Girlfriend of 2 years dumps for toxic EX (Mental breakdown?

[JP13]

First I need apologize for how long this is but I wanna give as much detail as possible.

A little about her: She was sexually abused as a child for several years, She has 3 children by 3 different guys and has never ever had a good relationship all were into drugs and abusive. Before me she borrowed money to pay rent, never owned anything of value and was never treated well at all by anyone. She was with her ex for 4 years

Now the story:

I met her as her boss 4.5 years ago while she was with her ex. We hit it off right away and were really close from the start about a year into our work relationship she started to have major feelings for me and would write little notes and flirt all the time. Everyone always wondered why she was with the guy as he basically did nothing but mooch off her he had no job, would make her walk to work, lived with his mom and was in and out of jail. They had a baby together which is why she stayed. After finally getting fed up with him and coming to work with bruises all over she filled a protection order and was free. Over the next 6 months she secured her own place, got her own car and was really doing well. She then started pursuing me very heavily and when I say heavily I mean heavily but being her boss I told her there was no way we can have a relationship plus I wasn't interested in being a rebound. After a few months I moved on from that job and we started seeing each other unofficially as her life was always so crazy with strange people sleeping on her couch and her just going dark for a few days I wasn't sure about having a relationship with her. We slept together and it was amazing. Honestly it was almost crazy how much of a sexual connection we had. Over the next couple of months I had to back off as I noticed her EX was calling her from jail and if she wouldn't answer he would call 20 more times until she finally went in the other room and answered. I felt almost like a booty call or a rebound so I decided to take a step back and told her to focus on what she really wants. He got out of jail and immediately moved into her apartment. 4 months went by and I got a call from her asking to see me. I decided to go  visit her and we basically picked up where we left off and everything was really great. The ex was in jail again and it looked like it would be about 6 months to a year before he got out. I found out that he had spent all of her $7000 tax return money did a title loan on her car and was now a month behind on her rent. I decided to help her clean up the rent stuff and help her get another car. I was still very apprehensive about getting into a real relationship with her as the pattern just repeated itself again and I felt like we were right back to the same spot. A few months go by and she finally admits to me that the two of them had been doing drugs together and that is where all the money went, once he went back to jail his mother cut her off and refused to help her get clean so she was left to fend for herself and unfortunately was doing some bad stuff to keep the drugs coming in. Once I realized what was going on I jumped into action and stayed with her throughout the bad few days of coming off everything we packed her up and moved her out of state to live with her mom. I stayed back and worked on getting my house sold and finishing up some job stuff while she continued to get herself figured out. I would come see her on and off over the next 6 months and we were doing really well. She stayed clean and started school. We got into an argument one night about me not moving down there to be with her and I explained I was working on it but I wanted to make sure I was setting our future up for success. We didn't talk for a few days and I decided to drive to see her. I called her when I was half way there only to find out that she had come back to where we were from and she was with her EX as he had just got out of jail. After about a week and lots of talking she broke it off with him and went back to her moms I was upset and devastated. We finally worked through it and I felt like she was on the right track we spent the next 6 - 8 months traveling around and doing things she never got to experience before in her entire life. She was so happy and would constantly talk about how much better her life is and how excited she was to finally be with someone who treats her right. She would shower me with praise, love and affection constantly telling me how much she needs me, she would write me love letters and text me if I was out of her site for more than 5 minutes to tell me how much she loves me. Our sex life was amazing and she couldn't get enough almost to the point exhaustion. We were doing so great. There was still something holding me back as this whole time her EX was in jail. Then one day I get a message from her EX saying he is glad that she is happy with me and he is very happy that his daughter is being raised by me. He said I wish I could help out with money but I can't because of all the rehab costs and whatnot plus he didnt have a job. He also mentioned that he has a girlfriend and is happy. There was something with the way he wrote this message to that concerned me it was almost like he was trying to speak to her through it. I asked him not to contact her and I told him we would let him see his child as much as possible as long as he was clean and trying but we would only try as much as he does. Fast forward a few weeks and he lands back in jail for another 6 months. Throughout our relationship the only thing we really fought about was her Ex's and how she feels sorry for them. I was giving her the life she had always dreamed about her kids called me dad and we were doing really really well. I was still struggling with how to communicate with her in terms of being sensitive to her past but I was trying. I do not have any experience with drugs or being with an addict so this was all new territory for me. 

