Is it bad to not care about what other people think?

[ironpony]

Sorry I will try not to do that.  Well, I was advised that I cannot live in fear of worst case scenarios and to go for what I want.  However, are the worst case scenarios the most probable ones normally?

I was told the chances of loosing all my money on making the feature film are very likely, which is the worst case scenario, and I waws told that my relationship with the woman will likely fail, which is the worst case scenario.

But are worst case scenarios the most probable ones, when a person tells me I cannot live in fear of worst case scenarios?

[Happy Lemming]

8 hours ago, ironpony said:

Sorry if I didn't make this clear but me and my gf work together in the same place, and even though we don't talk about our relationship, I sometimes wonder if co-workers suspect, or maybe I am just being paranoid and it's probably fine.

Does the company have a policy against co-workers dating??  Most companies have a Human Resources hand book or .pdf where all of the HR policies are written down.

Were you given a HR hand book or directed to a web-site to read the HR policy .pdf file??

[poppyfields]

20 hours ago, basil67 said:

Going back to what I said earlier, to be able to not care what others think, you need supreme confidence in your own decision making.  You don't need the input of others.

Re the bolded, I am going to modify this a bit.  At least as it pertains to myself.

I am not so confident (or arrogant) to believe that my decisions have no flaws and will ultimately get me what I am seeking.

My confidence comes from knowing that even if make the wrong decision and fail, I am resilient enough to pick myself up and carry on, having learned and grown from having made that bad decision.

I am of the belief that we learn the most from our failures, not successes.   Successes are easy, they don't teach us a damn thing.

But failures and making a decision that ultimately turns out to be the wrong decision?  If we are evolved enough to introspect and learn something from it, that is the reward in and of itself.

That is why I very rarely seek the input of others.  If we follow others' advice and fail, now we came blame them!  

But if we seek answers within ourselves (which we all have the capacity to do), if we fail, then we have no one to blame but ourselves, and it provides an opportunity to learn and grow and make BETTER decisions and choices next time.

Maybe this is what you meant basil67, if it is, consider this me expounding on it a bit.  

 

 

Edited August 9, 2021 by poppyfields

[poppyfields]

26 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

Re the bolded, I am going to modify this a bit.  At least as it pertains to myself.

I am not so confident (or arrogant) to believe that my decisions have no flaws and will ultimately get me what I am seeking.

My confidence comes from knowing that even if make the wrong decision and fail, I am resilient enough to pick myself up and carry on, having learned and grown from having made that bad decision.

I am of the belief that we learn the most from our failures, not successes.   Successes are easy, they don't teach us a damn thing.

But failures and making a decision that ultimately turns out to be the wrong decision?  If we are evolved enough to introspect and learn something from it, that is the reward in and of itself.

That is why I very rarely seek the input of others.  If we follow others' advice and fail, now we came blame them!  

But if we seek answers within ourselves (which we all have the capacity to do), if we fail, then we have no one to blame but ourselves, and it provides an opportunity to learn and grow and make BETTER decisions and choices next time.

Maybe this is what you meant basil67, if it is, consider this me expounding on it a bit.  

Need to modify this a bit.  With respect to investing money or making any sort of financial decision that will affect your future, it's helpful to seek advice from those "in the know" who have the expertise to advise in a way that will benefit you.

I am NOT knowledgeable about investments and such so this is an area where I would seek the opinions of others.

But in my personal life, I make my own choices and decisions and let chips fall where they may.

If I fail, so be.  I learn and grow from it.

 

Edited August 9, 2021 by poppyfields

[basil67]

2 hours ago, poppyfields said:

My confidence comes from knowing that even if make the wrong decision and fail, I am resilient enough to pick myself up and carry on, having learned and grown from having made that bad decision.

I can see where you're going with this and agree with all of it.  However, my words were more about being decisive and not needing to first ask opinions of all and sundry.  So, I would guess that both of these things would stand true for both of us.   And for the sake of clarity, I might make a decision but then hire a professional for help in executing that decision. 

