Author financial_ad429 Posted September 12, 2021 Author Share Posted September 12, 2021 Truly, If I believed he’d never be more than lying, cheating scum then I’d let go. I thought that his wife’s total apathetic reaction would make me realize he’s no prize and frankly this has happened many times before (bc she didn’t seem the least bit shocked, said he was playing with me ALSO). But then I started obsessing that he might treat this other woman totally differently. But don’t I have proof that she’s no better because even a few days ago he was still sexting me and asking me for sex at same time? Link to post Share on other sites
Starswillshine Posted September 12, 2021 Share Posted September 12, 2021 1 hour ago, financial_ad429 said: What do you make of the fact that he was making plans to have sex with me and asking for sexy photos at the exact same time he’s allegedly hanging out w this other woman? Does it indicate she’s not that special and I have something she doesn’t? No, it means he will have sex with any of you that is willing. No one is special. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted September 12, 2021 Share Posted September 12, 2021 Quote Why doesn't his wife care that he's cheating? Some people don't. Open and "look-the-other way" marriages are far from unheard of. Seems to be what you've stumbled into. 21 hours ago, financial_ad429 said: told me himself he’s a sociopath and doesn’t care about anyone Since you heard it from him, you know what to expect. 1 hour ago, financial_ad429 said: Truly, If I believed he’d never be more than lying, cheating scum then I’d let go. Interesting. He's the same now as he was during your affair. Only difference is it's clear now that he's not going to pick you. Letting go is the only smart option here. Are you one of those people who blows up after break-ups generally? Rhetorical question, but maybe see a therapist to help you process your resentment in a relatively positive way. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted September 12, 2021 Share Posted September 12, 2021 1 hour ago, financial_ad429 said: If I believed he’d never be more than lying, cheating scum then I’d let go. What more would it take to convince you that that is the case? Link to post Share on other sites
Author financial_ad429 Posted September 12, 2021 Author Share Posted September 12, 2021 1 minute ago, Wiseman2 said: What more would it take to convince you that that is the case? This other woman also not ending up w him 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted September 12, 2021 Share Posted September 12, 2021 (edited) 2 hours ago, financial_ad429 said: Truly, If I believed he’d never be more than lying, cheating scum then I’d let go. What makes you think that he has any potential to be anything more than lying, cheating scum? I mean, what you know about the man is that he is essentially cheating on his wife with more than woman. Fact. Edited September 12, 2021 by BaileyB Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted September 12, 2021 Share Posted September 12, 2021 1 hour ago, financial_ad429 said: This other woman also not ending up w him This may be jealousy on your part but you’ll have to let go. You don’t own him after being an affair partner. It might have felt like a unique, exotic or exciting position that you had for awhile but the reality is that post has ended. You’re not able to grieve openly because this was not a legitimate relationship but you will have to find another way to process that the affair is over. I don’t think you’ve done that yet and are overly focused on this other person. It’s over. You don’t need more proof that he’s scum or not scum. You need no proof at all. He’s no longer a part of your life. The chapter is closed. Cycling back around and around in circles stops you from moving forward with the rest of your life. Let go. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted September 12, 2021 Share Posted September 12, 2021 1 hour ago, financial_ad429 said: This other woman also not ending up w him Then he'd just get a new one to replace her if he hasn't already. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author financial_ad429 Posted September 13, 2021 Author Share Posted September 13, 2021 He sure took down the photos of her very quickly once his family was made aware… I guess he really is lying cheating hiding scum to all of us across the board Link to post Share on other sites
Amethyst68 Posted September 13, 2021 Share Posted September 13, 2021 It may just be me but I'm reading this man slightly differently. I don't think he ever left his wife and son, I think he moved to your area for a job and for whatever reason his family could not join him. I know you said it's been years but there are obligations which could keep the wife at home for years. Your post supports this as his public SM still refers to his current wife and family and not his ex. In this day and age he'd have to have done something pretty bad not to be awarded some kind of custody so that part of the story doesn't make sense to me. IMO when he arrived he created this other separated man persona so that he could openly date but women should know not to expect too much from him. You broke this rule and he moved on. As for telling the wife, please don't pretend you did any of this for her. You didn't care about her through the years of your own affair after all. No, you did it for you, you were being ousted from your place as his OW and wanted his wife to do her job and run off the competition of the new OW. The quote below shows that to me. Quote This other woman also not ending up w him Unfortunately, you did not get the outrage you were expecting. Again, unlike others I don't necessarily think it's because they're separated and she doesn't care, it could be one or both off two things, 1 - shock and 2 - most BS don't want to give the AP the satisfaction of a reaction. Just remember you don't know what goes on behind closed doors. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted September 13, 2021 Share Posted September 13, 2021 Yeah she might care but she cares more about her child being involved. Once you mentioned her child that trumped any feelings she had about MM. Backfired. Link to post Share on other sites
