How to handle anger towards my lying roommate which could ruin my housing

[CarouselGoRound]

For 7 months I lived in a house and shared a bathroom with someone, who moved out. Come a month later when the landlord talks to me, he asked me what was up with the bathroom Apparently, my roommate claimed he was fed up with it and said he couldn't live there anymore which is why he moved out and its never clean. That is sorely untrue as I have cleaned it before and after myself and made sure its not gross and there was someone else who used the bathroom and had no issues as well. Further, other people in the house used/visited the bathroom and had no issues. As well, the guy never said a word about anything to me and when he moved out, everyone else said its because he has anger issues or some other stuff and he couldn't really adjust, not due to a bathroom. I did hear him scrubbing once while saying jesus christ loudly, which isn't helpful at all. Long story short, he's full of s*** and clearly moved out due to other issues and used the bathroom as an excuse to do so but his lies got me in trouble with the landlord, who might not trust me with the bathroom and I could face issues. I find myself feeling angry at him for his bullshit and all, but how can I handle this feeling and move on

[glows]

Stay calm and tell the landlord that the bathroom was cleaned regularly(if it was). Invite him to talk to the other housemates also. Getting defensive will make you appear suspicious and like the guilty party. If you’ve done nothing wrong be cool about it. 

I’d suggest you be open and friendly about the matter also if he wants to discuss it with you or if there are valid complaints. 

 

Edited July 26, 2021 by glows

[d0nnivain]

Cleaning issues are easy to resolve.  Your landlord has eyes.  If the bathroom is now clean this is a non-issue so don't worry.  As long as there are no structural problems or issues requiring a plumber your landlord doesn't care if tenants are slobs or neat freaks.  

[Wiseman2]

6 hours ago, CarouselGoRound said:

I find myself feeling angry at him for his bullshit

Agree he used the bathroom thing to get out of the lease and threw you under the bus.

Just keep it clean so you get your deposit back when you move out.🧽🚽🧴

[CarouselGoRound]

12 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Agree he used the bathroom thing to get out of the lease and threw you under the bus.

Just keep it clean so you get your deposit back when you move out.🧽🚽🧴

Is it an issue if he never said anything to me for 7 months

[basil67]

From his angle, I get it.   I've been in shared houses where the other flatmates didn't notice the cleanliness that I expected.   Sure, they removed any skid marks from the bowl, but washing the floor and giving the bowl a general bleach every week or so was beyond them.  That he's been heard scrubbing and swearing does indicate that he truly wasn't happy.   That said, I didn't storm out or complain, I just cleaned it myself and stayed living there.   Also, when I use someone else's bathroom, I do have the manners to not tell them it's gross, so some visitors might think it's gross but not tell you.    

Anyway, the long and short of it could be that you're both right.   The bathroom is cleaned to the standards that you like it cleaned to and you and your other room mates happy with it.  But it's not cleaned to the standards that he would expect and as such got grossed out by it and moved out.   I think he was wrong to complain to the landlord though.   As long as the landlord is happy with how you keep it, it's all good.

[CarouselGoRound]

16 minutes ago, basil67 said:

From his angle, I get it.   I've been in shared houses where the other flatmates didn't notice the cleanliness that I expected.   Sure, they removed any skid marks from the bowl, but washing the floor and giving the bowl a general bleach every week or so was beyond them.  That he's been heard scrubbing and swearing does indicate that he truly wasn't happy.   That said, I didn't storm out or complain, I just cleaned it myself and stayed living there.   Also, when I use someone else's bathroom, I do have the manners to not tell them it's gross, so some visitors might think it's gross but not tell you.    

Anyway, the long and short of it could be that you're both right.   The bathroom is cleaned to the standards that you like it cleaned to and you and your other room mates happy with it.  But it's not cleaned to the standards that he would expect and as such got grossed out by it and moved out.   I think he was wrong to complain to the landlord though.   As long as the landlord is happy with how you keep it, it's all good.

A few things.

