 by Cookiesandough

[basil67]

55 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said:

I just said I wondered why he would do that to his close friend

He said what he did because you made it apparent that you were up for it.   If you'd reacted to his grumbling about open relationships by shutting him down, he would not have said it. 

[Alpacalia]

Maybe he was just trying to corral a threesome. 🤷‍♀️

Edited July 31, 2021 by Alpaca

[Cookiesandough]

21 minutes ago, basil67 said:

He said what he did because you made it apparent that you were up for it.   If you'd reacted to his grumbling about open relationships by shutting him down, he would not have said it. 

Well he suggested it/dinner at local restaurant/ business trip out of town and said he knew my ex would not be okay with it and  that he wasn’t that into or serious about his gf and they were just together because COVID all before I started playing along.  I was not even  flirting at that point until he said all that because I had no interest in him, knew he had a gf, and hes also friends with my ex. But also that I just was not interested. It would have never crossed my mind and I was taken aback he would,  but I played along and then it only got worse the more I played along 

Edited July 31, 2021 by Cookiesandough

[Cookiesandough]

12 minutes ago, Alpaca said:

Maybe he was just trying to corral a threesome. 🤷‍♀️

That’s an interesting theory xD 

[basil67]

11 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said:

Well he suggested it/dinner at local restaurant/ business trip out of town and said he knew my ex would not be okay with it and  that he wasn’t that into or serious about his gf and they were just together because COVID all before I started playing along.  I was not even  flirting at that point until he said all that because I had no interest in him, knew he had a gf, and hes also friends with my ex. But also that I just was not interested. It would have never crossed my mind and I was taken aback he would,  but I played along and then it only got worse the more I played along 

In previous discussions, you've disclosed that you openly dated friends of an ex. Your choices nearly broke your ex, but you felt that your right to date his friends trumped  his feelings.   Why is what this guy suggested any different to what you've done?   If anything, a secret weekend fling which your ex doesn't know about wouldn't hurt him at all.

[Cookiesandough]

21 minutes ago, basil67 said:

In previous discussions, you've disclosed that you openly dated friends of an ex. Your choices nearly broke your ex, but you felt that your right to date his friends trumped  his feelings.   Why is what this guy suggested any different to what you've done?   If anything, a secret weekend fling which your ex doesn't know about wouldn't hurt him at all.

Because it wasn’t my close friend and I wasn’t cheating/sneaking around on him. It was an ex bf who I broke up because I didn’t have feelings for him anymore. And then I let almost 2 months pass and an *acquaintance* of his and I were dating . It’s just a lot different to me I guess and think that ex really overreacted and made a lot of assumptions 

Edited July 31, 2021 by Cookiesandough

[basil67]

3 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said:

Because it wasn’t my close friend. It was an ex bf who I broke up because I didn’t have feelings for him anymore and let almost 2 months pass and an acquaintance of his and I were dating . It’s just a lot different to me I guess and think that ex really overreacted 

Two months is no time at all to someone who's heartbroken and angry.  And yet, you dismissed his feelings and did what you did knowing how upset it made him.   I really don't see your choices as any less hurtful than this guy's choices.  

[Cookiesandough]

3 minutes ago, basil67 said:

 

I see it differently 

Edited July 31, 2021 by Cookiesandough

[Daisydooks]

3 hours ago, Cookiesandough said:

Yea, I am sorry, but I do like it in the moment and it’s fun for me.  I totally get what you mean and how people might find it weird but in the moment I do have a lot of fun in exploring situations outside of what’s normal for me ( to an extent) and also people who know me knows that I am a really big flirt. I wouldn’t go out of my way or anything but since I was there and he wanted to get me a drink, I just went along with what he was saying/doing( except kind keeping my distance, he kept trying to touch me too much 😫). I didn’t see it as baiting, but I guess that might be just another word for it, but I was just seeing how far that he would go with it because I was curious. All harmless fun, no harm intended, You’re right I actuallu do you have a problem sometimes with it because if I have to get out of the situation later on it becomes a bit of a problem. I get that.  So I am learning to avoid the situation with people that I do intend to have some ties with. And not let things get too weird or block them. But people like him, I had no problem just blocking and now I avoided any future awkwardness/ don’t have to deal with him anymore lol. 
 

thank you daisy  💚

Yep and thats all I meant. I meant no harm. I have also been in situations that were fun at the time type things however, some awkward s*** came after it, I grew and realized maybe that wasnt so fun! Hahahaha Ive definitely learned "to read the room" and can forsee the consequences of some of my actions beforehand now. Definitely not coming from a place of judgement but understanding.  

