What just happened? I need your views.

[Iwantthisformyself]

Hi there. I need some feedback as I feel confused about my situation with MM. 

I have been seeing him for almost three weeks. I went back to work part time after my separation last year and I met him there. My ex H and I share a business together, but I felt like a needed to meet new people and work in contact with other persons in this transition in my life. I just couldn´t help feeling attracted to MM as soon as I met him: he´s smart and cultured, and particularly good with people. He´s 18 years my senior. I knew he was married from day one, as he used to mention his wife and children in general conversation from time to time. I could tell he realised I was attracted to him, and he seemed flattered. He was always super sweet with me. Met him in the street once ( I was with my daughter, he was with his son) and stopped to say hi and introduce the kids. We started taking our coffee breaks together 3 to 4 times a week, sitting together - and alone- at the cafeteria and I started sharing some more of my personal details. I really needed someone to talk to as I had discovered some months before that my husband had been cheating on me with a neighbor, and would not admit it or stop his affair. He was the most understanding and sympathetic person I had ever spoken to, he was a really good listener - which was totally new for me, as my husband was never that way- and talking to him made me feel like someone really understood wat I was going through. 

At the beginning of this year, I finally gathered the courage to file for divorce ( not that he was encouraging me, right the opposite, his current marriage is his second and he says he believes divorce is almost never a solution, there are other ways to work things out, the children suffer inmensely, etc). A month ago my divorce was finalised and my husband finally left the home. All this time he still hasn´t admitted to his affair, not even when I threatened divorced, or filed, or when the divorce finally became official. He keeps coming to our house everyday and calls and texts constantly, as we have two kinds together and we also share a business which we started years ago. I felt that he was still invading my life in every area of it, that I wanted something he was not a part of that fulfilled me emotionally. So one day three weeks ago, I asked my MM for a drive home from work and he agreed. An I told him. I told him how I felt about him, how being with him and talking to him made me feel that there understood and heard. An I said I wanted a more intimate relations hip with him, that I found him attractive, and I knew he was married but couldn´t help feeling the way I did. At first he seemed surprised, but flattered, and he said he was way older than me ( true, but his wife is two years younger thatnme, so I theought that wouldn´t bother him), that he was married and that he could not see how we could have a relationship. I said that I believed we were already doing it as we were spending so much time together at work one to one, and that I felt we already were intimate at a certain level. So he said it wouldn´t hurt if we just hanged out together and kept keeping each other company. I then asked him to kiss me, which he did, it was the most delicate, sweet kiss I have ever been given in my life. I don´t believe you can kiss someone like this if you have no feelings for them. I asked what his wife would think if she found out, and he said it was complicated but he was sure she wouldn´t notice, and if she did she wouldn´t care. It sounded weird, but I was so happy that I did not want to ruin our moment by speaking about her.

We continued to see each other at work, spent time together after work (never more than 45 min when he drove me as I have my kids to go back to and he has his family) and one afternoon I invited him over to my house and we spent 3 hours talking and making out in my couch ( my kids were with their dad) which felt like half an hour. Time flies when we are together!

His birthday was 10 days ago and I called him, asked him how he was planning to celebrate and that´s when he told me: he said he wasn´t celebrating his birthday because he has no one to celebrate with. His marriage has been in a difficult place for some time, but this last year it seems to have died altogether. He as a son with Asperger Syndrome, and his wife spends all of her time and energy on his therapies and school meetings, plus she has am full -time job, and has completely abandoned him. He says he can´t interact with his child properly because the kid is all about his mum, and she doesn´t even include him in family decisions anymore, so he is basically invisible in his home. He never said anything mean about her, in fact he said he understood why she had brushed him aside: he didn´t know how to help her, wasn´t much help, and made things more complicated if he tried to participate. Only thing he said that could be negative about her is that their sex life had been emotionally distant for some years, and for the last months it had been non existent. He has been sleeping in the guest room for 8 months with some silly excuse which she has not challenged because she really does not care (his words). He´s the sweetest guy I ´ve ever known. In our first 20 days together he has been super caring: he looks at me intensely in the eyes, touches my hair and face while we talk, says I am making him feel visible, alive again, and has even written me a poem. He says he is so sorry he is married because we cannot do things two people in love should be able to do, like spend more time together, go on a trip together, meet family and friends etc. He asked me out for a cup of coffee but I refused. We live in a relatively small community and I do not want people talking about us. He says it would look perfectly innocent, just a couple of friends talking over coffee, but I refused. I wanted to keep it a ttal secret between us two.

