Craig Posted October 21, 2005 Share Posted October 21, 2005 Looks not beauty and there is a difference. Look around at the people you know. You can tell when someone is tired, upset, happy and yes lacking in self confidence and self esteem--it isn't very attractive. On the other hand take an unattractive, short guy fill him up with self confidence and high self esteem and what happens? He looks completely different and a whole lot more like the kind of person you'd like to hang out with. Nomad you might want to create a different dating site profile for your experiment, just in case someone is thinking of contacting you. If they suddenly see another picture they might think you're best avoided. Link to post Share on other sites
TUDOR Posted October 21, 2005 Share Posted October 21, 2005 EXACTLY!!! That's the whole point of this post: looks matter! I'm asking for a way AROUND that, or to find a way to cope with my own less than stellar looks. I never said looks don't ALSO matter for guys: they very much matter for me, too! That's why I'm asking, "How can ugly people really be happy together?" This has been answered through out this thread....be funny, be charming, be respectful, be great in bed, lots of foreplay, etc, etc, etc. For the women it can be sumed up as giving great BJs and be a freak in the sheets! Seriously, while looks are important you have to work with what you got. Blind people have amazing hearing, sence of smell, touch, etc. So if looks are lacking then fine tune you other qualities. And stop calling yourself ugly or less than stellar for starters. Be confident! Link to post Share on other sites
SmoochieFace Posted October 21, 2005 Share Posted October 21, 2005 On the other hand take an unattractive, short guy fill him up with self confidence and high self esteem and what happens? He looks completely different and a whole lot more like the kind of person you'd like to hang out with. That may be true if it is only on a *hanging out* level - most likely not true when it comes to a full-fledged relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
SmoochieFace Posted October 21, 2005 Share Posted October 21, 2005 ...be great in bed, lots of foreplay, etc, etc, etc. For the women it can be sumed up as giving great BJs and be a freak in the sheets! Uh, that definitely won't happen unless he has *passed* the other *tests*! Link to post Share on other sites
Craig Posted October 21, 2005 Share Posted October 21, 2005 That's why I'm asking, "How can ugly people really be happy together?"Because looks don't count in love or long term happiness. Let give you an example. Take the most beautiful woman you can think of in your wildest dreams, imagine that she falls deeply in love with you and you being attracted to her looks "fall in love" with her, get married and have 2.7 kids and everything is perfect--you are so happy. Then she is in a terrible accident and her face is burned off. Now what would you do? Divorce her? Stop "loving" her? Link to post Share on other sites
d'Arthez Posted October 21, 2005 Share Posted October 21, 2005 EXACTLY!!! That's the whole point of this post: looks matter! Looks matter. A bit. I also mentioned 3 things from the top of my head that play a role in a bar setting, even before looking at a girl. Things all men and women can work on. You can choose to sit there, and lack all the skills plus be ugly, or you can actually acquire the skills. The choice is yours. Although, what the hell would you be doing there?!? I'm asking for a way AROUND that, or to find a way to cope with my own less than stellar looks. I never said looks don't ALSO matter for guys: they very much matter for me, too! So you are asking to date a (super)model, with your own less than stellar looks, and get hurt if they are somehow not interested? What is part of the deal that others can notice, that you have on offer? Self-confidence, as portrayed in your facial expressions and body language? A good sense of style? That you are actively ? Your conversation skills? Your intelligence? If you have too little to offer, it is not a wonder you get rejected time and again. I can insist on dating a Hollywood celebrity. But if I am a bum, with no talents, no passion, or anything, chances are I won't get a chance with the celebrity of my dreams. Even if I do have the money, or the looks. That's why I'm asking, "How can ugly people really be happy together?" As long as everything is about looks, they can't be. Nor can beautiful people. Hapiness cannot be found in looks. Link to post Share on other sites
