I feel detached and numb from being disappointed in people

[ohso]

I've never felt like this before but I heard many people became bitter after for example dating or being on dating apps for a long time without any success. 

I've never wanted to become such person and I've always tried to be positive. Lately I can't anymore. It's just been too much hurt and disappointment in my life that I don't feel like being vulnerable for anyone anymore. 

I guess this is a coping mechanism? I have my guard up and I don't feel like taking it down. Though it's a hard weight to carry. 

I just feel very unauthentic this way. I am protecting myself and I am aware of it, but it was never my intention. 

I used to pick up my pieces and go on after someone hurt me in the past. But now I've had enough. No more. I've endure too much mental abuse and bullying from people. I lost faith in people and life and I don't trust anyone and can't feel connection to anyone.

It seems like I took it too far in a way that I really don't feel anything anymore. Is it burn out from being around people? 

I feel ashamed talking about this to my friends because how they will judge me when I say that I honestly don't care about them or anyone anymore. I don't want them harm, but I feel like I wouldn't feel anything no matter what happens in someone else's life. I just can't relate. I lost empathy.

I don't want to feel this way, but I feel it's beyond my choice. It's just done. It is what it is. 

I am obviously worried about this and I don't like it, but I don't know what to do about it? It all started after trying so much and being disappointed.

I honestly have to act emotions based on my memory of them. I know how I should react so I do it, but it is not sincere. Can anyone help? Will this go away and how? I guess I repressed some negative emotions. I just don't know how to get my old self back? What is happening?

Edited August 5, 2021 by ohso

[d0nnivain]

At some point everybody needs a break from dating.  So take one.  Give yourself the rest of the year not to be bothered.  Instead focus on your career, your friends, a new hobby.  Do whatever makes you happy & fulfilled.  Love will come later when you have recharged your batteries.  

[stillafool]

I agree to take a break from dating for a long time.  Everyone has been hurt from relationships at some point in their life.  Get involved with other things.  Take up a new hobby,  take a class in something you've always wanted to learn.  Learn something that requires you being physical like surfing, water sking, tennis, etc which will help with stress.