Heart broken

[Jonny80]

On 8/11/2021 at 10:19 AM, Wiseman2 said:

Well at least she was clear and forthcoming about it.  

You're incompatible and chronically bickering is not good around her child. She did the right thing ending it.

I’m not sure if Iv given the wrong impression, we were never constantly bickering….  
 

in the beginning I was upset because we didn’t make love much due to her illness, even then people said leave..

then she had angry outbursts which weren’t because I’d done anything wrong..  yet again everyone said get out..

then twice twice in 11 months she has 2 episodes of flirting which caused problems.. everyone said leave her again,

 

in between all this we get on so we’ll which is the annoying thing.

[ExpatInItaly]

On 8/11/2021 at 11:24 AM, Jonny80 said:

her being angry is just her, she’s like it towards her kids. Animals and even gets road rage.. but she does have a caring side too..

And you wonder why most men leave her sorry arse? 

This woman is horrible and most self-respecting men would not want to be with someone who directs her anger not only at them, but also at children and animals. You badly need to work on your standards for wanting this angry and abusive woman in your life. At least you have a freakin' choice, unlike her poor kids and innocent animals. 

Why on earth is that okay with you? And before you say it's not, it evidently is or you would have walked away from her long before now. 

Edited August 12, 2021 by ExpatInItaly

[Jonny80]

1 minute ago, ExpatInItaly said:

And you wonder why most men leave her sorry arse? 

This woman is horrible and most self-respecting men would not want to be with someone who directs her anger not only at them, but also at children and animals. You badly need to work on your standards for wanting this angry and abusive woman in your life. At least you have a freakin' choice, unlike her poor kids and innocent animals. 

I’m beginning to see it,   She’s accused me of boring her today..  apparently I don’t have enough interests outside of work other than her.  Well I admit I was a workoholic before I met her but I was content..  I was content with her..

 

She’s gone and said Iv bored her as another reason for splitting up,  it’s angered me in a positive frame..

She’s always ill and tired but finds energy to flirt with other men, she’s always to ill to have sex but always talks about it in conversation with other men..   we only ever do what she wants when she wants it.. she’s got kids and about 8 cats and can never come to mine for a change..

Then there’s me loving her unconditionally, content with everything and accepting her being over friendly with men and she says I’m boring 🤔

I’m absorbed into her difficult boring life constantly helping her never being able to take her out for a surprise because of cats, dogs, kids and illness, I get told what I should or shouldn’t eat and cloths to wear, don’t hardly ever get asked what to watch on tv..

 

she never seems to want to talk about random things with me but she’s complete opposite with other people and today she’s blaming me saying Iv bored her…. Sorry but she should think her self lucky she found me willing to put up with her.

[ExpatInItaly]

With due respect, my post pointed out the glaring red flags of her taking out her anger on her kids and pets. 

And you are focused on the fact that she called you boring? Really?

[ExpatInItaly]

3 minutes ago, Jonny80 said:

she should think her self lucky she found me willing to put up with her.

Willing to put up with a woman who flirts with other men and rages at her partner, children and pets - what exactly do you think that says about you? How exactly does that you make you a catch, Jonny?

I am gobsmacked that some of the issues sail right over your head and that you need them pointed out to you, frankly. 

[Jonny80]

5 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Willing to put up with a woman who flirts with other men and rages at her partner, children and pets - what exactly do you think that says about you? How exactly does that you make you a catch, Jonny?

I am gobsmacked that some of the issues sail right over your head and that you need them pointed out to you, frankly. 

You don’t have to tell me..   I am to easygoing for my own good, I fell in love and ever since I kept hoping it’s going to improve.   But also she’s manipulated me into thinking she’s perfect and everything is my fault abs that her actions are normal..  her flirting was acceptable because I’m a horrible jealous person, her anger issues are me being sensitive and not understanding her being passionate,  the shouting and anger towards her kids is acceptable because I’m not a parent of my own and don’t know about it..  Iv been bullied, controlled Andy manipulated..  yes Shame on me..

She’s had 15/20 failed relationships and flings in past 10 years and she good at pointing out all my bad points..

[Pumpernickel]

Well, clearly we’re only hearing one side of the story here. But either way - she broke up and you seem to be sad and I’m sorry that you are. She clearly felt that you guys aren’t compatible. And that’s what you keep saying yourself. There are so many things that bother you about her, for example the flirting and the lack of sex, just to name a few. I think all you can and should do at this point is figure out what you could do better in your next relationship, if you desire to have one, and to not reach out to her. Just leave her be. 

[Wiseman2]

15 hours ago, Jonny80 said:

Dhe’s had 15/20 failed relationships and flings in past 10 years and she good at pointing out all my bad points..

You have an extensive list of all her faults and things you can't stand about her. So the question is why aren't you glad it's finally over?

Take this the right way, but you come across as extremely critical and disrespectful of someone you claim you cared about and who hosted you to make your commute to work more convenient.

Instead of extensive trashing, just move on. Keep in mind you picked her...so?

