I have just gone through a day of silent treatment

[Davina1]

Something going on at home Right now so I have too many other personal stuff going on to even think about him . Have a bad situation and I have to look after myself for a while.  Life can be so hard at times .  

[Davina1]

I’m doing better now .   Had a medical emergency in my family 

also I have ended it with mm . I’m just not cut out for the affair .   He is only using me but filled my head pretending he really cared but reality is his wife is who he really cares for . The only thing he doesn’t get from her is intimacy.  . 
 

I read back through months of our correspondence and he actually said that I’m the only person he would be intimate with .  Yep that’s because she won’t with him . They do have a very loving happy relationship I know that . Well he can have it . 
 

another thing I noticed from our correspondence is he blamed cell reception on times when he couldn’t contact me .  All a pile of porkies . 
 

I have deleted every single thing now he ever sent me .  
 

Im doing a sponsorship for September for cancer research and I’m focusing all my energy there now in addition to the 4 or 5 lb weight gained from emotion eating .  
 

Thanks  for all the kind words support and advice everyone 

[BaileyB]

7 hours ago, Davina1 said:

The only thing he doesn’t get from her is intimacy.  . 

I read back through months of our correspondence and he actually said that I’m the only person he would be intimate with .  Yep that’s because she won’t with him .

Don’t worry about him too much. He can decide to work on his marriage or find another woman for sex - he will be fine either way. 

Glad you are in a much better place. Take care. 

[stillafool]

15 hours ago, Davina1 said:

I read back through months of our correspondence and he actually said that I’m the only person he would be intimate with .  Yep that’s because she won’t with him . They do have a very loving happy relationship I know that . Well he can have it . 

Don't believe this.  This is reason #2 in MM's cheating book.  #1 is he can't leave because of the kids.  Most of the time he is having sex with his wife, wants sex with his wife but she isn't giving it to him because she's swamped with work or sick of his actions, so he finds an OW to take up the slack.  Usually when their sex life gets healthy again he ends the affair.

[ExpatInItaly]

On 8/28/2021 at 9:19 AM, Davina1 said:

he actually said that I’m the only person he would be intimate with .  Yep that’s because she won’t with him .

You would be wise to stop falling for this. 

[Davina1]

On 8/28/2021 at 4:10 PM, BaileyB said:

Don’t worry about him too much. He can decide to work on his marriage or find another woman for sex - he will be fine either way. 

Glad you are in a much better place. Take care. 

Not worried about him at all . Just trying to mind myself right now . 

 

On 8/28/2021 at 11:58 PM, stillafool said:

Don't believe this.  This is reason #2 in MM's cheating book.  #1 is he can't leave because of the kids.  Most of the time he is having sex with his wife, wants sex with his wife but she isn't giving it to him because she's swamped with work or sick of his actions, so he finds an OW to take up the slack.  Usually when their sex life gets healthy again he ends the affair.

He doesn’t have kids .   From things he said it does seem they don’t have sex . There are some medical reasons for it but I genuinely feel if she was giving him sex he would have not persued me .   

 

22 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

You would be wise to stop falling for this. 

And I have .  I do think that he is not having sex with her but I believe they are intimate in other ways .  I believe they hug kiss and say I love you .   They are very close couple . He never denied it but he did wait until 6 months in to really inform me that there was such a closeness there . 
 

if he was in the same boat as me I think it would have been different but the loss I feel when he was heading off with her om all their trips and all they do together everyday just killed me .  
 

Im  getting there day by day now .  Sleeping better for sure . Amazing how the brain works 

[Davina1]

I wanted to post an update .  We did have a bit of back and forth in the end and we did meet in person  for one day . He told me we would always be friends.  I said I couldn’t have an affair especially as he openly admits he loved his wife . He even in that day spoke about how he was taking her on a special holiday for their anniversary. He took the knife and turned it really and that was the end .  We actually had a  wonderful day together and a dinner before I got on a train home .  Nothing except a hug . And then  realised in the few weeks after it was all about the possibility of sex with him as the emails died , the emojis disappeared and cool casual took its place . 
did I mind , yes because I believed we had a closer friendship but I was wrong . Did I call him out on it ? No . I think he was pushing for me too . i just let it go . I matched his correspondence. Finally turned off the phone . I think I needed that proper closure . 
 

 

[stillafool]

I'm happy for you that it's finally over.  Good riddance to bad rubbish.

[Wiseman2]

41 minutes ago, Davina1 said:

 I call him out on it ? Finally turned off the phone.

Nothing to "call him out on" you know he's married. Delete and block him and all his people from all your social media, contact lists, messaging apps and devices. 

Turning your phone off is hoping there's a flurry of undying lovebombing when you turn it on. It accomplishes nothing.

Deleting and blocking over 6 months ago would have been the closure and you would have already met someone decent rather than squander your time and youth on this cheating clown.

 Decide to "call yourself out" on moving forward and freeing yourself to date decent honest single men. Invest in yourself rather than being stuck in this ugly mess.

[Luna66star]

Do not entertain this bozo any further.  Forget about friendship.  It's his way of dumping you but not totally.  When he's hard up for sex one day, he'll be in contact under the illusion of a "friendship".  He knows you'll be there.  Walk away and never look back.

You can establish relationships with other available men.  Put your mind to it, just do it!

I hate that these men waste our time, play games and have the best of both worlds!  Where are we?  Alone and feeling rejected.  

