Uptown182 Posted July 28, 2021 Share Posted July 28, 2021 So I know this is not a good situation but here it goes. Been basically on and off with someone for 2 years. Every time the relationship gets too serious (like discussing marriage) he freaks out and we break up then a few months later he asks to get back together. He insists the reason he freaks out is that I want children and he doesn’t, however I think it’s more than that. He’s divorced (married for almost 20 years) and I think he’s just not ready to get married again even though he insists that’s not the case. I do believe he loves me, but I also think he’s trying to wait me out on the kid thing, like waiting for me to give up wanting a child, or waiting until I’m just at an age where it most likely won’t happen. I’m not dead set on children but I’ve told him I don’t want to be with someone where it’s not even an option. I guess I’m at a point where I just don’t know what to do, we love each other, we’ve both tried dating others but it just doesn’t work out I guess because we’re both still in love with each other, and we’re just perfect for each other personality and character wise. Any advice would be appreciated. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted July 28, 2021 Share Posted July 28, 2021 If he's been divorced for 20 years he certainly isn't a baby so he's sure he doesn't want them. Does he already have kids from his previous marriage? It doesn't matter how much you love each other if you want a child and waste your childbearing years with someone who doesn't you will regret it. Who is more important this man or your future child? That's the question you should ask yourself and act accordingly. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Uptown182 Posted July 28, 2021 Author Share Posted July 28, 2021 44 minutes ago, stillafool said: If he's been divorced for 20 years he certainly isn't a baby so he's sure he doesn't want them. Does he already have kids from his previous marriage? It doesn't matter how much you love each other if you want a child and waste your childbearing years with someone who doesn't you will regret it. Who is more important this man or your future child? That's the question you should ask yourself and act accordingly. He was married for 20 years, divorced for 3. A part of me does think children may not happen for me so why give up someone I love for something that might not happen. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted July 28, 2021 Share Posted July 28, 2021 Does he already have kids? At any rate it would be best to decide which one you want kids or him and make peace with it. You can't have both. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Uptown182 Posted July 28, 2021 Author Share Posted July 28, 2021 3 minutes ago, stillafool said: Does he already have kids? At any rate it would be best to decide which one you want kids or him and make peace with it. You can't have both. Yes he already has kids Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted July 28, 2021 Share Posted July 28, 2021 (edited) 8 minutes ago, Uptown182 said: Yes he already has kids Oh so I can understand his thinking. He's already been there and done that. He must be much older than you. So he already has his kids and can look forward to grandkids. If you are okay without the same then go for it. Edited July 28, 2021 by stillafool 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Uptown182 Posted August 2, 2021 Author Share Posted August 2, 2021 Update: I barely heard from him last week after we saw each other. Friday didn’t hear from him all day, so that night I finally got up the courage to text him and tell him not to contact me anymore and that I was done (I’ve never said anything remotely like this to him before). I then deleted him off all my social media (which I’ve also never done before). He never replied to my text, which I guess is just as well. Feel like I’m finally putting that chapter behind me. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted August 2, 2021 Share Posted August 2, 2021 That is the 1st step moving forward for you so good for you for taking action. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Uptown182 Posted August 3, 2021 Author Share Posted August 3, 2021 On 8/2/2021 at 9:40 AM, d0nnivain said: That is the 1st step moving forward for you so good for you for taking action. Yup, I felt like I was already moving on before he contacted me. I thought I could respond to him as a friend, but it’s obvious that I can’t. I felt like that social media connection was a sign to him that I’m leaving the door open and I guess subconsciously I was. Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted August 3, 2021 Share Posted August 3, 2021 No, there's no point in remaining friends with exes or having them on social media. On/off or hot/cold relationships like this are indications that it's far too unstable anyway. You don't want to bring a baby into the mix with someone like this. I'm glad you're moving on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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