Oh, and being able to easily dismiss bad advice.   When my disabled son was nearly 4, he had no speech.  So I decided to enroll in a course to learn 'key word signing' to try and give him communication.  When I told those close around me what I was undertaking, some advised me not to do it because he'd never learned to speak if he could sign.  I dismissed their advice without question because they were talking nonsense.   As it turned out, he was signing within a week -  the signing prompted speech - he was bilingual for a bit - and now he only speaks. 

 

[ironpony]

8 hours ago, Happy Lemming said:

Does the company have a policy against co-workers dating??  Most companies have a Human Resources hand book or .pdf where all of the HR policies are written down.

Were you given a HR hand book or directed to a web-site to read the HR policy .pdf file??

The handbook doesn't say anything about dating so I am not sure.  I didn't think I would be fired for it so I decided to persue the relationship.  However, now that the relationship has been met with judgment from families and friends because of the age gap, I feel self conscience about it now.  If people think I am a perv for dating someone with an age gap, will my co-workers think that too?  Or should I not care what they think, and as long as I produce good work, that's all I should care about?

[Happy Lemming]

12 minutes ago, ironpony said:

 Or should I not care what they think...

No, don't worry about what your co-workers think.  Just do your job to the best of your ability, you are not there to receive their approval or disapproval when it comes to your personal life.  It is none of their business who you date.

14 minutes ago, ironpony said:

The handbook doesn't say anything about dating so I am not sure. 

If there isn't a clear and defined rule in the handbook, it does not exist, so there is no need to worry about dating this woman.

In the end, do what makes you happy...   She is an adult (over 18), and has the capacity to make decisions about who she wants to date.  If she likes you and you like her, continue to date.

Life is short, enjoy yourself.

[Pumpernickel]

@Happy Lemmingis right!   

As a person who thinks way too much about what other people think, I recommend you do you, without considering anybody else’s opinions. People have all kinds of opinions, and you can’t possibly please all of them. Please keep that in mind. I am usually well balanced and very reasonable and sensible, but even I have to still learn that for my own life my decisions and my opinions should weigh more than other people’s thoughts. I’m in my late 40s and I still haven’t quite internalized that. You’re way ahead of me here, @ironpony!! Good for you! 

[glows]

On 8/7/2021 at 6:09 PM, ironpony said:

I feel like people will think less of me if I do this and that in life, and I just got to the point where I feel like saying screw it, I am going to do whatever I want, live life on my own terms and I don't care what anyone else things.  Providing I am not out to do anyone any harm of course.  But is that bad to just do what you want and not care what others think?  Is that healthy and it will make me more happy and liberated, or is that unhealthy?

I think it’s ok within reason. It’s usually best to think long term instead of only short term gains. Think long term health, peace of mind and preserving your standard of life overall. 

If it means doing your due diligence and seeking assistance or professional help in some areas in order to make your decision that would be wise. Getting a second or third opinion can be helpful. 

You may also find yourself making decisions with others and needing to come to an agreement so acknowledging and incorporating others’ ideas and opinions is required. You have to be the judge of that and what you accept or vote for. 

Your situation at work with your girlfriend is between the both of you as a couple. Discuss it together on how open you want to be about your relationship. Share your concerns with each other. As others mentioned you do not need to share details about your personal life at work with coworkers. Ignore those questions or change the subject. It’s no one’s business and speak with your partner about being on the same page.

Edited August 10, 2021 by glows

[basil67]

19 hours ago, ironpony said:

No, I'm pretty sure she wasn't [hired through a disability agency] why?

Because I was wondering if she is more likely to be taken advantage of.   If so, it would explain why others are looking out for her.  

[basil67]

12 hours ago, ironpony said:

.....I was told that my relationship with the woman will likely fail, which is the worst case scenario.   But are worst case scenarios the most probable ones, when a person tells me I cannot live in fear of worst case scenarios?

Actually, having the relationship fail is not the worse case scenario.   The worst case scenario is having a young woman later feel she's been taken advantage of by an older man.   Again, this goes back to whether or not she also has a learning disability.

[ironpony]

3 hours ago, basil67 said:

Actually, having the relationship fail is not the worse case scenario.   The worst case scenario is having a young woman later feel she's been taken advantage of by an older man.   Again, this goes back to whether or not she also has a learning disability.