Now here comes the twist. Yesterday afternoon he was supposed to come over to my place again, but he called me saying he couldn´t make it, as his wife had confronted him about us and things were a bit rocky at home. He invited me over to his house this morning and told me his wife found out somehow that he was spending time with someone ( he did nos ask how). She asked him if he was in a relationshp with someone and he said it was not clear: he was spending time with someone but he could not call that a relationship. OUCH. He also said he had had sex with her twice after months since their talk about us ( do not know who initiated) and that somehow it had felt that he was bertaying me. He also said that she had cried when he told her and he was not expecting that at all, it took him completely by surprise and he didn´t want to hurt her.  He said he had invited me over to his house because as our relationship was so ambiguous and we had been seeing each other for so little time,  he thought we could lean towards a friendship more than an affair. He sais he loves spending time with me and talking to me so he wants to find a way we could still be connected without breaking his marriage altogether, especially for the sake of his son, who already had enough challenges in his life that he did not want to add to with an affair or a separation (he said his wife would not forgive him if she found out he was having an affair and he said she thought we had a platonic connection, but just that) . I felt hurt, but I sort of understood him. The thing is before I left he got up and kissed me. Not only did he kiss me, he also carressed me in a very intimate way. At a certain point he looked at me in the eye and asked me:" is this what you want? what do you want?"We were standing in his living room! I had no idea where his wife was, but he seemed confident she would not walk in on us. After half an hour I left without much clarity. I´m seeing him at work again tomorrow and I really do not know where we are standing: has he just asked me to stay friends or has he crossed another line in terms of our physical intimacy that makes our relationship clearly an affair ( just when his wife finds out...)?

Edited August 7, 2021 by Iwantthisformyself

[glows]

He’s attracted to you because he assumed his wife has been rejecting him for several years sexually and emotionally. Using his son’s special needs as part of an excuse they’re distant is typical of a cheater. There’s every reason to hand out but himself and his own lack of interest or commitment to the marriage. Lack of accountability - the first step to crossing major boundaries.

He wanted to have coffee with you in public but you declined. He was ready to publicize and be more open about your relationship. He wants someone to monkey branch to and legitimize your affair so that it’s yet another reason to break up his marriage. What he really wants is an exit from his wife but he’s too weak-minded to break his marriage on his own. He needs you to jump and latch onto. He’s open to sex and a relationship with you if it means he doesn’t get to feel too guilty about seeing his wife cry. 

He has double standards about marriage and relationships so proceed with caution.

 

 

Edited August 7, 2021 by glows

[BaileyB]

Why are you trying to have a relationship with another woman’s husband? That’s a bit presumptuous, don’t you think? In their home? I’m sorry to be blunt, but - have you no shame?

Your husband had an affair and you divorced him. How would/did you feel as the betrayed wife to know that your neighbour was in your home with the expectation that your husband should be with her? It’s highly inappropriate and disrespectful, so why are you behaving in this way?

1 hour ago, Iwantthisformyself said:

he said he wasn´t celebrating his birthday because he has no one to celebrate with. His marriage has been in a difficult place for some time, but this last year it seems to have died altogether. He as a son with Asperger Syndrome, and his wife spends all of her time and energy on his therapies and school meetings, plus she has am full -time job, and has completely abandoned him. He says he can´t interact with his child properly because the kid is all about his mum, and she doesn´t even include him in family decisions anymore, so he is basically invisible in his home. He never said anything mean about her, in fact he said he understood why she had brushed him aside: he didn´t know how to help her, wasn´t much help, and made things more complicated if he tried to participate. Only thing he said that could be negative about her is that their sex life had been emotionally distant for some years, and for the last months it had been non existent. He has been sleeping in the guest room for 8 months with some silly excuse which she has not challenged because she really does not care (his words).

Typical married man talk. That’s all one can say about this…

Obviously, his wife discovered that her husband was forming a relationship with another woman and low and behold, he was wrong - she actually does care! And, he is pleased with that. They have had sex, and he has chosen to stay with his family. He offered you friendship, not a relationship. You would be wise to understand this and back off - this is not going to work out well for you, he is clearly not yours to have. 

Edited August 7, 2021 by BaileyB

[Allupinnit]

This is what happens when people leave their lives to the whims of their egos and "feelings."  

