Not happy about boyfriend hanging around a girl I don't like

[juless]

Me and my boyfriend have been dating for about 6 months now. We are doing long distance and try to see each other every 2 weeks or so however due to corona are not able to see each other as much at the moment. I think I have been really understanding in regards to his girl friends- like his best friend is a girl and I have no issues with that and I never check his phone or ask who is is talking to. However, there is one girl that he works with who I extremely dislike. She had been cheating on her boyfriend with another one of his workmates on and off however her boyfriend finally found out and they ended things. My boyfriend has even told me that he wouldn't be surprised if she tried to hook up with him. One time he was also showing me something on instagram and accidentally showed me a message of him sending her instagram profile to his other mates. So yeah, I am very cautious of her. Anyway, he has recently been giving her lifts to work and hanging out with her a lot more like going for walk and things. I am all for being friend with people from work but I've told him that I don't feel comfortable about this and he's brushed it off a lot. Right now he is literally getting coffee with her during a lockdown and I've had it up to here. I don't know what to do anymore

[d0nnivain]

Any long distance relationship requires tremendous trust.  If you don't have that, don't even waste your time trying to sustain an LDR.  

That said this particular woman sounds like temptation in high heels for your guy.  He doesn't have strong boundaries regarding her so it's good that your antennae is up.   Still you can't tell him what to do but you can ask a lot of Qs designed to help him see the folly of this "friendship" as it's having a detrimental effect on your relationship.  If he can't see that he may not be worth holding onto.    

[Wiseman2]

6 hours ago, juless said:

.We are doing long distance and try to see each other every 2 weeks. My boyfriend has even told me that he wouldn't be surprised if she tried to hook up with him. 

How did you meet? Why is it long distance? How old is he?

Unfortunately your BF is the problem. He's getting off on pumping up his ego and enjoying trying to make you jealous.

Stop playing his games or being manipulated into a catfight for his ego and amusement.

Stop and reflect if you want to be with someone untrustworthy and full of himself.

 

[ExpatInItaly]

9 hours ago, juless said:

I don't feel comfortable about this and he's brushed it off a lot

Then this isn't the right guy for you. 

A decent boyfriend would hear you out and take your concerns into consideration. You've got the opposite here. It sounds like their attraction is mutual, unforunately. 

[d0nnivain]

You haven't trusted this guy since the beginning: 

Should I Trust Him? - Cheating, Flirting, and Jealousy - LoveShack.org 

Why are you still in this relationship?  

Edited August 5, 2021 by d0nnivain

[stillafool]

It sounds like your boyfriend is the one you need to be worried about.  He wants her attention.

[kendahke]

13 hours ago, juless said:

I don't know what to do anymore

Accept that this:

Quote

Me and my boyfriend have been dating for about 6 months now. We are doing long distance and try to see each other every 2 weeks or so however due to corona are not able to see each other as much at the moment.

isn't the strong foundational basis for a relationship that you think it is.

Apparently, to him, this chick doesn't present that much of a problem to him or your relationship with him, no matter how strongly you disagree. So, since your relationship is basically played out over a cell phone and not day-to-day in person or even in the same city, he's still viewing his life and what he does as separate from your relationship because where he's living, he's not in a relationship--only when he's on his cell phone with you is he.

He may not be cut out for LDR's--lots of people are not cut out for that level of self discipline.

Quote

My boyfriend has even told me that he wouldn't be surprised if she tried to hook up with him.

that was your boyfriend taking out a full page ad in the NYTimes letting you know that he's opening up the door to her advances because he wants to see, too.  You have been warned--time to stop acting like he'd never do it.  He's let the beast into the house.

Edited August 5, 2021 by kendahke

[Wiseman2]

19 hours ago, juless said:

Me and my boyfriend have been dating for about 6 months now. We are doing long distance and try to see each other every 2 weeks or so however due to corona are not able to see each other as much at the moment.

Is this the same man?:

 

[Love Yourself First]

LDR is just a funeral for what could of been, lay it to rest already and go find somebody in your area, waaaaay to many single guys out there, you'll find a better fit for you.

