Is it bad to not care about what other people think?

[Happy Lemming]

“Our new Constitution is now established, and has an appearance that promises permanency; but in this world nothing can be said to be certain, except death and taxes.” - Benjamin Franklin

In life, nothing is certain... I've "rolled the dice" on quite a few Real Estate ventures, some were quite profitable and surprised me, while another one "broke even" (I was expecting a HUGE profit on that one).

And I agree with you, that in relationships... nothing is certain.  I've been in some relationships where I thought everything was GREAT, then I got dumped. Now, I've been with my current long term girlfriend for almost 10 years, I never even thought that was even possible (for me).

Again... you are happy with the woman you are dating.  Until you are informed to the contrary, assume she is happy with you.

I still think you need to start working on a plan to move out (from your parents' home).  In my opinion, you do need a taste of what it is like to live on your own (even if its for a couple of weeks).   And if for some reason, your mom does give you an ultimatum (regarding this woman you are seeing), you'll have some information and experience living on your own.

Just my two cents...

[ironpony]

Okay thanks.  My friends are actually trying to get me to move out like force, in an intervention sort of way.  This may be a good thing, but right now, I only have a minimum wage paying job and it's only a seasonal position so should I wait till I find something better first, or should I just go along with their intervention more?

Another thing is, when it comes to their being an age gap between me and my gf which people I know are disapproving of, I was doing some research and are age gaps normal in dating in a certain way...  I was watching this video and at 1:07 into the video, he talks about how guys have to build themselves up over the years to be attractive to women, where as women got it made when they are 18 to a guy, in terms of attractiveness.  He talks about it at 1:07 into the video:

 

But is it true though, that men are attractive to women once they have reached an older age, and therefore the age gap, just makes logical realistic sense in that way that people are not seeing?

[Happy Lemming]

30 minutes ago, ironpony said:

...but right now, I only have a minimum wage paying job and it's only a seasonal position so should I wait till I find something better first, or should I just go along with their intervention more?

As a general rule, monthly rent should be no more than 30% of your gross monthly income.  (Your monthly income X .30)  With that formula, are there any rooms for rent in that price range?? (month to month)  Small studio apartments?? (month to month).  I know nothing of Canadian real estate or what rentals cost in Canada, so you'll have to do some research for your area.  Do these "friends" know of any places that are affordable?? 

As for the youtube guy trying to tell you about the dynamics of women and age gaps, etc. There are no set rules.  Women are individuals they don't follow some formula, as they age. Keep in mind that most youtubers monetize their video(s), the more views they get, the more money they make, so if they say something controversial, it will get more views.

In the past, I've dated women younger than me and older than me, there is no formula or set of parameters that they follow.

At the end of the day, you need to stop worrying about what other people think (regarding the person you are dating).  There are really only two people that matter in your relationship, this woman (you seem to like A LOT) and you.

If you are both happy, just enjoy your time together.

[elaine567]

Forget what other people think, has the sex problem with your gf been diagnosed or solved?
Your relationship with her will not survive if it isn't surely? Or are you happy with no sex? 
Why are you obsessing about what your co workers think when that is the least of your troubles...

[ironpony]

9 hours ago, elaine567 said:

Forget what other people think, has the sex problem with your gf been diagnosed or solved?
Your relationship with her will not survive if it isn't surely? Or are you happy with no sex? 
Why are you obsessing about what your co workers think when that is the least of your troubles...

Which problem, you mean the one where sex was hurting for her before?

[clia]

22 hours ago, ironpony said:

Okay thanks.  My friends are actually trying to get me to move out like force, in an intervention sort of way.  This may be a good thing, but right now, I only have a minimum wage paying job and it's only a seasonal position so should I wait till I find something better first, or should I just go along with their intervention more?

Well, what do you think?  Have you weighed your pros/cons, risks/benefits, options?  If you move out now, do you think you will be able to find another job after your seasonal jobs ends so that you can pay your rent?  Are you comfortable using some of your savings to pay your living expenses if needed?  If you decide to wait, how long do you think it would take for you to find something "better"?  Is that length of time worth continuing to live with your parents?  These are the various types of things you have to weigh in order to determine whether to move out or not.  

[ironpony]

I feel I should maybe wait but not sure how long it would take to find something better.  This is why I wanted to go into business for myself with the filmmaking but people around me are telling me not to do that, and to rely on someone else to give my business instead.  But so far that hasn't been going as well either, over the years.

[basil67]

1 hour ago, ironpony said:

I feel I should maybe wait but not sure how long it would take to find something better.

