Wiseman2 Posted August 2, 2021 Share Posted August 2, 2021 8 hours ago, ironpony said: Oh well they didn't say unexpected pregnancy was what was frustrated them with me having a gf; they said covid. In general they take care of all your adult responsibilities because of your situation. That they are anti-vaccination is irrelevant. It's about them having to govern your choices and judgement because of your difficulties navigating all that. Talk to your social worker and counselor. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ironpony Posted August 2, 2021 Author Share Posted August 2, 2021 (edited) Oh are you saying they are more worried about me impregnating her because I am autistic likely? How would a social worker or counselor help that? Edited August 2, 2021 by ironpony Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted August 2, 2021 Share Posted August 2, 2021 1 minute ago, ironpony said: they are more worried about me because I am autistic? Yes they handle all your affairs because of this. They also don't want added problems or responsibilities from bad judgement, lack of knowledge about some things,etc. They are trying to protect you and themselves. Don't you have a counselor who handles your case and talks to you about work programs and other daily life issues? Link to post Share on other sites
Author ironpony Posted August 2, 2021 Author Share Posted August 2, 2021 No but I could get one. I had a therapist a few years ago, but I stopped going because of the cost, but he said that he felt I didn't need any therapy at that point in my life either. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted August 2, 2021 Share Posted August 2, 2021 That makes sense @ironpony . A therapist is good for working out interpersonal interactions or understanding our personal demons. But I don't imagine they'd be much use for the general complexities of day to day life. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ironpony Posted August 2, 2021 Author Share Posted August 2, 2021 Oh okay but when you say counselor, what does that mean then, if not a therapist? I could try to find one. What would a counselor say about me dating though? I mean are they just going to tell me don't do it and that's it likely? What answer from a counselor would my parents be hoping for? Link to post Share on other sites
Blind-Sided Posted August 2, 2021 Share Posted August 2, 2021 On 8/1/2021 at 4:13 AM, basil67 said: Their house, their rules. Yep.... this exactly. Move out... make your own rules. They can complain all they want about not visiting... but they don't get to make the rules after. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted August 2, 2021 Share Posted August 2, 2021 3 hours ago, ironpony said: Oh okay but when you say counselor, what does that mean then, if not a therapist? I could try to find one. What would a counselor say about me dating though? I mean are they just going to tell me don't do it and that's it likely? What answer from a counselor would my parents be hoping for? A good counsellor or therapist helps you to work out how to make those decisions for yourself. They won’t advise you which decision to make Link to post Share on other sites
Author ironpony Posted August 2, 2021 Author Share Posted August 2, 2021 Oh okay, thanks, I see. But what does this have to do with my parents being bothered me dating someone because of covid? Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted August 2, 2021 Share Posted August 2, 2021 You can’t change how your parents feel about it. I’m sorry this is so challenging and frustrating. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ASG Posted August 3, 2021 Share Posted August 3, 2021 On 8/2/2021 at 1:14 AM, basil67 said: They may not be able to stop him dating outside the house, but they are able to make things more difficult by not allowing him to bring the g/f home. To be fair, unless she also lives with her parents, that's probably for the best. No one wants to hang out and their BFs parents house at 30! Link to post Share on other sites
ASG Posted August 3, 2021 Share Posted August 3, 2021 15 hours ago, ironpony said: Oh okay, thanks, I see. But what does this have to do with my parents being bothered me dating someone because of covid? It doesn't. The counselor/therapist is for YOU. Not for your parents. Despite your challenges, you are a grown man, and need to make decisions about your life on your own, as much as possible. Your parents have decided not to get vaccinated. That is their problem. They are now trying to control your life based on a decision they made for themselves. It is up to you whether you fight them on this or not. It might mean you might have to move out sooner or later. And to be fair, that would probably be a good thing. But it is unlikely a counselor will change your parents' minds about you dating someone. It is up to you to decide if you want to abide by their rule or not, knowing that there might be consequences. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted August 3, 2021 Share Posted August 3, 2021 1 hour ago, ASG said: . No one wants to hang out and their BFs parents house at 30! She is 21. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted August 3, 2021 Share Posted August 3, 2021 If your patents are not vaccinated due to their beliefs, then it is hardly surprising they want to limit their risks of contracting Covid to a minimum. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ASG Posted August 3, 2021 Share Posted August 3, 2021 11 minutes ago, elaine567 said: She is 21. Same difference, really. Even at 17 I wasn't hanging out with my BF at my parents' house. I was hanging out at his place, as he lived on his own! Link to post Share on other sites