Without work marriages can get stale and boring and we start looking around thinking there are better options out there when that is rarely the case.

I skimmed over a lot of what you wrote he said about his own sad marriage, that is so typical.  Having you come to his home upon discovery was egregious, he's clearly teasing you now and testing your boundaries by getting physical there with you in HER HOUSE.  

If you don't stop this now you will find yourself among the dozens of OW on this site who thought their own marriages were "long over" once they found the elusive spark elsewhere with their MM and now they lie in wait for him to do the same and leave HIS spouse.  You had your own emotional affair with this man and your H's cheating doesn't absolve you of that.  

I see a lot of sad people in this post who only care about fulfilling their own selfish desires.  Please do better, no matter what he has told you and himself about her to justify his actions nobody deserves this treatment.

[Iwantthisformyself]

8 hours ago, glows said:

He’s attracted to you because he assumed his wife has been rejecting him for several years sexually and emotionally. Using his son’s special needs as part of an excuse they’re distant is typical of a cheater. There’s every reason to hand out but himself and his own lack of interest or commitment to the marriage. Lack of accountability - the first step to crossing major boundaries.

 I don´t think I am just an excuse to end his marriage. We have a real deep connection. We are so much alike, we have the same depth of sensitivity, something he tells me he has never had with his wife.

He wanted to have coffee with you in public but you declined. He was ready to publicize and be more open about your relationship. He wants someone to monkey branch to and legitimize your affair so that it’s yet another reason to break up his marriage. What he really wants is an exit from his wife but he’s too weak-minded to break his marriage on his own. He needs you to jump and latch onto. He’s open to sex and a relationship with you if it means he doesn’t get to feel too guilty about seeing his wife cry. 

I don´t think it is just this. What we feel for each other is real, although recent. If he just wanted out, he could have told her directly he was having an affair with me. She would have left him if he had confessed our level of involvement according to him

He has double standards about marriage and relationships so proceed with caution.

I don´t think he has double standards. He was married for 5 years the first time, and has been married for 24 years this time and has never cheated. He says he is not the cheating type and I believe me. I don´t think he would have pursued me even though it was clear he enjoyed my interest in him. He says he knows our relationship constitutes a violation to boundaries somehow, but he can´t bring himself to cut it off completely, as he enjoys my company so much.

Edited August 7, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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[Iwantthisformyself]

7 hours ago, BaileyB said:

Why are you trying to have a relationship with another woman’s husband? That’s a bit presumptuous, don’t you think? In their home? I’m sorry to be blunt, but - have you no shame?

Your husband had an affair and you divorced him. How would/did you feel as the betrayed wife to know that your neighbour was in your home with the expectation that your husband should be with her? It’s highly inappropriate and disrespectful, so why are you behaving in this way?

Typical married man talk. That’s all one can say about this…

Obviously, his wife discovered that her husband was forming a relationship with another woman and low and behold, he was wrong - she actually does care! And, he is pleased with that. They have had sex, and he has chosen to stay with his family. He offered you friendship, not a relationship. You would be wise to understand this and back off - this is not going to work out well for you, he is clearly not yours to have. 

After everything that happened to me, I learned that things are not in black and white. I did not divorce my husband because he had an affair. I would have agreed to continue married to him, even reconcile if he had shown any interest. What broke us was that he was not even willing to tell me the truth and acknowledge what he had been doing. Still is not even today.

You should see and hear him. When we started you coul see the sadness in his eyes, his low self esteeem was heart breaking. One of the things I love about being with him is I see him blossom in front of my eyes every time.

True. they had sex. But he confessed it to ME. He said it felt like sex only. He yearsn for more. He wants to feel what it was like to make love once again...

I would have understood his offer for friendship and backed up if he had not initiated intimecy with me right there and then. I strongly feel he feels darwn to me because he finds long lost feelings of being truly alive, but he is conflicted about what would happen with his family if he pursues his own happiness and wellbeing.

