3 years later

[OngoingThoughts]

Hi everyone, it's been 3 years since I posted a topic here. I though it would be nice to check back in and give people that are experiencing the same thing as I did, some hope for better times. The mind games with this girl that broke up with me continued for quite some time. New Years Eve later that year she called me up to tell me she loved me. I had hopes again but quickly realIized her call wasn't genuine. She didn't want to get back with me. Eventually I got over her by staying away from her and not seeking contact. I did not add her again on social media and that helped a lot. Fast forward 3 years and I am in a happy relationship with another girl. Corona/lockdown gave us a really strong bond and we just bought a house together. Funny thing is my ex contacted me about 2 months ago. Saying she wanted to know how I'd been and if I wanted to meet for coffee. I told her I wasn't sure I wanted to do that. She was all interested in me, but once she found out about the house and my new girlfriend, she cut contact. It's funny how in hindsight you see how selfish some people are and that you are better off without them. I am happy now and see that what she and I had, wasn't meant to be. We weren't compatible. 

 You will find someone else, if you are willing to work on yourself and be happy with who you are. It sounds cliche, but you have to be happy alone first. Don't be afraid to get help. Work out, nurture yourself: mentally and physically. Girls will see your confidence and will find this very attractive. No girl likes a miserable guy/girl. So work on yourself first and then go out there and find the true love of your life!

[vwisme]

Thank you for coming back to share this. This is very much appreciated and definitely saving this as a favorite of mine. 

I wish more people did this and I'm going to make a note to do this as well. 

[Z128]

Thank you for coming back and sharing. Could you please share a bit about your breakup, how did it happen, was it cruel etc. it is interesting to see how tables turn. 

[OngoingThoughts]

On 8/2/2021 at 12:55 AM, Z128 said:

Thank you for coming back and sharing. Could you please share a bit about your breakup, how did it happen, was it cruel etc. it is interesting to see how tables turn. 

Hi yeah, sure. She was about to move in with me officially. We took care of everything and she even cancelled her own rent. Even her stuff was at my place. Then suddenly she broke up with me and moved out in the week that followed. She was unsure wether she made the right decision and we kept texting. Me ofc saying I could change and all that. It all happened in April, so until the summer vacation we kept talking and we even slept together again twice or so during that time. But she didn't want to get in a relationship again so she kind of used me during that period because she felt bad.

Fast foward to the summer I initiated no contact after being on this forum. On the day we said it would start she texted me she loved me. I didn't reply, which was really hard. I had a really tough time with the breakup because I was crazy about her, so I decided to travel alone and went to Spain. Wandered there for about two weeks. I can't say I enjoyed it immensely like I normally would have, but it was better than sitting at home with my thoughts and tears. She watched all my Instagram Stories when I was away. Which confused me a lot. So during the travel I blocked her, also because I didn't want to see what she was doing. She was making me jealous by making pictures with people I did not know and she might have been dating.

After the summer we spoke again. She admitted her summer had been terrible. She had stayed at home and told me she missed me. It was a weird and awkward period. Eventually the contact faded I think because I felt like we weren't going to get back together and too much time had passed. It broke my heart because secretly I had hope she had missed me enough to be with me again. I had a hard time then because I also just started a new job and found some help at a shrink. The job turned out to be wonderful, which helped a lot. It was quiet for a while. We met each other on the street maybe a few times and had small talk. Every time my heart was racing and I had hope she would see what she was missing. She never did. 

Around NYE that year she called me, drunk, saying she loved me even though we hadn't had contact in quite some time. Of course that gave me hope. But nothing came from it. I should have known better. I started dating other girls after that, tried to get myself out there to see if there were other people I could find interesting. It worked, I met a few great girls, but none compatible enough to start a relationship with. Until around a year since the breakup. I met this girl and we had great chemistry. We are still together now and buying a house.

I know my ex moved to another city in the meantime. She recently came back and appearently had seen me in the city. Like I said: She was all interested in me, but once she found out about the house and my new girlfriend, she cut contact. I'm not shaken by it anymore. I moved on.

I felt like I loser in the beginning, but feel like I won in the end.

[spiritedaway2003]

There is no “winning” or “losing” when it comes to a good relationship. Keeping score is the fastest way to end a relationship.

She sees that you are now involved with someone else and buying a house together.  She’s stepping away not because she’s playing games (at least the way you see it…you are “one upping her”). You should be thrilled that she cut contact — She’s being respectful to you by respecting that boundary for your current relationship.

Edited August 5, 2021 by spiritedaway2003