ld1991 Posted July 27, 2021 Share Posted July 27, 2021 So me and my ex broke up this time last year, it was a difficult one. She's 27 lives 40 min away with parents and I'm almost 30 live alone. We were together for 2 years, broke up due to her not feeling the same etc... some stuff happened and then we went no contact. I saw her on dating apps in January but then nothing until last weekend when I saw her on them again. I stupidly decided to email her and say that I passed a place which reminded me of her.. I never mentioned that I saw her on the apps. She then said how random and asked how I've been.. we got into a back and forth conversation and I showed her the improvements I've made to my home and myself and she was impressed. She then asked how my parents were and said she loves them and when she's in my home town she may just go and see them for a catch up. She then gave me her number to whatsapp as it was easier than talking on email. She then asked if I still have some of the stuff she gave me and I said yes. I told her what my plans are for my birthday in a couple weeks and she was like oh great remember to leave with a girls number. I then said oh by the way you still have my hoodie... she then said yes well snooze you lose, I may just give it to one of the girls you have hahaha I played it cool and didn't confirm that I have girls or not... one thing she said to me in the past is she always wanted to be curious about me. I replied then but this was late... she then didn't reply. I just feel kinda weird about the whole thing.. I know I shouldn't have messaged her but I couldn't help it. I really did love her and miss her and the breakup did teach me some stuff about myself which maybe contributed to it. But her saying stuff like going to see my parents and saying shel give me hoodie to one of my girls or asking if I still kept her stuff it felt weird.. like she was testing me. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted July 27, 2021 Share Posted July 27, 2021 51 minutes ago, ld1991 said: I saw her on dating apps in January but then nothing until last weekend when I saw her on them again. I stupidly decided to email her and say that I passed a place which reminded me of her.. I never mentioned that I saw her on the apps. Flirty chitchat with an ex is indeed confusing. She knows where you are and your contact info, but is out dating so it sounds like friendly chitchat, not a "test" Link to post Share on other sites
Author ld1991 Posted July 27, 2021 Author Share Posted July 27, 2021 9 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Flirty chitchat with an ex is indeed confusing. She knows where you are and your contact info, but is out dating so it sounds like friendly chitchat, not a "test" Yeah possibly, she thinks I am too bit i didnt give anything away. I just found it weird she gave me her number and some stuff she said.. like why ask if I still have her stuff and about seeing my parents or coming to mine for a party because I built a bar outside lol.. but she stopped talking now since last night. And so have I... She may say happy birthday as im 30 in 3 weeks and she knows that.. plus shel be in my hometown at the time as will I... I will of course keep dating myself if I get the opportunity. I know it won't work with her again as we've broken up twice.. last time she said she had issues to do with mental health and didnt feel the same about me anymore. I did feel I may have contributed to the breakup by being negative and not having ambition or doing things on my own etc.. kinda learnt that now. I'd be majorly surprised if she wanted more out of this.. but im not initiating contact to her. I'll talk of she reaches out but I don't wanna be the one messaging all the time.. she loves curiosity. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted July 27, 2021 Share Posted July 27, 2021 I think it would seriously mess with your head to continue to engage with her in any way. She said 'remember to leave with a girl's number'. She was not hinting in any way about getting back together. If you do communicate with her again, I would advise being cool and distant and leave the discussion with a goodbye. Link to post Share on other sites
flitzanu Posted July 27, 2021 Share Posted July 27, 2021 nothing in this. she told you to get a girl's number on your birthday party. if she wanted to pursue you, she wouldn't be hinting that you should hook up with other girls. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ld1991 Posted July 27, 2021 Author Share Posted July 27, 2021 I know right, she was like that before though... and we got back together. I dont know if shes trying to find out if I got girls on the scene or not... weird we haven't spoke today anyway Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted July 28, 2021 Share Posted July 28, 2021 Why are you doing this to yourself? She might be testing to see if you will be a back-up for her when her guys on the dating apps aren't paying attention to her, but if she was seriously interested, she would have been in touch long before now. You'te setting yourself up to get hurt all over again. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted July 28, 2021 Share Posted July 28, 2021 17 hours ago, ld1991 said: and we got back together. And then broke up again. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ld1991 Posted July 28, 2021 Author Share Posted July 28, 2021 36 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: And then broke up again. I know you could be right.. im not even talking to her, I'm not initiating anything. If she did talk to me I talk in a calm manner where I dont show interest but we are not talking. I think she was just curious to see if I was with someone.. I just found it weird how she asked if I still had her things, that she still had the stuff I gave her and then her saying shel give my clothes that I left with her to one of the girls I have. That's where I did not confirm or deny that I had any girl. Just things like that and how she said she may go and visit my parents when she's in the area.. I found it all weird. I remember before we broke up how she said that she wants to be curious about me, how she wanted me to do things without her which I now realise. That's not me saying I'd get back with her.. but I can see her point which I've improved on. