Breakup after 6 years help!

[stillafool]

2 hours ago, MTee said:

He doesn’t make eye contact with me, when he says something to me he says it really low and keeps the sentences really short. He has no reason to act that way with me and after 6 years of being together I do not deserve this. 

This is happeniing because he wants to leave and doesn't know how.  I think you would be wise to find somewhere else to live.  Can you go home to your parents house?

[stillafool]

1 hour ago, MTee said:

 I can leave now but I physically cannot. I’m staying hoping that things will go back to the way they were.

This is the worst thing you can do.  He's going to end up hating you if you aren't careful.  No one wants to be forced to be with someone and that is basically what you're doing to him.  And, you're trying to keep him by getting pregnant which is the absolute worse thing you can do to him.

Edited August 9, 2021 by stillafool

[lonelyplanetmoon]

18 hours ago, MTee said:

I strongly believe no one will love me like he does.
 

Also, the thought of him loving and treating someone else as good as he did me makes me sick to my stomach. 

This is where you are wrong. He does not love you or treat you with care.  Someone else will absolutely love you better.  Don’t let fear of the unknown rule you or make decisions for you.

You came here asking for advice,  I am offering because I have totally been there.  It is your life though and you will make the choices you make.  Sometimes we only learn by making our own mistakes or through hardship.  
 

‘As you get older you will realize that love does not conquer all.  You need to have love in a relationship yes, but you also need to have a partner who has the skills required to stick it out.  This is mature love.  Very few people can make it to mature love.

And you saying you finally got him to agree to marriage is cringe/sad to hear.  Like you won the battle of the wills.  He gave in and you won by him “agreeing” to marriage.  Actually, you lost because you would be marrying someone who does not really want to marry you!

 

[MTee]

2 hours ago, stillafool said:

This is the worst thing you can do.  He's going to end up hating you if you aren't careful.  No one wants to be forced to be with someone and that is basically what you're doing to him.  And, you're trying to keep him by getting pregnant which is the absolute worse thing you can do to him.

I know. This all just hurts and I can’t handle it. 

[glows]

1 minute ago, MTee said:

I know. This all just hurts and I can’t handle it. 

I prefer ripping it off like a bandaid and healing on my own time. Prolonging the issue or the break up is more painful. I understand you're in shock and I'm sorry all this is happening. 

[MTee]

Just now, glows said:

I prefer ripping it off like a bandaid and healing on my own time. Prolonging the issue or the break up is more painful. I understand you're in shock and I'm sorry all this is happening. 

Do you think me staying by my mother for a few days will help relax him a little? & not texting him when I’m away? I work nights so when I get off of work I was going to go by my mom all 3 days I work to give him space. I don’t want to move by my mother bc there’s no space and it isn’t my home. This has been my home & im comfortable & happy here so that makes it even harder. 

[ExpatInItaly]

1 minute ago, MTee said:

Do you think me staying by my mother for a few days will help relax him a little?

Him relaxing isn't going to fix this, though. 

It's beyond that point. I would go to your mother's just so you can have some space. You need to not be around him right now. 

[glows]

3 minutes ago, MTee said:

Do you think me staying by my mother for a few days will help relax him a little? & not texting him when I’m away? I work nights so when I get off of work I was going to go by my mom all 3 days I work to give him space. I don’t want to move by my mother bc there’s no space and it isn’t my home. This has been my home & im comfortable & happy here so that makes it even harder. 

I think this is shelving the issue and it is out of sight and out of mind. If you need a few days of space to clear your mind and come to a decision, do it for yourself. Hoping that it will clear up or get better or that he will miss you, for example, is broaching on desperation. His feelings for you are not going to change. He doesn't want to be with you. Are you asking him to repeat it over and over? I understand you're at that point right now but never let a man push you down to this. 

I would only approach a family member after I have made up my mind and if I need assistance with coming up with a plan to leave or temporary housing before getting back on my feet if needed. A big part of me wouldn't rest easy in limbo-land or dragging someone else into my mess. You have to make a decision about him so don't prolong this. 