[stillafool]

Given your bfs past history he is more than likely trying to have sex with this girl as well as others on campus.  You can't go around policing him.  It's better to find a guy on your campus who you can actually be with other than just weekends.  Let this guy go because you are already getting hurt.  Unfortunately for you he is doing what college boys do and is not going to stop.

[ShyViolet]

Your first mistake was getting into a long distance relationship.  You are seeing him every two weeks.... even less than that according to you because of covid.  So now he's spending most of his day to day life with all these other girls and not even with you.  What is even the point of this relationship?  It's not even a real relationship if you're barely seeing each other.

On 8/4/2021 at 9:26 PM, juless said:

My boyfriend has even told me that he wouldn't be surprised if she tried to hook up with him. 

For him to say this to you, and yet choose to still spend time with her, is him telling you loud and clear that there's more to this than just friends and he has no intentions of changing that.  

The next time you date, find someone LOCAL that you can actually spend time with.

[juless]

On 8/6/2021 at 6:54 AM, Wiseman2 said:

Is this the same man?:

 

yes

[juless]

On 8/5/2021 at 5:58 PM, Wiseman2 said:

How did you meet? Why is it long distance? How old is he?

Unfortunately your BF is the problem. He's getting off on pumping up his ego and enjoying trying to make you jealous.

Stop playing his games or being manipulated into a catfight for his ego and amusement.

Stop and reflect if you want to be with someone untrustworthy and full of himself.

 

we met through friends in our home town. It's only long distance because we go to different universities. He is almost 22. I called him out for it after posting this and he is saying he isn't doing anything wrong and that I need to trust him

[juless]

On 8/5/2021 at 10:27 PM, d0nnivain said:

You haven't trusted this guy since the beginning: 

Should I Trust Him? - Cheating, Flirting, and Jealousy - LoveShack.org 

Why are you still in this relationship?  

I like this guy a lot and the majority of the time its a healthy relationship. I'll admit I am insecure about a few things but I never bring it up to him cause when I do he argues that he isn't doing anything wrong. I don't know if I am being too overprotective or what. I told him that I didn't enjoy him hanging out with this person after I made the post and he told me he doesn't have many friends but could see how it made me uncomfortable. I'm not going to be the girlfriend that says he can and can't see people I just wish I didn't have to tell him these things in the first place. 

There has been a stage where I have seriously considered ending things with him and I told him that and when I did he was surprised and it seemed he really didn't want to break up. This is the first time I've done a LDR and i haven't realised how much trust you need to have in a partner for them to work out. Next year won't be long distance so it is just for this year. But yeah, I don't like feeling this way. 

[ExpatInItaly]

3 hours ago, juless said:

I'm not going to be the girlfriend that says he can and can't see people I just wish I didn't have to tell him these things in the first place. 

That's your cue that he isn't the right boyfriend for you. 

Plenty of guys would not (and do not) behave this way in a relationship. They already know (as does your boyfriend, let's be real) that meeting up with this kind of girl is shady. That's where most boyfriends would stop and respect their girlfriend more. Problem is that your guy seems to be attracted to her too, so he's going to keep seeing her. 

I would not hold your breath for this dude. He's not taking your relaitonship as seriously as you are, and it's only a matter of time before he starts telling you he needs space or just wants to be friends. 

[elaine567]

22 year old guys aren't meant to be in long distance relationships.
They are meant to be out playing the field getting as much sex as they can or they are meant to be in a relationship with one girl, getting as much sex as they can. Long distance = little or no sex to a 22 yo man and that is highly problematic. Celibacy is no fun.

I doubt your bf is being true to you, if he is not sleeping with this girl, he sure wants to and it is only a matter of time...

Relationships are hard enough, forget long distance, it rarely works out.
Find a nice guy in your university, who is not knee deep in female friends...

[Fletch Lives]

5 minutes ago, elaine567 said:

22 year old guys aren't meant to be in long distance relationships.

Long distance relationships aren't good for any age.

[elaine567]

Just now, Fletch Lives said:

Long distance relationships aren't good for any age.

True.

[Fletch Lives]

He should not be hanging out with another woman in what looks like dates.

 

Get a guy friend to hang out with. Maybe he'll see the light when the shoe is on the other foot.

 

Long distance relationships are bad news. But since you are already involved, I hope it works out.

[smackie9]

Dump this guy already.