As we planned our lives together I finally got everything done and moved down to her and stayed with her parents as we figured out where we wanted to end up. I had around $60,000 set aside for our start and had zero debt. I had a new car and purchased her a car as well. We were working together and really had very little to complain about. Her whole family loved me and hated her EX. We planned a 3 week Hawaii vacation (just the two of us) for July. The end of May we decided to take a trip back to our hometown to visit and say goodbye before moving to our own city to start our lives together. We arrived on June 3rd and got into an argument when she wanted to go over to her ex's (different ex) house to drop off her daughter and I wanted to come along as I knew he was not a good guy and had been in jail for 8 out of the 10 years of his daughters life I also knew he was a big drug user. She ended up going alone and by the end of the night she had overdosed and was in the hospital. She had been clean for over 2 years and we were back in our old town for less then 24 hours. I stayed in the hospital with her for 16 days and once she got out she could not leave my side and was so happy that I didn't leave her. We ended up going to Hawaii on July 2 and we had 3 weeks of uninterrupted time together where she talked constantly about our future and how excited she was. She was posting pictures of us all over facebook and texting all her friends telling them how amazing I am and how happy she was. She was planning our wedding (even though I hadn't asked her yet) and other than one night where she got drunk everything was really great. Our last day there we went snorkeling and saw a shark saw a bunch of dolphins and it was all love. She would constantly tell me how much she needed me and couldn't leave me alone for a minute. She would ask me 20 times a day if I loved her,  we were there 20 day and probably had sex 40 times she was all over me. On our way back we were on  a layover in Seattle and she posted another 200 pictures of our trip crawled up on my lap and told me how much she loved me and was so excited to be my wife. We arrive back and I told her I wanted to go see my sister (she had been out of the country for 2 years) and that we would meet back up afterwords. She said that was fine and she was going to go pick up her daughter from grandmas house (the ex) and then see me later. I didn't mind her going over there as the ex was in court ordered rehab so he wasn't there. She texted me on the way about fixing a few things on her car and told me not to worry she wasn't having any triggers or anything. I told her I would fix those things and I loved her. Two hours later I texted her as I was finishing up with my sister and asked her if she was doing ok. She said NO and immediately broke up with me saying she loves me but is not in love with me. I was completely blindsided and very confused. I tried to talk to her but she did not want to I tried to meet up with her but she said no. She took all our pictures off facebook removed me as her boyfriend and unfriended me all within a few hours of getting back. Fast forward 3 days her ex's gets out of rehab and is moved to a halfway house and she announces that she is seeing him. I went no contact and it has been 6 days since I have spoken to her. She has been staying at his moms house. I am completely in shock as is everyone of her friends and family they have all reached out to me asking what is going on and I don't have anything to tell them.

I know that was a lot and I know most will say cut your losses and move on. It's not that simple when you love someone and they have given you nothing but reassurance and confidence in a future. I realize she made a bunch of bad choices and she knows that as well. I just don't understand how she could chose someone like him over someone like me as he has absolutely nothing to offer her or the kids. He has cheated on her multiple times, got her hooked on drugs, beat her, stole her money, never held a job etc. I was as opposite as you can get from him and she flipped this switch within 2 hrs and it just doesn't make any since. She has told people that he needs her to stay clean but she just relapsed herself but is telling everyone she is going to stay clean. I am just so confused. I guess I am just asking for help from someone who may have been through something similar or has an understanding of how to communicate with drug addicts. I do love her and there is so so so so many things that we are so perfect together in but she can't stay away from this guy. He has been in and out of jail for the last 5 years. Should I try and move on? Do I continue with the plan of moving to another state without her? Do I stay here and try and help her when she crashes and burns? I'm not even sure if she would admit problems because of how many times ive warned her. Do I just continue in no contact? This is the first time in 2 years we haven't spoken every single day. WHAT DO I DO?  

[ExpatInItaly]

3 hours ago, JP13 said:

I just don't understand how she could chose someone like him over someone like me as he has absolutely nothing to offer her or the kids.

Because underneath it all, she is just as unstable as he is. 

She might not be violent like he is, but this woman was all over the map. With her ex, then you, back to ex, then with you, saw ex, overdosed, all over you on your trip, now back with ex. It doesn't matter what sort of stability you provide, unfortunately, when the person in question is not stable herself. 