Which brings us full circle back into my question from some time ago about affordable housing for people with disabilities where you live

[elaine567]

1 hour ago, ironpony said:

This is why I wanted to go into business for myself with the filmmaking

OK but how exactly are you going to make money doing that?

[Happy Lemming]

6 hours ago, basil67 said:

Which brings us full circle back into my question from some time ago about affordable housing for people with disabilities where you live

Do we know if there is a government program (in Canada) that will assist @ironpony?? Does he qualify for this program (if it does exist)??  Are his parents willing to do some of the background work to help him qualify for the program (if it exists)??

What about affordable housing (in general)??  What research has been done regarding (month to month) "room rentals", small (month to month) "studio apartments", etc.??  It begs the question if any "affordable" housing exists in the immediate area?? (Affordable being 30% or less of monthly income)

 

[ironpony]

19 hours ago, elaine567 said:

OK but how exactly are you going to make money doing that?

The only way I can think of how is to start by making a feature film and hope to sell it like other filmmakers have.

[ironpony]

13 hours ago, Happy Lemming said:

Do we know if there is a government program (in Canada) that will assist @ironpony?? Does he qualify for this program (if it does exist)??  Are his parents willing to do some of the background work to help him qualify for the program (if it exists)??

What about affordable housing (in general)??  What research has been done regarding (month to month) "room rentals", small (month to month) "studio apartments", etc.??  It begs the question if any "affordable" housing exists in the immediate area?? (Affordable being 30% or less of monthly income)

 

I will call some services and ask if they know of any such programs.  Thank you again for the suggestion.

[elaine567]

4 hours ago, ironpony said:

The only way I can think of how is to start by making a feature film and hope to sell it like other filmmakers have.

That is a money spending scheme.
That is a risky long term strategy, with no guarantee of anything.
With a load of luck you may break even. 
How do you propose to actually make some money?

You are now 37 and live with your parents. Have you made plans for your future, were they to die soon. 
What about your brother? Will you have to then be responsible for him too?
If you spend your nest egg on a failed feature film, then do you have contingency plans in place?

[Happy Lemming]

@ironpony Let me ask you a hypothetical question.

You are talking to some of your friends and one of them tells you about a small studio apartment (month to month) lease (decent area), that he/she heard about and the rent falls within your price range.  Would you take the unit??

Do you want to try to live on your own??

Is that something you desire??

 

[ironpony]

4 hours ago, elaine567 said:

That is a money spending scheme.
That is a risky long term strategy, with no guarantee of anything.
With a load of luck you may break even. 
How do you propose to actually make some money?

You are now 37 and live with your parents. Have you made plans for your future, were they to die soon. 
What about your brother? Will you have to then be responsible for him too?
If you spend your nest egg on a failed feature film, then do you have contingency plans in place?

I'm not sure if I could have I came to energy plan other than try to just make more money after. I don't know what else to do really and it's just a matter of having to take a risk for a goal really.

but other people tried business ventures as well even though it's a risk so I'm not sure how else to do it.

[ironpony]

6 minutes ago, Happy Lemming said:

@ironpony Let me ask you a hypothetical question.

You are talking to some of your friends and one of them tells you about a small studio apartment (month to month) lease (decent area), that he/she heard about and the rent falls within your price range.  Would you take the unit??

Do you want to try to live on your own??

Is that something you desire??

 

I can do that as I want to have a higher paying job first or at least be able to get an apartment that is cheap enough that I can afford it on this pay, which I don't think there is in the city.

[Taramere]

11 hours ago, ironpony said:

The only way I can think of how is to start by making a feature film and hope to sell it like other filmmakers have.

Film making is an incredibly competitive industry in which only a tiny number of people succeed.  Those people who succeed in such a competitive environment have incredible drive, vision, work ethic, confidence and singlemindedness to succeed where thousands of people (many of whom would also have incredible drive, vision etc) failed.   They also have initiative.  They're not the kind of people who start threads on relationship forums asking strangers to help them figure out who they should be.

[ironpony]

That's true.  I guess that goes with the do what you want and don't care what others think attitude.

[Taramere]

2 hours ago, ironpony said:

That's true.  I guess that goes with the do what you want and don't care what others think attitude.

I think it goes with having a vision, and drive/passion about turning that vision into a film (or piece of music, art, book).  I'm sure that doesn't mean those visionaries don't care at all what other people think, but it does make them pretty single minded about pursuing their dream and maybe disregarding the views and feelings of anybody who stands in the way. 

You talk about wanting to make a film, but you don't seem to be propelled by an idea, story or really anything other than this notion that you would like to make a film.  Think about somebody like David Attenborough.  He's passionate about the natural world, and the life it hosts.  The documentaries he makes are almost a byproduct of that passion.  His way of sharing his passion and knowledge about these subjects with other people. 

