Keep thinking about another girl?

[benrobert111]

Hi all,

I'm 28 and i have been with my girlfriend for 3 years. We both love eachother very much and have a house together. But recently I keep thinking about this other girl. About 3-4 years ago (before me and my girlfriend were together) there was this girl at my workplace who I had a huge huge crush on. I always wanted to ask her out but was too scared, i thought she was out of my league/not interested in me that way. We would often talk and flirt a little. Looking back at it now, I think she was interested in me but i didn't see it at the time. Anyway, I haven't really been thinking about since i have been in a relationship but suddenly she has been appearing in my dreams.. and in my dreams we're still flirting etc. Then when i wake up i feel bad like im cheating on my girlfriend. Then everytime i wake up after she appears in my dream i start thinking about her and wondering what would have happened if i has asked her out back then?

Anyway Im just curious if anyone else has been in a similar situation? And if so, did you eventually just forget about this other person? Im not going to cheat/act on it obviously. She also has a boyfriend and has since moved away. But really finding it difficult that she keeps popping up in my dreams, i usually end up thinking about her the following day which makes me feel awful.

Any advice would be great!!

[Wiseman2]

2 hours ago, benrobert111 said:

.We both love eachother very much and have a house together. 

Sorry this is happening. How long have you lived together?

Is there a future or is it a relationship of convenience?

Sounds like you are thinking of free and happy times, before the tedium, rut and boredom of living together happened.

Yes paying bills, keeping up the house, etc is a lot less exciting or romantic than having a crush and unattainable fantasy.

This isn't about someone else. It's about the living together situation. It's dull and lackluster.

 

 

[Lotsgoingon]

I'm not saying this is the case for you, but when I was with someone and had random fantasies of other people, sometimes--not all the time--but sometimes that was a sign that something was bugging me in my current relationship that I was sweeping under the rug and ignoring.

On the other hand, apparently fantasies like the one you describe are normal and typical. It can be jarring to look back and realize that x person really liked you but you missed it at the time. That brings up some regret over our lack of social skill and confidence at the time.

I had a summer job where this woman who thought had amazing happy energy just smiled and came alive every time I saw her. I assumed this was her personality. I tried to set her up with a buddy. The buddy meets her, but the date falls flat. He says she seemed uninterested. He tells me the only time she showed enthusiasm was when my name came up. Literally my buddy tells me this, and I STILL didn't accept or believe that this woman really liked me. So the experience you're reporting is just a part of life. Part of the learning experience.

 

[ExpatInItaly]

It could be that your relationship has gotten a little mundane, as relationships often do after some years together. 

I don't think your dreams mean more than you perhaps craving a bit of excitement. How are things going between you are your girlfriend? Do you still spend quality time together, have dates, and try to keep the romance alive - of have you two fallen into a rut?

[d0nnivain]

The crush from the past is a symbol.  She is not real in the sense that you should you break up with your live in GF & chase the other woman.  Rather there was something carefree & attractive about her that is missing from your present relationship.  Before you end things with your GF take some steps to reconnect & add some excitement back into the relationship.  Then see where you are.  

[KymeT247]

You can't stop thinking about the other girl because you are allowing yourself to.  It really is as simple as that.

I am going to do the inappropriate thing and assume you are questioning your love for your help because you have far surpassed the honeymoon and you're craving the adrenaline fueled lust you get at the beginning of a relationship. Relationships go through waves, you just have to decide which one you value enough to ride it out. When you make this solid decision, that desire for just one lady will come back and your sex life does get better with the satisfaction of just being better, a better person, a transparent partner and open communicator with the person who knows and how you know like the back of your hand to please.

 

You just have to decide what you want.

[smackie9]

Say goodbye to her in your own way. Like write a letter and burn it. Then delete her phone number, social media, etc. Have your closure. Then do something romantic with your GF and think how blessed you are to have her in your life. You know, think of all the positive things she has brought into your life.

Edited July 30, 2021 by smackie9