noclobber Posted October 21, 2005 Share Posted October 21, 2005 Because looks don't count in love or long term happiness. Let give you an example. Take the most beautiful woman you can think of in your wildest dreams, imagine that she falls deeply in love with you and you being attracted to her looks "fall in love" with her, get married and have 2.7 kids and everything is perfect--you are so happy. Then she is in a terrible accident and her face is burned off. Now what would you do? Divorce her? Stop "loving" her? anybody here seen the Tom Cruise movie "Vanilla Sky" ? Link to post Share on other sites
SmoochieFace Posted October 21, 2005 Share Posted October 21, 2005 Because looks don't count in love or long term happiness. Let give you an example. Take the most beautiful woman you can think of in your wildest dreams, imagine that she falls deeply in love with you and you being attracted to her looks "fall in love" with her, get married and have 2.7 kids and everything is perfect--you are so happy. Then she is in a terrible accident and her face is burned off. Now what would you do? Divorce her? Stop "loving" her? Ever heard of guys cheating on their wives or just leaving them because the wives put on weight? Link to post Share on other sites
Mary3 Posted October 21, 2005 Share Posted October 21, 2005 I know a 5 foot 4 asian man who weighs maybe 125 lbs and he really likes a an obese 260 lb women. Most might say neither appear to be attractive but both provide something for the other. The asian man gets love from the big women. She gets a provider and a lover . Its more about * what works * for 2 ppl. I am sure you have seen 2 opposites looking vastly different making fine couples... Link to post Share on other sites
Craig Posted October 21, 2005 Share Posted October 21, 2005 Ever heard of guys cheating on their wives or just leaving them because the wives put on weight?Just because some men and women cheat or leave their spouse because of weight gain doesn't mean that all do. Being in a relationship with someone because they only like your looks is a recipe for pain. Link to post Share on other sites
SmoochieFace Posted October 21, 2005 Share Posted October 21, 2005 Being in a relationship with someone because they only like your looks is a recipe for pain. DING DING DING DING DING. Really? And I suppose you're gonna tell me that is a big factor in why there are so many failed relationships too? Whodathunk? Sooooo... LADIES and GENTLEMEN! If you wanna be in a *GOOD* and *LOVING* relationship then choose your partner on the basis of the intangibles NOT because of how *hot* they are! Okay? Got it? Good! Start doing it now! Link to post Share on other sites
Craig Posted October 21, 2005 Share Posted October 21, 2005 I suppose you're gonna tell me that is a big factor in why there are so many failed relationships too? Whodathunk? Go ahead and suppose. Link to post Share on other sites
SmoochieFace Posted October 21, 2005 Share Posted October 21, 2005 Go ahead and suppose. Can't acknowledge it, huh? Link to post Share on other sites
Mary3 Posted October 21, 2005 Share Posted October 21, 2005 There are soo many failed relationships because people don't take the time to really get to know the other person * before * they become committed and end up falling into the bed and by the time the sex is over they have discovered that other person has issues or baggage and its not what they thought it was.... Voila ! End of the relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Craig Posted October 21, 2005 Share Posted October 21, 2005 Can't acknowledge it, huh? Acknowledge that you have an opinion? Link to post Share on other sites
SmoochieFace Posted October 21, 2005 Share Posted October 21, 2005 There are soo many failed relationships because people don't take the time to really get to know the other person * before * they become committed and end up falling into the bed and by the time the sex is over they have discovered that other person has issues or baggage and its not what they thought it was.... Voila ! End of the relationship. Right! They jump into it cuz the person is *hot*! They don't take all that *other* stuff into account until it is too late and then they come whining to places like LS. Can't stress enough the importance of getting to know people before banging (or being banged by) them. Link to post Share on other sites
SmoochieFace Posted October 21, 2005 Share Posted October 21, 2005 Acknowledge that you have an opinion? Acknowledge that I am right. Link to post Share on other sites
Mary3 Posted October 21, 2005 Share Posted October 21, 2005 Very true in taking the time to get to know that person before it becomes intimate. Unless of course that person just wants a one time sex romp with the other. Rules are a little different for those seeking sex only ... Link to post Share on other sites