Oh well she has ADHD but not sure if that would impact how she would be in making decisions in a relationship though.  But she also was the one who asked me out first, and she was the one who took me up into her bedroom a few dates later, and then asked me to be exclusive later, so I feel she has been taking the lead overall.

Edited August 10, 2021 by ironpony

[Blind-Sided]

On 8/8/2021 at 2:36 AM, ironpony said:

1) Well it's just that I want to spend a lot of money on making my own feature film to try to break into the business, and feel everything thinks I am idiot for taking such a business risk.

2) But also, the gf I have had for a couple of months now, I feel like people I know, family and friends, are judging me for it too, since she is 16 years younger than me.  

Not everyone has the same goals in life... so if you have people around you telling you to not do it... then sometimes you just have to make your own path in life.  BUT.......... (by the numbers) 

1) You can spend as much money as you want to make your film... but it would be self-destructive of you are going to bankrupt yourself in doing so.  Also... as I recall... you live with your folks.  You can't denounce them, or expect them to agree with spending money on something that is a bit of a gamble since they are supporting you.  It really comes back to the "Their house, their rules" thing.

2) I understand about the younger GF thing.  My current GF is 21 years younger.   BUT... if she is of legal age... then it shouldn't mater. 

With all that said... if you don't have a solid, stable, well paying job... and you aren't paying for your own way in life... then you simply can't say "Heck to everyone" to do your own thing.  That's called "Biting the had that feeds you."    Think about this... if you do say "Heck with what everyone thinks."......... do you think your folks are going to want to continue to take care of you?  I know it's your family... but even family gets tired of each other sometimes.  as @Happy Lemming explained.... until you are paying for your own way... then you have to respect the people who are supporting you. 

[ironpony]

15 hours ago, Blind-Sided said:

Not everyone has the same goals in life... so if you have people around you telling you to not do it... then sometimes you just have to make your own path in life.  BUT.......... (by the numbers) 

1) You can spend as much money as you want to make your film... but it would be self-destructive of you are going to bankrupt yourself in doing so.  Also... as I recall... you live with your folks.  You can't denounce them, or expect them to agree with spending money on something that is a bit of a gamble since they are supporting you.  It really comes back to the "Their house, their rules" thing.

2) I understand about the younger GF thing.  My current GF is 21 years younger.   BUT... if she is of legal age... then it shouldn't mater. 

With all that said... if you don't have a solid, stable, well paying job... and you aren't paying for your own way in life... then you simply can't say "Heck to everyone" to do your own thing.  That's called "Biting the had that feeds you."    Think about this... if you do say "Heck with what everyone thinks."......... do you think your folks are going to want to continue to take care of you?  I know it's your family... but even family gets tired of each other sometimes.  as @Happy Lemming explained.... until you are paying for your own way... then you have to respect the people who are supporting you. 

Oh okay but I thought this was the definition of doing what you want and not caring what other people think, because in order to make the movie, you can't make an omelette without breaking the eggs, unless I am wrong?

As for the gf, I see what you mean about the legal age thing, but it seems that a lot of people have the mindset that just because it's legal, that doesn't mean it's okay.

[basil67]

21 hours ago, ironpony said:

Oh well she has ADHD but not sure if that would impact how she would be in making decisions in a relationship though.  But she also was the one who asked me out first, and she was the one who took me up into her bedroom a few dates later, and then asked me to be exclusive later, so I feel she has been taking the lead overall.

That she does make decisions and take a lead doesn't necessarily mean they are wise decisions.   I can't say whether or not her decision making skills are impaired (and apparently neither can you), but if they are, this would be a reason people are keeping a lookout for her.   

24 minutes ago, ironpony said:

Oh okay but I thought this was the definition of doing what you want and not caring what other people think, because in order to make the movie, you can't make an omelette without breaking the eggs, unless I am wrong?

If the eggs you break are the only food in the house and you burn the omelette, you will be left with nothing.  Much like the amount of money you'll have left if the movie is poorly budgeted, or a bomb in cinemas. 