Make a plan for yourself to start meeting other men.  Too many of us (including me) put our hearts into thud kind of dead end connection.

 

 

 

[BaileyB]

5 hours ago, Davina1 said:

I said I couldn’t have an affair especially as he openly admits he loved his wife . He even in that day spoke about how he was taking her on a special holiday for their anniversary.

It’s always interesting how some people (this man) define love. If my husband planned a special holiday but was soliciting another woman for sex - I would not call that love. 

You made a good decision Davina, one that you should be proud of. Hold your head high and know, there is a better man in your future…

[Girl Fade Away]

Hi Davina, I normally do not post in this section but this thread recently popped up as active so thought I would take a brief read..   One thing that stood out is he openly admits to loving his wife, he has always been honest about that.  Now he is taking her for a special holiday for their anniversary.

What I am going to say is not just for you but for every woman out there having an affair with a married man.  One thing you don't realize is that by engaging in an affair with a married man, you are actually helping him remain in his marriage.  You are making his marriage more tolerable.  Even happier.  The sex with his wife may even become more fulfilling and satisfying.

Why?   He is having his cake and eating it too.  He has got the OW loving him on the outside, and his adoring wife on the inside.   What a great deal for him!

But what's in it for you or any OW?   Occasional scraps?   A lot of loneliness, a lot of longing and a lot of wishing/hoping and ultimately heartbreak. 

There are rare exceptions but true in most cases.

This is something I don't think the OW ever even considers.   Rather, she believes herself to be "special" and their relationship and bond is special.  Of course he does nothing to dissuade her from having these illusions.  He may even encourage them.  But understand it's all BS in the majority of cases.   

The truth is that in many of these situations, his relationship/affair with you is allowing him to be happier in his marriage.  May even be strengthening his marriage as odd as that sounds.  It makes remaining much more tolerable and again, happier.  He has now got the best of both worlds.

Next time you find yourself attracted to a MM, please remember this and do not go there.  You are worth so much more than that.

Anyway, I am happy you have ended it, head high going forward!!

 

Edited December 16, 2021 by Girl Fade Away

[SouthernIslander]

Rubbing his wife in your face is incredibly stupid on his part.  That is a quick way to encourage a mistress to throw him under the bus to his wife.  
 

And lastly, who cares if he gets mad? A married man’s feelings do not matter one bit. 
 

I surely would not care about any of this. 

[Girl Fade Away]

On 8/1/2021 at 11:13 AM, BaileyB said:

So, either he really is that dense and self absorbed or he did this very purposefully. I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt and as such, I think he knew actually what he was doing…

I realize this all transpired back in August and no longer relevant, but I agree I DO absolutely believe he knew what he was doing when sending the pics.  BUT not for the reasons many think (rubbing it in her face).

I think he sent them to alleviate guilt.  Like if Davina knows how happy he is, that he loves his wife and takes her on elaborate vacations etc, but she chooses to remain in the affair regardless, then that's on HER, and HE has no reason to feel guilty.   At least with respect to her and how he is leading her on.

A very selfish thing to do of course, it's all about him and NOT feeling guilt.  

Just a theory, that's all.

 

Edited December 16, 2021 by Girl Fade Away

[basil67]

I like the theory above. 

But can offer an alternative theory:   He shared about his happily married life so that Davina doesn't get confused and think he's ever going to leave his wife for her.    It's about making sure she knows her place in all of this.   If anything, I can see that it worked.  Unlike some other people we read, Davina has been able to successfully remove herself from the situations without the "what if's" which hold so many back because she knew there was no future.  

Of course, this is all only guesswork. 

[Girl Fade Away]

10 minutes ago, basil67 said:

I like the theory above. 

But can offer an alternative theory:   He shared about his happily married life so that Davina doesn't get confused and think he's ever going to leave his wife for her.    It's about making sure she knows her place in all of this.   If anything, I can see that it worked.  Unlike some other people we read, Davina has been able to successfully remove herself from the situations without the "what if's" which hold so many back because she knew there was no future.  

Of course, this is all only guesswork. 

We are on the same page basil.  In a way, he may have even been doing her a favor by sending them.   She gets a clear picture of what's actually happening, and like I said, it alleviates guilt on his part.

 

[Luna66star]

I hope the OP can take this relationship as just one of her life experiences and a lesson to never entertain a MM.  We think it's all innocent at first, he's safe because he's married.  MM look at first to be very attractive - committed, stable, mature and know how 🤔 to treat a woman.  After all, they've had years of experience.

It's all a illusion, as we later realize.  They are looking for a "friend" on the side and are usually very easy to strike up a friendship with.  

I think they target women who are unhappy, lonely and need attention. 

We get to really like them and it's too late to just walk away.  Our hearts 💕 feel this is real!  It's a situationship, nothing more. It's certainly not special when all we can look forward to are breadcrumbs.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Davina1]

Thanks for all the insights .  Bailey I know it was the right decision.   I was unhappier with him in my life. @Girl Fade Awayyour post is spot on.  He was having his cake and eating it ( although tbh  we only ever kissed and hugged over the last few years much too I imagine his disgust . ( one benefit of covid ) 

@basil67I think he was reminding me that his wife top priority .  Well it worked ! 
 

@Luna66starspot on too . He played on my vulnerability and lonely marriage and my stresses and gave me a place to talk and I got emotionally involved .  I’m glad it never became physical.  
 

im doing well and much happier now .