Author ironpony Posted August 4, 2021 Author Share Posted August 4, 2021 15 hours ago, elaine567 said: If your patents are not vaccinated due to their beliefs, then it is hardly surprising they want to limit their risks of contracting Covid to a minimum. Well I just feel like my parents are trying to have their cake and eat it too. They do not want covid but at the same time, refuse to take a vaccine. It just seems like they want to make an omelette but are not willing to break any eggs. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted August 4, 2021 Share Posted August 4, 2021 3 hours ago, ironpony said: Well I just feel like my parents are trying to have their cake and eat it too. They do not want covid but at the same time, refuse to take a vaccine. It just seems like they want to make an omelette but are not willing to break any eggs. Have you tried talking with them about the vaccine or getting vaccinated? Covid or its variants aren't going to go away any time soon. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ironpony Posted August 4, 2021 Author Share Posted August 4, 2021 Well they said that they felt that getting a vaccine will hardly do any good, because there are no vaccines for the variants, so what good will it do, they said. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted August 4, 2021 Share Posted August 4, 2021 26 minutes ago, ironpony said: Well they said that they felt that getting a vaccine will hardly do any good, because there are no vaccines for the variants, so what good will it do, they said. I see. I don't see any way around this other than you being more open about this and talking with them, or, finding a means to move out and live on your own. I would not do anything behind their back as they're helping or supporting you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ironpony Posted August 4, 2021 Author Share Posted August 4, 2021 Oh okay, but if I move out, that means I cannot see them or visit them, if they do not want me to if I choose to see a gf during covid. So is that the price I have to pay then if I don't want to wait for covid to be over before I seak out a relationship? Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted August 4, 2021 Share Posted August 4, 2021 1 hour ago, ironpony said: because there are no vaccines for the variants, so what good will it do, they said. They just don't want you dating 21 year olds when they are concerned in general about your judgement and ability to assimilate knowledge or experience and apply it in a responsible manner. It's not about Covid. And you know that, right? You seem to just want to talk about antivaxx in a controversial way and tie it into a dating topic. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ironpony Posted August 4, 2021 Author Share Posted August 4, 2021 (edited) 23 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: They just don't want you dating 21 year olds when they are concerned in general about your judgement and ability to assimilate knowledge or experience and apply it in a responsible manner. It's not about Covid. And you know that, right? You seem to just want to talk about antivaxx in a controversial way and tie it into a dating topic. Oh well they said it was because of covid, so I was going by what they said. Should I assume that they meant what they said, or should I assume that they lied, and were trying to make it aobut something that it was not? When you say my ability to assimilate knowledge or experience, what knowledge and experience of mine particularly do you mean? Edited August 4, 2021 by ironpony Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted August 4, 2021 Share Posted August 4, 2021 8 minutes ago, ironpony said: I was going by what they said. Ask them why they are so concerned about your dating. Then ask them if they think you're taking proper precautions with Covid and variants. Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted August 4, 2021 Share Posted August 4, 2021 1 hour ago, ironpony said: Oh okay, but if I move out, that means I cannot see them or visit them, if they do not want me to if I choose to see a gf during covid. So is that the price I have to pay then if I don't want to wait for covid to be over before I seak out a relationship? Talk with them. These are questions you should be asking your parents and being more out in the open about any concerns that they or you have. I don't know how much support you need or care but treat them as helpers, not people out to get you or deceive you. If your goal is to be more self-sufficient, don't live in fear of the idea of possibly not being able to visit them. You can still drop by and wave or have a chat on the front yard. The possibilities are endless. But no, I wouldn't do anything against their wishes while you're still under their roof and it's best to get the answers straight from them. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ironpony Posted August 4, 2021 Author Share Posted August 4, 2021 9 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Ask them why they are so concerned about your dating. Then ask them if they think you're taking proper precautions with Covid and variants. Oh well they said it was because of covid, when they brought it up, but they also told me before that, that the age difference, bothers them as well. As for taking proper precautions, well that would depend on what counts a proper? I have tried to be careful and limit the amount of people I hang out with, and mostly hanging out with her, but I am not sure if that's proper, and I'm not a doctor of course. Link to post Share on other sites
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