[ExpatInItaly]

17 hours ago, Jonny80 said:

She’s had 15/20 failed relationships and flings in past 10 years and she good at pointing out all my bad points.

And yet you want her back.

You are no longer a victim, but a volunteer. 

[Jonny80]

3 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

You have an extensive list of all her faults and things you can't stand about her. So the question is why aren't you glad it's finally over?

Take this the right way, but you come across as extremely critical and disrespectful of someone you claim you cared about and who hosted you to make your commute to work more convenient.

Instead of extensive trashing, just move on. Keep in mind you picked her...so?

I’m not flagging her off as such, I’m explaining what’s happened, I’m saying I’m aware of her behaviour but what you have to realise I fell in love, this person has another side to her that’s larger than life.. I was so happy and content apart from these issues that took place…

 

you could argue I’m at fault for putting up with this for to long but i know deep down I love her for her good points..

 

that’s why I’m struggling etc..

she keeps telling me she loves me and think I’m wonderful and that she’s hurting and struggling with things..

her reasons for calling it a day are very tame and any 2 humans could sort them with conversation…. 1 minute she says sorry. It I think it’s best we split up then when I point out her reasons can be sorted she’ll say things like I’m absorbing what your saying and that I have a  valid reason for staying together..

if she was 100% Certain it’s over that should be her reply every time..

Her good side out way all her bad points IMO.

[ExpatInItaly]

Have you had much relationship experience apart from this womam, OP?

I ask because your standards are abysmally low here. That often comes from a place of desperation and feeling like she was your only chance at having a girlfriend. 

[Jonny80]

1 hour ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Have you had much relationship experience apart from this womam, OP?

I ask because your standards are abysmally low here. That often comes from a place of desperation and feeling like she was your only chance at having a girlfriend. 

I have yes, but was single 12 years before I met her, I’m actually really fussy when it comes to women.  You should realise the period that made me fall in love with her she was the most incredible women I’d ever met… my dad says she has victims and not ex’s..   my bad for loving her. It was to late. I wear my heart on my sleeve and am a loyal person..

[ExpatInItaly]

2 minutes ago, Jonny80 said:

I’m actually really fussy when it comes to women

This thread indicates that simply isn't true. Not with this woman, anyway - exactly the opposite. 

2 minutes ago, Jonny80 said:

You should realise the period that made me fall in love with her she was the most incredible women I’d ever met

So? And now she's shown you that this "incredible woman" is not who she really is. 

4 minutes ago, Jonny80 said:

my dad says she has victims and not ex’s.

Eh, no. Not really. Not if the men were sensible enough to walk away when she showed her true colours. If they chose to stick around in spite of that, they are not victims at all. Much like you are not a victim. You know she's a walking trainwreck and you refuse to let go. 

That is nobody's fault but yours. 

 

[Wiseman2]

10 minutes ago, Jonny80 said:

 my dad says she has victims and not ex’s.

Wow...you just can't say enough evil things about her. You're not "a victim" you're just upset that it's over.

[spiderowl]

On 8/9/2021 at 6:43 PM, Jonny80 said:

Yes mate the same woman, you’ve read about her from the start going back to last year?    All the problems Iv had to overcome to accept her and this relationship whilst 99% of people were telling me she’s horrible and I should get out..   now she’s manipulated me chewed me up and spat me out.. and wrongly or rightly I’m Heartbroken she’s gone. 😢

I'm sorry to hear what happened, OP.  I know you are in pain now.

Those people above may have had a better insight into this woman.  Sometimes, you get involved with people who are just not good people.  It is hard then to withdraw from the situation when feelings have developed.

Although it hurts a lot right now, you will get over this and realise that she would have been a big mistake.  Maybe you have lowered your own standards because you were so stuck on her?  It sounds like you have made every effort to make things work and, in the end, she was the flaw in the whole thing.

Now is the time to look after yourself, spoil yourself, remind yourself you are a good guy with a good heart and that you are sincere.  She will not be able to say the same things about herself.

When you are stronger, you may consider another relationship.  In the meantime, look at what went wrong with her, in particular at what you put up with to try to keep this relationship.  You should not have to put up with bad behaviour; women will respect you for drawing a line with what you will/will not tolerate.  Giving in and trying to accommodate all the time will only result in you being in relationships where you are mistreated.  Although it will not seem like it at the moment, this is a chance for you to reflect and learn to respect yourself and what matters to you.  

[Jonny80]

14 hours ago, spiderowl said:

I'm sorry to hear what happened, OP.  I know you are in pain now.

Those people above may have had a better insight into this woman.  Sometimes, you get involved with people who are just not good people.  It is hard then to withdraw from the situation when feelings have developed.

Although it hurts a lot right now, you will get over this and realise that she would have been a big mistake.  Maybe you have lowered your own standards because you were so stuck on her?  It sounds like you have made every effort to make things work and, in the end, she was the flaw in the whole thing.

Now is the time to look after yourself, spoil yourself, remind yourself you are a good guy with a good heart and that you are sincere.  She will not be able to say the same things about herself.