1. Thing is, he would ask me to buy supplies for it and talked to me once when I left over some soap after cleaning. If he had an issue, he should have said though. It's an easily fixable problem. Adults talk.

2. Again, I doubt he moved out due to the bathroom. There was another person who used the bathroom, had no issues. Also, others in house used or came down, said nothing and they knew nothing of his issues. As well, he had anger issues and my other housemates think he left because of that 

Edited July 26, 2021 by CarouselGoRound

[basil67]

8 minutes ago, CarouselGoRound said:

A few things.

1. Thing is, he would ask me to buy supplies for it and talked to me once when I left over some soap after cleaning. If he had an issue, he should have said though. It's an easily fixable problem. Adults talk.

2. Again, I doubt he moved out due to the bathroom. There was another person who used the bathroom, had no issues. Also, others in house used or came down, said nothing and they knew nothing of his issues. As well, he had anger issues and my other housemates think he left because of that 

1. As I said earlier, I didn't tell my housemates that I had issues with the bathroom - I just quietly cleaned it myself.  If the others think the bathroom is fine, they aren't going to see the dirt that I see, so there's no point raising it.  Part of adulting is also learning which battles to fight.

In your case, you and the other housemates were perfectly fine with the bathroom.  If he had raised the concern that it was too dirty for him, would you all have agreed that it really is dirty and cleaned it more?  From what you write here, you would have disagreed that it was dirty.   My experience in life is that people clean things to a level which they are happy with, and don't stretch themselves to accommodate a clean freak.  And I say this as a someone who leaves stuff around which annoys my super tidy husband but I don't see the mess. 

2. Also, as I said earlier, that you and your other housemates were fine with it doesn't mean that he should necessarily be fine with it.  Anyway, if he was an angry kind of guy, then he likely moved out because he was angry about the bathroom AND angry about whole lot of other stuff.  And will probably do the same thing in his next place.  He may find solace when he lives with another neat freak or lives alone.

 

[CarouselGoRound]

34 minutes ago, basil67 said:

1. As I said earlier, I didn't tell my housemates that I had issues with the bathroom - I just quietly cleaned it myself.  If the others think the bathroom is fine, they aren't going to see the dirt that I see, so there's no point raising it.  Part of adulting is also learning which battles to fight.

In your case, you and the other housemates were perfectly fine with the bathroom.  If he had raised the concern that it was too dirty for him, would you all have agreed that it really is dirty and cleaned it more?  From what you write here, you would have disagreed that it was dirty.   My experience in life is that people clean things to a level which they are happy with, and don't stretch themselves to accommodate a clean freak.  And I say this as a someone who leaves stuff around which annoys my super tidy husband but I don't see the mess. 

2. Also, as I said earlier, that you and your other housemates were fine with it doesn't mean that he should necessarily be fine with it.  Anyway, if he was an angry kind of guy, then he likely moved out because he was angry about the bathroom AND angry about whole lot of other stuff.  And will probably do the same thing in his next place.  He may find solace when he lives with another neat freak or lives alone.

 

Well my point was, if you have a problem, just say so. That doesn't mean to start a fight or  battle or make a compromise . I find it childish 

if he said so, then yeah I would have agreed to make a compromise.

[d0nnivain]

You are right that adults talk & work out things.  Your former roommate didn't do that & I can see why you feel blindsided & betrayed by hearing the lame excuse about the bathroom when he never said anything but just do what you gotta do going forward, so you get your security deposit back at the end of your lease.  Keep your eye on the prize.  

[ShyViolet]

I'm not understanding how this can get you in trouble with your landlord.  Since when do landlords micromanage how often you clean your bathroom?  As long as you are quite sure that the bathroom is fine now, how can you get in trouble with your landlord?  This just doesn't really make much sense.

This roommate is gone now, so whatever happened is in the past now, just be happy that he's gone.

[CarouselGoRound]

I am glad he's gone and all but still, when I think about that moron scrubbing while saying "Jesus Christ" or claiming he's fed up,  it makes me really mad because instead of being a whiny kid with anger issues, adults should talk and work things out and if you have a problem for f***s sake