Starswillshine Posted September 13, 2021 Share Posted September 13, 2021 4 hours ago, Amethyst68 said: 1 - shock and 2 - most BS don't want to give the AP the satisfaction of a reaction. This 100% This was how I responded to the OW as well. She took it as I didn't care which she took as a way to feel guiltless. Not that it mattered, it was up to my xWH. But anyway... I did care more than anything. My world was shattered, but I was not about to let her in on my life at that point. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author financial_ad429 Posted September 13, 2021 Author Share Posted September 13, 2021 14 minutes ago, stillafool said: Yeah she might care but she cares more about her child being involved. Once you mentioned her child that trumped any feelings she had about MM. Backfired. I don’t think it backfired. If he claims she didn’t let him see their son for a while just bc she saw 1 photo of me and him, then I can’t imagine what the consequences for him are if he’s not only posting photos of some other chick and commenting beautiful, but also taking his son to a party w that chick behind wifey’s back. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted September 13, 2021 Share Posted September 13, 2021 2 hours ago, financial_ad429 said: If he claims she didn’t let him see their son for a while just bc she saw 1 photo of me and him, then I can’t imagine what the consequences for him are if he’s not only posting photos of some other chick and commenting beautiful, but also taking his son to a party w that chick behind wifey’s back. Whatever the consequence, their relationship is none of your business. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author financial_ad429 Posted September 13, 2021 Author Share Posted September 13, 2021 3 minutes ago, BaileyB said: Whatever the consequence, their relationship is none of your business. He made this all my business when he decided to start an affair with me, but lie to me and make me think he was leaving her, then declare he was never divorcing her but continued to pursue sex w me anyhow. And he made this other woman my business when he decided to TELL me about her and allege interest in her. And his choice to post photos of her publicly on an account he knew I knew about… albeit with a fake name… but if things were so great and legit with her then 1) why’d he take the post down once his family found out and 2) why was he asking me for sex at same time??? Link to post Share on other sites
MilaVaneela Posted September 13, 2021 Share Posted September 13, 2021 9 minutes ago, financial_ad429 said: He made this all my business when he decided to start an affair with me, but lie to me and make me think he was leaving her, then declare he was never divorcing her but continued to pursue sex w me anyhow. No, it is not your business. Just because you are one of the women he’s unzipping for on the side doesn’t mean you get any input on what goes on in his marriage or what his “wifey” does. Leave her alone, and the kid. Neither of them asked to be involved in this drama and just because he can’t keep his pants up doesn’t mean that they’re fair game to be messed with. 11 minutes ago, financial_ad429 said: And his choice to post photos of her publicly on an account he knew I knew about… albeit with a fake name… but if things were so great and legit with her then 1) why’d he take the post down once his family found out and 2) why was he asking me for sex at same time??? 1) Because he doesn’t want to blow up his family and tarnish his image 2) Because he lets his little head do the talking, with you, and this other OW, and however many others he’s getting around with…. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author financial_ad429 Posted September 13, 2021 Author Share Posted September 13, 2021 Makes sense but if he didn’t want to tarnish his image then maybe he should not be posting (even with a fake username that only I from his real life knew) that some other woman was pretty. While posting his wife and child on his real account as his fam. Idiot. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted September 13, 2021 Share Posted September 13, 2021 (edited) 43 minutes ago, financial_ad429 said: (even with a fake username that only I from his real life knew) But you don't know this to be true. That could be the username he uses with all his OW. It's best not to get hung up on it and let it go along with him. Edited September 13, 2021 by stillafool 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted September 13, 2021 Share Posted September 13, 2021 1 hour ago, financial_ad429 said: He made this all my business when he decided to start an affair with me, but lie to me and make me think he was leaving her, then declare he was never divorcing her but continued to pursue sex w me anyhow. And he made this other woman my business when he decided to TELL me about her and allege interest in her. No, he did not make it your business - you are responsible for your decision to stay involved and your decision should have been to walk away, not to involve yourself further in their drama. A healthy person would say - “I don’t want this drama in my life, I am out!” 1 hour ago, financial_ad429 said: why was he asking me for sex at same time??? Because this is what cheating men do. Why are you having a difficult time understanding this - this guy is a total jerk! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Starswillshine Posted September 13, 2021 Share Posted September 13, 2021 1 minute ago, BaileyB said: Why are you having a difficult time understanding this - this guy is a total jerk! This is what some women do. Confuse physical desire with some sort of love or specialty. Link to post Share on other sites
Author financial_ad429 Posted September 13, 2021 Author Share Posted September 13, 2021 19 minutes ago, BaileyB said: A healthy person would say - “I don’t want this drama in my life, I am out!” Which I did IMO by outing him..: now let’s hope this new side woman thinks the same thing once she is contacted by his wife and/or sees messages of him two timing her too. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted September 13, 2021 Share Posted September 13, 2021 55 minutes ago, financial_ad429 said: Which I did IMO by outing him..: now let’s hope this new side woman thinks the same thing once she is contacted by his wife and/or sees messages of him two timing her too. Why are you worrying about what his new OW does? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author financial_ad429 Posted September 13, 2021 Author Share Posted September 13, 2021 (edited) 2 minutes ago, stillafool said: Why are you worrying about what his new OW does? because he deserves no one: he’s still married and never getting divorced! Why does he get side pieces? And why would I let it go quietly? Edited September 13, 2021 by financial_ad429 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted September 13, 2021 Share Posted September 13, 2021 1 minute ago, financial_ad429 said: because he deserves no one: he’s still married and never getting divorced! Why does he get side pieces? And why would I let it go quietly? Why would you not? You have no control here. It’s his life. You lack boundaries… Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted September 13, 2021 Share Posted September 13, 2021 1 hour ago, financial_ad429 said: Which I did IMO by outing him..: now let’s hope this new side woman thinks the same thing once she is contacted by his wife and/or sees messages of him two timing her too. Sure - you said I’m out but now you are sitting on the sidelines like an anxious spectator waiting to watch him get hit by the karma bus. You are waiting like an anxious spectator to see if his OOW dumps him… That’s not saying “I don’t want this drama in my life…” Link to post Share on other sites
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