It's not about what he or you offer. It's about the emotional chaos inside her, and her apparent inability to maintain a healthy relationship. For any number of reasons, she's leading a life of dysfunction and that is on her. She isn't a bad person, but she makes bad choices. And you can't do anything about that, much as you love her. 

3 hours ago, JP13 said:

Do I continue with the plan of moving to another state without her?

Yes, without any question. 

The likelihood that you two will settle into calm, domestic bliss someday is slim-to-none. She has too many issues of her own and has shown you she's a lot more interested in another kind of life, however unhealthy and toxic that might be. She is part of that.  You can't rescue her from herself, and it would be very unwise to put yourself on hold for someone who doesn't appear capable of leading the life you envisioned together. 

Edited August 7, 2021 by ExpatInItaly

[glows]

As soon as you mentioned her ex in and out of jail, I thought drugs and then you mentioned she is addicted to drugs. I knew how the story would unfold and read to the end anyway. I’m sorry. This story is as old as time and you are only a small part in it. She’s in a network of drug addicts and suppliers and although you didn’t mention it I’m sure her exes also supply her the drugs she’s on. You are only one man and you’re outside that ring. You may love her but it’s not enough for a stable relationship. I think you’ve been in denial for a long time about this. 

Yes, do move to a new state, start a new chapter, move on. She has also told you she’s not in love with you so believing that there’s anything left for you here is a waste of your time. She doesn’t want to be with you. She has to be where her drugs are supplied. I think she used you and struggled to get out but it was a temporary escape. It was never real. 

She’ll probably try to contact you again and again when her exes are in jail. She hasn’t dealt with her addictions completely. Move on and shut the door on this permanently. You are extremely lucky you didn’t start a life with her, have any kids or marry her.

Edited August 7, 2021 by glows

[JP13]

Thank you for the responses. I am still very confused about everything and do not understand how someone could go from so happy and so in love to just go back to her old life overnight. 

I know that she was very nervous around my family (probably because they are normal) and she did tell me that she didn't feel like herself when around them. I didn't really care to much about that because we were moving to a new state away from everyone. I know deep down that I need to walk away and she is toxic but I just always thought if I can keep her away from the bad influences and get her the professional help she needs we could be happy together and she could finally break free of this crazy life. 

I noticed today that she used my phone number at the gas station for the discount and she bought cigarettes. Anytime we were out she would always get so disgusting by smokers but her ex smokes and now she's buying his cigarettes for him. 

This is all just so hard as we spent the last 2 years planning our lives and now I'm stuck in a strange spot where I don't even know what to do.

If she reaches out for help (non money) what do I do?

[mrs rubble]

You  should walk away from her for good and not look back. She's put you through so much over the last two years with the backwards and forwards to the ex's, not to mention the overdose, this is who she is and always will be. I tried to convince an ex friend to give up the drugs, I even told her parents what she was up to, it ended up blowing up in my face, her parents denied that she would be taking drugs....I guess they had to believe me when she lost her house due to using her money for drugs, then she stole cash from her father's business while working there. 20 years later and nothing has changed.

You don't want to be strung like a yoyo for the rest of your life, drugs are her first love, leave her to them!

[ExpatInItaly]

13 hours ago, JP13 said:

If she reaches out for help (non money) what do I do?

You are not really in a position to help her, OP. Your heart is in the right place but you can't do a lot for her, nor should you. 

The most you could do is recommend she look into therapy and medical treatment. The rest is up to her. I'm sorry this all happened, but it appears she's gone back to being who she always truly was, which is sadly quite a mixed-up woman. 

The reality is that when you feel compelled to keep someone away from bad influences in order to have a happy relaitonship, the person you're dealing with is the problem. Not just the influences. You fell in love with someone who is highly problematic in and of herself.

[glows]

On 8/8/2021 at 4:51 PM, JP13 said:

Thank you for the responses. I am still very confused about everything and do not understand how someone could go from so happy and so in love to just go back to her old life overnight. 

I know that she was very nervous around my family (probably because they are normal) and she did tell me that she didn't feel like herself when around them. I didn't really care to much about that because we were moving to a new state away from everyone. I know deep down that I need to walk away and she is toxic but I just always thought if I can keep her away from the bad influences and get her the professional help she needs we could be happy together and she could finally break free of this crazy life. 