[ironpony]

29 minutes ago, basil67 said:

That she does make decisions and take a lead doesn't necessarily mean they are wise decisions.   I can't say whether or not her decision making skills are impaired (and apparently neither can you), but if they are, this would be a reason people are keeping a lookout for her.   

If the eggs you break are the only food in the house and you burn the omelette, you will be left with nothing.  Much like the amount of money you'll have left if the movie is poorly budgeted, or a bomb in cinemas. 

That's true, I am trying to keep the cost of the movie down, I am just not sure how.  Perhaps I can keep looking for a budgeting expert that can do a better job of keeping the cost down more than me.

When it comes to people judging me for dating a woman with an age gap, they haven't met her yet, so I was assuming they were didn't have any reason to believe she was impaired though, did they?  I thought they were just judging me for doing it, no matter who the woman was.

[basil67]

18 minutes ago, ironpony said:

That's true, I am trying to keep the cost of the movie down, I am just not sure how.  Perhaps I can keep looking for a budgeting expert that can do a better job of keeping the cost down more than me.

You need more than a budgeting expert, you need a whole plan. 

18 minutes ago, ironpony said:

When it comes to people judging me for dating a woman with an age gap, they haven't met her yet, so I was assuming they were didn't have any reason to believe she was impaired though, did they?  I thought they were just judging me for doing it, no matter who the woman was.

I thought your workmates were judging.  Did I misunderstand?

[ironpony]

6 minutes ago, basil67 said:

You need more than a budgeting expert, you need a whole plan. 

I thought your workmates were judging.  Did I misunderstand?

Oh well it's just that the plan I have, calls for too much budget, so I have to change the plan for a smaller budget.  But I am not sure how, and need a budgeting expert that could come up with a less expensive plan, with their experties, if that makes sense?

Oh yes the workmates might be too sorry.  I know my parents and friends are, and they don't know her yet.  But the workmates may be as well.  However, I don't think the co-workers would know her personally enough to know if her decision making was bad though in her dating life, unless I am wrong.

[basil67]

You plan isn't just about budgeting.  It's also about how you'll get it picked up by distributors, how you'll manage workplace safety, who will run payroll....there are so many things to plan.

With regards to the woman you're dating, this goes back to you being decisive and trusting yourself.  It also goes back to you being confident that you'll be OK if things with her don't work out.    If you trust yourself, and think the concerns are not an issue, then ignore the advice.

[ironpony]

Oh yes, but I feel I could use someone who is a planning expert to take care of that.  I am much more knowledgable in the technical filmmaking areas, and I feel I should concentrate there, where as someone else could handle the planning, unless that's not the way to go?

I don't know if I am okay if things wouldn't work out but that wasn't really my current concern.  My current concern was people judging me for it, unless you are saying this is related?

[Blind-Sided]

7 hours ago, ironpony said:

Oh okay but I thought this was the definition of doing what you want and not caring what other people think, because in order to make the movie, you can't make an omelette without breaking the eggs, unless I am wrong?

As for the gf, I see what you mean about the legal age thing, but it seems that a lot of people have the mindset that just because it's legal, that doesn't mean it's okay.

yes.... but when you "Break the eggs" for that omelette....  you can't have those eggs back.    And that's the point I was making.   If you relay on your folks for survival right now... you can't break that bond.  If you do... you may find yourself out on the street.  OR... of you have a disability of some kind... you may find that they will have a judgment made so you don't have control of your own money.

I know that sounds harsh... but it happens.  We have had this talk a few times about your movie, and you really aren't in the position to do what you want. (monetarily)  You can say "Heck to everyone" about the GF... as long as she is of legal age.

[Blind-Sided]

6 hours ago, basil67 said:

If the eggs you break are the only food in the house and you burn the omelette, you will be left with nothing.  Much like the amount of money you'll have left if the movie is poorly budgeted, or a bomb in cinemas. 

This  egg-actly.  (LOL)

You need more eggs that JUST ENOUGH to make that omelette.  You need enough to live on past this one "Meal".   SO the realty is... you need to have money for the film... somewhere to live... for food... for transportation... for utilities... and so on !!   It sounds like you don't, so your choice to go against your folks is unwise. 

