I asked for space. now what

[JiltedJane]

I do want to get over him. I know this relationship is dead in the water. I just need to collect myself so that I don’t lose my mind when I see him and to get used to him not being in my life. 
and to donnivain, I’ve been on my own completely for 18 yrs. I’m independent to a fault. In terms of being indecisive , I know it’s him I want. I made this clear to him. He’s the one sitting on the fence and up until last week clinging to me. I’m the one who decided last week it’s not worth it anymore and walked out. I understand your a tough love person but you really go for the jugular... jesus

at this point I don’t want him to chase me. I don’t expect any romantic gestures. I just don’t understand how he went from messaging me non-stop to practically nothing. Respecting my need for space aside.

at this point, idk what I’d even say to him if we start talking. Nothing is going to change

 

And for the record... he kept bringing up kids not me! I tried to be cool about it. He just knows I froze my eggs yrs ago ( we were friends for four yrs prior) and he thinks I’m baby crazy now. 

Edited August 2, 2021 by JiltedJane

[Miss Spider]

Egg freezing is not extremely reliable if you look at the stats. You have to harvest a lot and even then it’s not uncommon for them all to fail. I knew a woman who froze  several of her eggs then wanted to use her eggs later and then none of them worked. I wouldn’t waste time if you really, really want a bio kid which it seems like you did from your other thread. Even if you have to have it alone , just set your priorities because egg freezing is not a fool proof insurance policy which is why you sign those disclosures 

Edited August 16, 2021 by Cookiesandough

[JiltedJane]

Well about 1 wk after i asked for space he started texting me everyday again. We talked everyday for 5 weeks. I never initiated the conversation. It was always him. He was constantly telling me how much he misses me and how beautiful I am but never tried to see me in person. At work he would avoid me at all costs unless he had to talk to me, but then text me in secret.

Suddenly out of nowhere two weeks ago, he just stopped texting. We were in the middle of a conversation and he never replied back. I messaged him a week later to see if he was still alive or ok. All I got were one word answers that took him significantly longer to reply to. He claims nothing happened.

I definitely feel something happened, even though its not my problem. My mind keeps going to him meeting someone else or being in some kind of mental episode. I wrote him a long long text, then decided to delete it instead of sending it.

I've been doing ok surprisingly, but I miss him and miss talking to him. My anxiety has gone down significantly and I'm closer everyday to accepting its not meant to be.   However, I dreamt about him twice last night, and this is the first day in the past two weeks I felt like crying.

I have to see him this weekend at work which idk how I'll handle. I'm honestly thinking about quitting my job (I have another full time job) since I can't handle the thought of him being with someone else, especially a co-worker. What sucks more is that he got a promotion and is my boss now.

I don't know what kind of feed back I'm looking for here, just needed a place to vent.

Edited September 16, 2021 by JiltedJane

[JiltedJane]

On 8/16/2021 at 3:52 PM, Cookiesandough said:

Egg freezing is not extremely reliable if you look at the stats. You have to harvest a lot and even then it’s not uncommon for them all to fail. I knew a woman who froze  several of her eggs then wanted to use her eggs later and then none of them worked. I wouldn’t waste time if you really, really want a bio kid which it seems like you did from your other thread. Even if you have to have it alone , just set your priorities because egg freezing is not a fool proof insurance policy which is why you sign those disclosures 

...thanks i know 

[ExpatInItaly]

8 hours ago, JiltedJane said:

My mind keeps going to him meeting someone else

Bingo. 

He wasn't trying to meet up with, and is suddenly silent. I can almost guarantee he's met someone else. But this was always going to end this way, Jane. He didn't want to date you, so he was going to meet another woman, sooner or later. 

If seeing him at work is going to be this distressing, then yes, perhaps it's better to look for another job. You need to get yourself off this merry-go-round. 

[seadoug105]

14 hours ago, JiltedJane said:

Well about 1 wk after i asked for space he started texting me everyday again. We talked everyday for 5 weeks. I never initiated the conversation. It was always him. He was constantly telling me how much he misses me and how beautiful I am but never tried to see me in person. At work he would avoid me at all costs unless he had to talk to me, but then text me in secret.

Suddenly out of nowhere two weeks ago, he just stopped texting. We were in the middle of a conversation and he never replied back. I messaged him a week later to see if he was still alive or ok. All I got were one word answers that took him significantly longer to reply to. He claims nothing happened.

I definitely feel something happened, even though its not my problem. My mind keeps going to him meeting someone else or being in some kind of mental episode. I wrote him a long long text, then decided to delete it instead of sending it.