I noticed today that she used my phone number at the gas station for the discount and she bought cigarettes. Anytime we were out she would always get so disgusting by smokers but her ex smokes and now she's buying his cigarettes for him. 

This is all just so hard as we spent the last 2 years planning our lives and now I'm stuck in a strange spot where I don't even know what to do.

If she reaches out for help (non money) what do I do?

Don’t respond. Her life is one of addiction and it is cycling again and again in the same patterns. You notice that you are also cycling with her through these patterns?

If you are feeling despair and unable to function or think straight I would recommend counselling or therapy and speak to someone. You may have tendencies also or are attracted to individuals like this because it’s reminiscent or familiar to you in some way.

You have your own cycle to break. Break this pattern completely and move on. Seek help. There is no shame in that. Seek support from trained and qualified professionals also. Break ups are very hard but you will come out of this stronger if you understand what happened and what brought you to this place.

[d0nnivain]

She made a choice.  She has convinced herself she loves him.  He or somebody else convinced her that you are just an ATM machine. 

No it's not easy to move on but you must.  Anything she still has access to -- your phone # for some cigarette discount -- must be changed so she can't use you any more.  

Her 180 degree turn is devastating & confusing but the sad reality is that is who she is:  a broken person who you can't fix.   

[JP13]

It has been 2 weeks and I have not spoken to her in 8 days. I keep having all her friends reach out to me as they are all so confused as well because of how much she was all about me. One of her friends texted me this morning and said she reached out to her to see what was going on and the response she got back was that she has always been hooked on her ex so she decided to give it another go. She also said that she is clean and he is clean. I am coming to the realization that she is to far gone and unless she decides for herself and for good that he is not good for her she will forever be stuck in this life. It is just so crazy that she would pick someone who everyone hates and has zero future, no money and is living in a half way house and then after that will have to live with his mom. Like seriously what is she thinking? I am sorry I really just do not have anyone to talk to about any of this and it is just really hard to understand. A few days before all this happened she wrote me a note : "

Baby, I love you so much and I hope our relationship always stays this amazing and you continue to fall more and more in love with me just like I do you. I am forever grateful that you came into mine and my girls lives and we are so lucky to have you. You are my hero and my best friend. I love you so so so much always and forever. I can't wait to marry you!"  

Does that sound like something you would write just before breaking up with someone?

[d0nnivain]

6 minutes ago, JP13 said:

Does that sound like something you would write just before breaking up with someone?

No but you have to remember you were the guy she settled for while her true love was in jail or rehab or where ever he was.  She thought he was no longer an option & was making the best of things with you.  But she always loved him.  When he became available again  she went running right back to him without an ounce of reason in her brain.  

[salmagund1]

31 minutes ago, d0nnivain said:

No but you have to remember you were the guy she settled for while her true love was in jail or rehab or where ever he was.  She thought he was no longer an option & was making the best of things with you.  But she always loved him.  When he became available again  she went running right back to him without an ounce of reason in her brain.  

listen to this ^^^

[ExpatInItaly]

8 hours ago, d0nnivain said:

she always loved him.  When he became available again  she went running right back to him without an ounce of reason in her brain.  

This, yes. 

I'm sorry, OP. It doesn't matter how irrational her choices seem, because in the end, you are not dealing with a very rational or stable woman who makes good decisions She was honest with her friends that she's still hooked on him. I absolutely believe that. 

[spiderowl]

I am so sorry, JP13.  She has allowed you to build up your hopes about her, then left you in the lurch.

I'm afraid there is a pattern here, if you are willing to look at it.  She is happy and adoring while you are giving to her and supporting her.  She does everything to make you feel you are the one for her.  As soon as her ex is free, or about to be, she drops you and runs to him.

This woman is not the wonderful woman you think.  She is a total user!  Yes, she may have been abused in the past, but then again a lot of criminals and weirdos say that so it's hard to know how much is true and how much is a convenient story.

Her life before she met you was chaotic: it was not steady and comfortable.  It was full of drama and drugs.  She likes drama and drugs; they are exciting.  Being with someone loving and respectful is simply not the same if you need drama in your life.  She clung to you, adored you, sung your praises, and you had great sex, until the chaos appealed again.  This is not a woman who as fallen back into her old ways; she has chosen them.  She is not a fallen angel who needs help.  She has had help, your help and a considerable amount of it, and she has now rejected it.

