Boyfriend and I went on vacations separately. Overthinking?

[Poppy223]

I am in a newly formed relationship. We went out for 9-10 dates and decided to be together. We weren't communicating much from the start, a call at the end of the day or text messages when we arrange dates. We both went on holidays separately, he went to the seaside with his friends and i visited my family back home abroad (i am foreigner and he's local). We agreed before leaving that I'll be sending him pictures but as it would be hard to call with international roaming to meet the day I'm back. I found out from my friends that the seaside he went is popular for hook ups and alcohol. I do trust him but can't help myself making all these scenarios. He did tell me the name of the area he went but as a foreigner i had no clue what's about. He said he trusted me as well (kind of funny he'd think i would do anything since i am all day with friends and family). I did send him pictures on my 3rd day and he replied after few hours to let me know he was okay and drinking and enjoying time with his friends. I told him to have fun and that I'll be happy to hear his stories once we're back because i wanted to detox from my phone and social media. I did open my phone to send him pictures. I get it why he might not have replied to my last message as i told him i needed some space. He is sweet and respecting my needs when we communicate with each other. I can't help feeling insecure cause he's charming and kind and polite so a lot of women flirt with him. Should i give him a call once I'm back to reconnect since i asked for space? I promised to bring him some food from home to try together. When we separated he said he couldn't wait to meet again.

[d0nnivain]

If he's looking forward to seeing you again, have a little faith.  Just because he went to a party spot doesn't mean he's cheating.  

Of course you should call him when you get back.  That is what you agreed to do.  

He can't control that other woman flirt with him.  Even if he's nice to some strange woman while out & about that is not an affront to you.  It's good manners.  Now if you find out he did hook up with somebody else, that is a different story.  

[Poppy223]

Yes you are absolutely right. I have all these previous experiences with guys that made me distrust a bit so I was contemplating if I should reach out once I'm back or wait for him to text me. I am getting insecure thinking he met somebody else. 

[glows]

You're a bit confusing asking for space and sending photos. I understand you are feeling unsure about him but don't do this too often (ask for space). You appear skittish, unreliable as a partner and very insecure - not someone that can be depended on. Let the romance unfold naturally and have faith (where appropriate). If he doesn't seem trustworthy or you don't get a good feeling about him, trust your instincts. 

I would have no qualms texting or calling someone I'm interested in after returning back from vacation. I either do or I don't. There's no waiting or humming or hawing or wondering. 

If he met someone else do you think he'd still continue talking or dating you? If you think he's that kind of man, then don't even give him the time of day. 

 

[Poppy223]

1 minute ago, glows said:

You're a bit confusing asking for space and sending photos. I understand you are feeling unsure about him but don't do this too often (ask for space). You appear skittish, unreliable as a partner and very insecure - not someone that can be depended on. Let the romance unfold naturally and have faith (where appropriate). If he doesn't seem trustworthy or you don't get a good feeling about him, trust your instincts. 

I would have no qualms texting or calling someone I'm interested in after returning back from vacation. I either do or I don't. There's no waiting or humming or hawing or wondering. 

If he met someone else do you think he'd still continue talking or dating you? If you think he's that kind of man, then don't even give him the time of day. 

 

It was after I send the pictures once he replied I let him know I couldn't call and I'll be detoxing from.my.phone. Tomorrow I'm going back and I'll call him. Couldn't receive calls or texts either for some reason so can't know if he tried to contact me. He hasn't replied to my message cause then I'd explain my issues with my network. However, since tomorrow I'll be there I thought no point to text again on his last day of vacation.

[d0nnivain]

Safe travels home.  See what happens once you return.  I'm sure it will be fine.  

[glows]

2 minutes ago, Poppy223 said:

It was after I send the pictures once he replied I let him know I couldn't call and I'll be detoxing from.my.phone. Tomorrow I'm going back and I'll call him. Couldn't receive calls or texts either for some reason so can't know if he tried to contact me. He hasn't replied to my message cause then I'd explain my issues with my network. However, since tomorrow I'll be there I thought no point to text again on his last day of vacation.

That makes sense. Let it unfold.

[Poppy223]

6 minutes ago, d0nnivain said:

Safe travels home.  See what happens once you return.  I'm sure it will be fine.  

Thank you, much appreciated putting a thought out there for me

[Poppy223]

4 minutes ago, glows said:

That makes sense. Let it unfold.

I got him a small gift also but didn't want to seem like manipulating to see me. I agree with you, I'll call tomorrow and see how it goes.

[glows]

6 minutes ago, Poppy223 said:

I got him a small gift also but didn't want to seem like manipulating to see me. I agree with you, I'll call tomorrow and see how it goes.

Was it a souvenir from the trip? That's sweet depending on what it is. A keychain or shirt? I'm sure it'll be fine. 

But regardless, if things don't work out for whatever reason, your life doesn't hinge on this one man. Don't hesitate for a second to move on if he's not worth your time.

[Poppy223]

25 minutes ago, glows said:

Was it a souvenir from the trip? That's sweet depending on what it is. A keychain or shirt? I'm sure it'll be fine. 

But regardless, if things don't work out for whatever reason, your life doesn't hinge on this one man. Don't hesitate for a second to move on if he's not worth your time.