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted July 28, 2021 Share Posted July 28, 2021 I just wouldn't get your hopes up. There is a reason you don't meet many long-term couples who were successful on their third attempt at a relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ld1991 Posted July 28, 2021 Author Share Posted July 28, 2021 14 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: I just wouldn't get your hopes up. There is a reason you don't meet many long-term couples who were successful on their third attempt at a relationship. I wont, I'm not gonna talk to her again unless she messages me something.. we haven't spoke since Monday. I know its unlikely, I just found some stuff she said/asked weird. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted July 28, 2021 Share Posted July 28, 2021 3 hours ago, ld1991 said: I know its unlikely, I just found some stuff she said/asked weird. Eh, it's actually fairly typical of a dumper who is hoping their ex might stroke their ego during a dry spell. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ld1991 Posted August 1, 2021 Author Share Posted August 1, 2021 On 7/28/2021 at 11:34 PM, ExpatInItaly said: Eh, it's actually fairly typical of a dumper who is hoping their ex might stroke their ego during a dry spell. She randomly messaged me yesterday to ask of I still work near her.. I replied yes and ahe just said oh great.. then nothing was said lol weird Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted August 1, 2021 Share Posted August 1, 2021 5 hours ago, ld1991 said: She randomly messaged me yesterday to ask of I still work near her.. I replied yes and ahe just said oh great.. then nothing was said lol weird You seem to be enjoying this, so I would simply caution you to protect your heart. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ld1991 Posted August 12, 2021 Author Share Posted August 12, 2021 On 8/1/2021 at 7:58 AM, ExpatInItaly said: You seem to be enjoying this, so I would simply caution you to protect your heart. She messaged me couple days ago saying she's been thinking that she wants to see my parents but worried it will be awkward. We talked and said we could meet today. We texted in the day and it was joking back and forth.. she then said shes proud how far ive come and said im guessing you're seeing someone.. I said why would you guess that? She then said I dont care if you do because I know I'd always win 😉 then said she was joking. Weird why she asked that then said that... Anyway we met today for food and an activity and it was fun. Lots of laughs few hugs and talking.. she was telling me how she's focused on getting her first house from a family member and how she's in that process. She said shes happy and doesn't want a relationship as shes focused on that and happy with friends etc and I understood.. shes at the stage I was when I was getting my house when I first met her. She said shes away with family for a week now then with her mom on a weekend away and then back at work. We said we could meet up again sometime so I just said let me know and I'll se if I'm free. I dont wanna be needy so I'm just gonna leave her to message or whatever.. but It was fun and it felt some spark there... but I guess how does this progress to something more intimate? If she wants to meet again I will invite her to the got tub I have.. but I don't know if she will.. we shall see I guess. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted August 12, 2021 Share Posted August 12, 2021 On 7/28/2021 at 8:53 PM, ExpatInItaly said: I just wouldn't get your hopes up. There is a reason you don't meet many long-term couples who were successful on their third attempt at a relationship. I'll just quote myself on this one. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ld1991 Posted August 12, 2021 Author Share Posted August 12, 2021 12 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: I'll just quote myself on this one. I get that.. im just curious to know why she wanted to know if I was seeing someone... why meet up with me and why say I don't care if you're with someone as I know I'd always win lol I don't know if we'll meet again.. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted August 12, 2021 Share Posted August 12, 2021 To be blunt? Probably because she's having a dating dry spell and knows you'll keep her company in the meantime. She wants you to herself until she starts dating the next guy. Mark my words. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ld1991 Posted August 12, 2021 Author Share Posted August 12, 2021 (edited) 29 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: I'll just quote myself on this one. But I can date too... she said ahes too focused on work, getting her new house and family she doesn't want a relationship or dating and is happy as she is. I mean if i dated how would she feel then. I dont know Edited August 12, 2021 by ld1991 Edit Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted August 12, 2021 Share Posted August 12, 2021 (edited) How many couples do you know that are happily together (long-term) after two break-ups? It would be great if you date others. You should. Find a woman who loves you enough not to risk letting you go - not even once. This one has dumped you twice and you are now showing her you have no backbone and little self-respect. No boundaries with her. Let her waltz in and out whenever she wants. I'm a woman and can tell you that the immature ones among us (like this chick) will wipe our feet on guys like you, unfortunately. The probability of this working out is just about nil, if you're being realistic with yourself. I can't name one couple I know personally that has reunited twice and made it work. I realize it's hard to say no because you clearly want her back, but dude. You need to take your head out of the sand and see this for what it is. Edited August 12, 2021 by ExpatInItaly Link to post Share on other sites
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