I think my wife cheated

[Codyevans]

Ok so Friday night after I get home from work my wife goes out to “dinner” with a long time friend who is having trouble with her marriage. They go to a bar first and have a couple of drinks with 2 other women, when they leave the bar they stop and buy an excess amount of liquor and go to a friends house to drink. There is a married couple, my wife, her friend and another man, my wife knows this man from her childhood. Everyone is drinking and they start talking about our relationship problems in our marriage, she says everyone was dancing pretty vulgar and she was dancing with him but that’s as far as it went, I didn’t hear from her until 4:30 the next morning saying she was going to her friends house and wanted me to come get her. Any thoughts

[Love Yourself First]

Definitely has the makings of a hook up, lots of time, a private location, lots of alcohol, a rekindling... I mean, if all of this is not normal behavior I'd be concerned and if it was I would be concerned for other reasons so either way it's not really good I guess.

I am from a small town myself, there are probably a lot of women who I went to school with who want to bang me just for old times sake, I stay out of there cause no matter what happens I can go back there and get tail no problem lol.

Idk what to tell u bro

[HadMeOverABarrel]

@Codyevans Is this typical behavior from your wife? What is different about this night verses others? Why didn't you go out with her or go hang out at the house? Whose house is it? At what point did the man join the party?

[ExpatInItaly]

4 hours ago, Codyevans said:

Everyone is drinking and they start talking about our relationship problems in our marriage

This is a red flag too, OP. I get that she was drunk but it doesn't bode well to air your marrriage's dirty laundry with a group of people. 

 

4 hours ago, Codyevans said:

everyone was dancing pretty vulgar and she was dancing with him

Not very becoming for a married woman, but she might be telling the truth that it didn't go further. It's a slippery slope, though. I would talk to her about why she wanted to grind with another man in the first place. Something is off there. 

Is all of this out-of-character for your wife, or have there been nights like this before? 

[Wiseman2]

4 hours ago, Codyevans said:

. Everyone is drinking and they start talking about our relationship problems in our marriage, she says everyone was dancing pretty vulgar .

She has a drinking problem. Where were you? Why don't you two go out as a couple?

This sounds like she has taken 'girls night out' too far and turned it into an excuse to binge drink.

Don't chauffeur drunk people (that's enabling them) and never buy the "well we were all drunk" excuse.

Tell her it's AA or the highway.

 

[mark clemson]

11 hours ago, Codyevans said:

 Any thoughts

It's not clear whether anything physical happened beyond dancing. I'd give it a 50% chance.

If it was my wife, I'd tell her there's no way she's going out with these same people again without me along. And I'd be quite serious about that. She's allowed to have friends (and in fact my wife has a male work friend she chats with on the phone occasionally) but this out partying without me all night would not be acceptable.

 

[Warpspeed170]

When the story is incomprehensible, and excess alcohol is involved, then it is likely the panties hit the floor, and she is just looking for a way to worm out of any responsibility for her actions. I would question every other individual present at the time. I would want assurances that NOTHING happened. 

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Edited August 9, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
offensive, doesn't address opening question

[HappilyMarried]

I agree with the others @Codyevansit doesn't look good, but it could be no more than she has said. I would for sure make it clear that she had no business talking to a bunch of other drunks about your marital issues. I might try to on the down low if you know the husband of the married couple that was there and ask him about your wife's behavior. Then if you can't find out anything else I would lay low and keep a eye and ear out I can guarantee you that if something did happen between her and the guy friend it will continue. Best of luck!

[jolehno]

I would put a VAR in the car and wait. I would have a serious talk with her! This kind of behaviour is unacceptable.  

[salparadise]

On 8/4/2021 at 11:59 PM, Codyevans said:

Everyone is drinking and they start talking about our relationship problems in our marriage, she says everyone was dancing pretty vulgar and she was dancing with him but that’s as far as it went

I think some background on the marital problems and her character and past behavior would be helpful. Is she high integrity, or always taking shortcuts and burnishing the edges?

[DKT3]

I'm confused as to why she would go to a friend's house to have you pick her up instead of you picking her up where she was or having whoever was taking her to the friend's house simply bring her home...that in my opinion is the red flag. Its not rational.  Unless she was at his place and didn't want you to pick her up there or have him bring her home.

[Bryanp]

If the roles were reversed, how do you think your wife would be acting now?

DKT3 makes an excellent point about where she was asking you to pick her up.

Look she clearly disrespected you and your marriage. If you don't respect yourself then who will? In addition, no consequences to her actions equals no motivation to change.