Death of MM

[pianomanwoman]

Scarlet, I read the replies to your post and saw that you did go to his funeral and feel guilty. It seems his wife and son were nice to acknowledge you. Also I read " maybe if he had stayed with me he would be alive" as your hope that fate could have saved him. You were not married to him, but it seems you brought some pleasure and happiness to him. How the wife feels about him is not your responsibility. 

I speak from experience. Ashley Madison says, Life's short, have an affair. I met my Ashley man he was my second couple. The nicest person I have ever met. He told me the story of his wife and I asked him to keep trying to make the marriage work. After I left him, we stayed friends but only online. He and his family are on my Facebook!  One day I checked his profile two years later. He was 42 years old when he died! I could not contact his family to ask how he died or why. I know she will have to raise the kids alone she will never find someone better than him. Sometimes its your destiny to be the mistress. I told my new MM that I would like to send his kids money for college. We did not last a year, but sometimes I think of him during the Pandemic, the love is fading and the stigma of always the other woman stays with me the responsibility of keeping secrets. Why do I have affairs? I've been on a long break from dating, 4 years now. When I am in a relationship I hope my man does not cheat on me, but if he does I'll understand. I'm sorry for your loss, one way to cope is when you find love again, and if your new guy asked if you will cheat on him with your former lover, say no, I'm a widow. This will help you move on. You did mean something to him I think that is what has wife was trying to say to you. Also I want to tell you my mother passed away. She did not want me to catch Covid and made that clear.

I didn't go to her funeral because it's not safe. Doesn't mean I didn't love her. I think a lot of Loveshack cares about you, and didn't want you to get hurt. Stay safe. 

[S2B]

On 8/18/2021 at 11:33 PM, Scarlet2 said:

My mind is still trying to process, so much confusion. I’m still not sleeping well. My heart hurts not knowing the details of what really happened to xMM. I didn’t want him to die. Was it instant, was he suffering? Did she DNR him? 

 

And for real, why the cemetery near my house? Why not one near her or with his other family that have already passed? His sister has to travel 2 hours to visit the site. There’s no one he knows in that cemetery and he’s isolated from anyone else that’s buried out there. The location of the plot is like saying: eh just dump him over there. So many whys.

 

And I don’t understand why I keep getting pulled to go visit his grave, he ghosted me without a word, and he didn’t even try once to mend the fence in the last 4 years, he didn’t want me in his life, why should I go there. I get pretty close but then I turn my car around. Should I or should I not go visit?

 

And then the guilt still comes. I never exposed him with a d-day to punish him for hurting me because I knew his punishment would be him staying in his environment and now he’s dead because he didn’t leave. I didn’t want him to die.

 

If you see your spouse isn’t happy or is a serial cheat, but they feel they have to stay out of obligation, just let them go to find their peace without having to die for it. By her own admission, they fought every day for 30 years. Who wants to live like that? That’s not love, that’s incompatibility. 

 

One of the last posts of his that I could find when I was searching for answers, the mother of one of his grandkids had posted something about friends not being mature and he said find new friends and she asked why and he replied with “some people just don’t want to change” and I could feel the heaviness in the tone. 

You are still giving him way too much of your power. Even in death - he’s controlling you.

you don’t have to allow this. If you need help getting some balance - see a professional.