I'm almost 10 years older than you, and at about 29 (and younger of course,) I did some really stupid s***, got into stupid situations (some silly, some dumb, some awful and embarrassing) soooooo, with that said, in the grand scheme of things, you're doing just fine. Youll learn what not to do again as you go. Haha That IS life. But remember its yours and if something is uncomfortable, dont do it again. Haha Or maybe only try it twice, in case it didnt get a fair shake the first time. 🤣

 

Edited July 31, 2021 by Daisydooks

[jspice]

9 hours ago, basil67 said:

Two months is no time at all to someone who's heartbroken and angry.  And yet, you dismissed his feelings and did what you did knowing how upset it made him.   I really don't see your choices as any less hurtful than this guy's choices.  

I also wouldn’t trust her around my boyfriend or husband if she purported to be my friend. 
If this is what’s fun, she’s going to play games with my relationship for her entertainment. No thanks. 

[FMW]

1 hour ago, jspice said:

I also wouldn’t trust her around my boyfriend or husband if she purported to be my friend. 

I've  had a "friend" like this before.  She was then stunned that I ended the friendship.

@Cookiesandough, I'll take you at your word that you mean no harm.  I understand you like to be different and follow your own path, and hold tight to your right to be that way.  But unless you don't  care how your actions affect others, I would recommend you give some thought to people expressing how inappropriate they find it. And certainly don't  be surprised if it costs you a friendship or causes other problems for you.  

We are free to do as we wish, but then we have to accept responsibility for the consequences.  In this case it was just a guy trying to touch you "too much".

[Cookiesandough]

1 hour ago, jspice said:

I also wouldn’t trust her around my boyfriend or husband if she purported to be my friend. 
If this is what’s fun, she’s going to play games with my relationship for her entertainment. No thanks. 

That’s a kind of twisted, though, isn’t it?  This guy begins hitting on me/proposes a date, it’s my fault for trolling him. I don’t want to date my ex anymore and date someone new instead of submit indefinitely to his irrational emotions, it’s my fault. xD 

 

To some people, everything is my fault. Doesn’t matter o wasn’t the the one to propose it. Instead of checking the person that is committed, I get checked

 

I wouldn’t want to be friends with anyone who thought like that, so it’s okay if they don’t want to be mine 

Edited July 31, 2021 by Cookiesandough

[Cookiesandough]

15 minutes ago, FMW said:

I've  had a "friend" like this before.  She was then stunned that I ended the friendship.

@Cookiesandough, I'll take you at your word that you mean no harm.  I understand you like to be different and follow your own path, and hold tight to your right to be that way.  But unless you don't  care how your actions affect others, I would recommend you give some thought to people expressing how inappropriate they find it. And certainly don't  be surprised if it costs you a friendship or causes other problems for you.  

We are free to do as we wish, but then we have to accept responsibility for the consequences.  In this case it was just a guy trying to touch you "too much".

Yea I’m totally cool with that. I’ve never had a problem with anything related to this in any of my friendships. But like I said, I don’t hang around messy people and a friends bf has never done anything more than harmless flirting, which I shut down even if I need to make a point to

 

Besides I was more friends with this guy than the girl, I’ve never encountered a situation where a guy my ex was friends with talked about how their relationship sucks and they’re unhappy and want to date other people and asked me on a date.

I think there are just a lot of assumptions/misunderstandings being made about what exactly happened that night and what was said/done. And that’s understandable because I haven’t shared at all

 My problem in friendships is related to other stuff i mentioned in other thread. But I’m getting better at that. It takes discipline and commitment 

 

I’m not going to address that in this thread because this thread is not about that. I am no longer going to defend myself about this because I get it’s pointless and also know I know I’m not going to change because it’s not/never been an issue for me 

I also understand there is a slight tendency if a thread goes long enough that some will change the trajectory of the thread and swing it back on the OP. Especially if the thread is written a certain way, like mine was. I don’t fault anyone for that. I think it’s just human nature in these kinds of discussions.

Edited July 31, 2021 by Cookiesandough

[FMW]

It doesn't  mean the guy involved doesn't  get dumped too.  But I don't  think many women are going to be OK with a friend "checking" their SO without being asked.

You don't  have to defend yourself, I seriously doubt anyone thinks you are "always wrong".  We're simply sharing our opinions on the topic you raised. 

I do think it's good to be aware how others might perceive things, then regardless of what you choose to do you won't be surprised when things get awkward.

 

 

[Cookiesandough]

17 minutes ago, FMW said:

 But I don't  think many women are going to be OK with a friend "checking" their SO without being asked.

 

 

 

Fair enough. But like I said, that’s not remotely what happened here so I don’t know why it’s being discussed here 

Edited July 31, 2021 by Cookiesandough

[FMW]

I think it was brought up because you enjoy seeing where things go and see yourself as an innocent ( for lack of a better word) party to the situation.  Most women are not going to trust that you would limit it to men whose women you don't really know.