A cute handicraft (pottery), yes ofc. It's my first relationship so I'm still kind of clueless on communication or expectations and so does he. I just realised after a week that I changed country and my mobile provider hasn't enabled EU calls (I'm in Europe). Was just getting anxious if he tried to call and thought I blocked him or something. But he would have asked me on viber. Anyhow, I thought it best to let him know I was limited to data or calls so I took it as a chance to detox.

[glows]

So he knows that you have limited data/calls. Just touch base when you're back. I think the pottery gift is a great idea and thoughtful. You can get to know one another when you're both back in the same country. It sounds like the info about the vacation spot or beach he went to really threw you off and made you worry. 

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, Poppy223 said:

he went to the seaside with his friends and i visited my family back home abroad (i am foreigner and he's local). i told him i needed some space. 

You just started talking/dating, so getting possessive, jealous, worried etc. at this early stage is not a good sign.

Asking for space comes across as sabotaging this because you think he's out of your league. 

 Reflect while you're away and decide if you want to continue seeing him. Then contact him. Get Whatsapp. Nobody pays for roaming anymore.

[Poppy223]

1 minute ago, glows said:

So he knows that you have limited data/calls. Just touch base when you're back. I think the pottery gift is a great idea and thoughtful. You can get to know one another when you're both back in the same country. It sounds like the info about the vacation spot or beach he went to really threw you off and made you worry. 

Yes it did and didn't want to communicate my anxiety to him but let him enjoy his vacation and have fun. I hope he does, only informed him that I'd have limited calls but I realised when someone tried to call me they get a notification that my incoming calls are restricted.

[Poppy223]

1 minute ago, Wiseman2 said:

You just started talking/dating, so getting possessive, jealous, worried etc. at this early stage is not a good sign.

Asking for space comes across as sabotaging this because you think he's out of your league. 

 Reflect while you're away and decide if you want to continue seeing him. Then contact him. Get Whatsapp. Nobody pays for roaming anymore.

We did communicate on viber few days ago while being away. We call each other in the same country cause we have no limits within the country calls so I got used to call him on cell phone. I am not possessive quite the opposite, I respect his freedom and privacy. Detoxing from my phone was my decision to spend more time with family and bond than being occupied with my phone. Also I saw it as a chance to reconnect with who I am and do some introspection like solving my anxiety issues. I also wanted to let him enjoy his vacation without worrying he'd need to contact me.

[d0nnivain]

You were open & clear with him about technology issues.  It's fine. Call him when you are home & arrange a date to give him the pottery.  It was sweet of you to get him something.  Don't worry about being the initiator.  He won't know when you are back & whether the technical difficulties have resolved unless you reach out. 

[Poppy223]

11 hours ago, d0nnivain said:

You were open & clear with him about technology issues.  It's fine. Call him when you are home & arrange a date to give him the pottery.  It was sweet of you to get him something.  Don't worry about being the initiator.  He won't know when you are back & whether the technical difficulties have resolved unless you reach out. 

I was planning to call him and ask if he has plans for the evening but service isn't restored and I've got the only option to text on viber, however this is where I left him my last message about detoxing. Shall I drop him another text or wait to arrive in the country first? But maybe would be too late in case he was trying to contact me.

[d0nnivain]

Wait until you get home.  Then contact him about coming over in a day or two.   You don't need to see him immediately.  

[stillafool]

18 hours ago, Poppy223 said:

Should i give him a call once I'm back to reconnect since i asked for space?

Of course you should call him since you were the one who asked for space.  

 

19 hours ago, Poppy223 said:

I found out from my friends that the seaside he went is popular for hook ups and alcohol.

So what?  That doesn't mean he's going to hook up.  TBH, any place is good for a hook up or alcohol.  I live deep in the country and people do it here all the time.  He could be thinking you asked for space because you want to see some ex back in your hometown.  See how that works?

[Poppy223]

So we met but he wasn't much in the mood and we called it off. He's passing through a phrase apparently seeing a therapist and dealing with depression. He told me many times he was sorry about it even when I reassured him that is alright and I am there for him. I asked him if he's ready for a relationship in the midst of therapy and he said bonding with me really helped him. I want to text him how proud I am of him for making a progress but I'm hesitating since we are meeting tomorrow. He asked me to.call him next day. I feel such a bad girlfriend although he tells me that I'm amazing one. He said he loves me and appreciates me for being kindhearted. I asked him what's best for him at the moment and if he believes he can't be in a relationship we can stay friends but he said he wanted to start bringing stuff here and sleep over and that he loves being in a relationship with me.  Sorry for the plot twist I just feel I'm not being supportive enough although I want to be there for him, he's hurting and I feel I'm letting him down. Would a thoughtful text right after he left help or give him a call tomorrow and let him rest?

[Love Yourself First]

Unless there was a typo, you asked him for space, however I think you may be... Not quite understanding in the message communicated, "I need space" well now you have it and all the things that come with it, not sure what you wanted to happen, but if my girl told me before vacay she needed space to me that means we're off

[Poppy223]

I don't think this is related with his mood, it has been fluctuating even before having highs and lows intensely but now that he explained that to me it started making sense.