I am damn sure that the minute her ex goes back into jail and she falls on hard times financially and socially that she will be in touch with you.  She will say she made a mistake, that she should have known better, that you were the only one who truly loved her and now she realises that and she loves you too.  Please don't fall for it.

You sound a lovely guy, someone who has so much to offer the right woman.  Please do not get involved with her again.  See her for what she is, a user, plain and simple and look out for yourself.  She is interacting with some seriously dangerous people.  Keep away for your own sake.

There will be another woman out there for you.  I know that's not what you want right now because you are devastated and grieving, but I feel certain that when you finally detach yourself from this user, your life will improve 1000%.  She didn't leave because you are not a great guy; she left because she is selfish, chaotic and addicted to drama.  Drama gives some people a high and no decent guy can beat that.  Leave her to it.

[IrinaM]

Quote

I know that was a lot and I know most will say cut your losses and move on.

Yes. Making a relationship work takes a lot more than a connection or passion. Two people need to both make good choices, both for the relationship and for their lives in general. She makes horrible choices, you already know that. And I think that building a relationship with this woman in the first place was a huge mistake on your part. What attracted you to her??? I didn't read much past the three babydaddies and the randoms sleeping on her couch, that alone should be enough to make you run for the hills.

You have your ish together enough to have 60k in savings? Surely you didn't get to that point by making decisions based on emotions, hope, and sex. Surely you've done a SWOT analysis before. Do one now.

[JP13]

7 hours ago, spiderowl said:

I am so sorry, JP13.  She has allowed you to build up your hopes about her, then left you in the lurch.

I'm afraid there is a pattern here, if you are willing to look at it.  She is happy and adoring while you are giving to her and supporting her.  She does everything to make you feel you are the one for her.  As soon as her ex is free, or about to be, she drops you and runs to him.

This woman is not the wonderful woman you think.  She is a total user!  Yes, she may have been abused in the past, but then again a lot of criminals and weirdos say that so it's hard to know how much is true and how much is a convenient story.

Her life before she met you was chaotic: it was not steady and comfortable.  It was full of drama and drugs.  She likes drama and drugs; they are exciting.  Being with someone loving and respectful is simply not the same if you need drama in your life.  She clung to you, adored you, sung your praises, and you had great sex, until the chaos appealed again.  This is not a woman who as fallen back into her old ways; she has chosen them.  She is not a fallen angel who needs help.  She has had help, your help and a considerable amount of it, and she has now rejected it.

I am damn sure that the minute her ex goes back into jail and she falls on hard times financially and socially that she will be in touch with you.  She will say she made a mistake, that she should have known better, that you were the only one who truly loved her and now she realises that and she loves you too.  Please don't fall for it.

You sound a lovely guy, someone who has so much to offer the right woman.  Please do not get involved with her again.  See her for what she is, a user, plain and simple and look out for yourself.  She is interacting with some seriously dangerous people.  Keep away for your own sake.

There will be another woman out there for you.  I know that's not what you want right now because you are devastated and grieving, but I feel certain that when you finally detach yourself from this user, your life will improve 1000%.  She didn't leave because you are not a great guy; she left because she is selfish, chaotic and addicted to drama.  Drama gives some people a high and no decent guy can beat that.  Leave her to it.

Thank you for the response and I agree that there is way more to her than she has let me be a part of and I believe she is addicted to the crazy life. It is absolutely crazy to me that she would not want to have a life with a normal, stable person but picks her old life. The saddest part is her family has all welcomed me with open arms and have told me that I am welcome anytime but because she has made this decision her and this dude are not welcome. It has now been 10 days since I have had any communication with her it has been rough but I am trying to stay busy. I have a very bad feeling that something is going to go very wrong pretty soon and somehow I will get a phone call.

[JP13]

So I have been minding my own business and working hard to better myself and keep busy. Tonight I got a facebook message from her guy wanting to talk. Of course I ignored it but i can only imagine that they are already fighting about me which makes me feel a little better.

[Wiseman2]

5 hours ago, JP13 said:

Tonight I got a facebook message from her guy wanting to talk.

Now that it's over, delete and block her And All her people from All your social media and  messaging apps.

Who needs this nonsense from them? Move forward in peace.

[Acacia98]

On 8/9/2021 at 2:51 AM, JP13 said:

Thank you for the responses. I am still very confused about everything and do not understand how someone could go from so happy and so in love to just go back to her old life overnight. 