Edited August 7, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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[Pumpernickel]

2 hours ago, Iwantthisformyself said:

So one day three weeks ago, I asked my MM for a drive home from work and he agreed. An I told him. I told him how I felt about him, how being with him and talking to him made me feel that there understood and heard. An I said I wanted a more intimate relations hip with him, that I found him attractive, and I knew he was married but couldn´t help feeling the way I did. At first he seemed surprised, but flattered, and he said he was way older than me ( true, but his wife is two years younger thatnme, so I theought that wouldn´t bother him), that he was married and that he could not see how we could have a relationship. I said that I believed we were already doing it as we were spending so much time together at work one to one, and that I felt we already were intimate at a certain level. So he said it wouldn´t hurt if we just hanged out together and kept keeping each other company. I then asked him to kiss me, which he did, it was the most delicate, sweet kiss I have ever been given in my life. I don´t believe you can kiss someone like this if you have no feelings for them. I asked what his wife would think if she found out,

Ok - no offense, but all of the bolded above should make everybody cringe. First you throw yourself at him, and then you ask him what his wife would think? It almost sounds like you are in a competition with the wife. Spiting her. I wouldn’t be surprised if he had lost all respect for you already in such a short period of time. Other than using you for a little ego-boost, and maybe sex, because you seem to be making it really easy for him, I don’t believe that he takes you seriously after what you wrote.

I have experienced affairs and I have read a lot abt affairs and I know people who have affairs - but you are something else!! He doesn’t even have to DO anything or make an effort. And he keeps telling you no over and over again (directly & indirectly). Can you not take a hint? Pro Tip: Just ignore him and stop initiating things already. 

[Pumpernickel]

9 minutes ago, Iwantthisformyself said:

don´t think he would have pursued me

He didn’t pursue you. You basically jumped into his lap. He’s just being polite, believe me

[Iwantthisformyself]

10 minutes ago, Allupinnit said:

This is what happens when people leave their lives to the whims of their egos and "feelings."  

Without work marriages can get stale and boring and we start looking around thinking there are better options out there when that is rarely the case.

I skimmed over a lot of what you wrote he said about his own sad marriage, that is so typical.  Having you come to his home upon discovery was egregious, he's clearly teasing you now and testing your boundaries by getting physical there with you in HER HOUSE.  

He has been to my house too. We cannot meet in public (my decision) and my kids were at my house. We needed to talk and spend some time together, we had no other choice.

If you don't stop this now you will find yourself among the dozens of OW on this site who thought their own marriages were "long over" once they found the elusive spark elsewhere with their MM and now they lie in wait for him to do the same and leave HIS spouse.  You had your own emotional affair with this man and your H's cheating doesn't absolve you of that.  

I do not expect him to leave her. I did not when I approached him with my feelings, nor do I now. We have a relationship without lables attached, just true feelings for each other. That is exactly what I want now in my life.

I see a lot of sad people in this post who only care about fulfilling their own selfish desires.  Please do better, no matter what he has told you and himself about her to justify his actions nobody deserves this treatment.

He is incredibly sincere about his feelings and thought processes to me. I don´t feel he is mistreating me in any way. In fact, I feel he is very respectful. He told me to stop seeing me if this made me uncomfortable and he would understand, as he does not know where this is going and he does not want to string me along.

 

[Allupinnit]

Well as long as you continue working together and you want this, buckle up.  It's a very bumpy ride as an OW.  

[glows]

Since you filed in Jan and your husband just moved out I’m assuming the area you live has no requirement for a one year separation prior to divorce. You just split up with your husband who wasn’t exactly the most upright or forthcoming of partners. Have you tried to seek counselling or therapy following the divorce? I ask as you seem in denial of what this MM is. He’s a green pasture where your marriage was lacking in affection and commitment. The temptation is pretty high to cheat or be the OW and the illusion that he’s a good man is very likely. 

If you don’t know what to do or can’t make sense of his actions, take a breather and collect yourself. You’ll thank yourself later.

[BaileyB]

Quote

True. they had sex. But he confessed it to ME.

Yeah, you had the upper hand all right - standing in HER home putting the moves on HER husband. And he is telling you that he had sex with his wife and he wants friendship from you. You definitely win. Well done. 

Perhaps I missed it, has he had sex with you? 
 

Quote

He has been to my house too. We cannot meet in public (my decision) and my kids were at my house. We needed to talk and spend some time together, we had no other choice.

You had no other choice but to go to his marital home with his wife present to discuss the future of your relationship? You needed to spend some time together and this was your only option… please. 

We have many people on this site who say many stupid things in an attempt to justify poor decisions - but this is something else. Many women have affairs with married men. Not many have the audacity to do it in the woman’s home when she is present.

Edited August 7, 2021 by BaileyB

[Lotsgoingon]

I´m seeing him at work again tomorrow and I really do not know where we are standing: has he just asked me to stay friends or has he crossed another line in terms of our physical intimacy that makes our relationship clearly an affair ( just when his wife finds out...)?

