Who is at fault? Feelings? Next move?

[Lifes a mystery]

I’ll try to make this as short as I can. 

I have a friend with benefits. We have been doing the FWB thing for around 13 years. We recently got together for fun,  and had an argument about him and an ex friend (girl) of mine. She was a mutual friend of us both. Me and her had a separate argument that we decided it was best to just end our friendship (she was toxic). 

So fast forward to the last time me and the fwb get together for some fun. We are talking for awhile, when he asks if I have talked to her. (in my buzzed state) I asked him if he ever slept with her previous to me and him getting together. 
He says they didn’t do anything, but he drove her home a couple times after being out drinking. I again asked him and he declined again but said she touched his d**k.  
He then got dressed (angrily) and left. 
I waited about a week and sent him a message saying that I was sorry for not taking his word on it. His reply was pretty cold, and it seems as though he is pretty angry that I think they slept together (and mainly that I didn’t believe him when he said no). Angry enough that he keeps blowing me off when I ask if he wants to get together for our usual fun. 

I guess my questions are: 

1. Why does this whole thing even matter to him , if he doesn’t have feelings? 

2. Does it sound like he has feelings? 

3. Is he right to still be upset, even after I apologized?

4. Is he making a big deal out of all of this? 

5. What should my next move be? 

Thanks for your replies!!

[BaileyB]

Life is too short for this kind of drama. 

If he wants to see you again, he will get over it. If not - life moves on…

[Happy Lemming]

It sounds like this FWB relationship is a little more complex than the standard "Friends with Benefits" thing.  I imagine after 13 years things are bit more complex.  Did you develop feeling for him??  It seems like maybe you have, otherwise you wouldn't have asked him about sleeping with this friend.

I have no idea why he got mad or stormed off, but what does it matter who he slept with and when??  You guys are FWB, he can do whomever he wants, whenever he wants. 

As far as the argument, leave him alone and let him cool off.  He'll come back when he wants/needs some "benefits".

If he doesn't come back, get a new FWB.  You are a woman, you can easily find a replacement FWB, just set the rules/parameters the way you want.

[basil67]

1 hour ago, Lifes a mystery said:

1. Why does this whole thing even matter to him , if he doesn’t have feelings? 

Because FWB is supposed to be casual, not drama.  By prying into his past and then not not believing his words, you changed the dynamic from casual to difficult.

1 hour ago, Lifes a mystery said:

2. Does it sound like he has feelings? 

You count "annoyed" or "disappointed" as a feeling, then yes. 

1 hour ago, Lifes a mystery said:

3. Is he right to still be upset, even after I apologized?

He can feel however he wants for as long as he wants.   And while he may accept that you're sorry, it doesn't necessarily mean that he'll want to pick things back up how they used to be.

1 hour ago, Lifes a mystery said:

4. Is he making a big deal out of all of this? 

From what I understand, you thought he wasn't telling you the truth. I think it's perfectly reasonable to be pissed at/lose respect for someone who thinks you lied. 

1 hour ago, Lifes a mystery said:

5. What should my next move be? 

It's just FWB, so stop contacting him.  If he wants to start things up again, let him do it in his own time.   And if he does reach out, DON'T mention any of this - just draw a line underneath it and carry on being the no drama, casual hookup that you were before.