Heart broken

[Jonny80]

For some that has seen my other posts over the past thew months will understand my situation..

 

despite everything that has happened and all my efforts my gf has today said we are finished as she sees no future with me..

it was only Saturday she was choosing wedding dresses with her mum and sister after driving 5 hours to be with her family and today she ends it by txt and all she can say is sorry…

 

I’m heart broken, I’v given everything to this relationship even tho many has said I should get out months ago.. we can’t help who we fall in love with…..

I feel cheated in some ways. I feel crushed..😢😢😢

[Happy Lemming]

When I got dumped by a woman, I always asked myself the same question... "Was I the best person I could be?"

If the answer is "yes" then there is nothing more to mull over or think about.  Your best wasn't good enough for her, so she left to seek out someone that better fills her needs/wants.

If the answer is "no", then going forward attempt to correct the things you did wrong with the next person.

Also part of my post dump routine is to give my house a good cleaning then wash all the sheets, comforter, etc.  When that is done, I shower up & wander down to my local pub for a beer.  Not to get drunk, just to be social and see other human beings. You need a different scenery other than the four walls of your home.

[Jonny80]

17 minutes ago, Happy Lemming said:

When I got dumped by a woman, I always asked myself the same question... "Was I the best person I could be?"

If the answer is "yes" then there is nothing more to mull over or think about.  Your best wasn't good enough for her, so she left to seek out someone that better fills her needs/wants.

If the answer is "no", then going forward attempt to correct the things you did wrong with the next person.

Also part of my post dump routine is to give my house a good cleaning then wash all the sheets, comforter, etc.  When that is done, I shower up & wander down to my local pub for a beer.  Not to get drunk, just to be social and see other human beings. You need a different scenery other than the four walls of your home.

Iv made some mistakes which Iv acknowledged but not to the extent it ruined the relation ship, you’d have to read my other post to understand what she’s put me threw.   Iv got a lot going for me and people constantly tell I look well for my age but that doesn’t smooth over how upset I feel about her actions especially since so many people told me months ago to get out..

 

 

[Happy Lemming]

2 minutes ago, Jonny80 said:

Iv made some mistakes which Iv acknowledged but not to the extent it ruined the relation ship

Nobody is perfect...  You did your best in the relationship and that wasn't good enough for her, so she left.

I can't tell you the number of women that left me for a bigger wallet.  I just let them go, picked myself up and continued on with life. 

[Wiseman2]

3 hours ago, Jonny80 said:

today she ends it by txt and all she can say is sorry…

Sorry this happened. However there's been a lot of conflicts, so it may be for this best. 

Is this the same woman?:

 

[glows]

3 hours ago, Jonny80 said:

For some that has seen my other posts over the past thew months will understand my situation..

 

despite everything that has happened and all my efforts my gf has today said we are finished as she sees no future with me..

it was only Saturday she was choosing wedding dresses with her mum and sister after driving 5 hours to be with her family and today she ends it by txt and all she can say is sorry…

 

I’m heart broken, I’v given everything to this relationship even tho many has said I should get out months ago.. we can’t help who we fall in love with…..

I feel cheated in some ways. I feel crushed..😢😢😢

It's ok. It will take time but the quicker you realize it's over, the quicker you will also heal and move forwards. There is no hurry though but do not contact her or harass her or ask her to take you back. It won't be favourable to you. Wishing you a speedy healing. 

[Jonny80]

13 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Sorry this happened. However there's been a lot of conflicts, so it may be for this best. 

Is this the same woman?:

 

Yes mate the same woman, you’ve read about her from the start going back to last year?    All the problems Iv had to overcome to accept her and this relationship whilst 99% of people were telling me she’s horrible and I should get out..   now she’s manipulated me chewed me up and spat me out.. and wrongly or rightly I’m Heartbroken she’s gone. 😢

[Jonny80]

1 hour ago, glows said:

It's ok. It will take time but the quicker you realize it's over, the quicker you will also heal and move forwards. There is no hurry though but do not contact her or harass her or ask her to take you back. It won't be favourable to you. Wishing you a speedy healing. 