I don't get this. There is no structure, commitment or even hoped-for certainty when you date a married man. 

Period.

There is no regular structure, commitment, consistency or security in the slightest when you date a married man. 

Period.

Yes, he'll have sex with. Yes, this guy seems to like you. So what?! Doesn't mean he's not married. 

Please, move on--don't waste precious life time with this path that will only end in a ditch. 

[SoulCat]

25 minutes ago, Iwantthisformyself said:

 We have a relationship without lables attached,

Nah, it doesn't work like that. You can stick your fingers in your ears whilst singing lalala at the top of your voice, denying the existence of labels and proclaiming 'true feelings' and 'deep connections',  but the reality is that you are the Other Woman to a married man. 

Ergo, an affair.

[mark clemson]

If you want help maintaining an affair, there is a site supposedly for that specifically called TrueSupport which you may wish to check out.

I'm not 100% sure what your MM wants, but he's stated that he wants to continue his marriage. So, presumably he would like to do that AND have you in an EA at least, perhaps with limited PA elements. He may not be fully sure what he wants.

Whether that's ok with you is perhaps another matter. It doesn't sound like you'll be able to have him fully unless he actually decides to leave his marriage (low probability). Also his wife will no doubt be watching the two of you closely, so you should assume it could end at any time if she decides to "put her foot down".

It might make more sense to set stricter boundaries with your xH, take a breather from romantic relationships for a while, and then look for someone single who you can fully have.

[Wiseman2]

3 hours ago, Iwantthisformyself said:

I have been seeing him for almost three weeks. A month ago my divorce was finalised and my husband finally left the home.

Unfortunately, you're in a very vulnerable place as far as emotions, relationships, etc. Sadly you are falling for a man who cheats and lies.

Hopefully it will end soon and you won't get hurt too much. Take time to recover from your divorce and cheating ex-husband.

Try not to pass along your pain to others who were in your shoes.

This may be a good time to get a good profile and pics on some quality dating apps and start talking to and meeting available single men.

[Iwantthisformyself]

1 hour ago, Pumpernickel said:

He didn’t pursue you. You basically jumped into his lap. He’s just being polite, believe me

polite? how?

[Iwantthisformyself]

1 hour ago, Pumpernickel said:

Ok - no offense, but all of the bolded above should make everybody cringe. First you throw yourself at him, and then you ask him what his wife would think? It almost sounds like you are in a competition with the wife. Spiting her. I wouldn’t be surprised if he had lost all respect for you already in such a short period of time. Other than using you for a little ego-boost, and maybe sex, because you seem to be making it really easy for him, I don’t believe that he takes you seriously after what you wrote.

I have experienced affairs and I have read a lot abt affairs and I know people who have affairs - but you are something else!! He doesn’t even have to DO anything or make an effort. And he keeps telling you no over and over again (directly & indirectly). Can you not take a hint? Pro Tip: Just ignore him and stop initiating things already. 

I wouldn´t say I threw myself at him. I spoke my mind. I went for what I wanted for my life. I have been the good mother and wife long enough. I hasn´t got me anywhere good. I want what I want I am not afraid to ask for it. He could have said no. He still can. Only he is saying "maybe not" with his words, and a huge YES with his actions.

Edited August 7, 2021 by Iwantthisformyself

[Iwantthisformyself]

1 hour ago, glows said:

Since you filed in Jan and your husband just moved out I’m assuming the area you live has no requirement for a one year separation prior to divorce. You just split up with your husband who wasn’t exactly the most upright or forthcoming of partners. Have you tried to seek counselling or therapy following the divorce? I ask as you seem in denial of what this MM is. He’s a green pasture where your marriage was lacking in affection and commitment. The temptation is pretty high to cheat or be the OW and the illusion that he’s a good man is very likely. 

No requirements of any sort. I gave my husband a year, co habitated. He did not stop his affair or admit it. So, I filed, period. Now I am a free woman. I would have never cheated on him. I have been in counseling for some months, and I have come to realise that I have always been the good girl, always putting my needs and wants after others. It has been super harmful for me. No more of that. Of course he is green pasture: he is kind, open, sincere and super affectionate. What is wrong with being attracted to someone like this? I think the OW category is a cliche. I am a woman he has feelings for. Marriage does not make you blind to other people.