[MTee]

19 minutes ago, glows said:

I think this is shelving the issue and it is out of sight and out of mind. If you need a few days of space to clear your mind and come to a decision, do it for yourself. Hoping that it will clear up or get better or that he will miss you, for example, is broaching on desperation. His feelings for you are not going to change. He doesn't want to be with you. Are you asking him to repeat it over and over? I understand you're at that point right now but never let a man push you down to this. 

I would only approach a family member after I have made up my mind and if I need assistance with coming up with a plan to leave or temporary housing before getting back on my feet if needed. A big part of me wouldn't rest easy in limbo-land or dragging someone else into my mess. You have to make a decision about him so don't prolong this. 

I know you’re right and I know what I have to do. It’s just the matter of doing it and I’ll find the strength. I think, because this isn’t the first time he’s done this, I’m holding on to hope that it’ll be like all the other times. Him telling me he wants to break up but once I start accepting it he comes back around. And this is HARD. It’s all just so difficult I literally feel like my heart is being ripped out of my chest & idk how to process these emotions. Seeing someone who once loved you look at you like they hate you is f***ing HARD!! Especially since not too long ago he acted as if he loved me. To switch like that isn’t making sense to me. Idk. I just can’t do this. Idk how to deal with this. Idk how I’m going to survive this. 

[MTee]

24 minutes ago, glows said:

I think this is shelving the issue and it is out of sight and out of mind. If you need a few days of space to clear your mind and come to a decision, do it for yourself. Hoping that it will clear up or get better or that he will miss you, for example, is broaching on desperation. His feelings for you are not going to change. He doesn't want to be with you. Are you asking him to repeat it over and over? I understand you're at that point right now but never let a man push you down to this. 

I would only approach a family member after I have made up my mind and if I need assistance with coming up with a plan to leave or temporary housing before getting back on my feet if needed. A big part of me wouldn't rest easy in limbo-land or dragging someone else into my mess. You have to make a decision about him so don't prolong this. 

He’s literally my ONLY friend, the only person I tell everything to besides my mother. He is literally my everything. How can I walk away from this? How do people do this I don’t understand it, I really wish I’d go to sleep and not wake up. 

[glows]

47 minutes ago, MTee said:

I know you’re right and I know what I have to do. It’s just the matter of doing it and I’ll find the strength. I think, because this isn’t the first time he’s done this, I’m holding on to hope that it’ll be like all the other times. Him telling me he wants to break up but once I start accepting it he comes back around. And this is HARD. It’s all just so difficult I literally feel like my heart is being ripped out of my chest & idk how to process these emotions. Seeing someone who once loved you look at you like they hate you is f***ing HARD!! Especially since not too long ago he acted as if he loved me. To switch like that isn’t making sense to me. Idk. I just can’t do this. Idk how to deal with this. Idk how I’m going to survive this. 

It is hard but that’s where you also tell yourself you are entitled to a better life without this hot/cold behaviour. It’s up to you (it’s not up to him) to decide when to better your life. If he comes back, you can cross that bridge when it comes. If he’s broken up with you already before and had the gall to come back and repeat this again, you know very well what kind of person he is. 

Call a local suicide hotline if you are suicidal. They are there for times of crisis like this. Talk to your mother also if you need help and a place to stay while you get back on your feet. 

[Cookiesandough]

1 hour ago, MTee said:

I know you’re right and I know what I have to do. It’s just the matter of doing it and I’ll find the strength. I think, because this isn’t the first time he’s done this, I’m holding on to hope that it’ll be like all the other times. Him telling me he wants to break up but once I start accepting it he comes back around. And this is HARD. It’s all just so difficult I literally feel like my heart is being ripped out of my chest & idk how to process these emotions. Seeing someone who once loved you look at you like they hate you is f***ing HARD!! Especially since not too long ago he acted as if he loved me. To switch like that isn’t making sense to me. Idk. I just can’t do this. Idk how to deal with this. Idk how I’m going to survive this. 

