How to move on after almost 1 year?

[feesbadman]

Hi hope everyones is having a nice day 

Well a little back story to start (also english is not my main language, so bear with my bad orthography)

Me (male) and my partner (female) had a relationship, since we were in high school, we clicked right away from day 1, im the type of guy thats is not that romantic, im an asperger so i keep sentiments to a minimun, but she liked that part of me, that i was super real and all that, after 9 years of relationship, we had a son, and we lived in our home country by that time, everything was going good, relation was in a good spot all seems nice, untill we had to get out of our country because it was getting hard to have a basic needs cover, and then all went down hill

 

We moved to a new country, i was doing good, im a pro gamer, and im earn good money (Dollars in latin america is like gold), but i was working wayy too much, the more i work the more i earn, so i thro, i should take advantage from it since i have a kid, so i did, but she did everything she wanted to do, and i was ok about it, after 3 or 4 month we arrived to our new country, she decided she wanted to go to USA to work, i was against this, as i was in a country i didnt liked, also working like 20 hrs a day, with a little kid, so i was against been alone for 1 or 2 months, it wasent necesary as i was earning good cash (around 15k to 30k $ per month), but she still did, and that was the detonator for our first break up, she was in USA when this happen, i lost my mind, and said thing i shouldnt have, but i coulnd stop, so it happen, she came back, i moved out of our home so she could have her space, and i did gave her her space after all, never called, never visiting, she was the one that always was looking for me and calling me, so after 2 or 3 month we decided to give ourselves a second chance. well she decided it and i agreed, for the kid, i growed up in a disfuctional family and i know how it felt like, so we get back together in december, we broke up around september of 2019, and got together again in december, all was going perfect, we got more close, we were talking aboyt marriage and all that, untill one of her friends for USA, gifted her a plane ticket to visit her since she was having a hard time (her friend), i was against it, since we were just building up or relationship, but at the end i supported her, and she left around march 15 2020, yeah around the start of the pandemic, she was going to stay there only 15 days, but airports closed down, and she came back around 4 months later, but in this time, i got 3 new workers so i could have some space, i supported her while she was there, taking all her expenses so she could have a great time (did the oposite of what i did the first time she leave), the first 2 months she was there, it was all good, she was even looking for fiance rings, but after 2 month, she decided to start working, and that when thing went down hill again, its like when she is not working she needs me, and thats why she was around, well this is how i felt, so after 4 months she came back, but things were diferent between us, to make story short, after she came back, after 2 months, we have a fight, and she decided to break up again, and after  1 week, she told me she was leaving again to USA to work since she cant earn money in this country, (so this is the third time she left since we came to this country, leaving her son again with me, in total, she been out of my son life for half his birth time, he is 4 yo, she been out for 2 years in total, but this time she left, for 2 months again to work, after she left, she was triying to keept me close, but this time i did everything right, so i told her to stop calling me, but she didnt stopped, even at my birthday she told me happy birthday i love you, so this is pretty confusing to me, but i keep my decision of finally breaking up, so around november, she called me, to tell me she was going to stay in USA for 10 months so she can have a legal status an take our son there, im against this, as i think i deserve the right to keep our son but this is another topic, so right now she is still there

 

Now, she been out for like 10 months, i was doing good, i changed all my rutines, started doing bike for 1 hrs every day, hitting the gym, change my eating to a more healthier, im alot more happier now, and people notice this alot, and tells me i have a better face, a better skin etc

but since 1 month ago, i been thinking alot about her, i dont know why, its like im scared about her finding someone else, so my question is, what else should i do to keep moving on? i dont want to keep thinking about her, also, im having a hard time getting girls, i feel like im pretty attractive because finding woman is not hard, but been asperger is hard for me to talk to them, they are the one that come and talk first

Note: i live with my son, and my ex's mother, my sons grandmom, since any of my family can come to this country and help me out with my son, so i had to agree to have his mom's mother helping me  

 

so to resume, i got dumped, after 11 years, in a country i dont like, with her family (we came to this country because her family was here), so im living with my son, and my ex's mom to help me with my kid, i feel like i dont want to ever get back to her, because she dumped me first and it was my fault, then i did everything right, and she dumped me again, now all i want is to move on, but i think im not able to do this if i dont get away from her family, but this means leaving my son and i dont want to live without him,  what i can do to move on, while been with her family, and also living with all her memories around me!

 

im 30yo, she is 27yo, my son is 4yo

also, the first time we break up, she was the one that couldnt stop chasing me, i was giving her her space, and i was like ok she dumped me i have to move on so i did, but she kept going to my new place, and sleeping with me and all that, this is way in the second break up, i cut every possible communication so i didnt end up like a side guy like before, been there just in case, and i think this was the case the first 2 month after the second breakup, she tried to kept me close, saying things like i love you, but after she get going with a job, she then decided to stay untill she could take out son there.

 

Edited August 3, 2021 by feesbadman