Actions and beliefs often carry into more than just one specific situation.

Again, you don't need to feel defensive.  We're just giving you our views.

Most of us are not surprised at the guy's reaction to you playing along.  Doesn't mean he's not a dog, but whether you disagree or not, many will see you did have a part in bringing the situation about.

Edited July 31, 2021 by FMW

[Cookiesandough]

Just now, FMW said:

I think it was brought up because you enjoy seeing where things go and see yourself as an innocent ( for lack of a better word) party to the situation.  Most women are not going to trust that you would limit it to men whose women you don't really know.

Actions and beliefs often carry into more than just one specific situation.

Again, you don't need to feel defensive.  We're just giving you our views.

“Enjoy seeing where things go” is a very a pretty broad scope. But yea, in general, I do. Nothing to defend against there. 

[Cookiesandough]

29 minutes ago, FMW said:

 

Most of us are not surprised at the guy's reaction to you playing along.  Doesn't mean he's not a dog, but whether you disagree or not, many will see you did have a part in bringing the situation about.

See, this added bit.. Although I don’t know  how you can speak for most people, I do respect your opinion a lot, FMV. However, I don’t agree with this bit. 
 

I have had five boyfriends that were all desirable men and had women hitting on them  in front of me sometimes in bars etc. Not to mention I know at least two of them were hit on/asked out by women through text/social media and they rebuffed it. I saw in their texts much later. So not all men are that weak and I think it’s pretty messed up for anyone to think so. 
 

One more time, just to try to clarify for anyone still confused, this is distinctly different than the situation in this thread topic where completely unprovoked, this man started aggressively hitting on me by the moment I got there and suggested that we date behind my ex-boyfriend and his girlfriends back. I only started trolling him later which I have no regrets about as it was quite entertaining and illuminating ( to me) even if it goes nowhere in actuality. 

Edited July 31, 2021 by Cookiesandough

[Cookiesandough]

Not really thread topic, but I do want to say because I had the thought. I’d actually be wary of being a friend with someone who honestly thought all men cheat under the right circumstance, because they are typically the ones who make excuses for guys, like they are some weak animal who should be given a pass. That’s just their bad  xp choosing bad men showing. 
 

Like in this case, he acts inappropriate to me in all seriousness and I start messing with him back awhile after with absolutely no sincerity who  , I’m be just as blamed by these types, if not moreso. I haven’t been friends to my knowledge  with anyone who thought like that , but I have had rando women who have been nasty  at me because their guys were being inappropriate with me and I hadn’t even done anything.  They can f right off with that.no sis don’t want your bf and in all reality very few people probably do 

Edited July 31, 2021 by Cookiesandough

[poppyfields]

Hi cookies, the way I read this sitch was you both were having a bit of harmless fun, you weren't being serious and neither was he.

In a way, you were both playing each other.  I mean, you both even acknowledged he wasnt gonna remember any of it the next day, haha, but he said to hit him up and let him know how you like the stuff...lol

No reason to vilify the guy for a bit of harmless flirting that I highly doubt he had any intention of following through with, just as there is no reason for anyone to vilify or criticize you for your part in playing back.  I certainly don't anyway. 

He was drunk, decided to play you a bit, and you played back..

No harm, no foul as they say.

I could be wrong, but that's how I read it.  

 

[Cookiesandough]

16 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

Hi cookies, the way I read this sitch was you both were having a bit of harmless fun, you weren't being serious and neither was he.

In a way, you were both playing each other.  I mean, you both even acknowledged he wasnt gonna remember any of it the next day, haha, but he said to hit him up and let him know how you like the stuff...lol

No reason to vilify the guy for a bit of harmless flirting that I highly doubt he had any intention of following through with, just as there is no reason for anyone to vilify or criticize you for your part in playing back.  I certainly don't anyway. 

He was drunk, decided to play you a bit, and you played back..

No harm, no foul as they say.

I could be wrong, but that's how I read it.  

 

Ty, poppy.💚 That’s an interesting perspective. If we accept the premise he was just playing around/trolling me too ( which although he did text me the next day before I blocked), which could very well could have been the case, I would agree he should not be ‘vilified’ though I think it’s tacky to suggest that when the guys your friend and also talk s*** about your gf /your miserable relationship to someone that’s just trying to buy a cartridge off of you. He said some really tacky stuff about her and followed it up with “but she loves me/is a great person”… but technically it’s a lot better. 

 

Anyway thank you, that could be . We’re gonna go with that. 

Edited July 31, 2021 by Cookiesandough