Its not really an overnight change. This is who she has always been.

And you and her family shouldn't be confused, not unless you're in denial about who she is. She pretty much did what she had been doing throughout your relationship: dumping you for one ex or another.

If she really loved you and if she was ready for a healthy relationship, you would never have had to deal with any of the back and forth. She would simply have been committed to you. I feel like maybe she was using you as a drug of sorts. 

The big question for me is why someone like you, who had his act together, would believe that someone like her, who had a recent history of drug use and was still somehow involved with her drug-using exes, could make a stable and happy life partner for you. You can't change people or rescue them from circumstances that they play an active role in creating.

I'm glad that you don't have kids with her. It may not feel like it now, but she did you a huge favour by ending things with you. Please, please complete the process by disentangling your life from hers and blocking her everywhere. And then I think you should consider getting counselling.

[ExpatInItaly]

7 hours ago, JP13 said:

It is absolutely crazy to me that she would not want to have a life with a normal, stable person but picks her old life

That is because you are not unstable so you cannot think the way she (someone unstable) does. You're not wired the same way so it's unfathomable to you. Her "old life" is who she is actually is. You saw some of that while you were together with her, too (visitng an ex, overdosing, so on)  It's always been there, just under the surface...and on occasion, boiling over and right there in your face.  I think that you unfortuantely didn't really want to grasp the gravity of some of these incidents because the truth was just too difficult to bear. Maybe you didn't want to dig more deeply.

7 hours ago, JP13 said:

I have a very bad feeling that something is going to go very wrong pretty soon and somehow I will get a phone call.

A phone call about what, and from whom? Her? You already know what to do. I sense that you're rather hoping you do get that phone call, though - not because you want something bad to happen to her, but because you will feel it will validate your importance to her. 

7 hours ago, JP13 said:

Tonight I got a facebook message from her guy wanting to talk. Of course I ignored it

That is wise. Block him as well. You have no idea what sort of BS she might be telling him about you and given that this person has done time, well, I would have zero conversations with him. He's not exactly an upstanding citizen and if she spins it enough in her own favour, dude might come banging on your door for a very unfriendly man-to-man. 

You need to be done with her and everyone associated with her. She isn't your Happily Ever After. 

Edited August 14, 2021 by ExpatInItaly

[elaine567]

On 8/7/2021 at 7:56 PM, JP13 said:

we were there 20 day and probably had sex 40 times she was all over me.

This was not love talking, this was her child sex abuse talking.

[spiderowl]

20 hours ago, JP13 said:

Thank you for the response and I agree that there is way more to her than she has let me be a part of and I believe she is addicted to the crazy life. It is absolutely crazy to me that she would not want to have a life with a normal, stable person but picks her old life. The saddest part is her family has all welcomed me with open arms and have told me that I am welcome anytime but because she has made this decision her and this dude are not welcome. It has now been 10 days since I have had any communication with her it has been rough but I am trying to stay busy. I have a very bad feeling that something is going to go very wrong pretty soon and somehow I will get a phone call.

Yes, it is all very sad, but at some point you have to let people make their own bed and lie on it.

While she might not be deliberately using you, she is doing so by default and it would take more than getting her clean and well looked-after to stop her going back into this mess.

It is hard on her family too.  I expect they have been there themselves many times and were really hoping she would not go back to the chaos.  I bet if you talk to them, though, that they feared it would happen.  They have know her longer than you.

However hard it is on anybody - you, her family, her kids - she is the agent here, she is the one who has chosen to do what she has.  She is not a child.

I think you are right in that you will get a phone call, either someone worried about her and calling you for reassurance or support, or her in a mess again and hoping you will get her out.  She will say she has made a terrible mistake.  She HAS made a terrible mistake; she has given up on a decent guy.  I'm sure this is not the first time she has given up on an decent guy to go back to someone dodgy.  I really hope this decent guy does not fall for her pleas because he will end up back at square one again in a few weeks/months.

Your job now is to get out of this water that is circling the drain and waiting to drag you down.  I rarely suggest blocking anyone but I think in this case YOU need block her so that you can escape from her pull.  She will only drag you into a mire again.  I guess you know that on a rational level; you just need to take steps to keep yourself safe until your emotions catch up.

 

Edited August 15, 2021 by spiderowl