When you are stronger, you may consider another relationship.  In the meantime, look at what went wrong with her, in particular at what you put up with to try to keep this relationship.  You should not have to put up with bad behaviour; women will respect you for drawing a line with what you will/will not tolerate.  Giving in and trying to accommodate all the time will only result in you being in relationships where you are mistreated.  Although it will not seem like it at the moment, this is a chance for you to reflect and learn to respect yourself and what matters to you.  

Like Iv said which some people forget, she made me fall in love before any bad things happened,  I had never met a women so charismatic, before I knew it I was in love..

 

despite the negatives she has so many great qualities too,  when I meet people In life I warm to friendly loving people..

she has such away to make others feel great around her but she also has a destructive nature which I’m not sure even she realises..

I do seem to attract flamboyant women that can be a bit  temperamental..

despite the negatives she has given me more than any other gf has in terms of support, love and enthusiasm..

 

[ExpatInItaly]

24 minutes ago, Jonny80 said:

Like Iv said which some people forget, she made me fall in love before any bad things happened,

Nobody forgot. 

It's simply not that relevant in light of the major red flags and serious problems with this woman. You can be in love with someone and still recognize they are not good partners and generally toxic people. She didn't cast some sort of spell on you.

27 minutes ago, Jonny80 said:

I do seem to attract flamboyant women that can be a bit  temperamental..

It's not that you attract only this type of woman. It's probably that you don't say no to them, where men with healthy self-esteem would. You likely also don't go after higher-quality women because you fear they will reject you. Your lack of self-worth appears to be a major issue here. It sounds like you'd been lonely for a while and hadn't had a girlfriend in ages, so you latched on to the first one in a while who paid attention to you. 

29 minutes ago, Jonny80 said:

she has given me more than any other gf has in terms of support, love and enthusiasm.

Then you really need to examine where your standards are, because this woman wiped her feet all over you. I would hate to imagine who was worse than this. Everyone was telling you to get rid of her for a reason. Sticking around was not noble on your part, but desperate. 

Do you mind if I ask how old you are, Jonny? When was your last decent long-term relationship?

[Jonny80]

4 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Nobody forgot. 

It's simply not that relevant in light of the major red flags and serious problems with this woman. You can be in love with someone and still recognize they are not good partners and generally toxic people. She didn't cast some sort of spell on you.

It's not that you attract only this type of woman. It's probably that you don't say no to them, where men with healthy self-esteem would. You likely also don't go after higher-quality women because you fear they will reject you. Your lack of self-worth appears to be a major issue here. It sounds like you'd been lonely for a while and hadn't had a girlfriend in ages, so you latched on to the first one in a while who paid attention to you. 

Then you really need to examine where your standards are, because this woman wiped her feet all over you. I would hate to imagine who was worse than this. Everyone was telling you to get rid of her for a reason. Sticking around was not noble on your part, but desperate. 

Do you mind if I ask how old you are, Jonny? When was your last decent long-term relationship?

I’m 47 and it was 12 years ago, I was a workoholic 😳

[ExpatInItaly]

16 hours ago, Jonny80 said:

I’m 47 and it was 12 years ago, I was a workoholic 😳

And what was that relationship like?

[Jonny80]

1 hour ago, ExpatInItaly said:

And what was that relationship like?

It was very good whilst it lasted, she turned to be fairly controlling too…

to be fair all the women Iv met in relationships seem to put me on a pedestal, they fall in love etc.. in my life Iv had 3 women run off with ex partners they all claimed they wanted to marry me,  Iv had 5 women claim to want to marry me and out of the blue just end it with no warnings or anything, some of these girls I never even had an argument with..

[Jonny80]

On 8/15/2021 at 8:20 AM, ExpatInItaly said:

And what was that relationship like?

My ex said today 

 

“I think so much of you. I want to stay friends xxx”

[ExpatInItaly]

58 minutes ago, Jonny80 said:

My ex said today 

 

“I think so much of you. I want to stay friends xxx”

Ignore her. 

[elaine567]

My guess, if you remain friends, she can get you to do any DIY she needs doing...

[Jonny80]

46 minutes ago, elaine567 said:

My guess, if you remain friends, she can get you to do any DIY she needs doing...

I’m not doing that, she’s demoted, I’m getting stronger everyday, I’m not being a friend she’s got enough make friends.

[Jonny80]

On 8/17/2021 at 7:51 PM, elaine567 said:

My guess, if you remain friends, she can get you to do any DIY she needs doing...

Right,  so last night she actually phoned me and said she wanted to remain friends, I said what can I give you as a friend I couldn’t as a bf?     Any way she said we’d talk again today..

she txt me this morning to say she was in tears stressing about things..

now I get this message.,

 

I’ts been a tough day,  I’m just into bed.
Hope you’re doing ok, you sound like you’re doing well without me.
Goodnight, sleep well xxx

so she didn’t phone when she was meant to,  then started making statements about how I’m presuming to be doing?

I'm guessing she’s assuming this because I’m not chasing or begging to be with her? Seems like she’s goading me in some way?