If you're thinking in terms of "creative geniuses don't care what others think, so if I care less what others think I'll be more like those creative geniuses" then I think you have it all wrong.  "Not caring very much what others think" is more like a byproduct of their singlemindedness.  It's not the main event of who they are.  Sure, you can develop the attitude that you're going to do what you want, that what you want is to make a film and you don't care what anybody thinks of that...but let's face it, unless you have an exciting vision, an insatiable and long term urge to transform it into a film and also have decent working relationships with talented professionals who are excited by your vision (or who you can pay enough that they'll pretend to be excited about it) then the whole thing's just going to be a cash guzzling folly.

Why do you want to make a film?  Did you do a course on film making?  Is that what your frequent mentions of wanting to make a film stem from...or is there something  specific that you've long been keen to make a film about? 

[basil67]

On 8/22/2021 at 1:19 AM, Happy Lemming said:

Do we know if there is a government program (in Canada) that will assist @ironpony?? Does he qualify for this program (if it does exist)??  Are his parents willing to do some of the background work to help him qualify for the program (if it exists)??

What about affordable housing (in general)??  What research has been done regarding (month to month) "room rentals", small (month to month) "studio apartments", etc.??  It begs the question if any "affordable" housing exists in the immediate area?? (Affordable being 30% or less of monthly income)

 

@ironpony further to this discussion, and given your low income and autism, I'd be starting by looking at public/social housing.  I reckon you'd qualify, but I don't know what the wait lists are.   Or you could apply to a charity or NGO (non govt organization) who manage rent controlled housing.  Or co-op housing.  I can't remember what city you live in, but I would expect that there will be options.  

Do you have neighborhood  or community centres where you could find a social worker to help you through this?  

[ironpony]

4 hours ago, Taramere said:

I think it goes with having a vision, and drive/passion about turning that vision into a film (or piece of music, art, book).  I'm sure that doesn't mean those visionaries don't care at all what other people think, but it does make them pretty single minded about pursuing their dream and maybe disregarding the views and feelings of anybody who stands in the way. 

You talk about wanting to make a film, but you don't seem to be propelled by an idea, story or really anything other than this notion that you would like to make a film.  Think about somebody like David Attenborough.  He's passionate about the natural world, and the life it hosts.  The documentaries he makes are almost a byproduct of that passion.  His way of sharing his passion and knowledge about these subjects with other people. 

If you're thinking in terms of "creative geniuses don't care what others think, so if I care less what others think I'll be more like those creative geniuses" then I think you have it all wrong.  "Not caring very much what others think" is more like a byproduct of their singlemindedness.  It's not the main event of who they are.  Sure, you can develop the attitude that you're going to do what you want, that what you want is to make a film and you don't care what anybody thinks of that...but let's face it, unless you have an exciting vision, an insatiable and long term urge to transform it into a film and also have decent working relationships with talented professionals who are excited by your vision (or who you can pay enough that they'll pretend to be excited about it) then the whole thing's just going to be a cash guzzling folly.

Why do you want to make a film?  Did you do a course on film making?  Is that what your frequent mentions of wanting to make a film stem from...or is there something  specific that you've long been keen to make a film about? 

Oh well I have a couple of screenplays I have access too to choose from, and thought I would most likely do one of those.  I can also work with people who I helped on their feature films in the past, if they are interested.  I have taken a course on filmmaking.  I want to make movies, because it's just the career I think I would enjoy the most.  I don't know if I wanted to makea movie about something really specific per say, but I like the thriller genre, and thought I would do something within that.

[ironpony]

3 hours ago, basil67 said:

@ironpony further to this discussion, and given your low income and autism, I'd be starting by looking at public/social housing.  I reckon you'd qualify, but I don't know what the wait lists are.   Or you could apply to a charity or NGO (non govt organization) who manage rent controlled housing.  Or co-op housing.  I can't remember what city you live in, but I would expect that there will be options.  

Do you have neighborhood  or community centres where you could find a social worker to help you through this?  

There is someone in a community center I worked with before, that I can talk to about that, and see if there is anything.

[basil67]

Great idea.  And even if there's no low income housing, see if there's a support worker who can help you meet your goal of moving out of home. It's a a terrific goal.

[Happy Lemming]

13 hours ago, basil67 said:

...meet your goal of moving out of home. It's a a terrific goal.

This... 100% Agree!!

[ironpony]

I can do that.  I will make an appointment with her and ask about it.  Thanks!

Also, when it comes to not caring what people think about making a feature film to try to break in, my gf told me that I really should make because if I don't, I am just going to keep wondering what if, all my life if I don't.  Does she have a point there?