Kind of happily married!

[Helenarigby]

On 8/4/2021 at 8:58 AM, Wiseman2 said:

You have caretaker burnout and you need to acknowledge that.

That means get him a nurse or home attendant or aide and get yourself some respite care.

He is elderly and has chronic illness which preclude him from being whatever partner he used to be or you wish you had.

You state he's dependant on you for everything. You claim he's selfish.

What is it exactly? Is he disabled? Does he have cognitive disorders? Does his COPD require that he stay on oxygen?

No, he's none of those, he has COPD, he gets breathless if he walks two hundred yards, or if he does strenuous work, he's certainly not disabled, I never said ever that he is, Iv learned a lot from listening to all of you, the thing is, Iv never even fancied the other guy, he just shows me attention, he's an admirer, that's all.....I know in my heart I would never leave him or cheat on him and the very thought of doing that makes me feel a little sick. It's all my own fault because Iv allowed him to get away with many things throughout our marriage, it's just become a way of life for me. It's so easy for people on here to say, 'talk to him' 'you need to make him understand' and the like....are you all kidding me, Iv already said he has a selfish way about him and I've allowed him to get away with it....yes ok, it's my fault I know that, but please stop guilt tripping me by quoting about his so called 'disability' he is not disabled, ! I posted my feelings on here for advice, not to be quoted and requouted the bits you all feel will hurt me! He's an able man, who has become complacent with my willingness to please him....shame on me for being a good wife! But all I wanted from you people was yes do it and be done with it or no don't do it!!! That's all...though a few days have passed since I posted and I feel different about the whole thing! .thank you

[NYAG]

9 hours ago, Helenarigby said:

No, he's none of those, he has COPD, he gets breathless if he walks two hundred yards, or if he does strenuous work, he's certainly not disabled, I never said ever that he is, Iv learned a lot from listening to all of you, the thing is, Iv never even fancied the other guy, he just shows me attention, he's an admirer, that's all.....I know in my heart I would never leave him or cheat on him and the very thought of doing that makes me feel a little sick. It's all my own fault because Iv allowed him to get away with many things throughout our marriage, it's just become a way of life for me. It's so easy for people on here to say, 'talk to him' 'you need to make him understand' and the like....are you all kidding me, Iv already said he has a selfish way about him and I've allowed him to get away with it....yes ok, it's my fault I know that, but please stop guilt tripping me by quoting about his so called 'disability' he is not disabled, ! I posted my feelings on here for advice, not to be quoted and requouted the bits you all feel will hurt me! He's an able man, who has become complacent with my willingness to please him....shame on me for being a good wife! But all I wanted from you people was yes do it and be done with it or no don't do it!!! That's all...though a few days have passed since I posted and I feel different about the whole thing! .thank you

I've been in too many relationships where I also thought that being treated badly, putting up with behaviour that most wouldn't, and thinking I should stick around, were 'just a way of life'. They' are not. And even if you have no intention of leaving, that does not mean you can't have some good in your life, something that means in years to come you can't look back and say, 'well that was a nice period in my life'.