We did txt earlier today to confirm what had happened….  I told her how I felt abs that I was upset about it all.. and she just says sorry it’s for the best..

[glows]

6 minutes ago, Jonny80 said:

We did txt earlier today to confirm what had happened….  I told her how I felt abs that I was upset about it all.. and she just says sorry it’s for the best..

It's because she doesn't care any longer about how you feel. That's a tough pill to swallow. She is gone and the relationship is over so how you feel doesn't matter anymore to her or what she chooses to do with her life going forward. She didn't treat you very well either but you refused to accept that in your earlier thread. You did cite that you felt relationships take work. They do but it's not a one way street. It takes two and right now there is one. 

I'd use the time to collect myself on my own and stop seeking for answers from her. Closure comes from you accepting it's over and respecting the wishes of the other person also.

[Jonny80]

11 minutes ago, glows said:

It's because she doesn't care any longer about how you feel. That's a tough pill to swallow. She is gone and the relationship is over so how you feel doesn't matter anymore to her or what she chooses to do with her life going forward. She didn't treat you very well either but you refused to accept that in your earlier thread. You did cite that you felt relationships take work. They do but it's not a one way street. It takes two and right now there is one. 

I'd use the time to collect myself on my own and stop seeking for answers from her. Closure comes from you accepting it's over and respecting the wishes of the other person also.

Yes I guess you’re right. Sad as it is..

[ExpatInItaly]

14 hours ago, Jonny80 said:

she just says sorry it’s for the best..

She's right. 

This relationship was never going to last, OP. And the collateral damage to your well-being is not worth it. 

15 hours ago, Jonny80 said:

All the problems Iv had to overcome to accept her

This is not noble or wise. When your relationship is this toxic, it is not about overcoming" anything, but rather devaluing yourself to the point that you justified staying. It speaks to your low self-esteem and poor boundaries, rather than commitment to a relationship. It appears you've been trying to convince youself it was the latter. 

In any case, I am sorry you're hurting so much. It will take time to realize that this was not ever going to become the relationship you desperately wanted it to be.

[Wiseman2]

15 hours ago, Jonny80 said:

.. and she just says sorry it’s for the best..

That's true. If you feel you had to sacrifice to "accept" her.

You claim there was chronic bickering.

You also claim you and her 10 y/o would "agree" and chitchat about how "difficult" she is. Unfortunately that alone (talking trash about someone to their own child) is reason to end it.

Maybe that was the last straw, maybe her getting drunk and talking about sex in bars and your chronic arguments about that.

Well point is... the list is endless as to the conflicts and incompatibilities.

So yes. It's for the best that you end things. Unfortunately you may have gotten attached to staying there but the relationship lacked respect.

[Jonny80]

39 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

That's true. If you feel you had to sacrifice to "accept" her.

You claim there was chronic bickering.

You also claim you and her 10 y/o would "agree" and chitchat about how "difficult" she is. Unfortunately that alone (talking trash about someone to their own child) is reason to end it.

Maybe that was the last straw, maybe her getting drunk and talking about sex in bars and your chronic arguments about that.

Well point is... the list is endless as to the conflicts and incompatibilities.

So yes. It's for the best that you end things. Unfortunately you may have gotten attached to staying there but the relationship lacked respect.

I do hear what you’re saying, her other relationships have gone the same way, not sure why she’s had so many failed relationships. Maybe it is her behaviour..

 

as for the child thing, I had no control what came out of her mouth regarding her mother, what she says does make sense but I was always quick to calmly tell her daughter she was wrong..

the biggest issue that has been spoke of is the fact I used to leave the house and drive home when she was shouting and swearing at me..  she said that alone has caused her to lose trust..   I just wished I could see the predicament I’m in regarding her behaviour and let go months ago.

[glows]

Hindsight is always 20/20. The most you can do is thank your lucky stars that she is gone from your life and is no longer stringing you along or shouting or swearing at you. Pick yourself back up and move forwards.

[ExpatInItaly]

3 hours ago, Jonny80 said:

not sure why she’s had so many failed relationships. Maybe it is her behaviour..

Maybe?

Dude. 