Now... just for some quick advice... if you are that drawn to making movies... why not start with short films that you can build an audience with? You can post them to YouTube, Ticktock, and Instagram.  There are people who literally make tens of thousands of dollars on those platforms.  You can hone your skills with minimal cost to your equipment.

[Taramere]

On 8/8/2021 at 2:09 AM, ironpony said:

I feel like people will think less of me if I do this and that in life, and I just got to the point where I feel like saying screw it, I am going to do whatever I want, live life on my own terms and I don't care what anyone else things.  Providing I am not out to do anyone any harm of course.  But is that bad to just do what you want and not care what others think?  Is that healthy and it will make me more happy and liberated, or is that unhealthy?

I think the trouble is that when people proclaim that they don't care what anybody thinks, it often comes from a place of feeling psychologically wounded by other people's opinions, commentary and judgements.  So it's a defensive stance - and as is so often the case with defensive stances, probably not one where the person is being very honest with themselves. 

Feeling the way you do suggests that you might feel paralysed by other people's opinions and judgements.  Paralysed into not pursuing the things you want, for fear of judgement.  My impression from your posts is that you are indeed very preoccupied with what people think of you.  Perhaps  to the extent that you don't spend enough (or even any) time sussing out and assessing your critics.   I think developing more of an active interest in people around you, rather than simply being interested in what they think of you,  will help you to better assess them - and, in doing so, assessing how much weight you should be giving to their opinions they hold about you and your life choices.  But just indiscriminately tuning out everybody's opinions would, I think, be quite unhealthy, self sabotaging and isolating.

[ironpony]

1 hour ago, Taramere said:

I think the trouble is that when people proclaim that they don't care what anybody thinks, it often comes from a place of feeling psychologically wounded by other people's opinions, commentary and judgements.  So it's a defensive stance - and as is so often the case with defensive stances, probably not one where the person is being very honest with themselves. 

Feeling the way you do suggests that you might feel paralysed by other people's opinions and judgements.  Paralysed into not pursuing the things you want, for fear of judgement.  My impression from your posts is that you are indeed very preoccupied with what people think of you.  Perhaps  to the extent that you don't spend enough (or even any) time sussing out and assessing your critics.   I think developing more of an active interest in people around you, rather than simply being interested in what they think of you,  will help you to better assess them - and, in doing so, assessing how much weight you should be giving to their opinions they hold about you and your life choices.  But just indiscriminately tuning out everybody's opinions would, I think, be quite unhealthy, self sabotaging and isolating.

Well it's just that most of the opinions have been negative I felt in the majority.  So I would have to tune out the majority still, if I want to do what I want.  Is that bad though?

 

2 hours ago, Blind-Sided said:

This  egg-actly.  (LOL)

You need more eggs that JUST ENOUGH to make that omelette.  You need enough to live on past this one "Meal".   SO the realty is... you need to have money for the film... somewhere to live... for food... for transportation... for utilities... and so on !!   It sounds like you don't, so your choice to go against your folks is unwise. 

Now... just for some quick advice... if you are that drawn to making movies... why not start with short films that you can build an audience with? You can post them to YouTube, Ticktock, and Instagram.  There are people who literally make tens of thousands of dollars on those platforms.  You can hone your skills with minimal cost to your equipment.

Oh I have made short films before.  I wasn't ablet to make money off of them, since people do not normally pay to see short films on those platforms, but instead I was able to make money from other jobs I have worked in order to make the feature film.  But I felt that eventually I just have to take the next step from shorts to features.  Is that bad though, if I didn't make the money from internet related jobs though?

[Happy Lemming]

34 minutes ago, ironpony said:

Oh I have made short films before.

I actually liked the one short film that you did (that you shared with me).  I thought it was quite good.  Personally, I like short "sci-fi" style films.

Did you have any luck with the company "DUST" that has a streaming presence here in the US??  Is "DUST" on your ROKU choices in Canada??  They appear to make money for inspiring film makers through their platform.  I do think they specialize in (only) "sci-fi" films (shorts), though.