This is terrible to read I’m so sorry you’re hurting so much. I know the power emotions can have but plz realize they are transient. Acceptance is the first step. You don’t really want to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with you anyway, you can do better and deserve someone crazy about you. holding on hope is just gonna drag out your suffering. Many people have been in your shoes and came out on the other side happier for it.  reach out for help if you need it 

Edited August 10, 2021 by Cookiesandough

[MTee]

3 hours ago, Cookiesandough said:

This is terrible to read I’m so sorry you’re hurting so much. I know the power emotions can have but plz realize they are transient. Acceptance is the first step. You don’t really want to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with you anyway, you can do better and deserve someone crazy about you. holding on hope is just gonna drag out your suffering. Many people have been in your shoes and came out on the other side happier for it.  reach out for help if you need it 

But I don’t understand why he doesn’t want to be with me. I’ve been by his side during some of the toughest times. I didn’t do anything bad, no cheating I was loyal to him. I went to nursing school, came home, took care of the house on top of studying. Now I’m a nurse. I didn’t do this for just me, I did it for us. Yes I slacked but I’m human & I get tired. I don’t understand why he doesn’t love me. I don’t understand none of this. 

[Pumpernickel]

It’s quite likely that he has met somebody else that he wants to get to know better, and you did nothing wrong. If he likes the house cleaner, he can clean it himself. The cleaning & cooking issue is just an excuse - not the real reason.

[ExpatInItaly]

3 hours ago, MTee said:

But I don’t understand why he doesn’t want to be with me

Because relationships sometimes run their course, MTee. 

People grow and change and their feelings sometimes change right along with it, especially if the relationship started when you were both young and inexperienced. This guy has been jerking you around for a long time, by the sounds of it. No healthy relaitonship includes multiple episodes like this one. You are in a dysfunctional relationship. 

8 hours ago, MTee said:

He’s literally my ONLY friend

This is plain sad, girl. Why don't have any friends? A big part of the problem here is that you appear to have nothing else in your life, no other interests or social life. You have unwisely made him the centre of your universe, which is not good. It means that when bad things happen, you feel extra-lost because you have not devloped a life outside of him. 

 

8 hours ago, MTee said:

I really wish I’d go to sleep and not wake up. 

Please, talk to your mother about this or reach out for some professional help. 

[MTee]

9 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Because relationships sometimes run their course, MTee. 

People grow and change and their feelings sometimes change right along with it, especially if the relationship started when you were both young and inexperienced. This guy has been jerking you around for a long time, by the sounds of it. No healthy relaitonship includes multiple episodes like this one. You are in a dysfunctional relationship. 

This is plain sad, girl. Why don't have any friends? A big part of the problem here is that you appear to have nothing else in your life, no other interests or social life. You have unwisely made him the centre of your universe, which is not good. It means that when bad things happen, you feel extra-lost because you have not devloped a life outside of him. 

 

Please, talk to your mother about this or reach out for some professional help. 

Thank you. I’m just currently in the grieving process and I just haven’t reached acceptance just yet. I have friends, but not super close ones like him. I do feel extra lost. The worst part about all of this is how he’s acting towards me, like we were never in love and never best friends. He’s acting like a stranger & as if he hates me. This hurts. Maybe it’s good in a way because eventually I’ll accept what is, but it hurts. 

[MTee]

17 hours ago, glows said:

It is hard but that’s where you also tell yourself you are entitled to a better life without this hot/cold behaviour. It’s up to you (it’s not up to him) to decide when to better your life. If he comes back, you can cross that bridge when it comes. If he’s broken up with you already before and had the gall to come back and repeat this again, you know very well what kind of person he is. 

Call a local suicide hotline if you are suicidal. They are there for times of crisis like this. Talk to your mother also if you need help and a place to stay while you get back on your feet. 

I’m not suicidal, I’m just hurting. By my mother, there’s other ppl who live there and I won’t have my own room. I don’t want to be around anyone right now I want to be alone, in a room and just cry & let myself feel all that I’m feeling. Like I just need to be alone. When I’m here, most of the time I’m in the room with the door shut and he’s in the living room so I don’t have to see him. Honestly I think I just need to talk to a therapist. 