[Jonny80]

5 hours ago, glows said:

Hindsight is always 20/20. The most you can do is thank your lucky stars that she is gone from your life and is no longer stringing you along or shouting or swearing at you. Pick yourself back up and move forwards.

I just feel led on to be fair, everyone was telling me to get out going back before Christmas.. being with her considering her illness was a huge thing but to put up with all her angry outbursts and flirting too and now she ends it claiming she still loves me too..   I feel cheated..

 

wish I had of ended it on my terms months ago. I’m so sad and depressed Iv not eaten in 2 days and suffering from anxiety. I feel all alone, Iv got very little family around for support.. 😢

[glows]

17 minutes ago, Jonny80 said:

I just feel led on to be fair, everyone was telling me to get out going back before Christmas.. being with her considering her illness was a huge thing but to put up with all her angry outbursts and flirting too and now she ends it claiming she still loves me too..   I feel cheated..

 

wish I had of ended it on my terms months ago. I’m so sad and depressed Iv not eaten in 2 days and suffering from anxiety. I feel all alone, Iv got very little family around for support.. 😢

Go for a walk and take a breather. Feeling sad is not out of the ordinary. You can get through this but you have to let go of the idea that she was something great. She wasn’t. See your doctor for a check up and ask for a referral to a specialist or psychologist if you’re having other issues. Get a complete update on your health and intend to start over and take care of yourself. 

[Jonny80]

1 hour ago, glows said:

Go for a walk and take a breather. Feeling sad is not out of the ordinary. You can get through this but you have to let go of the idea that she was something great. She wasn’t. See your doctor for a check up and ask for a referral to a specialist or psychologist if you’re having other issues. Get a complete update on your health and intend to start over and take care of yourself. 

Yes that sounds good, Iv already made an appointment with a counsellor next week.. 

[Wiseman2]

2 hours ago, Jonny80 said:

I feel all alone, Iv got very little family around for support..

Breakups hurt. Feeling  all alone is what got you into this mess.

...So get more involved in your local area with clubs, groups, sports, volunteering, interest groups, take some classes and cores.

Try no to be this vulnerable and overly dependent on someone.

Look at working closer to your own home so you don't have to camp out with someone and feel like you "have to" make it work.

You were not really cheating out of anything when there were this many complaints about her, chronic bickering, unresolved issues an a general tone of mutual disrespect.

[Jonny80]

I know most peoples views are that I should run from this person but I do love her and I guess it’s my decision..

 

she sent me a message saying 

I never meant to hurt you.

I don’t think I want the relationship anymore, I wasn’t happy xxx

 

Now she could of put i don’t want the to be with you or the relationship anymore but she put I don’t think.  Iv asked her to clarify…

I know I’m clutching at straws here but I’m not ready to walk away..

[elaine567]

She said she wasn't happy, which was kind of obvious by her behaviour.
Happy women tend not to shout, yell, get uncontrollably angry and make huge plays for other men.

I know you want her back, but how do you think you could make her happy?

[Wiseman2]

46 minutes ago, Jonny80 said:

 I never meant to hurt you.

I don’t think I want the relationship anymore, I wasn’t happy xxx

Well at least she was clear and forthcoming about it.  

You're incompatible and chronically bickering is not good around her child. She did the right thing ending it.

[Jonny80]

22 minutes ago, elaine567 said:

She said she wasn't happy, which was kind of obvious by her behaviour.
Happy women tend not to shout, yell, get uncontrollably angry and make huge plays for other men.

I know you want her back, but how do you think you could make her happy?

She was the one telling me she loves me more than any other man.

her being angry is just her, she’s like it towards her kids. Animals and even gets road rage.. but she does have a caring side too..

[elaine567]

1 hour ago, Jonny80 said:

I know I’m clutching at straws here but I’m not ready to walk away..

As the dumper she holds the cards. She has told you it is over. You need to respect that decision.

[Jonny80]

On 8/11/2021 at 10:36 AM, elaine567 said:

As the dumper she holds the cards. She has told you it is over. You need to respect that decision.

Based on all the things that happened from her angry outbursts and playing up to other men in my head I think I should of listened and got out ages ago. Having said that why did I love this person and why do I feel so upset about it considering I know deep down I should of gotten out ages ago..?