Craig Posted October 21, 2005 Share Posted October 21, 2005 Acknowledge that I am right. Cite your sources. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nomad Posted October 21, 2005 Author Share Posted October 21, 2005 It should be noted that while I am of course also looking for a relationship, I have no problem at all with ONS or "flings" or just getting laid in general, which my life has been sorely lacking. So you all can forgive me if I'm a wee bit pessimistic and skeptical. Link to post Share on other sites
Craig Posted October 21, 2005 Share Posted October 21, 2005 It should be noted that while I am of course also looking for a relationship, I have no problem at all with ONS or "flings" or just getting laid in general, which my life has been sorely lacking. So you all can forgive me if I'm a wee bit pessimistic and skeptical.Nomad, I believe you can successfully date and that you have what it takes but you may be doing things you aren't even aware of that turn people off. Many people have responded to your request for help and some had great advice. Maybe what you need to get you started is a coach--I'm serious, Google "dating coach" and start reading. I bet if you work at it you can achieve your goals. Link to post Share on other sites
SmoochieFace Posted October 21, 2005 Share Posted October 21, 2005 Cite your sources. Oh, I spent a great deal of time studying this phenomenon. I worked on a relationship project while attending well-known university here in the States - unnamed, of course. I conducted studies of many relationships on campus and learned the complexities of dating, mating, and relating - and not necessarily in that order. This particular university has quite an impressive alumni list - and I had the privilege of working with them. I worked with the best of them - unfortunately, I cannot reveal names due to a confidentiality agreement that I signed with the school. I can say however that most of my subjects have gone on to bigger and better things and that they exert considerable influence on today's culture. :p :p Link to post Share on other sites
Craig Posted October 21, 2005 Share Posted October 21, 2005 Oh, I spent a great deal of time studying this phenomenon. I worked on a relationship project while attending well-known university here in the States - unnamed, of course. I conducted studies of many relationships on campus and learned the complexities of dating, mating, and relating - and not necessarily in that order. This particular university has quite an impressive alumni list - and I had the privilege of working with them. I worked with the best of them - unfortunately, I cannot reveal names due to a confidentiality agreement that I signed with the school. I can say however that most of my subjects have gone on to bigger and better things and that they exert considerable influence on today's culture. :p :p Any reasonable person having performed the research you say you did would be able to name at least one study done by another researcher and published in a respected and reliable journal. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nomad Posted October 21, 2005 Author Share Posted October 21, 2005 I have a specific website in mind (however, we are not permitted to reference other sites on Loveshack) for the study earlier referenced by someone else in which women were asked to "rate" a lineup of men, where they were given phony personality & professional characteristics (e.g. "He's a millionaire" "He's a published author" etc). Invariably, the women chose the TALLER guys, irrespective of their personal or professional profiles. People keep saying, "That doesn't matter in the long run," while neglecting to mention that YOU CAN'T GET TO THE "LONG RUN" IF GIRLS DON'T EVEN GIVE YOU A CHANCE TO DATE THEM IN THE SHORT TERM. Link to post Share on other sites
Craig Posted October 21, 2005 Share Posted October 21, 2005 I have a specific website in mind (however, we are not permitted to reference other sites on Loveshack) for the study earlier referenced by someone else in which women were asked to "rate" a lineup of men, where they were given phony personality & professional characteristics (e.g. "He's a millionaire" "He's a published author" etc). Invariably, the women chose the TALLER guys, irrespective of their personal or professional profiles. People keep saying, "That doesn't matter in the long run," while neglecting to mention that YOU CAN'T GET TO THE "LONG RUN" IF GIRLS DON'T EVEN GIVE YOU A CHANCE TO DATE THEM IN THE SHORT TERM.Did the study you reference state the heights of the women? Were there women that were 5 ft to 5'2" in the study? Preference in a study does not automatically translate into reality in practice and that's why I see good looking women with short, unattractive men all the time--I don't go out of my way looking for these couples but I know of some personally. If you want something bad enough you will find a way. Link to post Share on other sites
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