1 hour ago, glows said:

If you don’t know what to do or can’t make sense of his actions, take a breather and collect yourself. You’ll thank yourself later.

I am trying to pause and think. That´s the first reason for my being here.

[Iwantthisformyself]

1 hour ago, Lotsgoingon said:

I´m seeing him at work again tomorrow and I really do not know where we are standing: has he just asked me to stay friends or has he crossed another line in terms of our physical intimacy that makes our relationship clearly an affair ( just when his wife finds out...)?

I don't get this. There is no structure, commitment or even hoped-for certainty when you date a married man. 

Period.

There is no regular structure, commitment, consistency or security in the slightest when you date a married man. 

Period.

Yes, he'll have sex with. Yes, this guy seems to like you. So what?! Doesn't mean he's not married. 

Please, move on--don't waste precious life time with this path that will only end in a ditch. 

I´m not looking for structure, I want to explore this relationship with him. Just that.

[Iwantthisformyself]

59 minutes ago, mark clemson said:

If you want help maintaining an affair, there is a site supposedly for that specifically called TrueSupport which you may wish to check out.

I'm not 100% sure what your MM wants, but he's stated that he wants to continue his marriage. So, presumably he would like to do that AND have you in an EA at least, perhaps with limited PA elements. He may not be fully sure what he wants.

Whether that's ok with you is perhaps another matter. It doesn't sound like you'll be able to have him fully unless he actually decides to leave his marriage (low probability). Also his wife will no doubt be watching the two of you closely, so you should assume it could end at any time if she decides to "put her foot down".

It might make more sense to set stricter boundaries with your xH, take a breather from romantic relationships for a while, and then look for someone single who you can fully have.

I agree he does not know what he wants. He is not sure his marriage can continue. He doens not know how to define our relatiosnhip, other than he enjoys spending time and talking to me. I was not looking for someone to be with. I just knew I found HIM attractive and decided to share my feelings. I had no idea how he would react, and that was ok. But now I feel we have connected, and I son´t want to give up on him so easily and fast. I´m trying to understand our situation in order to make a decision. I was not looking for a pro affair view, or the opposite. I am hoping to hear from people who have been in similar situations so I can better understand mine.

[Iwantthisformyself]

1 hour ago, SoulCat said:

Nah, it doesn't work like that. You can stick your fingers in your ears whilst singing lalala at the top of your voice, denying the existence of labels and proclaiming 'true feelings' and 'deep connections',  but the reality is that you are the Other Woman to a married man. 

Ergo, an affair.

OW and affair are categories below what we have. I am not that conventional.

[Iwantthisformyself]

1 hour ago, BaileyB said:

Yeah, you had the upper hand all right - standing in HER home putting the moves on HER husband. And he is telling you that he had sex with his wife and he wants friendship from you. You definitely win. Well done. 

Perhaps I missed it, has he had sex with you? 
 

You had no other choice but to go to his marital home with his wife present to discuss the future of your relationship? You needed to spend some time together and this was your only option… please. 

We have many people on this site who say many stupid things in an attempt to justify poor decisions - but this is something else. Many women have affairs with married men. Not many have the audacity to do it in the woman’s home when she is present.

His wife was not at home. He wrote to me at 6:30 in the morning to tell me to come over later, as they were getting ready to take their child to school. Maybe she had errands to do, maybe she was at work. Had she been in the house I would not have gone there.

And no, we have not had sex. We were talking about the possibility of having sex a few days prior to their talk. But it hasn´t happened yet.

Edited August 7, 2021 by Iwantthisformyself

[glows]

Of all men however, why would you want to explore a relationship with a married one? The chances he’s taking advantage of you is very high. You may be divorced but he isn’t. Do you see yourself being the reason someone divorces or ends their marriage? 

He sounds like a complete mess and confused/indecisive/contradictory to me. 

[Iwantthisformyself]

2 minutes ago, glows said:

Of all men however, why would you want to explore a relationship with a married one? The chances he’s taking advantage of you is very high. You may be divorced but he isn’t. Do you see yourself being the reason someone divorces or ends their marriage? 

He sounds like a complete mess and confused/indecisive/contradictory to me. 

I don´t believe an affair/affair partner can be the reason a marriage ends. If this happens, it is because the marriage was already over. There is no love anymore, or at least an agreement to continue together with a minumun of concern for each other. He is not at all pushy in any way with me, which gives me a very clear feeling that he is not trying to take advantage of me. He certainly is indecisive or confused, though.