[glows]

55 minutes ago, MTee said:

I’m not suicidal, I’m just hurting. By my mother, there’s other ppl who live there and I won’t have my own room. I don’t want to be around anyone right now I want to be alone, in a room and just cry & let myself feel all that I’m feeling. Like I just need to be alone. When I’m here, most of the time I’m in the room with the door shut and he’s in the living room so I don’t have to see him. Honestly I think I just need to talk to a therapist. 

Are you able to see if there is a therapist near your area or in your locale? Make a few calls and check out their website, look at reviews. 

[stillafool]

1 hour ago, MTee said:

I’m not suicidal, I’m just hurting. By my mother, there’s other ppl who live there and I won’t have my own room. I don’t want to be around anyone right now I want to be alone, in a room and just cry & let myself feel all that I’m feeling. Like I just need to be alone. When I’m here, most of the time I’m in the room with the door shut and he’s in the living room so I don’t have to see him. Honestly I think I just need to talk to a therapist. 

Can you afford to rent a hotel room for a few days?   Can you afford an apartment on your own?

[MTee]

2 hours ago, stillafool said:

Can you afford to rent a hotel room for a few days?   Can you afford an apartment on your own?

So today I told him we don’t have to be together, we can be friends and he don’t have to be so cold towards me. He said okay, and now he’s talking to me more and is a little more calm. That’s all I wanted, I wanted him to stop acting as if we were never in love. I’m a new RN. I can afford to live on my own but it’s just a matter of finding somewhere else to stay. 

[Interstellar]

did  you physically let yourself go? did you gain weight? maybe he found somebody new.

Edited August 10, 2021 by Interstellar

[glows]

1 hour ago, MTee said:

So today I told him we don’t have to be together, we can be friends and he don’t have to be so cold towards me. He said okay, and now he’s talking to me more and is a little more calm. That’s all I wanted, I wanted him to stop acting as if we were never in love. I’m a new RN. I can afford to live on my own but it’s just a matter of finding somewhere else to stay. 

I think being civil is a positive thing. I'm glad that you both can converse or talk with each other. I wouldn't prolong this though.

[stillafool]

1 hour ago, MTee said:

So today I told him we don’t have to be together, we can be friends and he don’t have to be so cold towards me. He said okay, and now he’s talking to me more and is a little more calm. That’s all I wanted, I wanted him to stop acting as if we were never in love. I’m a new RN. I can afford to live on my own but it’s just a matter of finding somewhere else to stay. 

If you are an RN you can afford your own place.  You can apartment hunt on line and other sources.  Try to find a place near your work for easy access.  Of course he's being nicer because this is what he wants.  You say that's all you wanted was for him not to act as if you were never in love.  If you truly want to be his friend you have to put that mindset to the side.  If you want to be friends stop the kissing, hugging and sex with him and start looking forward to moving out.

Edited August 10, 2021 by stillafool

[MTee]

6 hours ago, stillafool said:

If you are an RN you can afford your own place.  You can apartment hunt on line and other sources.  Try to find a place near your work for easy access.  Of course he's being nicer because this is what he wants.  You say that's all you wanted was for him not to act as if you were never in love.  If you truly want to be his friend you have to put that mindset to the side.  If you want to be friends stop the kissing, hugging and sex with him and start looking forward to moving out.

How do I get over the urge not to text him? I seriously want to text and talk to him but I know if I text him I’m only hurting myself. But still, I just want to talk to him. 

[MTee]

7 hours ago, Interstellar said:

did  you physically let yourself go? did you gain weight? maybe he found somebody new.

No, we were fine prior to the conversation. This came out of nowhere & if he was thinking about it for a while he didn’t say anything. Like I said, we were trying for a baby not too long ago. We were fine. I think he just got overwhelmed. I’ve been with this man for 6 years I know when something is wrong with him. I think maybe he just got super stressed with me, and when he stresses he shuts down. Not only that, in the past he has tried to break up & I fought for the relationship. This time he is set on it and there’s nothing I can do.