I've been doing ok surprisingly, but I miss him and miss talking to him. My anxiety has gone down significantly and I'm closer everyday to accepting its not meant to be.   However, I dreamt about him twice last night, and this is the first day in the past two weeks I felt like crying.

I have to see him this weekend at work which idk how I'll handle. I'm honestly thinking about quitting my job (I have another full time job) since I can't handle the thought of him being with someone else, especially a co-worker. What sucks more is that he got a promotion and is my boss now.

I don't know what kind of feed back I'm looking for here, just needed a place to vent.

Few possibilities….  Most likely, he avoided you at work to give you the “space” you asked for.  With texting you could choose to not reply or ignore but in person it can be more complicated.

He also probably got tired of being the only one initiating contact…. Especially since you declare you seem to like hime more than he likes you… yet no effort on your part.  
 

Then he gets this promotional opportunity (he had to have known for at least a weak or two before it was announce).  This job opportunity probably gave him a difficult choice; his professional future or his romantic future…  Since the vast majority of employers ban relationships with direct reports and knowing you just weren’t interested enough in a relationship with him to make the slightest effort…. Well I’m sure it pretty much made the decision for him.

 

Love isn’t what you see on the big screen… and it’s definitely not what you see professed on social media (odds are that’s someone making up for mistakes).

Try re-writing it in your head from his perspective… interesting huh?

now you know… play stupid games, win stupid prizes!

 

[ItsTheDay]

On 7/31/2021 at 3:39 PM, JiltedJane said:

After 13 months of an on again off again relationship, I finally reached my breaking point and told him I needed time to collect my thoughts and needed space. I told him I had a million thoughts in my head and did not know how to convey them without sounding manic.

You can read about our whole romantic limbo in my other forums.

IDK what happened tbh. I was sitting there at dinner and something in me snapped. We got home I grabbed my over night bag and said I'm going home tonight to be alone.

It's been four days and I have not heard from him. His last message to me was " I do like you ___" after I told him it was clear I like him more than he likes me.

I've actually been eerily calm with the no contact. While part of me is glad with this calmness, I'm afraid of the boom coming. Years ago after my 5 yr relationship ended I reacted the same way and then weeks later lost my temper out of no where. I still work with this current POI with two shifts coming up together. I'm afraid I am going to see him and melt down, or have a nervous breakdown if i find out he has moved on to someone else.

My question is what do i do now? Do I wait for him to initiate contact or do I have to do it since I asked for space? Why isn't he chasing me like he did before?

Edited: Did not know this was old news. 

Edited September 17, 2021 by ItsTheDay

[Woggle]

You asked for space and he respected your request so what exactly is the problem?

[stillafool]

On 8/16/2021 at 3:52 PM, Cookiesandough said:

Egg freezing is not extremely reliable if you look at the stats. You have to harvest a lot and even then it’s not uncommon for them all to fail. I knew a woman who froze  several of her eggs then wanted to use her eggs later and then none of them worked. I wouldn’t waste time if you really, really want a bio kid which it seems like you did from your other thread. Even if you have to have it alone , just set your priorities because egg freezing is not a fool proof insurance policy which is why you sign those disclosures 

I don't know anything about this but I imagine if you do freeze them that after you're a certain age they are no longer viable.  Can old women still use their frozen eggs>

[JiltedJane]

On 9/18/2021 at 1:20 PM, stillafool said:

I don't know anything about this but I imagine if you do freeze them that after you're a certain age they are no longer viable.  Can old women still use their frozen eggs>

I’m not old, I’m 36 Jesus. And I can use them for 10 to 15 years after they were frozen. Which would put me in my late 40s from the time they were frozen, but I don’t know if I wanna have a baby that old.

[kendahke]

On 9/16/2021 at 5:55 PM, JiltedJane said:

Well about 1 wk after i asked for space he started texting me everyday again. We talked everyday for 5 weeks. I never initiated the conversation. It was always him. He was constantly telling me how much he misses me and how beautiful I am but never tried to see me in person. At work he would avoid me at all costs unless he had to talk to me, but then text me in secret.

Suddenly out of nowhere two weeks ago, he just stopped texting. We were in the middle of a conversation and he never replied back. I messaged him a week later to see if he was still alive or ok. All I got were one word answers that took him significantly longer to reply to. He claims nothing happened.

That's called "rubber-banding".  When you pull away, he snaps to attention.  Once you return interest, he pulls away. Over and over.  He was just taking your temperature and making sure you're either still in place or he can get you there with enough texting. The best way to handle him is to block his number and stop taking his phone calls. Then you can actually move on, instead of giving lip service to it.